Outgoing US Secretary of State Condo-sleezza Rice landed at Rockall International Airport yesterday amid tight security on the final leg of her round the world brown-nosing / say sorry tour, which has received acerbic criticism as being heavy on photo opportunities, very light on discussion and defying gravity when it comes to apologies.
The motorcade route was lined with angry anti-US coalition protesters from Rockall’s predominantly Muslim Al Fatwa housing estate who shouted abuse and pelted Rice’s limousine with handfuls of ripe guillemot shit.
Meeting with leaders of the sacred islet’s Muslim community at the Hall’s Ledge Jai Alai stadium, Rice, sporting a glowing sun tan from her recent Middle East walkabouts through the depleted uranium-contaminated battlefield graveyards, attempted to justify the post-9/11 US invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq, and their current military occupations.
“Those poor people in Iraq, the Kurds, the Sunni and Chers, and the Shites, had their political ambitions stifled for years under the tyranny of Saddam’s dictatorship.”
“Now, since we’ve liberated the country, they’re free to engage each other in a good old-fashioned civil war and sort out their differences once and for all. That’s the true definition of Western democracy we brought to them.”
However Mr. Abdul Semtexvest, whose son was interred at Guantanamo Bay after his sandals suffered spontaneous combustion during a flight to Florida in 2006, was having none of Ms. Rice’s self-serving rhetoric.
Speaking to The Rockall Times outside his Halal Haddock Chippy, Abdul expressed his disgust with the Great Satan’s global bully status, it having been the prime architect of the Afghan and Iraqi wars, and its Agent of Evil visiting his home turf uninvited.
“This condescendin’ slag’s full’a Neocon’ Zionist hypocritical ‘orse shit. One minute she’s demonisin’ Islam like we’re all members of Al-Qaeda or some other looney radical fringe group bent on global destruction.”
“Now she’s ‘ere on some big PR junket, workin’ ‘er friggin’ notice like that other effin’ brainless twat Bush, an’ trying to condone US hegemony and justify why our soul bruvvers in Iran are gonna get it next.”
“It’s only the fuggin’ oil they’re after, and establishing Zionist Israel’s borders from the Nile to the Euphrates. And my lad Ali’s stuck in Cuba wiv no bleedin’ shoes.”
A planned trip by Rice and her group of shifty sycophants to Rockall’s JollyJihad Mosque was cancelled after Muslim religious leaders demanded she grow a beard and wear a full burkha during her visit, and definitely refrain from spouting any more sanctimonious bullshit while on hallowed ground.