Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Curse of the B-liar Resignations Strikes Again

Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Ian B-liar, who was forced to tender his long overdue resignation in December due a lack of support from London Mayor Boris ‘Goldilocks’ Johnson, is to be replaced by his equally inept deputy.

The media’s occult pundits immediately drew attention to what they term the dreaded “B-liar Curse”, due Sir Ian being the second B-liar forced to resign under the New Labour Government’s incompetent watch.

Sir Paul Stephenson, the 98-year-old deputy to Ian B-liar, was chosen ahead of Sir Huge Codpiece, the Chief Constable for the Isle of Dogs, due his previous experience in covering up the erroneous fatal shootings of innocent civilians by the Met’s armed officers and also knowing the full gamut of secret Masonic handshakes.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith made the decision to enforce B-liar’s resignation after numerous complaints and negative clamour from central London council tax payers that they were running out of tradesmen to expedite property repairs, especially electricians, as the Met’s gun-happy plods kept mistaking them for Islamic terrorists and using them for target practice.

Sir Ian originally threatened to quit in October 2008 during a dummy-spitting press conference where he threw all his toys out of the pram and stated Mayor Boris Johnson didn’t like his Israeli brand of ‘shoot first – ask questions later’ terrorist arrest policy.
His tenure, which began in February 2005, had seen a number of controversies, including the fatal shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes, who was mistaken for a firing range bull’s-eye while boarding a train at the Northern line's Jolly Jihad Tube Station in 2005.

Stevenson (whose great grand-father invented Rockets) had been the Met’s Deputy Cover-Up Commissioner for four years, and took over as acting commissioner in December when Ian B-liar started his Christmas job as a stand-in Santa Claus at Harrods.

Two other contenders, chief constables Sir Rupert Snott-Knee, of the West Smegmadale force, and Brenda Hulk-Hogan, from Scouseland, had earlier been eliminated from the running as they weren’t considered high enough in the Masonic pecking order.

Leading a staff of more than 50,000 plods and overseeing a £3.5bn budget, Stevenson will be expected to continue the fight against terrorism by teaching the Met’s armed plods how not to mistake Brazilians for Middle Eastern Islamic suicide bombers, and kiss Mayor Boris Johnson’s arse on a regular basis.

In February 2005 Stevenson moved to the Met from his job at Woolworths, to fill Sir Ian B-liar's role when he slithered his way up to the top job.
So far Stevenson’s duties have included making coffee, watering the office plants, ordering pizzas, getting the Boss’s uniform dry cleaned and saying “Yes”.
He was awarded the Royal Policing Medal for Arse-Creeping in May 2000 and received a knighthood in the Queen’s Cover-up Honours List last June.

It is widely rumoured by government insiders that Sir Ian B-liar will join distant cousin Tony and pose as a part-time Middle East peace negotiator, working out a solution of what to do with several hundred thousand Palestinians once Israel has finally bombed and starved them, and their democratically-elected Hamas government, out of Gaza.

No comments: