Mayan Calendar Fubar Fuelled Recession

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Whistle-blowing snitches inside the Office for National Statistics hallowed ‘Oracle of 20/20 Hindsight’ Department have leaked a damning 2013 fiscal half year report to press hacks at the Daily Shitraker, revealing that Broken Britain’s economy shrank by 0.278% in the six months period since April - fuelling fears that this might manifest as a ‘triple dip’ in the recession cycle and deal a veritable death blow to Broken Britain’s flatline economy.

(Ed: okay, cut the ‘recession’ bullshit – every fucker and their dog knows what a full scale Rothshite crime syndicate bankster-engineered global ‘depression’ looks like when it hangs around for four years. Yet another game plan strategy to advance the New World Order agenda and drive the 99% common herd proletariat further into collective credit debt / overdraft penury).

This surprise fall in output, unforeseen by the Treasury and our credibility-deficient Chancellor of the Exchequer, ‘Jeff’ Osborne, has been - in a pathetic attempt to belay the stigma of culpability – now squarely accredited to the flawed Mayan calendar prediction that everything was coming to a total End of the World / Rapture full stop on December 21st 2012 - hence prompting the gullible common herd to say ‘fuck it’ and shitcan every outstanding bill awaiting remittance – and hit the pay day loan sharks up for every penny that could be milked out of them – what bankster types refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’.

To wit, the Libservative Coalition, responding to the dire news contained in the leaked ONS report, is set to implement further draconian cuts to public spending and specifically that ear-marked for school budgets and social welfare benefits – thus sparking a hue and cry outpouring by political activist groups from the south coast to the Nonceland border – with Chancellor Osborne (an actual living / breathing public school educated (sic) prime example of Mother Nature’s failed experiment with intelligence-equipped bipeds) describing this latest round of budget cuts as necessary to confront the problems so the government can go on creating jobs for immigrants flowing into the UK from the EUSSR community’s eastern bloc.

Conversely New Labour's Hobbit wunderkind shadow chancellor Ed Ballsup opined to a press hack from the Debtocracy Gazette that "Forget all the propaganda bullshit and triple-dip recession crap – it’s an all-out depression and no two ways about it - whatever amount of political spin is thrown at the situation – and there’s no sign of recovery on the horizon for what horologists refer to as ‘a very long time’ – unless we have a Labour government running things again.”

“What aggravates this state of affairs is the fact we’re forced to keep tossing our taxpayer’s money into the EUSSR’s kitty to fuel their kleptocrat-infested Brussels and Strasbourg headquarters extravagances and this Mercedes expenses culture the bourgeoisie bureaucrats have adopted as the norm and their ordained and privileged right.”

Likewise, Frank McScrote, general secretary of the TUC, informed one reporter from the Knobheads Review that "Our economy took the first steps toward stagnation the day that old pederast twat Ted Heath coerced us into joining the Common Market – which has since morphed into this 28 member state EUSSR Federation monstrosity that seems founded on yet another vendre un canard à moitié (to half-sell a duck) scheme – and a revised Malthusian concept of how to keep milking the cow without feeding it.”

“The rest of our fiscal fall from grace is all down to past Tory mismanagement and that mad menopausal maniac Maggie Twatcher - and her cabinet infested with fudging cottagers and kiddie fiddlers – getting a cob on with the unions and de-industrialising our once-soot and smog-cloaked sceptred isle – exchanging the word ‘Broken’ for ‘Great’ as the prefix to Britain.”

“So I ask this, how can a political party such as these sodding Tories – with a plethora of contradictions, lies, and inconsistencies infesting their campaign trail canvassing narratives, represent the interests of the taxpaying voters when they’re indebted to funding from the Fortune 500 index donors and their first priority is to represent non-constituency interests?”
“The UK’s entire political process is in the stranglehold of kikester-run big business – and none more so than the shifty shylock banksters, the armaments industry - and the agro-chemical and Big Pharma corporations – that’s who are running this country – and which puts us in the type of fiscal situation economists refer to as ‘Fucked’ – with a large capital F.”

In a pathetic attempt to deflect public and alternative media attention from the controversial ONS report and retain some semblance of ‘moral high ground’ credibility, Downing Street fielded the hapless International Development Secretary Justine ‘Piranha Teeth’ Greenthing to smooth troubled waters with an announcement that the UK is to provide a further £21 million nicker in new humanitarian aid for refugees caught up in the Syria civil war crisis - which the self-same Tory-dominated British government are fuelling.

Greenthing – the Tory MP for Slutney and the very same shit-for-brains former bog standard Transport Minister who made a total fuck of the Virgin Trains / Worst Group West Coast Mainline re-bid franchise contract due her being stricken with the IQ of a small potted plant and who continues to delude herself into believing the Tories won the 2010 election – informed a gaggle of amused press hacks that the aid would "help deliver life-saving winter clothing, food and medicine to Jordan - where Syrian refugees are arriving in unprecedented numbers.

Yeah right – how about some ‘life-saving’ winter clothing, food and medical care for the Big Issue vendors and the legions of homeless fuckers, forced through circumstances beyond their control, to end up sleeping rough around the streets of Broken Britain?

The moronic Greenthing added that according to UN reports, some 61,400 Syrians had arrived at the main Ras al Shithead refugee camp in Jordan over the last 24 hours – to escape the threatened bombardment of Shitstreak cruise missiles from US and French navy vessels lying off Syria’s Mediterranean coastline, ready to strike as soon as Pres’ Barky Obama gives the word.

Hmmm, 61,400 in a 24 hour period – civil war besides, obviously the Syrian roads are okay and the rapid transport system obviously one to be admired, if not envied, by any commuter-orientated Western nation – along with the cross border Jordanian immigration service.

However, Greenthing, in her genuine naivety and perhaps suffering another of her customary ‘blonde moments’ having not been advised of the negative ONS report findings on the sad state of the home nation’s economy, in her ignorance called on the government and British charitable institutions for more to be done to alleviate the purported Syrian refugee’s suffering.

Well Ms Greenthing, for a start have a word with your closet case bi-fudging Foreign Office colleague Willy Vague - and Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond over at the MoD - and tell the pair of duplicitous twats to stop supplying covert funds and arms to the fractious Free Syrian Army rebels that are causing this sectarian refugee catastrophe with their false flag Saudi-supplied sarin gas attacks on non-combatant civilian types.

The UK economy might well be in dire straits but regardless the FO and MoD are hell bent on squandering taxpayer’s cash to fund this proxy war and the homicidal rebel psychopaths posing as the Free Syrian Army.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.