Friday, 21 July 2017

Kiddie Vendor Cops Fascist Council Fine

In today’s ‘Local Authority Totalitarian Tosspots’ exposé edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from our council jobsworth-baiting media hack - 'Wicked Wendy' McSkanger - locked, loaded n ready with her 'private eye' body cam running 24/7 at her Smegmadale-on-Sea promenade-based 'legal high' recreational drugs stall for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial

While Wicked Wendy mans her sea front stall - intent on the entrapment of local council community enforcement kleptocrat psychos trying to slap her with a commission-based mega-bucks fiscal penalty for breaching some non-existent bylaw – a wee five-year-old Criminella Spicerack has been fined £150 quid by the London Borough of Skidrow Hamlets Council for selling 50 pence shots of home-brewed Jäger Bombs and Flaming Blue Jesus hooch to festival goers.

Criminella's father, Ron Spicerack, told one gutter press hack from the Fascist Gazette that his daughter had set up the stall outside their house on the corner of Bell End Road in London to serve her home-made 'refreshments' to the passing legions of music fans on their way to the area's Lovebox Festival last weekend – in the hope of raising enough cash to fund her wish list trans-gender surgery op' - before she actually reaches puberty.

Mr Spicerack added that his daughter was quite taken with the idea of setting up a pocket money-spinning grog stall outside the front garden gate and had been busy brewing and distilling her very own moonshine blends over the previous week - ready to lubricate the thirsty palates of the Lovebox Festival crowds intent on getting a bit of a pre-concert buzz on.

"Little Crimmy just wanted to put a smile on people's faces an' woz really proud of herself. But she'd only flogged a couple of shots when four of the council's overzealous Community Enforcement Officers – contracted from the local Renta-Thug Security Agency – and customarily staffed by low-life reivers, rascals, and rapscallions - appeared on the scene, turned on their mobile camera and began recitin' the effin' riot act from a big script an' tellin' her she didn't have a tradin' licence an' woz goin' ter jail if she didn't cough up the £150 nicker fine out of her piggy bank."

"I ain't jokin' cos I woz right gobsmacked when she runs inter the house an shoves this 'Fixed Penalty Notice # 08335' under me nose, screamin': 'Daddy, Daddy, that nasty fat fuck skullcrawler bitch wiv the camera an' handcuffs sez I'm gonna go ter prison fer sellin' drinks ter the punters wot's off ter the music festival an' I gotta rip Peppa Pig's guts out fer the cash an' give them £150 quid wot I got saved up fer me testosterone hormones an' sex change.'"

Horrified by the threats to her daughter from the local uniformed control freak Psycho Squad, Mrs Bev Spicerack, a 17-year old Polish mother of three, sporting her in-vogue Croydon facelift hairdo, went out to confront the shiny buttons quartet.

"Well I saw effin' red an' sez ter the fuckers 'Why don't yer just tell me little princess that she can't sell her drinkies on the street wivout proper permission from the council an' not threaten her wiv a stint in prison' – at which point this 'schwein im schlüpfer' (pig in knickers) neurotic dyke slag wiv bad teeth an' gallopin' halitosis goes inter hysteria mode an sez: "I put it down ter bad parentin' - lettin' yer daughter sell cheap plonk from a pavement stall - an' if yer don't watch yer effin' step we can have our mates from the social services come round an' snatch yer little darlin' - an' her effin' sisters - an' foster the fuckin' lot out ter the Westminster Kiddie Fiddlers Club."

For the trivia / of no consequence record the Lovebox Festival was held in Victoria Park on the Friday and Saturday of last weekend and featured performances by international stars such as Over-Ripe Blancmange, Irish Mixed Grill, Paddy Power Nap, Dog Wankers and the internationally-acclaimed Batshit Bonkers.

Do you live in Skidrow Hamlet's Bell End Road post code area? Have you been issued with a Fixed Penalty Notice by some uniformed psycho-thug - for feeding homeless pensioners – unconsciously 'treading n spreading' some other canine-owner twat's un-scooped dogshit in the park - or even pissing in the wind?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could cop for a whopping commission-based mega 'political incorrectness' fine too.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and address, so the IQ-deficient control freak thugs employed by the local council can come round mob-handed to intimidate you, wave fake court documents under your nose and make life Hell all round.

Thought for the day. The fucking world has gone MAD – and it's not all Zionist Israel's - nor Donald Chump's – nor the EUSSR Brussels kleptocrats' fault either. Like Charity – Insanity obviously starts at home.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness.
An anti-authoritarian counter-culture alternative opinion blog and free radical alternative media source 'not owned' by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' bankster crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
(Unless one has the audacity to support the pro-Palestinian BDS campaign and criticise Zionist Israel's human rights abuses and war crimes – or dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).

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