Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Common Herd Poor Due ‘Bad Decisions’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Well the UK’s ‘Foot-in-Mouth’ booby prize for the most stupid ‘come back n bite ur ass’ quote of the week has to go to the slack-jawed tosser currently posing as Education Minister – Michael ‘Pob’ Gove: “If Britain’s poor are forced to use food banks then they've only got themselves to blame for making bad decisions” – unquote.

Hmmm, the first ‘bad decision’ lies with the shit-for-brains electorate who voted for the Conservative ‘Nasty Party’ back in 2010 – and anyone in Gove’s Slurrey Heath constituency can kick their own arse for putting a X in his election ballot slip square.

Of course people have to use food banks if they’re going hungry and stony broke – or not too nimble on their toes anymore and up for a daily sleight of hand shoplifting session around their local Greedy Grocer supermarket chains.

Unlike Pob of course, whose bread is buttered, on a cabinet minister’s £134,565 quid per annum salary – plus lavish House of Conmans expenses – and too his ‘Pob Show’ royalties from the BBC – Broken Britain’s unemployed have been hit hard with legions of know-all Polacks and affiliated droves of swan-roasting Balkans pikeys and gyppos waving forged CV credentials migrating to the UK like rats, willing to graft for a crust and gobbling up the minimum wage job vacancies.

The above act of socio-political sabotage is all thanks to lop-sided Brussels / EUSSR legislation – while the pathetic TUC’s parties of self-interest leadership turn a blind eye as the hard-fought industrial rights of workers are flushed down the proverbial drain - allowing slave labour-minded employers to field zero hours contracts and reduce wages to penury levels.

Then we have elitist oligarch scumbags Chancellor ‘Jeff’ Osborne and Ian Duncan Smut (both fit for the role of playing the arse-end of a pantomime horse) purposely and with malice aforethought driving the austerity stake through the heart of our ‘pennies from Heaven’ welfare state benefits system.
But what the fuck can we expect from Posh Dave Scameron and this Tory-dominated ‘Millionaire’s Cabinet’ – devoid of sympathy for the working class (read ‘common herd’ / ‘useless eaters’). According to the Tory’s playbook ‘sympathy’ is in the dictionary – right between ‘shit’ and ‘syphilis’.

But that’s the score with this bunch of la-di-da Hurray Henry tosspot toffs and their public school-instilled exaggerated sense of privilege - due the nonsensical fact they have a double-barrel (or triple) name such as Saxe-Coburg-Gotha - adopted by some inbred mongrel twat who sold his soul to sinister Satanic inter-dimensional forces and achieved robber baron status back in the Dark Ages.

To add insult to injury, this morning’s red top gutter press Daily Shitraker tabloid carries the blatant banner headline lie that unemployed figures are down. Bullshit – with a large, capital B.
The truth is that more people have become fed up with getting fuck all jobseekers allowance and being slapped around with this draconian ‘Universal Credit’ ripoff - and simply given up looking for non-existent jobs, deciding to sit back and bask in the quality time and personal freedom their new-found poverty provides.

But for some, the Tory-enforced breadline state of affairs facing the more vulnerable members of our sick society has manifested as a grim and harsh reality.
Ms Fellattia McSkanger, a disabled 16-year old single mother of three and resident Greater Manchester’s Stench Hill social housing estate had this to say on ITV’s ‘Starving Sprogs’ expose hour programme.
“Since this Ian Duncan Smut tosser started effin’ around wiv the welfare payments I’ve seen me housin’ benefit cut cos I had an Albanian lodger livin’ in the garden shed - til them cunts from the Borders Agency come round an’ dragged him off. Now the whole lot’s a right balls up cos of this Universal Credit thingy wot’s really fucked up me benefit fiddles.”
“An’ cos I got nicked wiv a kilo of sirloin beefsteak hid down me bra by the Renta-Thug security guards at the local Pestco supermarket I’ve bin banned from shoppin’ there, so the food bank’s me only option fer feedin’ the kids summat decent fer their tea at night – otherwise it’s the Old Mother Hubbard syndrome kicks in an’ it's two jumps at the cupboard door.”

In defence of the welfare benefit system being turned arse over tit, we now have the Nasty Party’s chairperson and Minister for Whingeing, none other than Grant Shatt, spitting the proverbial dummy over Raquel Rollernickers, the UN’s Special Rapporteur on Global Housing Shortages (a former urban planning minister for Rio’s favela slums, no less - and looking a proper twat in her bright red Dame Edna Everage bifocals) – covertly doing the rounds of Broken Britain’s sink or swim council housing estates then slamming the Con-Dem Coalition government over their ruthless ‘bedroom tax’ – quoting Article 25 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights which includes adequate housing space as part of “A man’s right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family”.

Thought for the day. Perhaps the UN’s Ms Rollernickers has a point – as the not-fit-for-purpose draconian Second Bedroom Tax has been the root cause of more self-harming incidents and suicides than when Man United lost the 2011-12 Premier League title to Man City.

Do you live close to a food bank? Do they charge usurious rates of interest like all the other Rothshite crime syndicate-owned banks? Would a pack of Pol Pot Insta-Noodles and a tin of mushy peas carry a 5,728% typical APR interest rate like a Wonga payday loan?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a month’s supply of Woof-a-Lot dog food.
A selection of your caustic comments may be published, displaying your name and address so the Department of Works & Pensions are able to tag you as having radical domestic terrorist tendencies.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles – or Syrian refugees - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of the GCHQ’s Prism / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore Sig-Int ‘I-Spy’ super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / eavesdropping system’s network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in Cheltenham were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Fletch said...

If the unqualified arrogance of this Tory kunt Michael Gove isn't enough we've now got Eddie Slime, the Lib-Dum's ex-Mayor of Scouseland giving a lecture that the common herd are a bunch of lowlife scum cos they'd sooner spend their benefits money on iPhones than grub.