Friday, 12 December 2008

Police Support Worker to Sue for Shooting

A civilian support worker who was shot during a police firearms ‘Double-Tap the Terrorist’ training session is to sue the force over the incident.

The unnamed civilian employee (Mikas Konstipatus) was injured last May at the Smegmadale-on-Sea Extreme Rendition Centre’s firing range while holding up a one meter target with a print of Mohammed Alleycat on it.

Police spokesman Pierre Du Dork told the BBC: "I can confirm that we are facing legal action. It was most unfortunate that Mr. Konstipatus, who is Albanian, looks very like your average archetype Brazilian terrorist. Our officers got carried away and shot him several times in the head. Luckily they were only firing clips of 9mm Irish paintball ammunition so he survived the incident with only partial brain damage."

“We had been running basic anthropology / racial types recognition seminars for our firearms officers to avoid them multi-tapping any more South American electricians by mistake. However when it came to hands-on-n-go the entire team ignored the Arabesque dummy targets and all trained their guns on PC Ahmed, our complimentary Paki’ plod. Luckily they were only armed with blanks at the time so the worse outcome was Ahmed shitting his pants and excused duty to change his uniform.”

The training session was part of an induction course for new anti-terrorist squad officers to provide them with basic firearms awareness and terrorist recognition skills : the barrel end points towards the target / shoot anyone with a beard, backpack or suntan.

The Independent Police Coverup Commission (IPCC) spokesplod PC Candida Muffitch told reporters the six officers involved in the incident will have to appear before a misconduct hearing, although they will not face criminal charges by the DPP as all have pleaded ‘diminished responsibility’.

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