Al Qaeda: Ambition Surpasses Capability?

To compliment this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a display of deliberately failing to engage brain before opening gob and tossing the sagacious ‘confuse thy enemy’ teachings of Sun Tzu to the capricious moods of the four winds, the leader of the non-existent al-Qaeda Islamic terrorist organisation – the one that didn’t bring down the World Trade Centre towers on 9/11/2001 - marked last Wednesday by focusing his weekly televised Jolly Jihad sermon on the delivery of a ‘brimstone and fire’ message from their all-new US / CIA-funded Syrian HQ bunker in Aleppo.

The 96-year old geriatric Ayman Mohammed Rabid al-Zawahiri, flanked by his most trusted lieutenant, Mohammad al Ka-Boom, commander of the 21st Shaheed Suicide Vest Bombers Battalion, used the occasion to commemorate and toast the 12th anniversary of the ‘Day of Infamy’ 9/11 false flag terrorist attacks carried out by a moronic crew of high-fiving Israeli agents and their dual citizen Zionist American military command ‘deep mole’ cohorts against the Big Bad Apple’s WTC Twin Towers (and Building 7) - with a Tora-Bora assembled ‘Caveman 1’ cruise missile reportedly knocking a hole in the Pentagon toilets wall – and a lucky third strike mock plane crash making a bit of a mess in a field outside Wanksville, Pennsylvania – as the scores of actual passengers of the four hijacked flights did a classic David Copperfield ‘disappearing act’ and became unmentionable X Files.

In his earlier Al Jazeera televised broadcasts al-Zawahiri originally preached for a wave of piss-ant small-scale ‘lone wolf’ attacks - and even an expansion of the anti-Israeli / pro-Palestinian Boycott, Divestments & Sanctions campaign to target and undermine the Great Satan’s economy as a core part of al Qaeda’s ill-conceived ‘dry rot’ strategy.
"We must bleed the global bully’s Achilles’ heel weak spot economically by playing upon the Kenyan cuckoo’s inherent paranoia so the Obama Zionist stooge and his Pentagon shills continue to be stressed out with Islamophobia and splurge on massive expenditures for military security – while we shall call on all devout Muslim residents inside the US to collectively renege on their credit card bills, overdrafts and mortgage payments to finally fell the Rothshite shylock crime syndicate owned banks and Federal Reserve so that no amount of greenback-printing ‘quantitative easing’ can repair the fiscal damage.”

Conversely, this latest broadcast was set to combat any ideological challenges from firebrand radical elements of al Qaeda by maintaining the hard line policy of uncompromising violence that Osama bin Laden advocated before dying of chronic renal failure in his Fuhrer Bunker cave in Afghanistan’s Bellend Province back in November 2001.

The keynote of al-Zawahiri’s pep talk was a boastacious revelation of plans for a massive game-changing global Jihad strike by the special op’s Saracen Scallies Unit on the US-based infrastructure and population with their burgeoning arsenals of Saudi / Qatari / Israeli / UK supplied weapons of mass distraction – specifically the very same pressure cooker-sized canisters of nasty sarin nerve gas which the Syrian Army’s 155th Manuke Khara Brigade, commanded by President Basher Assad’s hapless brother-in-law, General Liwat ibn Zamel, erroneously copped the blame for loosing to snuff a legion of hapless non-combatant civilians around the low-rent Damascus suburb of Ghouta on the 21st August.

The radical Islamic al Qaeda and affiliated Jabhat al-Nusra terrorist cells - purportedly linked to the scores of faction-ridden Free Syrian Army rebel groups - none of which have signed the 1993 Chemical Weapons Conventions or the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (same as Israel) - were hoping to acquire a couple of tactical micro-nukes via their regular Mossad military surplus supplier – the low yield Plutonium-239 type used in the October 2002 Bali-based Sari Club false flag terror attack – for which a chronically-corrupt and compliant Jakarta administration was only too happy to accept thirty pieces of silver and blame on the pitiful Jemaah Islamiah tin-pot terrorist outfit and their detonation of a ridiculous propane cylinder / fertilizer tuk-tuk bomb.

However this latest piece of morale-booster propaganda from the senile Mr al-Zawahiri is most likely to be interpreted by canny Western intelligence analysts as an indication of ego and ambition far surpassing intellect and capabilities when assessing what al-Qaeda's fractional organisation can possibly achieve while labouring under a ‘pissing contest’ delusion of militarised Islamic potential.

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles – or Syrian refugees - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of the GCHQ’s Prism / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore Sig-Int ‘I-Spy’ super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / eavesdropping system’s network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in Cheltenham were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day. Fuck al Qaeda and the ZioNazi Great Satan and the Illuminati’s Masonic New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.