Feel the after-shock tremors of Broken Britain’s Fourth of July General Election – a veritable political earthquake – with ‘caveat emptor’ – (let the voters beware) – being the order of the day - as New Labour candidate, 12-year-old Sam Carling, joins his front bench majority ‘four hundred and eleven’ political team mates, after beating the Tory's incumbent opponent, who had been entrenched in the Cambridge seat since before ‘child Carling’ was born.
Driven by the youthful fantasy of being a member of Parliament, and after making a wishful pact with Satan - (aka Prince of Darkness) - lucky Sam spent his weekly pocket money, and earnings from a newspaper round, on election campaign document printing services, then skimped his school homework each evening so he could do the rounds of his intended constituency - posting election manifest leaflets, and drumming up face-to-face door-knocking support with sympathetic and supportive neighbours.
Albeit a borderline – (and enforced ‘close call’ ballot paper re-count) – win for Sam, he received 14,785 votes - a mere 39 more than the Conservative Party deadwood candidate, Shailesh Vara, who had represented this backwater Cambridgeshire constituency since the Dark Ages - and was cautiously examined by Tory doctors during the post-election ballot count, to ensure he wasn’t actually dead.
So, as the ‘Baby of the House’, WTF is on Sam’s ‘must do’ agenda, prior to the opening of Parliament later this month – and he takes his seat on the junior MPs kindergarten benches – as Minister for Playground Affairs.
A very simple “Get an effin’ haircut and learn how to fasten a tie’ was the response – then, answering gutter press hack’s questions viz his personal ‘wish list’ – of perhaps one day sit in the House of Conmans Speaker’s Chair, or lead Labour’s mass mediocrity party, as Prime Minister – or drag Broken Britain into an illegal Mid-East military conflict, alike war criminal Tony Bliar – he replied it was a wee bit premature for setting his goals that high.
Carling confided that reflecting on his personal political success to date, he intended to focus on enlisting some of his younger school pals to run for local borough council election appointments, once they’ve sat their 11-plus exams – while he, personally, was dead set on seducing Labour’s ginger-mingin Deputy Leader, Mangela Rayner, to part her thighs and permit him an assenting up close and confidential nose-deep sniff at her panties.
There again, adolescent masturbatory fantasies besides, Sam Carling wears a rightful, and earned grin, as he has been anointed to the Labour Party, and House of Conmans, membership post, by none other than the party fuhrer, Sir Kier Stammerer himself - convinced of young Sam’s latent, political potentials on learning that the lad is a habitual, vacillating U-turn mind-changer, just like himself.
What further endorsement might a political acolyte require for a top job appointment in Stammerer’s ‘New Britain’ Woke joke government?
Just one crucial ‘dress’ pointer for young Sam, prior to the House of Conmans resuming its business of assembly on the seventeenth of July – ask his Mum to buy him a pair of long pants to wear for the ceremonial opening of Parliament – lest he gets laughed at, by King Chazzer, and a host of like dignitaries, for wearing his school shorts.
https://www.itv.com/news/tyne-tees/2024-07-06/meet-parliaments-youngest-mp-22-year-old-sam-carling
Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka the Truth.
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