Tory Gongs for the Boys (& Girls)

In today’s ‘Enhanced Cronyism’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in non-linear scandal-mongering hot gossip from Mollie McSkanger, manning the Downing Street watchtower for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with hot off the anvil dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain's Nasty Party Prime Minister, Posh Dave Scameron, starts off the 2016 New Year with yet another scandalous 'Bang!', as opposition politicos and social activists point the accusatory fickle finger of Fate at the pig-fucking oick for his flat out cronyism - due awarding New Year’s honours to a slew of controversial Tory donors and incompetent / not fit for purpose spin doctors and uncivil servants.

Typically, New Year honours, akin to Queen Sweat Betty's birthday honours list, we have every fucker and their dog, from the House of Conmans and upper House of Frauds scumsters to Shitehall civil service mandarins and their apprentice catamites – this clique of graft and corruption-ridden Masonic brethren and their sock puppet stooges and gophers – so recently sucking up to Scameron's Cronies-R-Us Party (previously the rich n shameless-affiliated Nasty Party) for a perpetual first class seat of the (tax-payer funded) government Gravy Train.

Topping the list of controversial tosspots to cop a gong is the aptly-named 'Lizard of Oz' political manipulator, Lynton 'Knobhead' Crosby, who ran the Nasty Party’s election campaign, and has been awarded a Shitethood - despite his reputation for 'aggressive shock tactics' and being an all-round cunt.

New Labour's IQ-challenged Shadow Chancellor, John 'Bean Counter' McDonnell, opined to equally moronic gutter press hacks that such an award might make the public think the honours titles perpetuate an 'old boy’s club'.
Er, yes John, you're catching on – almost.

Furthermore Crosby's undeserved and contested honour led one unnamed senior UKIP MP (Que? Who he?) to declare himself speechless - and thus unable to make further legible comments or even pass some muttered utterance to Daily Shitraker hacks.

Crosby’s 'Shitehood', however, is the most contentious award of the year as the down-under lobbyist owns Crosby Textbook Fullashite, a PR firm hired by tobacco giant Philip Morris International in 2012 to campaign that smoking cigarettes is good for you - and not only enhances male virility but cures cancer.

Crosby’s strategy in May’s general election relied heavily on shock tactics, a game plan which so appalled former Lib-Dum Business Secretary Vince 'Baldy' Cable that he described the PR guru as a 'low life cunt'.... and ...
“The main thing he is known for is introducing the concept of aggressive negative campaigning, or as London Mayor, Pasha Bonkers Boris Nonsense, once described it: ‘the dead moggy strategy’ - which involves distracting the brain-dead public from a politically difficult issue by creating alternative shocking news – such as having MI5 orchestrate the Operation Gladio style 7/7/2005 false flag London Tube bombings then blame the chaos and havoc on Britain's Big Society Muslim community and demonise all things Islamic in the process."

Conversely, Cabinet Office minister Matt (The Twat) Wancock defended the decision to knight Crosby, claiming a long established tradition of honouring people for political skullduggery – justifying his argument with a comparison that if Guy Fawkes had pulled off his Gunpowder Plot back in 1605 and rid England of the moronic Scots paedo-sodomite King James 1, then he'd have copped a knighthood from whatever Norman Masonic nobility-led political clique was behind the 'plot' and grasped the reins of power in the 'Big Bang's' aftermath vacuum.

So let's take a look at who else has been kissing Nasty Party bum, eating shit or sucking dongs for gongs.
First off we have Henry 'Judas' Bellend – MP for Norfolk North-South - for undetermined political and parliamentary service (back-stabbing / grassing) – like Dirty Digger Crosby – also a Shitehood – along with Harvey McGrath – a pioneer of Scameron's failed 'We're all in it Together' / 'Hug a Hoodie' Big Society concept.

Spencer Shitfield, director of the Conservatives’ national policy forum — which generates all manner of black propaganda for policymakers – rewarded for his treason against the Brisith public with an OBE.
Zameer Choudrey – CEO of Worstway and co-chair Conservative Friends of Pakiland, cops a CBE.
And another Poundland value CBE to pornography queen Jacqueline 'Dildo' Gold – CEO of Ann Summers sex toy shops . For services to the horny underwear industry and innovator of the WiFi-ready 'Double Dutch' pussy-anal vibrating butt plug.

Bottle blonde Caroline 'Piranha Teeth' Roberts - chief waterboard torturer for the Nasty Party’s disciplinary committee - is also to be honoured, despite the Tories having faced numerous allegations of bullying, sexual abuse and blackmail over the past year – and will become a Member of the (non-existent) British Empire (MBE).

A further assorted 'for political service' pick n mix of gongs and titles went out to:
Mark McInnes – Director, Scottish Nonce Servatives.
Marion Tittle-Tattle – CCHQ - for I-Spy snitch services.
Dr Spencer Pitfall – Director, National Policy Forum.
Cllr John Riddle – Chairman, National Parks - for poop-scooping services to the community.
James Stewart OBE – Treasurer, Scottish Conservatives - for Cayman Islands offshore banking and money laundering services.
Jill Finny Haddock MBE – for Tory Euthanasia Think Tank strategies to get shut of Old People.
Christopher Fenwick – Deputy Chairman, Monday Club. For keeping Mum viz Dolphin Square scandal
Lyndon Jones – Deputy Chairman, Welsh Conservatives - for supplying cutie looks sheep and suck n swallow lambs.
Lord Algernon Swineherd: for supplying pigs heads for Oxford Bullingdon Club / Piers Gaveston Debauchery Society blow job initiation ceremonies

Analysis by the Cronyism Gazette found that half of those receiving the highest awards – knighthoods, damehoods and above – are privately educated ( apart from Kray Twins moll, Dame Babs 'Big Tits' Windsor) a figure almost as high as it was under the old feudal rule system.

New Labour’s Chief Shit, Dozy Rosie Winterton, has been made a Dame, along with civil servant Linda 'Hopeless' Homer – anointed Dame Commander of the Order of the Bathtub, for jobsworth incompetence - despite being heavily criticized for her non-performance in every high-level job she's been misguidedly trusted with to date – and specifically her current incumbency as top dog at HMRC.

Appearing before the House of Conmans Treasury Committee in November and looking like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, Homer stated she was very apologetic for the poor service suffered by people trying to ring the tax office – but shoved the blame for this onto the shoulders of the HMRC receptionists.

As CEO of the UK Border Agency, she was accused of misleading MPs over the size of the backlogs in asylum and immigration.
In a purposely-leaked public attack, the Home Affairs Select Committee, headed by class act jukebox politico Keith Vaz, recorded back in 2013 that Homer's performance was "more like the scene of a Whitehall farce than a government agency operating in the 21st Century" – and further that it was “astounded” 'Hopeless' Homer was being promoted to become chief executive of HM Revenue & Customs.
“The status quo, in which catastrophic leadership failure is no obstacle to promotion, is totally unacceptable,” sayeth the committee minutes.
As head of HMRC, she was accused by the Public Accounts Committee of “an unambitious and woefully inadequate” response to a National Audit Office report.

Oh yes, you gottit, the woman, apart from being short on Botox injections and any semblance of intellect, is a fuck-up on legs – a walking disaster area who makes a total bollocks of owt she touches – then refuses to recognise the proverbial 'the buck stops here' maxim and shoulder command responsibility.

In 2005, Homer was criticised by the Election Commissioner for failings in her role as returning officer during a postal vote-rigging scandal involving Tony Bliar's New Labour candidates the previous year, described by the Commissioner as one that "would disgrace a banana republic", and involving hundreds of votes failing to be counted.

Homer, prevaricating douche bag that she is, defended her role to the Election Commission, claiming with deliberate disingenuous intent, that she had been in 'strategic, not operational control', and had confined herself to motivational management (kicking vote counting staff out of the pub) and fire fighting – (dropping her kex and personally pissing on a ballot box was rumoured to have spontaneously combusted - not a pretty sight).

In 2010 the Tories announced that Homer would assume the post of Permanent Secretary of the Department for Transport - and apart from overseeing the worse season of motorway and urban traffic jams since the Great North Road Horse & Carriage Derailment of 1893 - mishandled the controversial franchise letting process for West Coast Mainline rail network - a Notwork Rail / Rattle Track failure estimated to have cost the government (er –us / tax-payers) £100 million quid – plus change.

In December 2011 it was announced that Homer would succeed the incompetent Lesley Strathie as Chief Executive of HMRC – and the rest is history.

To conclude, we wish to quote directly a public record admission by former HMRC chairman Mike 'Claptrap' Clasper - (another overpaid dog wanker who got the boot from that post for corrupt insider deals with the bankster-corporate elitist scum who run our once sceptred isle) - regarding HMRC incompetence: "HMRC's delivery of services to the general public has fallen to unacceptable levels.”

Well, unlike Ms Homeless, at least Claptrap had the balls to admit being at fault and fall on his own office desk stapler.
Mind you, Rosie Winterton, Barbara 'Boobs' Windsor or the Hopeless Homer besides, governments hand out dodgy damehoods to all manner of low life egocentric career-chasing 'cunts' – frogs who dream of morphing into toads - that are prepared to re-write the laws of the land with a 'Very Important Paedophile' version of 'droit de seigneur' (in this case the 'privileged' legal right to sodomise innocent children) documented instrument - to circumvent criminal charges and thus accommodate their venal Masonic political masters perverted desires to bugger underage rent boys.

Then, to add insult to injury, they abuse high legal appointment to the extent of falsifying official documents and committing open court perjury to protect the same degenerate shape-shifting Ninth Circle Orgia sodomites and Speculative Society psychopathic felons from scandalous public exposure for their involvement in Satanic paedophile groups that have a diabolical bent for the group sexual abuse, serial rape and homicidal blood sacrifice of special needs and disabled children.

Thus it becomes a mundane, synchronous task to further abuse their position of official public trust to silence those Christian stalwarts who would dare expose tartan-kilted nonce-ponce kiddie fiddlers by having the Secret Squirrel Brigade arrest, prosecute and imprison them – before the status quo applecart is up-ended and the common herd demographic wake up to what the fuck is really wrong with allowing this inbred blue blood mongrel moneyed Satan-worshipping hierarchy run the government of our once sceptred isle.

Have you been awarded some New Year honour? Would you like to be knighted or given dodgy damehood? Are you willing to become a low life apostate, worship Satan and perform blood sacrifices, sexually abuse children or become an apologist for, and protector of, those that do? Have you any objections to accepting that the Wicked Windsors have a divine right to rob the tax-payers? Are you willing to kiss and lick as many political arses as are stuck in front of your face?

Send your signed compliance to all the above points using the online reply form below and you could win a life peerage - plus a guest slot on Desert Island Dickheads - 'and' a first class honorarium seat on the Gravy Train Express – to Hell.

Carbon Credits Cap & Trade Offset Exchange (aka Global Warming / Climate Change Pollution Reduction Scam) disclaimer: While a hefty score of conscience-stifled politicos, bent nonce-ponce money-laundering lawyers and crooked porky plod vassals might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' anxiety-damage casualties, no innocent non-combatant women and children - nor trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry 'felcher-friendly' sized mammals – voles, gerbils, hamsters, cavies, dwarf bunnies, ferrets and otters – or Syrian or Gyppo / pikey refugees - were harmed in posting this insurrectionist epistle.

However, a large number of the NSA - GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / JTRIG / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced.

So a Happy New Year 2016 to one and all of the common herd - and bollocks with a large capital B to political correctness - from here on in this is our legacy - to rip away the Veil of Venus blinkers and awaken people's vigilance against the corrupt establishment's totalitarian encroachment - using their eyes and ears - and brains - to say 'what if?' and make that 'consequences be damned' / 'harm's way' / 'who gives a flying fuck' quantum leap to start thinking for 'themselves' and become agents of their own destiny.

No longer accepting and believing the propaganda and lies our corrupt gutter press and biased goggle box telly spew out in a disingenuous politically correct format – or the ruling regime's sinister de facto belief that kiddie fiddling is a common core cultural value that should be accepted and the age of consent lowered to three years.

To conclude, fuck the Devil's demonic Satanás and the crypto-Judahist sayanim scum – along with the Vatican-regime's flabby, maladjusted Masonic / Opus Dei / Jesuit Ninth Circle / Sovereign Order of the Shites of Malta secret handshake psycho-sodomite-felching-pederast-necrophiliac ruling elitist fraternity – along with their Crapitalist shifty Shylock bankster brethren and their shelf life expired fractional reserve fraudulent and usury-rigged system's zillion % APR mark-ups, toxic credit default swaps, sub-prime whatsit loans and 'bespoke tranche opportunities' (re-branded CDS).

And let's not forget to cast equal curses upon the tents of Big Brother and his Common Purpose Colombine sister – nor overlooking the 'by Divine Right' parasitic anachronisms referred to as the 'Royal Family' - nor the profit-motivated / money-grubbing Moloch / Mammon worshipping Agenda 21 architects of the Rothshite ZioNazi New World Order Globalisers - the Round Table dog wankers, and their Council on Foreign Relations and Trilateral Commission pondscum pals from the Carlyle Group and Kissasser Associates and military-industrial armaments cabal who comprise the elitist ranks of the annual Dildoberger cabal pow-wow – and spin the trans-dimensional reptilian conjured yarn that the tried and tested key to conflict resolution is via more bloody conflict.

Thought for the day: In our 'unqualified' opinion, the only 'deserving' New Year's honours awardee was Irish jockey Tony McCoy. Ride on, into the sunset, 'Sir' Tony.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose and name the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).