Skewed News Views Roundup

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Another heap of ordure hits the fan around the Rothshite crime syndicate's Square Mile and Westminster, with rabid royals, uncivil servants and deviant politicos alike all shitting kittens over fresh revelations that the (so far) untouchable Masonic VIP / Parliamentary paedo rings were (and still are) not only into subjecting little boys to ritual BD/SM scenario torture sessions while sodomising them but took further debauched pleasures in snuffing their pre-pubescent sprog victims too - just like the vile Ted Heath tossing strangled victims from Jersey's infamous Haute de la Garenne boy brothel care home off his Morning Sickness yacht.

The Met Plod Squad's wide-ranging Operation Catamite investigation team yesterday informed salivating news hacks that they are currently probing the deviant doings of past residents at the now-notorious Dolphin Square apartment block where so many of these alleged sexual assaults occurred - with a steady pick n mix supply of orphaned / 'in care' children supplied and chauffeured around by the limo-load, all part of the Kray Twins dynamic crime duo blackmail gang's Renta-Sprog kiddie fiddling service - protected by the Masonic fraternity's Special Branch brothers 'and' none other than MI6's Deputy Director of Coverups - the raving paedo scumbag Sir (yep, another royally-bestowed knight of the realm) Peter Hayman.

As to Operations Spewtree, Fernbridge, Fairwank, Pallial and Midland - or any of the other innumerable investigations into decades-old cases of sexual abuse ever collaring any fucker or their dog - apart from the long-buried corpses of knighted DJs or flab-ridden Liberal MP 'Sirs' - or the likes of the untouchable Lord Leon 'Comb-Over' Brittan and Lord Granville 'Alzheimers' Janner - don't hold your breath if this following example of Plod Squad public protection efficiency is anything to go by.

An Essex couple's 5-year old daughter, her innocence stolen when raped by a 12-year old neighbour three years ago, is still waiting on justice and her abuser to be arrested and prosecuted.
Any such luck? No way, even though the pre-teen offender admitted the assault, there was nary a mention of being entered in the Sexual Offenders Register, and he was discharged with a caution of: "The next time yer get the rape urge - do it with someone yer own age."

Bravo Essex police. What a bunch of dog wankers. 'Not fit for purpose' is a descriptive phrase that doesn't even begin to cover the incompetence. But where does the blame lie with this paedophile culture? Primarily with the evil minded perpetrators, but as ex Beeb DJ / TV presenter Noel Edmonds has opined in the national press, the blame for the vile antics of Sir Jimbo Savile going unchecked shouldn't rest only with the BBC but the Royals and Thatcher government politicos who nurtured his celebrity existence and perverted '~philia' sexual excesses (paedophilia, zoophilia, necrophilia to name a mere sample).
Spot on, Noel - and that's your chances of ever copping a royal title gone right up the swannie.

Meanwhile, over on the strontium-laden radioactive shingle shores of the Land of the Rising Becquerel Count, Japan's magic carpet maglev train this week reached a world record braking top speed of 581km/h - ideal for glow in the dark residents of the doomed Fuckupshima nuclear power station's surrounding countryside to exit stage left when their children's hair, fingernails and teeth start to fall out.

One hundred kamikaze joyride passengers whizzed along a 42.8km (27 mile) test run route between the cities of Uenohara and Fuefuki at 581km/h - with it taking longer to get on and off the train than the total of six minutes to complete the journey - timed from a standing start.

For fuck's sake, these clack-eyed twats lost WW2 with a flash n a bang - and now they're a global high tech' economy leader with maglev trains shooting along faster than a speeding mullet - all powered by zero point M-Theory nano-energy. (M-Theory? - based on String Theory but without any strings attached - due the problem with String Theory having too many knots in it).

As to Broken Britain - the progenitor of the Industrial Revolution and purported winner of WW2 (sic) - thanks to Slaggie Twatcher and the Tories - and Bliar's New Labour - and more of the same from Dave 'Man Tits' Scameron's and the Tories again - we're stuck with in this jobless / austerity wilderness recession (read 'depression') and the best we can do to replace Stevenson's Rocket is come up with a set of privatised operator jokes such as Rattle Track, First Crapita Connect, Caledonian Derailment, Ripoff Trains, Snail Rail, Inter-Shitty and Notwork Mainline - with the Practical Pig Train group ceasing to trade in 2003, following the Baconsfield rail disaster - and HS2 (stinks like H2S) a more scent than substance delusion that will be over-budget and behind schedule before the first run of track is laid through some hapless, semi-suburban twat's compulsory purchased back garden.

The Down-Under G20 Summit in Brisbane looks like a genetically-modified hybrid cross of politically-incorrect one-upmanship and some B-movie Mexican stand-off between the West's ZioNazi stooge politico muppets and shill media - collectively branding Russia's President 'Bad Vlad' Putrid with 'unfriended' status over the Balkanisation of the Ukraine and its attempts to join the corruption-ridden EUSSR Federation being opposed.

Aussie's dickhead of a homophobic premier, the vacuous 'Bony Tony' Abbot, an all-round Jesuit-educated gobshite thug, actually boasted to gutter press media hacks that he intended to 'shirt front' Pres' Putrid - slang for 'get right in his face and stick one on him' - over Russia's perceived meddling in Ukraine's geo-political destiny - another empty threat that never happened.

Do any of these fuckers - these self-delusional wannabe Masters of the Universe - ever take a break from the pseudo-Masonic / Satanist mummery and engage brain before opening mouth and declaring Russia a pariah state for their support of the Ukrainian separatist factions, as come Europe's wicked Winter - just around the corner - when the temperatures plummet and it's colder than a witch's tit, the EUSSR's 28 nation community will be counting on Putrid's good will and the Siberia gas supply to keep their tootsies warm.

On the subject of gobshites, dog wankers and all-round twats, Prince 'Air Miles' Andy Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsor - he with the terrible taste in women (skangers) - alike both his brothers, closet case Jew Prince Dobby, the uxoricidal Royal Plant Whisperer and the closet case poufter Prince Eddy - is in the gutter press negative limelight headlines again - not for further involvement with his paedo-capers pal Jeffrey Epstein - (motto = 'old enough to bleed / old enough to butcher') but doing PR work on behalf of the autocratic despot running Azerbaijan - President for Life, Ilham Aliyev, the psychopath leader of the one-man Kleptomaniacs Party.

Andy, aka the Duke of Pork - (described by many common herd critics as an effete and blustering poltroon, and viewed as the embodiment of the parasitic and privilege-abusing titled upper class) - will, as per usual, be focusing on the more hedonistic side of the gas for arms deals business (caviar, Dom Perignon and two girl - sex sandwich - body massages) during his four-day stay in Baku at the expense of Aliyev's oppressive regime, before picking up his tax free £100,000 trade envoy fee and flying off to Bahrain for further jollies and more of the same (oil for arms) wheeler dealing with Western Zionist placeman / stooge monarch - the moronic sociopath King Hamad bin Isa bin Salman Al Khalifa.

On a lighter note viz Azerbaijan, in 2012 the Organized Crime and Corruption Reporting Project (OCCRP) named President Ilham Aliyev 'Scumbag of the Year' after some nasty whistle-blower (later boiled alive for his trouble) exposed the fact that Aliyev's 11-year-old son, Greedo, owns nine Palm Jumeirah waterfront mansions in Dubai with a total price tag of US$44 million attached – the equivalent of 10,000 years' worth of gross pre-tax salary for the average Azerbaijani worker.

Stop press update / Antipodese desk: While still on his latest ego trip and waffling away at Queensland's G20 'Hypocrisy Special' Summit, US Presidential cuckoo, Barky Hussein O'Barmy - living up to the spirit of his Nobel Peace Prize award - gave the go-ahead for a drone strike on a funeral gathering up around the Afghan border with Pakiland / Northern Drugistan, assembled to commemorate the passing of the maternal granny of Meliar Yousaidit - the Great Satan's propaganda hoax poster girl reputed to have been triple tapped in the head by a Taliban gunman while on a school bus back in October 2012 - who lived to tell the tale and came over to Broken Britain to sponge on the NHS' largess and get her thrice perforated brain fixed.

The strike reportedly killed a total of 40 civilians and 'perhaps' wanted top dog Taliban leader Mohammad al Ka-Boom - commander of the feared 21st Armoured Segway Brigade - on the initial 'take no prisoners' hit - then as first responders rushed to help the wounded and pick up scattered arms and legs, the MQ-1 UAV Predator drone made a second pass, loosing a couple more Shitstreak missiles, which, for good measure, killed every fucker and their dog old enough to bleed and scream.

Then to cap the brazen hubris and duplicity, Bad Boy Barky takes to his personalised teleprompter to face the media and condemn the neck-sawing decapitation of US aid worker and Muslim convert Peter Kassig by the Mossad-sponsored ISIS death cult jihadists as 'an act of pure evil'.

Nice one Barky. History will doubtless have a special mention for you - along with Hitler and Pol Pot.

Just to round off the week's insanity, scientists at the European Space Agency discovered that their Philae space probe, after travelling 6.4 billion miles over the last 10 years, has a landing gear system crafted out of pogo sticks - for following the initial 'bump' touchdown on 'Comet 67P / Churyumov-Gerasimenko' (aka the Rubber Duck) it proceeded to bounce across the comet's surface like a kangaroo bombed out on speed - observed and recorded by the Rosetta satellite's navigation cameras and the high resolution Osiris NAC system - before coming to rest against a virtual cliff wall in a shagged out state, where its batteries promptly went flat.
For fuck's sake, they spend 25 years and zillions of Euros on planning and building this thing with the best gear Radio Shack and car boot sales have to offer, then buy the sodding batteries from Pound Stretcher.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.