Flasher Scandal Hits Labour Front Bench

House of Conmans cross party MPs claim Labour’s deputy leader, the profligate Mangela ‘AirPods’ Rayner, likes to ‘enchant’ - (more at ‘distract and confuse’) - the Tory Nasty Party Crime Minister, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, by repeatedly crossing and uncrossing her mini-skirted legs at PMQs – and mesmerise Boris into gorping at her 'in dishabille' ginger-mingin snatch - thus totally losing his concentration thread at the dispatch box as she further teases him with ‘Eat Me’ sign language messages.

The intellectually stunted Rayner – known around Stockport as 'Old Duckface' - and ‘a bit of a thick, promiscuous scrubber’ - who left school at 16 to have babies and work in old folk’s homes - in no way comes close to competing with Boris’s Oxford Union debating record, but attempts to compensate by employing a manipulative trick she picked up from watching prime murder slutspect, Sharon Slutt in the iconic 1992 Basic Skanger movie: flashing her knickerless gash to distract Michael Douglas’ ‘Nick the Dick’ detective character from his interrogation focus.

Granny Rayner, Labour’s MP for the ‘somewhere Grim up North’ conshituency, also holds the posts of the party’s Deputy Fuhrer ‘and’ Shadow Minister for Indecent Exposure – and has now elevated her political position from one of former care worker and gobshite union rep’ to the post of Stammerer’s pit bull – making no secret of her blatant disdain for Parliament’s privileged elitist members – aka ‘Conservative scum’ - such as Old Etonian and Bullingdon Vandals Club member, Bonkers Boris Nonsense.

Michael ‘Pob’ Gove, Minister for Level Playing Fields, also caught sight of Rayner’s purposely exposed 'gash flash' genital zone and at first glance believed it was one of her concealed ‘red panic buttons’ - until it winked back at him.

Conversely rumours now abound and run out of control, stretching the parameters of credibility, that Rayner was not flashing her ranga gash at Tory MPs on the opposite benches but was wearing a nine-inch strap-on dildo, to tempt Boris with a ‘sodomite’s delight’ pegging session.

There again, Jacob Rees-Moggy, Minister for Anachronisms, claims he too caught sight of Rayner’s ‘thighs spread wide’ act, and through his magnifying bifocals it appears she’s on a par with ex-US Worst Lady, Michelle ‘Mike’ Obama – a closet case tranny, equipped with cock and balls.

Asked for his personal take on the ‘flashing’ accusation, Labour leader Keir Stammerer deferred from comment as, per his recent non-opinion on the transgender brouhaha, he is uncertain what the female of the human species has between their legs – a snatch, or a dick and a pair of nuts – or both.

Really, who the fuck is going to get turned on by Granny Rayner flashing that hirsute russet growler from the Opposition benches? 

To wit, fuck the haughty Rayner’s denials – this nauseating, boastacious bitch is no wilting flower, but a foul-mouthed harridan, who publicly brands her Tory opponents ‘scum of the Earth’.

Speculation aside, WTF is the betting the arrogant Rayner’s derogatory ‘AirPods’ spendthrift sobriquet is replaced with the equally-unflattering ‘Flasher’.

Oh well, whether the Rayner flashing incident is simply more wild gossip, or based on a foundation of verisimilitude, Boris is fortunate it was the rabid Rayner flashing her exposed, hirsute snatch – and not that notorious Labour land whale, Dianne Abbot, attempting to distract his despatch box focus in like fashion.

Stop press: Sir Aldous Driftwood, Tory MP for Somerset’s Old Scrotum constituency, has been suspended from the House of Conmans floor by the party’s Chief Whip and is under investigation for ‘conduct unbecoming’ after being caught sharing photos of Mangela Rayner’s bared ginger genitalia with fellow members in Parliament’s Strangers Bar. Apparently the ‘legs akimbo’ photos were snapped remotely by a covert ‘voyeur’ camera, concealed under the despatch box central table.

Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka 'the Truth'.

This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane unorthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references, 5G electrosmog radiation, and a chemtrail residue of genetically-modified nano-particle bush telegraph innuendo.

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