Hammond in Denial: Resorts to Lies

In this morning’s ‘Arrogance Beyond Borders’ exposé edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from 10 Downing Street's cabinet meeting room tea boy, Jack 'Fly-On-The-Wall' McScally – manning the smart phone leak-line for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Nasty Party's Chancellor of the Exchequer, Philip 'Dandruff' Hammond, originally refused to admit or deny that he failed to engage brain before opening gob and committing an act of brazen hubris during a meeting of the Tory 'millionaire cabinet' earlier this week by commenting that public sector workers are 'overpaid'.

Hmmm, such chutzpah's a bit 'rich' coming from that obnoxious, tax-dodging moneyed tosser - for whom the current 'austerity policy' applies to every other fucker and their dog – but not the 650 MP wankers populating the House of Conmans – nor their sleazebag contemporaries infesting the Upper House of Frauds – claiming £300 quid a day for turning up for an Irish power nap on the chamber's comfy red leather seats.

Hammond, the lacklustre MP for Runnynose – but actually lives many miles away – with all his posh, rich crony pals in Surrey's snobby stockbroker belt central of Send – pockets an annual salary of £145,492 quid - plus mega-bucks expenses – and has now taken a leaf out of ex-Labour leader Tony Bliar's book and resorted to telling porky pies viz his unqualified arrogant remarks that public sector workers are paid too much – regardless of the leaked fact fellow cabinet ministers objected to his 'overpaid' comments – and PM Terry Mayhem actually reprimanded the pillock – telling him to 'watch his mouth' as the Tories were in enough shit already - thanks to her misguided snap election call.

Hmmm, little wonder the Tory gang are referred to as the 'Nasty Party'

While being interviewed by Andrew 'Bat-Ears' Marr during a guest appearance on the BBC's 'Scumbags Hour' programme, Hammond was repeatedly badgered over whether he'd stated that public sector workers were 'overpaid' at Tuesday's cabinet meeting – to which he replied "This is a relative question over the relationship between public and private sector pay – and public being 10% higher – so I'm not going to repeat what was said earlier and got me in the shit with Terrible Terry – hence I'm exercising political privilege and going to lie. However, I do here and now categorically reject claims that I made a sexist remark about women being able to drive trains."

"I think the people doing this shit-stirring and trying to get me fired simply need to ease upon their Prosecco consumption if they're not happy with the agenda I'm trying to advance, of ensuring that we achieve a Brexit agreement which is focused on coughing up the £100 billion nicker divorce fee the EU Federation are demanding and keeping the Brussels kleptocrats happy."

Conversely, the gospel according to cabinet meeting room tea boy, Jack McScally, "Old Dandruff's a lyin' git – cos wot he sed woz that drivin' a train's that effin' easy that even a fuckin' woman can do it. That's a bit like his job – Chancellor – must be easy if twat's like Dandruff an' his snobby coke-snortin' predecessor, Gideon Osborne, can do it. Wot a fuckin' laugh that is too – just look at the state of Broken Britain's effin' economy - all thanks ter their collective incompetence an' gross mismanagement."

"Then yer gotta remember that Dandruff's the victim of a briefin' war wiv ministers jockeyin' fer the top dog position ter succeed Terry Maybot when they force her ter quit on a 'no confidence' vote this Autumn after the Repeal Bill gets kicked back – not only cos he's a total arsehole an' as popular as a leper at a christenin' - but over him bein' a pro-EUSSR brown-nosin' shill an' his Remainiac stance on Brexit."

"Mark my effin' words – the Maybot's gonna be gone before Bonfire Night – an' Dandruff wiv her – exiled ter the back benches – or editin' some red top gutter press tabloid like that wanker Osborne - an' old Pob-face Mick Gove touted ter be the party leader."

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness. An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist ZioNazi Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' bankster crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).