Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
BBC Festive Season Warning on Fake Booze
How to spot gash bottles of Bailey’s Kremlin Kream and Drop Dead vodka? Easy – the bottles are surrounded by snuffed Russians strewn across the floor.
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Chelsea’s Frank Lampost Benched
Chelsea mid-fielder, the 96-year old Frank Lampost, conspicuously absent from his team’s starting line-up yet again, told one press hack from the Backstabbers Gazette that “It’s the manager - Andrea Villas-Boas. He’s cut me off – I’m powerless. While I might not shine as bright as I used to – the short-arsed Portuguese twat’s just left me in the dark.”
“Bit of a shock as I always considered meself ter be a guidin’ beacon to light the path fer youth team players.”
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Political Correctness Goes Bonkers
Teachers in charge of a Yorkshire toddlers’ kindergarten group have changed a potentially offensive sign language gesture in a nursery rhyme.
The hand gesture for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star contains a symbol that could be misinterpreted as indicating the human female genitalia – colloquially referred to as the ‘pussy’, ‘snatch’ or ‘cunt’.
The Common Purpose-trained (read ‘NLP brainwashed batshit crazy’) staff at the Numb Nuts Sure Start centre in Moronborough made the changes after attending a sign language course and realising the hand actions for the word ‘star’ had a dual meaning and a recital of the iconic nursery rhyme might be interpreted by a deaf mute with a one track mind as ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Twat’.
Ms Bev Titwank, the assistant director for young people's services, informed one press hack from the Ambiguity Review that "The decision was taken to prevent deaf children or deaf parents being offended by the use of the gesture and to ensure that the correct sign language signal was used.”
"However, parents have not been banned from using the ‘other’ naughty sign as the Yorkshire Education Authority does not have a policy over this matter – preferring people to use their common sense when calling a spade a ‘spade’ – or, in this particular case, a cunt a ‘cunt’, for that matter."
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UK’s Historical Enemies – Daggers Drawn
In a typical display of back-stabbing sour grapes for Posh Dave Scameron vetoing the fatally-flawed EUSSR treaty change last week – designed to federalize the 27 member community into a German-dominated Nazi model fascist state, the moronic French Finance Minister Francois Le Merde (aka Le Enfant Imbécile) has joined PM Francois Fillet Mignon become the latest Gorf (backward ‘frog’) to allege that Broken Britain’s economic situation is less than perfect – and in a worse state than their own – and hence divert attentions from Standard & Poor’s threat to slash their treble AAA credit rating to triple ZZZ.
So here we have yet another over-paid clot that, despite his bandied academic credentials and attaining a lofty official position of political power, is not particularly bright when it comes to the thinking game.
Britain’s working classes (unemployed, part-timers and otherwise) are acutely aware of their once-sceptred isle’s fiscal problems – as half the country’s homeless - plus every other fucker and their dog – the great unwashed 99% - no longer have a pot to piss in, never mind a couple of £1 quid coins to rub together – and do not require some dingbat French dog wanker to point out the obvious.
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Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sunday, 18 December 2011
Saturday, 17 December 2011
ZioNazis to Ban Muslim Call to Prayer
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Not content with treating the true Arab Semite Palestinian owners of ‘Palestine’ like third-hand citizens in their own country, the usurping Zionist thieves, these Satan-worshipping Ashkenazi Jews of convenience, in yet another of their customary chutzpah displays of Islamophobia, are in the process of drafting legislation to ban the Muslim call to prayers in Jerusalem and the occupied West Bank.
Israel’s arch-Jabotinskyist Prime Minister, Bobo Nuttyahoo and his institutionally-corrupt 120 member Knesset have endorsed a bill proposed by Yisrael Beiteinu Party member Sheldon Sheeneyberg to impose a ban on muezzins calling the faithful to worship from the top of a mosque’s minaret – claiming the practice is noisy and the pre-dawn ‘Fajr’ disturbs the sleep of Israeli infidel non-believers in a morning.
The Israeli ultra-ZioNazi Foreign Minister Avi Lieberslime, a batshit crazy suitable case for mental health sectioning - known to friends and associates alike as ‘a right nasty little cunt’ - informed one press hack from the Chosen Peoples Gazette that “This noise also poses an equal distraction when they start howling their nightfall ‘Isha’a’ and I am unable to hear my television news describing how many Palestinian homes, vineyards, and olive groves have been bulldozed and demolished in the West Bank to make way for more of our settlers.”
“This is not racism - we are doing no more than in France and Switzerland, where they have enacted a Muezzin Law – and also banned Muslims wearing veils.”
Conversely, Ms Shovrim Shtika, the director of the Jerusalem-based International Scumwatch charity, interviewed by the Yawm an-Nakbah Review, opined that “This is yet another criminal instance of Zionist Israeli intransigence and their slow-cook genocide policy designed to target Palestinian Muslims and Arabs in the occupied territories.”
“No doubt we’ll have the IDF’s Shechita Ethnic Cleansing Squad out and about next week, with their snipers picking off the muezzins atop their minarets as soon as they begin the call to prayers.”
“It has been prudently noted that no mention has been made in opposition to Jewish worshippers going down to the St Shylock Temple for Latter Day Kikesters and banging their stupid heads against the Wailing Wall day and bloody night – having an all-out whinge to Jehovah and moaning away in bloody Hebrew or Yiddish that they didn’t win the Lotto.”
Thought for the day. Fuck the Rothshite banksters and their sovereign Zionist crime syndicate ‘bolthole’ state of Israel - and their New World Order.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a hostile environment infested with Māḡēn Dāwīḏ Zionist dingbat nutters and may contain traces of Holohoax ‘victims’ propaganda, unqualified arrogance, racist apartheid innuendo, lashings of kikester chutzpah and quantifiable amounts of utter lunacy – plus a total disregard for the statutes of international law, human rights and the niceties of a polite and civilised society.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Not content with treating the true Arab Semite Palestinian owners of ‘Palestine’ like third-hand citizens in their own country, the usurping Zionist thieves, these Satan-worshipping Ashkenazi Jews of convenience, in yet another of their customary chutzpah displays of Islamophobia, are in the process of drafting legislation to ban the Muslim call to prayers in Jerusalem and the occupied West Bank.
Israel’s arch-Jabotinskyist Prime Minister, Bobo Nuttyahoo and his institutionally-corrupt 120 member Knesset have endorsed a bill proposed by Yisrael Beiteinu Party member Sheldon Sheeneyberg to impose a ban on muezzins calling the faithful to worship from the top of a mosque’s minaret – claiming the practice is noisy and the pre-dawn ‘Fajr’ disturbs the sleep of Israeli infidel non-believers in a morning.
The Israeli ultra-ZioNazi Foreign Minister Avi Lieberslime, a batshit crazy suitable case for mental health sectioning - known to friends and associates alike as ‘a right nasty little cunt’ - informed one press hack from the Chosen Peoples Gazette that “This noise also poses an equal distraction when they start howling their nightfall ‘Isha’a’ and I am unable to hear my television news describing how many Palestinian homes, vineyards, and olive groves have been bulldozed and demolished in the West Bank to make way for more of our settlers.”
“This is not racism - we are doing no more than in France and Switzerland, where they have enacted a Muezzin Law – and also banned Muslims wearing veils.”
Conversely, Ms Shovrim Shtika, the director of the Jerusalem-based International Scumwatch charity, interviewed by the Yawm an-Nakbah Review, opined that “This is yet another criminal instance of Zionist Israeli intransigence and their slow-cook genocide policy designed to target Palestinian Muslims and Arabs in the occupied territories.”
“No doubt we’ll have the IDF’s Shechita Ethnic Cleansing Squad out and about next week, with their snipers picking off the muezzins atop their minarets as soon as they begin the call to prayers.”
“It has been prudently noted that no mention has been made in opposition to Jewish worshippers going down to the St Shylock Temple for Latter Day Kikesters and banging their stupid heads against the Wailing Wall day and bloody night – having an all-out whinge to Jehovah and moaning away in bloody Hebrew or Yiddish that they didn’t win the Lotto.”
Thought for the day. Fuck the Rothshite banksters and their sovereign Zionist crime syndicate ‘bolthole’ state of Israel - and their New World Order.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a hostile environment infested with Māḡēn Dāwīḏ Zionist dingbat nutters and may contain traces of Holohoax ‘victims’ propaganda, unqualified arrogance, racist apartheid innuendo, lashings of kikester chutzpah and quantifiable amounts of utter lunacy – plus a total disregard for the statutes of international law, human rights and the niceties of a polite and civilised society.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday, 16 December 2011
Protest Polly: Time’s ‘Person of the Year’
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
So, who the fuck is Time’s Person of the Year? This ‘Protester’ in the gangsta mask with the ‘come to bed’ (and shag my brains out) eyes? This concealed face of treasonable dissidence visibly agitating sedition against crony capitalism and the fatally-flawed fractional reserve lending / Rothshite IMF bankster system of Debtocracy?
The eyes of violent revolt above the veil reveal the very soul of the harbinger of radical change - ready to storm the ramparts of the world’s authoritarian regimes and overthrow corrupt despots - whose fascist, kleptocratic bureaucracies are well past their sell-by dates.
The pic’ reflects the profundity of the New World Order’s contrived, agitated and funded demonstrations that have been staged during this past year - from the Tunisian Arab Spring - to ‘Bye-Bye Colonel Gaddafi’ and the decimation of the Libyan infrastructure - to Occupy Wall Street and the UK’s recent anti-badger cull rallies.
Then who is the Protester in the mask? Well, it’s definitely not the world’s most hated woman – Faida Hamidi – the arrogant slut responsible for kick starting the Arab Spring revolts.
Hmmm, is it Bill – or is it Bev? Looks a bit like a female of the species, but in this unisex / anything goes global society of ours it could well be any radical Bolshie activist twat – even a cross-dressing faggot in his sister’s Friday best mosque-going outfit.
Is it a new-look Bruce Wayne? The Lone Ranger? That celebrity fugitive nanny-basher, Lord Lucan? Martin Bormann in drag? Is it the Scarlet Pimpernel – or the equally-elusive Banksy – or the Stig? Or Kate Middleclass in a yashmak, perhaps? The Guesstimate possibilities are endless.
Are you Time’s Person of the Year? Were you the catalyst who set fire to a Tunisian fruit vendor in Sidi Bouzid’s public square and incited the 2011 Arab Spring protests? Were you awarded the Sakharov Prize for chucking cobbles and Molotov cocktails at a large government building? Have you been Tasered or CS gassed by riot police? Shot in the arse with a baton round? Bludgeoned to a pulp by Bahrain’s barbaric Plod Squad? How about pepper sprayed on campus by some fat US cop with halitosis and shit for brains?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could be one of the lucky winners set to receive The Protester’s cellphone number and postal address and do battle to see who can get into her knickers first.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
So, who the fuck is Time’s Person of the Year? This ‘Protester’ in the gangsta mask with the ‘come to bed’ (and shag my brains out) eyes? This concealed face of treasonable dissidence visibly agitating sedition against crony capitalism and the fatally-flawed fractional reserve lending / Rothshite IMF bankster system of Debtocracy?
The eyes of violent revolt above the veil reveal the very soul of the harbinger of radical change - ready to storm the ramparts of the world’s authoritarian regimes and overthrow corrupt despots - whose fascist, kleptocratic bureaucracies are well past their sell-by dates.
The pic’ reflects the profundity of the New World Order’s contrived, agitated and funded demonstrations that have been staged during this past year - from the Tunisian Arab Spring - to ‘Bye-Bye Colonel Gaddafi’ and the decimation of the Libyan infrastructure - to Occupy Wall Street and the UK’s recent anti-badger cull rallies.
Then who is the Protester in the mask? Well, it’s definitely not the world’s most hated woman – Faida Hamidi – the arrogant slut responsible for kick starting the Arab Spring revolts.
Hmmm, is it Bill – or is it Bev? Looks a bit like a female of the species, but in this unisex / anything goes global society of ours it could well be any radical Bolshie activist twat – even a cross-dressing faggot in his sister’s Friday best mosque-going outfit.
Is it a new-look Bruce Wayne? The Lone Ranger? That celebrity fugitive nanny-basher, Lord Lucan? Martin Bormann in drag? Is it the Scarlet Pimpernel – or the equally-elusive Banksy – or the Stig? Or Kate Middleclass in a yashmak, perhaps? The Guesstimate possibilities are endless.
Are you Time’s Person of the Year? Were you the catalyst who set fire to a Tunisian fruit vendor in Sidi Bouzid’s public square and incited the 2011 Arab Spring protests? Were you awarded the Sakharov Prize for chucking cobbles and Molotov cocktails at a large government building? Have you been Tasered or CS gassed by riot police? Shot in the arse with a baton round? Bludgeoned to a pulp by Bahrain’s barbaric Plod Squad? How about pepper sprayed on campus by some fat US cop with halitosis and shit for brains?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could be one of the lucky winners set to receive The Protester’s cellphone number and postal address and do battle to see who can get into her knickers first.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
US Iraq Troop Pull-Out: to Syrian Border
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Today the good ole US of A’s hypocrisy-ridden ‘Beacon of Democracy’ Stars and Stripes flag has been lowered in Baghdad’s Green Zone at a ceremony designed to formally mark the end of ‘official’ US military operations in Iraq after nearly nine years of looking for non-existent weapons of mass distraction – plus contaminating the entire Tigris-Euphrates once-fertile crescent region with depleted uranium (radioactive half-life a mere 90,000 years) – and killing or maiming every fucker old enough to bleed.
The gospel according to the California-based Project Body Bag, an excess of one million Iraqi civilians – mainly women and children – have been killed and maimed since the illegal US-led invasion and occupation of the country was kick- started in 2003 by the dynamic duo of Super-Moron Dubya Bush and Tony ‘Porky Pies’ Bliar on the conjured pretext that Saddam Hussein’s regime possessed an arsenal of WMD - a free fire fiasco that turned order into chaos and initiated a sectarian conflict that has so far claimed countless innocent lives – and perhaps as many again involving a smorgasbord of guilty parties.
In a White House speech yesterday, the Kenyan impostor US President Barky O’Barmy hailed the extraordinary (sic) achievement of the military in Iraq and claimed they were leaving with heads held high (to provide a better target for insurgent militia snipers) – so reminiscent of Nixon’s hypocritical ‘Peace with Honour’ declaration when the Yanks scarpered out of Vietnam with their tails between their legs double-quick – defeated by a bunch of ‘emaciated gooks in black pyjamas’.
According to O’Barmy “The Iraqis owe the US a bit round of thanks for everything that American troops have done there – the white phosphorous attacks on Fallujah, all the fighting and killing – and devastating their entire civilian infrastructure and socio-political system. So let it be a lesson to any other Ayrab-Muslim dictators that get their names on our shit list - watch out – the Great Satan’s about!”
Conversely, this purported troop withdrawal besides, the US Embassy in Baghdad, with it’s already bloated staff of 8,000 personnel – is to be doubled to an actual 16,500 – to cater for US and related Western interests and form the hub of a massive Mid-East intelligence operation centre – (and perhaps provide Iran’s Revolutionary Guard’s Electronics Warfare Division with a steady supply of hijacked ROV stealth RQ-170 Sentinel and MQ-9 Reaper remote drones).
Intrinsic to this doubling of embassy staff with even more spooks and assassins - as the corruption-ridden and inept Iraqi government have stated they fear the consequences of being left to manage their own security - will be the involvement of scores of military specialist companies – including the disgraced and previously evicted / barred Slackwater XE Murder Services LLC – now disinfected and with past sins absolved by a team of paramilitary bishops and a ranking Vatican Cardinal - and re-branded by its new owners, USTC Holdings - a Wall Street investment group – as ACADEMI - (an ambiguous and cryptic play on semantics implying that all their mercenary employees will have a university degree in Homicidal Studies).
So, from the sidelines, now the US military psycho’s Operation Rape & Ruin in Iraq is over and they leave in their wake their customary ‘Order into Chaos’ trail of devastation, the Sunnis and Shites are gearing up for a long-overdue civil war showdown – with the hard-arsed Kurds stood on the sidelines ready to pick up the pieces and take charge - and proclaim “We are not America’s bitch!” as they prepare to kick out the US oil corporations and invite the Chinese in.
Meanwhile, the Iraq-based US troops from the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and 18th Body Bag Brigade will not be repatriated Stateside immediately – apart from those returning to Dover Airfield feet-first to have their dismembered limbs and festering torsos unceremoniously dumped on some Delaware landfill site.
Oh no, the final destination for these hotshots is the King Hussein al-Mafraq Air Base in Jordan – positioned right on the Syrian border - ready to play their belligerent part in the next episode of the ‘Let’s Start World War Three’ melodrama – a rehash of the Libyan regime change scenario to oust President Assad’s beleaguered government and replace the leadership with a member of the Muppet Show.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Today the good ole US of A’s hypocrisy-ridden ‘Beacon of Democracy’ Stars and Stripes flag has been lowered in Baghdad’s Green Zone at a ceremony designed to formally mark the end of ‘official’ US military operations in Iraq after nearly nine years of looking for non-existent weapons of mass distraction – plus contaminating the entire Tigris-Euphrates once-fertile crescent region with depleted uranium (radioactive half-life a mere 90,000 years) – and killing or maiming every fucker old enough to bleed.
The gospel according to the California-based Project Body Bag, an excess of one million Iraqi civilians – mainly women and children – have been killed and maimed since the illegal US-led invasion and occupation of the country was kick- started in 2003 by the dynamic duo of Super-Moron Dubya Bush and Tony ‘Porky Pies’ Bliar on the conjured pretext that Saddam Hussein’s regime possessed an arsenal of WMD - a free fire fiasco that turned order into chaos and initiated a sectarian conflict that has so far claimed countless innocent lives – and perhaps as many again involving a smorgasbord of guilty parties.
In a White House speech yesterday, the Kenyan impostor US President Barky O’Barmy hailed the extraordinary (sic) achievement of the military in Iraq and claimed they were leaving with heads held high (to provide a better target for insurgent militia snipers) – so reminiscent of Nixon’s hypocritical ‘Peace with Honour’ declaration when the Yanks scarpered out of Vietnam with their tails between their legs double-quick – defeated by a bunch of ‘emaciated gooks in black pyjamas’.
According to O’Barmy “The Iraqis owe the US a bit round of thanks for everything that American troops have done there – the white phosphorous attacks on Fallujah, all the fighting and killing – and devastating their entire civilian infrastructure and socio-political system. So let it be a lesson to any other Ayrab-Muslim dictators that get their names on our shit list - watch out – the Great Satan’s about!”
Conversely, this purported troop withdrawal besides, the US Embassy in Baghdad, with it’s already bloated staff of 8,000 personnel – is to be doubled to an actual 16,500 – to cater for US and related Western interests and form the hub of a massive Mid-East intelligence operation centre – (and perhaps provide Iran’s Revolutionary Guard’s Electronics Warfare Division with a steady supply of hijacked ROV stealth RQ-170 Sentinel and MQ-9 Reaper remote drones).
Intrinsic to this doubling of embassy staff with even more spooks and assassins - as the corruption-ridden and inept Iraqi government have stated they fear the consequences of being left to manage their own security - will be the involvement of scores of military specialist companies – including the disgraced and previously evicted / barred Slackwater XE Murder Services LLC – now disinfected and with past sins absolved by a team of paramilitary bishops and a ranking Vatican Cardinal - and re-branded by its new owners, USTC Holdings - a Wall Street investment group – as ACADEMI - (an ambiguous and cryptic play on semantics implying that all their mercenary employees will have a university degree in Homicidal Studies).
So, from the sidelines, now the US military psycho’s Operation Rape & Ruin in Iraq is over and they leave in their wake their customary ‘Order into Chaos’ trail of devastation, the Sunnis and Shites are gearing up for a long-overdue civil war showdown – with the hard-arsed Kurds stood on the sidelines ready to pick up the pieces and take charge - and proclaim “We are not America’s bitch!” as they prepare to kick out the US oil corporations and invite the Chinese in.
Meanwhile, the Iraq-based US troops from the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and 18th Body Bag Brigade will not be repatriated Stateside immediately – apart from those returning to Dover Airfield feet-first to have their dismembered limbs and festering torsos unceremoniously dumped on some Delaware landfill site.
Oh no, the final destination for these hotshots is the King Hussein al-Mafraq Air Base in Jordan – positioned right on the Syrian border - ready to play their belligerent part in the next episode of the ‘Let’s Start World War Three’ melodrama – a rehash of the Libyan regime change scenario to oust President Assad’s beleaguered government and replace the leadership with a member of the Muppet Show.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Thursday, 15 December 2011
Badgers Okay Trial Cull of Tory Ministers
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Several cetes of senior badgers from around the UK have been meeting this week in a secret clan conclave, chaired by the iconic Mr Tod, in the thick of the David Kelly Memorial Woods adjoining the Brock Hotel in Oxfordshire, to discuss plans to undertake a trial culling of MPs and Ministers during the New Year in an attempt to tackle congenital stupidity around Westminster and Parliament concerning their species being blamed for the spread of contagious bovine tuberculosis in Broken Britain’s cattle herds.
Apparently topping the cull hit list in Posh Dave Scameron’s Zillionaire’s Cabinet is the expenses scandal-smeared Tory MP for East Nannygate - and incumbent Defra Minister, Caroline Spelman – she of the conspicuous Desperate Dan chin and ginger mingin thatch.
After reading of psycho Spelman’s grasping at straws ‘kill’em all!’ speciesism remedy to the bovine TB problem in discarded copies the Farmers Weekly and the Badger Baiters Gazette on a landfill site – to task Defra with the extermination of droves of another sentient mammalian species – a group of ‘young Turk’ badger activists decided they weren’t going to suffer another series of genocidal Holocausts like the Great Shaving Brush Massacres of yesteryear – hence the clan gathering to devise a plan to protest and thwart Spelman’s anti-badger Final Solution scheme.
The key strategy formulated is to ignore the fact that ‘sympathy’ is sited in the dictionary right between ‘shit’ and syphilis’ – and utilise their black and white furry mien and comic ambling gait to advantage – to play on the ‘cuddle’ factor and stir up the voting public’s empathy in support of their ‘survivalist’ cause – with the generated nationwide outcry of indignant rage over the proposed ‘ethnic cleansing’ programme directed back at Spelman and Defra.
While marches with banners and placards - nor the ‘We are the 99%’ approach - are really suited to a badger-themed ‘wildlife conservation’ protest, the ‘Occupy’ thesis most definitely is – with plans now laid to burrow and invest Parliament Square’s turfed acres during the Christmas holiday and excavate a cavernous system of setts – turning the entire green into a massive clan colony by the time the House of Conmans resumes its sessions in January.
Private animal-loving sponsors have now formed a Badger Power group and aligned themselves with the Badger Trust charity – and contracted publicity supremo Max Clifford’s agency to promote a campaign to support the badger’s cause – with displays of romping baby badgers planned on the Westminster lawns to win the hearts and minds of children, Grandmas, and soppy tourist types – and an Adopt a Badger scheme – plus the sale of dartboards and punchballs adorned with the wicked Spelman’s ‘Witchiepoo’ face.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Several cetes of senior badgers from around the UK have been meeting this week in a secret clan conclave, chaired by the iconic Mr Tod, in the thick of the David Kelly Memorial Woods adjoining the Brock Hotel in Oxfordshire, to discuss plans to undertake a trial culling of MPs and Ministers during the New Year in an attempt to tackle congenital stupidity around Westminster and Parliament concerning their species being blamed for the spread of contagious bovine tuberculosis in Broken Britain’s cattle herds.
Apparently topping the cull hit list in Posh Dave Scameron’s Zillionaire’s Cabinet is the expenses scandal-smeared Tory MP for East Nannygate - and incumbent Defra Minister, Caroline Spelman – she of the conspicuous Desperate Dan chin and ginger mingin thatch.
After reading of psycho Spelman’s grasping at straws ‘kill’em all!’ speciesism remedy to the bovine TB problem in discarded copies the Farmers Weekly and the Badger Baiters Gazette on a landfill site – to task Defra with the extermination of droves of another sentient mammalian species – a group of ‘young Turk’ badger activists decided they weren’t going to suffer another series of genocidal Holocausts like the Great Shaving Brush Massacres of yesteryear – hence the clan gathering to devise a plan to protest and thwart Spelman’s anti-badger Final Solution scheme.
The key strategy formulated is to ignore the fact that ‘sympathy’ is sited in the dictionary right between ‘shit’ and syphilis’ – and utilise their black and white furry mien and comic ambling gait to advantage – to play on the ‘cuddle’ factor and stir up the voting public’s empathy in support of their ‘survivalist’ cause – with the generated nationwide outcry of indignant rage over the proposed ‘ethnic cleansing’ programme directed back at Spelman and Defra.
While marches with banners and placards - nor the ‘We are the 99%’ approach - are really suited to a badger-themed ‘wildlife conservation’ protest, the ‘Occupy’ thesis most definitely is – with plans now laid to burrow and invest Parliament Square’s turfed acres during the Christmas holiday and excavate a cavernous system of setts – turning the entire green into a massive clan colony by the time the House of Conmans resumes its sessions in January.
Private animal-loving sponsors have now formed a Badger Power group and aligned themselves with the Badger Trust charity – and contracted publicity supremo Max Clifford’s agency to promote a campaign to support the badger’s cause – with displays of romping baby badgers planned on the Westminster lawns to win the hearts and minds of children, Grandmas, and soppy tourist types – and an Adopt a Badger scheme – plus the sale of dartboards and punchballs adorned with the wicked Spelman’s ‘Witchiepoo’ face.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
101 is the All-New 999
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next, working with Plod Squads across the grim, depression-hit north of England, have introduced a novel three-digit numerical dialling sequence for non-emergency use – in a concerted effort to divert calls from unemployed peasants ringing up every morning to see if the police have any vacancies or odd jobs going.
The number, 101, is designed to cut the flood of 999 calls currently being ignored at police stations across the region by redirecting the amount of minor crime and anti-social behaviour reports to alternative unmanned call centres in Bangalore and Delhi – six times zones east of Greenwich.
The idiotic scheme is being introduced by North Yorkshire, Cleveland, Cumbria, Smegmadale and Northumbria police forces – with the Libservative coalition government’s cabinet think tank – the nutty ‘Nudge Unit’ - pushing for all Plod Squads in England and Wales to have a direct 101 line to call centres in India or the Philippines by the end of March 2012.
Chief Constable Jack Knobhead, of North Yorkshire’s Plod Squad, interviewed yesterday on the BBC’s ‘Spot-a-Scrote’ programme, explained that "101 is a memorable number wot’s gonna make it easier fer people ter make enquiries an’ report non-emergency crimes like anti-social behaviour an’ murder – via contactin’ their local ‘Safer Neighbourhood’ monitorin’ team – wot since our budget’s bin slashed all ter shit now consists of some civilian duffer an’ their dog in Poundland hi-viz jackets wot stepped up fer the job under Posh Dave Scameron’s barmy Big Society scheme.”
“Originally we did try fieldin’ a couple of teams of our ‘volunteer plods’ – the PCSOs an’ recycled traffic wardens – them Community Enforcement Officer pricks on hire from Renta-Thug, but collectively they proved ter be a bit ‘intellectually challenged’ – wot’s known around these parts as bein’ as thick as pigshit – a bunch of morons lackin’ the brain power ter wipe their own arses. So that idea got kiboshed after the public slapped ‘em wiv the name ‘Muppets’ – wot’s one of them acronym thingies fer Most Useless Plastic Plod Ever Trained.”
"However, the new system’s designed ter make the boys in blue even more accessible ter our communities while at the same time reducin’ pressure on the emergency services response system – especially when yer have folks wot’s got 999 on their cellphone’s speed dial an’ only call up fer the weather forecast or Lotto results – or report that their BT Broadband connection’s runnin’ very slow an’ that they’re unable ter log on ter Facebook – or some twat’s posted a nasty comment about them on Twitter.”
“Then yer got Grandma ringin’ up wiv some tale that Achmed the postman’s carryin' a big bag around wiv him an’ she reckons it’s got an al Qaeda terrorist bomb in there wot they’ve cobbled together down at the local mosque out of such ridiculous things as shampoo, peroxide an' black pepper.”
Henceforth all 101 calls from Grandma - to report missing cats or Jolly Jihadi Muslim fanatics or local flashers will cost 15p per minute from a land line or mobile – which Plod Squad chiefs hope will boost their Tory-gutted annual budgets and reduce the number of officers being hired out as private security guards and night club / strip joint bouncers to make ends meet.
Deaf, hard of hearing, and speech-impaired persons (excluding Tourettes Syndrome sufferers) unable to understand what the fuck Rajiv or Minjeeter manning the Delhi call centre are saying, will still have the option to ring 999 instead and speak to PC Wormhole Jaffacake.
Durham police spokeswoman WPC Candida Snatchrot, informed one press hack from the Yobsters Gazette that in an emergency – such as a Mexican standoff situation with an armed burglar – members of the public should automatically dial 999 – and continue to listen to the engaged tone until they get bored and decide to take the law into their own hands – at which time a mobile patrol of SO19 Armed Response Unit officers will be dispatched and on the scene in minutes to arrest them for breaching the Scallies Rights Act 2011.
Thought for the day: Home Secretary Theresa Maybe has voiced her support for the new time-wasting 15 pence per call scheme, claiming that 101 will be a lot easier for people to remember than 999. Que? WTF?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next, working with Plod Squads across the grim, depression-hit north of England, have introduced a novel three-digit numerical dialling sequence for non-emergency use – in a concerted effort to divert calls from unemployed peasants ringing up every morning to see if the police have any vacancies or odd jobs going.
The number, 101, is designed to cut the flood of 999 calls currently being ignored at police stations across the region by redirecting the amount of minor crime and anti-social behaviour reports to alternative unmanned call centres in Bangalore and Delhi – six times zones east of Greenwich.
The idiotic scheme is being introduced by North Yorkshire, Cleveland, Cumbria, Smegmadale and Northumbria police forces – with the Libservative coalition government’s cabinet think tank – the nutty ‘Nudge Unit’ - pushing for all Plod Squads in England and Wales to have a direct 101 line to call centres in India or the Philippines by the end of March 2012.
Chief Constable Jack Knobhead, of North Yorkshire’s Plod Squad, interviewed yesterday on the BBC’s ‘Spot-a-Scrote’ programme, explained that "101 is a memorable number wot’s gonna make it easier fer people ter make enquiries an’ report non-emergency crimes like anti-social behaviour an’ murder – via contactin’ their local ‘Safer Neighbourhood’ monitorin’ team – wot since our budget’s bin slashed all ter shit now consists of some civilian duffer an’ their dog in Poundland hi-viz jackets wot stepped up fer the job under Posh Dave Scameron’s barmy Big Society scheme.”
“Originally we did try fieldin’ a couple of teams of our ‘volunteer plods’ – the PCSOs an’ recycled traffic wardens – them Community Enforcement Officer pricks on hire from Renta-Thug, but collectively they proved ter be a bit ‘intellectually challenged’ – wot’s known around these parts as bein’ as thick as pigshit – a bunch of morons lackin’ the brain power ter wipe their own arses. So that idea got kiboshed after the public slapped ‘em wiv the name ‘Muppets’ – wot’s one of them acronym thingies fer Most Useless Plastic Plod Ever Trained.”
"However, the new system’s designed ter make the boys in blue even more accessible ter our communities while at the same time reducin’ pressure on the emergency services response system – especially when yer have folks wot’s got 999 on their cellphone’s speed dial an’ only call up fer the weather forecast or Lotto results – or report that their BT Broadband connection’s runnin’ very slow an’ that they’re unable ter log on ter Facebook – or some twat’s posted a nasty comment about them on Twitter.”
“Then yer got Grandma ringin’ up wiv some tale that Achmed the postman’s carryin' a big bag around wiv him an’ she reckons it’s got an al Qaeda terrorist bomb in there wot they’ve cobbled together down at the local mosque out of such ridiculous things as shampoo, peroxide an' black pepper.”
Henceforth all 101 calls from Grandma - to report missing cats or Jolly Jihadi Muslim fanatics or local flashers will cost 15p per minute from a land line or mobile – which Plod Squad chiefs hope will boost their Tory-gutted annual budgets and reduce the number of officers being hired out as private security guards and night club / strip joint bouncers to make ends meet.
Deaf, hard of hearing, and speech-impaired persons (excluding Tourettes Syndrome sufferers) unable to understand what the fuck Rajiv or Minjeeter manning the Delhi call centre are saying, will still have the option to ring 999 instead and speak to PC Wormhole Jaffacake.
Durham police spokeswoman WPC Candida Snatchrot, informed one press hack from the Yobsters Gazette that in an emergency – such as a Mexican standoff situation with an armed burglar – members of the public should automatically dial 999 – and continue to listen to the engaged tone until they get bored and decide to take the law into their own hands – at which time a mobile patrol of SO19 Armed Response Unit officers will be dispatched and on the scene in minutes to arrest them for breaching the Scallies Rights Act 2011.
Thought for the day: Home Secretary Theresa Maybe has voiced her support for the new time-wasting 15 pence per call scheme, claiming that 101 will be a lot easier for people to remember than 999. Que? WTF?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
NATO: Waltzing with Despots & Dictators
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The Kraut-hosted Afghanistan conference in Bonn came to a close last week after days of achieving sweet fuck all in the way of negotiating peace with the Taliban and other annoying sources of resistance to a foreign occupation and the corrupt Western-muppet Kleptocracy Party government of the effete President Hamid Kami-Karzai imposed on their once-sovereign state – as none of them were invited to participate.
The U.S. Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, informed the one-sided assembly that the 100,000 US troops currently stationed in the Graveyard of Empires will be committed to the continued support of the corruption-ridden Afghan government for the decades to come – as long as the gas keeps flowing though the Socal pipeline and the opium crops remain bountiful.
The Rodent’s pledge was made regardless of the ingrate Pakis spitting the dummy and getting a cob on with the US and NATO due the Operation Never-Ending Warfare coalition’s aircraft and troops recently blasting a couple more of their border posts to smithereens and killing every fucker old enough to bleed.
Clinton informed one press hack from the Barbarians Gazette that “These people in Islamabad have to accept that it really was an accident and not simply snub us and refuse to let our military ordnance re-supply convoys pass through the Khyber Pass en route into Afghanistan. Just watch my lips - Paki President Zardari doesn’t want to get his name added to my shit list.”
However, the rug-munching Clinton has recently cut a deal with her raving lezbo playmate, Gulnara Karimov - the eldest daughter of Uzbekistan’s dissident boiling President-for-Ever: Genghis ‘Baby-Killer’ Karimov – to re-route all NATO supplies landing at the joint US-UK military air base at Karshi-Khanabad through into Afghanistan and avoid petulant Pakiland altogether.
Since the UK’s duplicitous Libservative coalition government hosted the Uzbek parliamentary and trade delegations in London last month, Westminster has gone conspicuously silent to criticism from Ox-Rat and Amnesty International regarding Uzbekistan’s despicable train wreck of a human rights and wrongs abuse record – (almost as bad as next door’s Borat-land Kazakhstan).
While activist cry “Foul!” from the rooftops, nary a single mention of child slave labour, of political prisoners being tortured to death, of free elections denied, overturning the ban on political opposition; nor of freedom of assembly, speech or religious belief – and not a word of the brutal martial law crackdowns on any fucker or their dog protesting for a small helping of the West’s beloved concept of ‘Democracy’.
Instead we have a conspiratorial lockjaw state of quiescence concerning the sins of the Third World shithole and its despotic regime.
Not only has Posh Dave Scameron’s duplicitous government successfully pushed through the EUSSR a preferential tariff access agreement for Uzbek cotton - hand picked by emaciated child slaves - as a thank you gesture for President Karimov’s cooperation with the supply of Afghan-bound military logistics but the Tory Foreign Secretary Willy Vague has added to the arse-kissing by endorsing a proposal that Gulnara Karimova - the most hated woman in Uzbekistan – is welcome in London as the Uzbek Ambassador.
Gulnara and her sister Lola, described by friends and critics alike as a pair of self-promoting cunts - both of whom are renowned kleptomaniacs whose criminal ‘acquisition addictions’ surpass such career larcenists as the bloated Imelda Marcos of the Republic of the Philistines and Dis-Grace Mugabe, of Southern Rhodesia (aka The People’s Marxist Utopia of Zimbabwe) - and cut ridiculous figures with their ostentatious Christmas tree displays of jewellery – plus an entourage of bodyguards toting exposed automatic weapons to protect them from their legions of detractors, critics and sworn enemies.
Ah well, such is the ‘fan club’ price of celebrity despot fame.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The Kraut-hosted Afghanistan conference in Bonn came to a close last week after days of achieving sweet fuck all in the way of negotiating peace with the Taliban and other annoying sources of resistance to a foreign occupation and the corrupt Western-muppet Kleptocracy Party government of the effete President Hamid Kami-Karzai imposed on their once-sovereign state – as none of them were invited to participate.
The U.S. Secretary of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, informed the one-sided assembly that the 100,000 US troops currently stationed in the Graveyard of Empires will be committed to the continued support of the corruption-ridden Afghan government for the decades to come – as long as the gas keeps flowing though the Socal pipeline and the opium crops remain bountiful.
The Rodent’s pledge was made regardless of the ingrate Pakis spitting the dummy and getting a cob on with the US and NATO due the Operation Never-Ending Warfare coalition’s aircraft and troops recently blasting a couple more of their border posts to smithereens and killing every fucker old enough to bleed.
Clinton informed one press hack from the Barbarians Gazette that “These people in Islamabad have to accept that it really was an accident and not simply snub us and refuse to let our military ordnance re-supply convoys pass through the Khyber Pass en route into Afghanistan. Just watch my lips - Paki President Zardari doesn’t want to get his name added to my shit list.”
However, the rug-munching Clinton has recently cut a deal with her raving lezbo playmate, Gulnara Karimov - the eldest daughter of Uzbekistan’s dissident boiling President-for-Ever: Genghis ‘Baby-Killer’ Karimov – to re-route all NATO supplies landing at the joint US-UK military air base at Karshi-Khanabad through into Afghanistan and avoid petulant Pakiland altogether.
Since the UK’s duplicitous Libservative coalition government hosted the Uzbek parliamentary and trade delegations in London last month, Westminster has gone conspicuously silent to criticism from Ox-Rat and Amnesty International regarding Uzbekistan’s despicable train wreck of a human rights and wrongs abuse record – (almost as bad as next door’s Borat-land Kazakhstan).
While activist cry “Foul!” from the rooftops, nary a single mention of child slave labour, of political prisoners being tortured to death, of free elections denied, overturning the ban on political opposition; nor of freedom of assembly, speech or religious belief – and not a word of the brutal martial law crackdowns on any fucker or their dog protesting for a small helping of the West’s beloved concept of ‘Democracy’.
Instead we have a conspiratorial lockjaw state of quiescence concerning the sins of the Third World shithole and its despotic regime.
Not only has Posh Dave Scameron’s duplicitous government successfully pushed through the EUSSR a preferential tariff access agreement for Uzbek cotton - hand picked by emaciated child slaves - as a thank you gesture for President Karimov’s cooperation with the supply of Afghan-bound military logistics but the Tory Foreign Secretary Willy Vague has added to the arse-kissing by endorsing a proposal that Gulnara Karimova - the most hated woman in Uzbekistan – is welcome in London as the Uzbek Ambassador.
Gulnara and her sister Lola, described by friends and critics alike as a pair of self-promoting cunts - both of whom are renowned kleptomaniacs whose criminal ‘acquisition addictions’ surpass such career larcenists as the bloated Imelda Marcos of the Republic of the Philistines and Dis-Grace Mugabe, of Southern Rhodesia (aka The People’s Marxist Utopia of Zimbabwe) - and cut ridiculous figures with their ostentatious Christmas tree displays of jewellery – plus an entourage of bodyguards toting exposed automatic weapons to protect them from their legions of detractors, critics and sworn enemies.
Ah well, such is the ‘fan club’ price of celebrity despot fame.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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