Wednesday, 25 February 2015

UKIP Election Win = Apocalypse Now

In this morning’s 'You Couldn't Make This Shit Up' edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The word from whistle-blowing moles inside the government's more 'bark than bite' blustering Ofcom regulatory body claims they are set to haul Channel 4 over the veritable coals for the broadcast of their Tory / Lib-Dum-funded 'What If?' scaremongering fantasy documentary based on more scent than substance predictions of the catastrophic doings of the first 100 days in office of a UKIP government 'if' Farage's team - the Flatbrokes bookies-backed favourites - win this poll-augured majority vote victory in the May 7th general election ballot - after hordes of viewers went into paranoia-induced self-harm mode and committed suicide to avoid the inconvenience and associated hassles to be encountered with this flawed prophecy of a looming Armageddon.

Titled 'The First 100 Days', the Channel 4 soothsayers who scripted the programme while high on some Class A narcotic substance - or from sniffing Poundland superglue - claim they scried the tea leaves in a time-honoured Chinese divination ritual which revealed that UKIP Prime Minister Farage will kick start World War Three by ordering the RAF to nuke Brussels in a bid to emphasise his point regarding Broken Britain opting out of the 28-nation EUSSR Federation.

Further, in the process of ditching involvement with the EU klepto-state apparatus, Nigel intends to wash his hands of any and all commitments to the flawed TTIP corporatocracy agreement being foisted on the European community – and by extension Broken Britain - by the Rothshite crime syndicate's Kosher Nostra via their Zionist shills working the Barky Obama glove puppet and thus running the good ole US of A.

Channel 4 and Ofcom have been jointly inundated with several million complaints from viewers over 'fallout' (sic) from the predicted nuclear attack on Brussels – following which the indestructible Nigel Farage, in an ego-fuelled 'I have the power' lunatic frenzy then dispatches a crew of 22 SAS Increment Squad assassins to 'neutralise' potential political challenges from the Grotty Green Party leadership.

Reminiscent of Orson Wells' 1938 CBS radio broadcast of the War of the Worlds which resulted in a US-wide fear and alarm panic, with neurotic punters tearing their own heads off and defenestrating out of attic windows to avoid being turned into red pulp fertiliser by the invading Martians – Channel 4's 'UKIP: The First 100 Days' combined actual archive footage of party leader Nigel Farage and real UKIP members, with fictional scenes played by professional crisis actors from the Tavistock Institute's 'Chicken Little' panic stations department not otherwise employed on MI5's latest false flag Islamic terrorist attacks – or playing multiple victim / first responder roles in runaway bin lorry harem-scarem scenarios around Glasgow.

Fellattia Skanger - a 16-year old mother of three from Croydon who won a coveted Bifta award for her double roles performances as a knife-dropping WPC 'and' weeping good Samaritan Carmelite nun in the security service's 2013 low budget Woolwich pantomime beheading of Drummer Lee Pygmy – aka The Squaddie Who Never Was – put her 'character actor' skills to further use in the make-believe documentary playing the part of the 'selfie' addicted Feral Beryl McSkagg who leads her 'Bunny Boilers' girlie gang of Meths Breezer-fuelled gobshite chavettes on a smash n grab shoplifting extravaganza around central London's premier department stores during the nation-wide waves of raging riots sparked by UKIP's failure to meet their weekly Universal Credit welfare benefit payment commitments.

This is the catalyst factor which sees tens of thousands of nail-biting benefit scroungers deprived of their weekly ciggy and beer money hand-outs spitting the dummy and going ape shit in a flash mob style mass rebellion that makes the Tottenham riots which followed the Met Plod Squad's murder of Mark Duggan look like a bit of a 'That's mine!' hair-pulling / bitch slap brawl at a C of E rummage sale.

From this point on in the programme a state of mass hysteria engulfs the entire UK, with the 'mockumentary' fictionalising the war crimes trial and firing squad execution of ex-New Labour PM, Tony Bliar – and convicted celebrity paedophile Gary Gutter getting publicly lynched on a Westminster lamp post by an armed mob of Dolphin Square child sexual abuse victims as they proceed to the Houses of Conmans and Lords intent on an 'accounting's day' roll call.

The programme goes on to portray distressing scenes of the burned-out ruins of Fuckingham Palace smouldering in the distance as the camera switches to Downing Street's UKIP cabinet office, with ministers sanctioning EDL and BNP recruited thugs to assume the role of Immigration Squad 'round-up officers', bent on a racist hatred mission to 'clean up' Broken Britain's once green and pleasant land by herding non Anglo-Saxon types onto cross-Channel ferries and dumping them on the coasts of Belgium and France – and hoofing out tens of thousands of job-stealing gyppo and pikey migrants from across Europe back to their carp-poaching / swan-roasting / sex slave trafficking points of origin.

This UKIP-centred culture of disorder descends into further chaos and mayhem as Russell Brand, Blob Geldork and Bono are officially named 'non-persons' and the pandemonium migrates to rustic countryside settings where unculled badgers seek revenge on humanity for the Con-Dem Coalition's extinction level efforts to eradicate their species - and start savaging ramblers and solitary dog walkers.

In a street stop flash interview with the Scaremongers Gazette, Nigel Farage denounced the Tory-funded apocalyptic portrayal of a riot-torn, mobocracy-ruled Britain under his UKIP administration as a crock of bullshit – yet further stated the Channel 4 programme had quite possibly done his party more good than harm and stigmatised the Labour / Lib-Dum / Tory troika as a bunch of demoralised losers who are about to find out the hard way that their traditionalist political policies are trash and the voting public has had enough of getting shafted – a factor demonstrated this past year by the wave of defections from the ruling parties to UKIP and their subsequent by-election wins.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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