Saturday, 6 September 2014

ISIS 'Head-Chopper' Virus Hits UK

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

It might well sound like a moronic pulp fiction plot from some Zombie Wars B-movie and an even bigger scam than the current CDC-conjured false flag Ebola pandemic pantomime that media stooges claim is set to infect the known Universe - but this baby now threatens to outdo not only the pathetic Aysha King media distraction but also the Malaysia Airlines MH-17 'whodunit' plane crash - to take all the Oscars in the 2015 Academy Awards 'Propaganda Prize' category - albeit more likely the Golden Razzers for a piss poor script and pathetic politico actors.

To elaborate, Professor Dinsdale Figg-Newton - chief anorak at the UK's Porton Down bio-weapons research centre - yesterday fell victim to a Pauline epiphany of New Testament proportions when his moral conscience kicked in following the suicide death of the family's pet goldfish, Adolph, and he finally spit the dummy concerning the spate of government human rights abuse cover-ups, false flag terrorist attacks and media scaremongering offensives that have occurred post 9/11 and been the hysteria / panic attack cause of thousands of involuntary bowel movements world-wide.

Taking a lead from the late, great Dr David Kelly's fatalist whistle-blowing style, the Prof' confirmed to one gutter press hack from the Chicken Little Gazette that the recent incidence of bodies being discovered without a head attached is not - as the Plod Squad and Fourth Estate lackeys are claiming - the result of some mad axeman running amok around the nation's capital but rather a weaponised mutant strain of the drug-resistant (and unpronounceable) 'meticillin-resistant staphylococcus aureusis' (MRSA) flesh-eating necrosis pathogen genetically engineered by ISIS terrorists and loosed on the streets of Britain.

The latest headless corpse incident occurred yesterday when the 'sans noggin' body of 82-year-old Mrs Candida Mingerot was discovered by food hygiene inspectors leaning against a wheelie bin in the alleyway behind her Candida's Chew n Spew Cafe on Salmonella Street in Edmonton, north London.

In an attempt to diffuse any media feeding frenzy and mass panic by the common herd, Plod Squad Commander Simon Lecher announced they had identified Granny Mingerot by her gang sign tattoos and body piercings and arrested one of her Pakiland Muslim neighbours - a certain Mr Mohammad al Patsy, owner of the local 'corner shop', who had previously lodged complaints of 'psychological harassment' with the council over the stench of fried bacon from the cafe's kitchen extractor fans - on suspicion of murder, regardless of leaked forensic evidence concluding that the cause of death was due an airborne super-bug MRSA attack and not a convenience store owner turned machete-wielding Jihadist.

Professor Figg-Newton opined to media hacks that the Scameron government should now raise the Islamic terrorist threat from its current 'severe' level to a 'shit-your-pants' category and warn the public to stay indoors - preferably in bed - or better still - under it - until after Christmas.

"This weapon of mass distraction is a genetically-modified strain of 'Necrotizing fasciitis' spliced with recombinant DNA from a voracious breed of piranha found in the upper headwaters of the Amazon, that was developed by madcap boffins at the Monsanto Frankenfoods Corporation to combat the spread of corn cob weevils."
"Really, I shit you not, this mutant 'Fatwa' virus engineered by the Tunisian biology students who signed up for ISIS holy war is a 'sectarian / race specific' genus that shies away from the Arab Semitic races - along with pikeys, gyppos and gollies - yet makes a bee-line attack on Anglo-Saxon Christian infidels neck tissue and eats through both flesh and bone faster than a Pit Bull terrier can chew a toddler in half."

Responding to this bio-hazard crisis, MI5 security service agents claim to have discovered an abandoned ISIS bio-weapons lab hideout in leafy rustic Kent's stockbroker belt village of Cowshit Corner, and from traces of residues recovered at the site have determined the initial MRSA strain genetic material used to engineer the virus was extracted from corpses stacked in the mortuary of Staffordshire's notorious Harold Shipman Centre for Medical Excellence.

Speaking to media reporters outside Number 10, spokeswoman Scabby Bertin announced that PM Scameron would be hosting a top secret COBRA security meeting with his entire simian oick paedo school chum cabinet in attendance, to deal with the MRSA Fatwa virus menace and have MI6 intelligence chiefs devise a strategy to locate and target the Mossad agent provocateur / scumbag mole cum ISIS leader Abu Bigears Shawaddy-Waddy al Baghdadi with a MQ-9 Reaper drone strike.

Picking up on the leaked bio-weapon news, Ron McScrote, spokesman for the UK's anti-government abuse monitor Twat-Watch, repudiated the official government line and had this to say to a press hack from the Warmongers Review.
"We've arrived at a point in our collective history where the common herd need to uncouple from the mass media distractions of the terrible telly and red top tabloid junk - and assume a fearless individual persona - then shout from the rooftops - as one voice or in unison - 'I conscientiously object!' - even if such action results in being deprived of one's liberty."

"Has anyone considered that this latest stage-managed choreography of decapitating Western infidel journalists might be a piece of preliminary payback for all the illegal extraordinary rendition / torture war crimes / human rights and wrongs abuses expedited by Scameron's ridiculous self-sanctifying Zionist-steered Coalition of the Willing - and the arbitrary drone / missile attacks on non-combatant Muslim targets?"

"Now the PTB are fielding this current double-dealing legerdemain gambit - a Mexican standoff with Russia over Ukraine 'and' the ISIS pantomime staged to justify an attack on Syria via a contrived back door opportunity through Iraq - but the US and UK are playing a black queen gambit that bodes ill for all concerned that will play right into Russia and China's (and too Iran's) hands. Have the likes of the ZioNazi game theory scumsters such as Zbigniew Brzezinski overlooked - in their supreme arrogance - that this move might just be part of the shifty Shanghai Cooperation Organization's 'Great Game' strategy?"

"Mr 'Man Tits' Scameron and 'Forked Tongue' Clegg, regardless of the faux gravitas they effect - perhaps for their own delusional benefit as much as a facade to fool the voting public - are simply not up to the non-elected task of managing the affairs of our nation with the degree of professional efficiency required and instead play a game of 'who me? denial and blame-passing politics to disguise their joint incompetence - then resort to these rhetorical 'Them & Us' pirouettes on what justifies human rights abuses and war crimes and provides an excuse to finally invade Syria - and Iraq - again."

"Then we have this stooge of a Foreign Secretary Philip 'Dandruff' Hammond having the hypocritical cheek to opine to the media that armed intervention by Russian President Vlad Putrid was no solution to the Ukraine crisis - unlike Syria and Iraq where armed intervention are okay for the UK and US - as it's us doing it. Talk about abuse of public office, betrayal of public trust, and repeated acts of serial scumbaggery - how about applying the same logic to the UK's arms sales to the psycho outlaw state of Israel?"

"Just like Bliar before him, Cabbage Patch Dave's romance with deceit and delusion is about to come to an abrupt end next May. The clot's a polar opposite of what works for the public interest when it comes to the demands of his corporate bankster masters - the pro-Zionist Rothshite crime cartel - and this mess of pottage that represents all that's currently wrong with our once-sceptred isle is the result of force feeding a white Anglo-Saxon Christian society this flawed multi-culturalism premise - and next we'll be told to start gulping down massive doses of Vit C and cod liver oil to offset the chances of contracting Ebola and the all-new MRSA super virus."

"Ha, this is fast becoming the Year of the Bullshit Olympics - and all to take the focus off the human rights abuses and war crimes - the false flag terrorist operations and conjured, synthetic terrorist threat - from our own government, no less - and after 9/11 and 7/7 - and a few more to boot - then anything goes with what these homicidal psychopaths will commit in the false name of democracy."

"These people aren't so much attempting to avoid a media feeding frenzy but the entire opposite - initiate a media starvation campaign in the false hope public interest will be distracted and wane - or the real crises drift from the public memory if overloaded with another source of base celebrity media trivia."
"At the end of the day we're all suffering from some degree or other of the dreaded Bell Curve Deficiency Syndrome golly plague if we're gullible enough to swallow this crooked government's credibility deficient black propaganda bullshit."

Thought for the day. Posh Dave Scameron was mulling the issue of an order to have the UK's vaunted 22 SAS warriors rescue a batch of ISIS hostages - but no fucker or their proverbial dog seems to have a clue where the hell the main base HQ is located: in Israel, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey - or Washington DC.

For fuck's sake that one's easy. Just follow the logistics trail - have the GCHQ I-Spy gang track the online bulk orders for Argos kitchen knives - the preferred journalist-decapitation variety - and the hostage's Guantanamo Bay style orange jump suits - plus where Millett's dispatched the crates of black ski masks - and the Army & Navy Surplus Store's delivery point for woolly balaclavas.

Really, balaclavas - WTF? They're okay to wear, biking to work over the Pennines on a frosty winter's morning - but for getting on camera for a beheading video in the middle of the Iraqi desert lands - gimee a break. Don't they do a breathable Air-Tex version - especially for Jolly Jihad terrorist types yet?

Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles – or Syrian refugees - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of the GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / eavesdropping / data mining system’s network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in Cheltenham were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

1 comment:

Alpha Anarchist said...

" .... eats through both flesh and bone faster than a Pit Bull terrier can chew a toddler in half."
Like it - that's a bit of original coffee-spitting satire to choke on over a Saturday morning cuppa.