Kraut Court Proves Justice a Joke

In today’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ medical malpractice edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In a display of jurisprudence gone mad the Amtsgericht civil court in Lindau, Germany yesterday handed down an outrageous written ruling, recommending that English resident Rory Gray must pay the bloated legal fees of Nigerian witch doctor, Wingnut Jaffacake, who killed his 95-year old father with an intravenous overdose of washing up liquid - and, to add insult to injury, also write a letter apologising for calling him a 'Wogga-Wogga Land quack' and a 'useless tosser' - and further threatened Gray with fines of €200,000 if he dared make future derogatory references to the erring doctor - specifically calling him a 'dog wanker'.

Dr Wingnut Jaffacake - who worked as a mortician's helper at Switzerland's controversial Forch-based Dignitas Euthanasia Clinic before fleeing to Krautland and a job at Bavaria's prestigious Dr Josef Mengele Centre for Experimental Medicine, where a doctor's qualifications seem to be an arbitrary issue and a past malpractice body count isn't considered too much of an obstacle to practicing medicine - had been refused a position at Leeds Primary Care Trust due the fact he turned up for the job interview with a bone through his nose, speaking some hinterlands Nigerian dialect (Nigbo) and waving a forged certificate from the Moku-Boku School of Veterinarian Medicine stating he was a qualified Juju Man.

'Dr' (sic) Jaffacake's inability to speak any comprehensive English words, apart from 'give me welfare benefits' and 'jobseekers allowance' might well have proved a stumbling block at Leeds but he was later employed at Cambridge's Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence where, on his first shift as a practicing doctor with the out-of-hours GP service, Fuckups-R-Us, he treated the ailing David Gray, a retired engineer, for an ingrown toenail complaint and injected him with washing up liquid in mistake for diamorphine.

Conversely, a slight redeeming factor in Kraut injustice's favour lies with a 2011 legal hearing in which Dr Jaffacake lost an appeal before the Munich High Court to stop Mr Gray's sons describing him as a 'witch doctor' and a 'murderer', but did rule they must refrain from calling him 'a dog wanker'. In that same year, German medical authorities fined Jaffacake 7,000 euros (£6,275) for breaking its professional code of conduct in relation to David Gray's death.

Jaffacake, who remains free to 'malpractise' medicine in Krautland, has refused to return to the UK to answer for his crime - (so much for European-wide jurisdiction and arrest warrants) - has been struck off the medical register.
As a result of this scandalous episode, there is now a legal duty to ensure a doctor's English is satisfactory before they are employed by the National Ill-Health Service.

Candida Mingerot, chief executive of the Patients Anxiety Association, informed a press hack from the Bodybags Gazette that "New language checks for these foreign type impostor quacks are welcome and long overdue. Lessons from the past have served to highlight the tragic consequences of hiring Third World doctors on the cheap who can't speak English nor know the first thing about practicing medicine."

Whereas Ron McScrote, director of the NHS Employers organisation, told media hacks that foreign doctors had made an 'invaluable contribution' to the wider health care industry - by keeping the coroner and funeral directors busy.

Thought for the day. Hmmm, we wonder if Dr Jaffacake's 'German' language skills are any better that his non-existent English?

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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