In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The American Psychiatric Association will gather for a conference in Baltimore today, August 17th - sponsored by the very dodgy B4U-ACT organisation of Westminster, Maryland – a sinister group of pro-paedophile mental health professionals and sympathetic activists – all heavily invested in child sex abuse.
The conference’s syllabus is designed around the neuro-linguistic programming concept of ways in which the lecherous actions of ‘minor-attracted persons’ (raving pederasts) can be re-branded as 'approvable' and hence cease to be criminalised or bear the stigma of a ‘mental disorder'.
Hence society’s stock perceptions of kiddie fiddlers will, according to the moronic dictates of 21st Century political correctness, be reframed to encourage tolerance and empathy – alike the socio-political ends Gay Pride strives to achieve – communal acceptance of their Biblically-condemned abominable perversions.
A press statement issued to The Caber Tossers Gazette by Genghis McScumm, an associate of Slipshod & Fishwick (Solicitors) goes to lengths to belay rumours that members of Scaberdeen’s ruling political elite - the Ferryhill Freemasons Guild and the Grampian Gropers Club - are intending to petition Alex Salmond’s Holyrood Parliament to revise ‘certain sections’ of the ‘Protection of Children and Prevention of Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2005’ – specifically to lower the age of consent from 16 to 6 – and thus prevent further scandals involving the sexual abuse of underage disabled and special needs kiddies – by legalising it.
Thought for the day: Really, you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried. Would you trust anyone from the B4U-ACT to babysit your kids – especially when one of their paedo’ founders is named Russell A. Dick?
Hmmm, be like sending your sprogs off to Sunday school at the St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Catamites to suffer the ‘affectionate’ attentions of Father McTadger.
So, what’s on the APA’s agenda for 2012 we might well ponder –reclassifying zoophilia as socially acceptable if Fido’s had his rabies shots – or the farmer doesn’t mind as long as the sheep are consensual? Hmmm, doubtless some bent twat has a fetish for tortoises or meerkats – or the Muppet Show’s Miss Piggy.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Princess Di' Assisted Suicide Memorial Awards
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The air around the red top gutter press and associate cesspit media is a miasma, thick with dust from the Rumour Mill, as it rends the speculative grist of who’s a favourite to be on this year’s shortlist for a prize - or even a passing mention - at the Princess Diana Assisted Suicide Memorial Awards - to be held in Paris later this month to celebrate the 14th anniversary of her ritual murder in 1997.
Diehard fans of the ‘People’s Princess’ might well remember how her star-crossed driver Henry Paul was blinded by the intense flash of a strobe light, aimed from the pillion of an MI6 motor cycle, then her Mercedes saloon side-swiped by a white Fiat Uno, driven by Prince Phillip and his ZioNazi Freemason mercenary cohorts, to cause the fatal crash in the Pont de l’Alma Tunnel and prevent her from not only marrying her Muslim playboy ‘armant’ Dodo al Fayed - and flaunting her pregnancy by him – but to ensure she never made her scheduled trip to the Gaza Strip and West Bank in Palestine that September as the next stop on her embarrassing global anti-land mine crusade.
The first prize in last year’s awards went to the Ernst Zündel Institute for Inconvenient Truths, for Ernst’s work in exposing the Israeli Zionists colossal exaggeration of the Holohoax list of casualties – which he termed as ‘more scent than substance’ and ‘used as the excuse to steal Palestine’ – factors hotly contested and denied by the Zionist AIPAC kikester lobbyist group that dominates US politics, and which had him extradited to Canada, then imprisoned in Germany - for daring to have the audacity to pose awkward questions regarding the veracity of the Final Solution con.
The non-specific awards are for a diverse category of social endeavours across the full spectrum of society – art, music, literature, the stage, film, philosophy, political activism, medicine and industrial innovations - with ex-New Labour Prime Minister and current Mid-East Peace Envoy Tony Bliar, copping for a consolation prize in 2010 for - as the judges determined “His pathological inability to tell the truth” – and “having the same credibility problems as the arse end of a pantomime horse” – and being “the type of person who gives criminals a bad name”.
Topping the speculation "Who's on it?" index for the 2011 awards is internationally-acclaimed celebrity designer Jimmy Choo-Choo for his innovative and ground-breaking work with First Crapita and Rattle-Track Railways in the conception of the ‘InterShitty 125’ trains for the UK’s planned high speed rail system - now scheduled to be operational between Euston and Luton around 2015 since the prototype Shinkansen Super Bullet crashed off a viaduct into a ravine in China recently and sent the anoraks back to the drawing board with serious concerns over their new rail gauge stability.
Flatbrokes, the ubiquitous High Street bookies, are offering favourable odds on Troublespot Taverns being in the running for a top end prize due their community project efforts to help curb the UK's binge drinking culture by lowering the ABV of their Old Headbanger and Bitch Thumper lagers from 8.0% down to a more socially-acceptable 6.5% - and barring sales of their ‘Bloodsport Breweries’ Full Strength Crap Brew Ales – especially the ‘Meths Breezers’ and ‘Tithead Tankard Special’ brands - to anyone under the age of 65.
Word is out that the Heath Robinson engineering innovators, Wallace and Gromet, have been stricken from the awards’ shortlist this week for stooping to ‘feel good’ advertising by prostituting themselves for profit in fronting an ‘old boiler’ / combi’ unit replacement commercial for exiled Russian oligarch Oleg Mobsaroubles’ Gulag Gaz Corporation – and then doing a stand-up comedy act on Channel 69’s Tom Foolery Show.
Chinese political activist and celebrity dissident Sum Dum Fuk, jailed as a prisoner of conscience in the People's Marxist Utopia since 2001 for his human rights and wrongs abuse campaigns against the governing Politburo, has been short-listed for his best-selling bio’ – The Life & Times of a Soft-Boiled Egg - smuggled out and published in Europe – concerning his life in China’s Smiley Face Transplant Organ Donor Prison – serving a ten year hard labour sentence slaving away in the Wanking Province’s Marmite mines.
Mr Dum Fuk, who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Anarchy in 2002 - ‘in absentia’ – was allowed by Chinese authorities to send a message to the Nobel Committee turning down the prize due the fact he was a common criminal – which when translated from the Mandarin original text proclaimed a most cryptic “We’d have ham and eggs if we had any eggs, but we’ve got no ham so we can’t.”
Roland Rat, television’s philosopher rodent, is touted for a placing in this year’s short list for his most intuitive and profound observation on the Richard and Judy Show that “The early bird might get the worm, but the second rat always gets the cheese.”
Chazzer, the Prince of Wales and the Tory Party’s Communities Minister, Eric Prickles, have both been bandied about for a minor award – the former for his acclaimed short TV documentary “The Plant Whisperer”, and Prickles for his authoritative self-exploration “I Beat Bulimia” essay.
L’Oreal’s senior chemist and ‘perfumier’, Madame Candida Mingerot, has also been mentioned in ‘informed’ circles as a likely candidate for her 2009 creation of the life-saving Sahara Snatch, an edible deep sea fish oil based vaginal lubricant which men – and lesbian lovers alike – claim to be ‘kippers personified yummy’.
Last, but by no means least, to cop a mention in the gossip column’s ‘Likely Lasses’ is Mingeeter Dildodo, the Gay Pride director and critically-acclaimed actress, who picked up a coveted gold Quimmy award for her performance as the one-legged butch dyke, Sapphie, in the rug-munching thriller: The Godemiche Memorandum – the movie that has apparently turned viewers off courgettes, bananas - and cucumbers - for life.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The air around the red top gutter press and associate cesspit media is a miasma, thick with dust from the Rumour Mill, as it rends the speculative grist of who’s a favourite to be on this year’s shortlist for a prize - or even a passing mention - at the Princess Diana Assisted Suicide Memorial Awards - to be held in Paris later this month to celebrate the 14th anniversary of her ritual murder in 1997.
Diehard fans of the ‘People’s Princess’ might well remember how her star-crossed driver Henry Paul was blinded by the intense flash of a strobe light, aimed from the pillion of an MI6 motor cycle, then her Mercedes saloon side-swiped by a white Fiat Uno, driven by Prince Phillip and his ZioNazi Freemason mercenary cohorts, to cause the fatal crash in the Pont de l’Alma Tunnel and prevent her from not only marrying her Muslim playboy ‘armant’ Dodo al Fayed - and flaunting her pregnancy by him – but to ensure she never made her scheduled trip to the Gaza Strip and West Bank in Palestine that September as the next stop on her embarrassing global anti-land mine crusade.
The first prize in last year’s awards went to the Ernst Zündel Institute for Inconvenient Truths, for Ernst’s work in exposing the Israeli Zionists colossal exaggeration of the Holohoax list of casualties – which he termed as ‘more scent than substance’ and ‘used as the excuse to steal Palestine’ – factors hotly contested and denied by the Zionist AIPAC kikester lobbyist group that dominates US politics, and which had him extradited to Canada, then imprisoned in Germany - for daring to have the audacity to pose awkward questions regarding the veracity of the Final Solution con.
The non-specific awards are for a diverse category of social endeavours across the full spectrum of society – art, music, literature, the stage, film, philosophy, political activism, medicine and industrial innovations - with ex-New Labour Prime Minister and current Mid-East Peace Envoy Tony Bliar, copping for a consolation prize in 2010 for - as the judges determined “His pathological inability to tell the truth” – and “having the same credibility problems as the arse end of a pantomime horse” – and being “the type of person who gives criminals a bad name”.
Topping the speculation "Who's on it?" index for the 2011 awards is internationally-acclaimed celebrity designer Jimmy Choo-Choo for his innovative and ground-breaking work with First Crapita and Rattle-Track Railways in the conception of the ‘InterShitty 125’ trains for the UK’s planned high speed rail system - now scheduled to be operational between Euston and Luton around 2015 since the prototype Shinkansen Super Bullet crashed off a viaduct into a ravine in China recently and sent the anoraks back to the drawing board with serious concerns over their new rail gauge stability.
Flatbrokes, the ubiquitous High Street bookies, are offering favourable odds on Troublespot Taverns being in the running for a top end prize due their community project efforts to help curb the UK's binge drinking culture by lowering the ABV of their Old Headbanger and Bitch Thumper lagers from 8.0% down to a more socially-acceptable 6.5% - and barring sales of their ‘Bloodsport Breweries’ Full Strength Crap Brew Ales – especially the ‘Meths Breezers’ and ‘Tithead Tankard Special’ brands - to anyone under the age of 65.
Word is out that the Heath Robinson engineering innovators, Wallace and Gromet, have been stricken from the awards’ shortlist this week for stooping to ‘feel good’ advertising by prostituting themselves for profit in fronting an ‘old boiler’ / combi’ unit replacement commercial for exiled Russian oligarch Oleg Mobsaroubles’ Gulag Gaz Corporation – and then doing a stand-up comedy act on Channel 69’s Tom Foolery Show.
Chinese political activist and celebrity dissident Sum Dum Fuk, jailed as a prisoner of conscience in the People's Marxist Utopia since 2001 for his human rights and wrongs abuse campaigns against the governing Politburo, has been short-listed for his best-selling bio’ – The Life & Times of a Soft-Boiled Egg - smuggled out and published in Europe – concerning his life in China’s Smiley Face Transplant Organ Donor Prison – serving a ten year hard labour sentence slaving away in the Wanking Province’s Marmite mines.
Mr Dum Fuk, who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Anarchy in 2002 - ‘in absentia’ – was allowed by Chinese authorities to send a message to the Nobel Committee turning down the prize due the fact he was a common criminal – which when translated from the Mandarin original text proclaimed a most cryptic “We’d have ham and eggs if we had any eggs, but we’ve got no ham so we can’t.”
Roland Rat, television’s philosopher rodent, is touted for a placing in this year’s short list for his most intuitive and profound observation on the Richard and Judy Show that “The early bird might get the worm, but the second rat always gets the cheese.”
Chazzer, the Prince of Wales and the Tory Party’s Communities Minister, Eric Prickles, have both been bandied about for a minor award – the former for his acclaimed short TV documentary “The Plant Whisperer”, and Prickles for his authoritative self-exploration “I Beat Bulimia” essay.
L’Oreal’s senior chemist and ‘perfumier’, Madame Candida Mingerot, has also been mentioned in ‘informed’ circles as a likely candidate for her 2009 creation of the life-saving Sahara Snatch, an edible deep sea fish oil based vaginal lubricant which men – and lesbian lovers alike – claim to be ‘kippers personified yummy’.
Last, but by no means least, to cop a mention in the gossip column’s ‘Likely Lasses’ is Mingeeter Dildodo, the Gay Pride director and critically-acclaimed actress, who picked up a coveted gold Quimmy award for her performance as the one-legged butch dyke, Sapphie, in the rug-munching thriller: The Godemiche Memorandum – the movie that has apparently turned viewers off courgettes, bananas - and cucumbers - for life.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Cathay Pacific Rethink ‘Extra Mile’ Ad
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Cathay Pacific have prudently decided to delay - and totally ‘rephrase’ - their latest global marketing strategy campaign after photographs of the airline’s crew members brazenly engaging in a gymnastic sexual acts extravaganza with passengers were published in this month’s edition of the Far East Sex Whorist magazine.
The airline was due to launch the campaign in September but following the full-colour photo exposé in the centrefold pages of the glossy magazine – plus a series of damning video clips posted on the You Tube website of stewardesses and passengers rolling around the cabin of the Hedonist Class section, engaged in an all-out display of clusterfuck debauchery – the entire scheme has been postponed.
The marketing project’s intended tagline was "Meet the team who go that ‘extra mile’ to make you feel special" - complete with a banner photo of a bevy of sexy Oriental stewardesses smiling seductively - but following the release of the scandalous pix and You Tube videos Cathay’s spokeswoman Beverly Titwank informed a press hack from the Daily Shitraker that "We’ve decided to hold back on the campaign for a while due this current bad publicity – especially so with ‘Going that Extra Mile for You’ now being interpreted as a direct reference to the notorious Five Mile High Club - and the innuendo-laden question of what actually goes on in the ‘Cock-pit’.”
Best of intentions besides, last night subversive elements hacked into the Cathay Pacific website and actually posted a parody of the intended ‘Extra Mile’ marketing campaign – using the original banner photo of the sexy stewardesses coupled with the caption: “Join Cathay Pacific’s exclusive ‘Sky High Three Holers Club’, starting with a suck n spit blowjob from one of our sexy Sino stewardesses – or if you’re ‘that way’ inclined, a full-on suck n swallow from one of our Lechery Class lounge Thai ladyboy in-flight attendants” – and accompanied by a full gallery of the scandalous pix from the Far East Sex Whorist mag’.
The Hong Kong-based carrier today announced that the entire ‘cast’ of crew members photographed and filmed in "compromising situations – playing the beast with two backs" aboard flight CP69 from Wanking to Fuckashima are no longer working for the company.
Conversely, the ex-Cathay Pacific stewardess’s involved, Ms Eat Mi Out, Ms Yu Wan Wank and Ms Fuk Yew Tu told reporters they intend to file a case of unfair dismissal against the airline as ‘intimate passenger entertainment’ was part of their contractual job description activities when assigned to the Marco Polo ‘Hedonist’ and ‘Lechery’ Class executive sections of the Airbus A380 aircraft on long haul flights.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Cathay Pacific have prudently decided to delay - and totally ‘rephrase’ - their latest global marketing strategy campaign after photographs of the airline’s crew members brazenly engaging in a gymnastic sexual acts extravaganza with passengers were published in this month’s edition of the Far East Sex Whorist magazine.
The airline was due to launch the campaign in September but following the full-colour photo exposé in the centrefold pages of the glossy magazine – plus a series of damning video clips posted on the You Tube website of stewardesses and passengers rolling around the cabin of the Hedonist Class section, engaged in an all-out display of clusterfuck debauchery – the entire scheme has been postponed.
The marketing project’s intended tagline was "Meet the team who go that ‘extra mile’ to make you feel special" - complete with a banner photo of a bevy of sexy Oriental stewardesses smiling seductively - but following the release of the scandalous pix and You Tube videos Cathay’s spokeswoman Beverly Titwank informed a press hack from the Daily Shitraker that "We’ve decided to hold back on the campaign for a while due this current bad publicity – especially so with ‘Going that Extra Mile for You’ now being interpreted as a direct reference to the notorious Five Mile High Club - and the innuendo-laden question of what actually goes on in the ‘Cock-pit’.”
Best of intentions besides, last night subversive elements hacked into the Cathay Pacific website and actually posted a parody of the intended ‘Extra Mile’ marketing campaign – using the original banner photo of the sexy stewardesses coupled with the caption: “Join Cathay Pacific’s exclusive ‘Sky High Three Holers Club’, starting with a suck n spit blowjob from one of our sexy Sino stewardesses – or if you’re ‘that way’ inclined, a full-on suck n swallow from one of our Lechery Class lounge Thai ladyboy in-flight attendants” – and accompanied by a full gallery of the scandalous pix from the Far East Sex Whorist mag’.
The Hong Kong-based carrier today announced that the entire ‘cast’ of crew members photographed and filmed in "compromising situations – playing the beast with two backs" aboard flight CP69 from Wanking to Fuckashima are no longer working for the company.
Conversely, the ex-Cathay Pacific stewardess’s involved, Ms Eat Mi Out, Ms Yu Wan Wank and Ms Fuk Yew Tu told reporters they intend to file a case of unfair dismissal against the airline as ‘intimate passenger entertainment’ was part of their contractual job description activities when assigned to the Marco Polo ‘Hedonist’ and ‘Lechery’ Class executive sections of the Airbus A380 aircraft on long haul flights.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Monday, 15 August 2011
UK Oldies Face Pension Misery
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The gospel according to some arrogant jobsworth at the Workplace Retirement Income Commission claims that some 14 million British peasants have not saved enough money into job-related or private pension schemes and hence face what they term ‘a retirement of misery’ – unable to even afford to off themselves with some modicum of dignity at one of Switzerland’s bargain basement assisted suicide clinics.
Alas, this prognosis is wrong with a large capital W. The British proletariat, who have endured, nay suffered, decades of ‘circus without a tent’ governments aren’t to be blamed for not saving enough for their retirements as they’ve paid in faithfully to a National Insurance scheme that isn’t fit for purpose – plus years of ‘Graduate Pension Contributions’ starting in the 1960’s that did a vanishing act into some bureaucratic black hole, never to be heard of in polite company ever since.
Blessed with the facilities of subjunctive retrospect and 20/20 hindsight, the Workplace Retirement Income Commission draw this erroneous and flawed conclusion, but the fault lies with government mismanagement, plus a lack of research and foresight at the top – in Parliament, who seem to field more think tanks than enough - and none of them ever predicted people living longer than their Biblically-allotted three score and ten.
Besides, how can any fucker or their dog save a penny in this crippling economic environment where you have typical APR interest rates running at a percentage that would embarrass Shylock to charge - with next to zero return on savings and investments - yet mega-bucks in usurious interest rates on mortgages, bank loans and overdrafts.
Lord Genghis McTwatt, the Labour former chairman of the House of Conmans' Treasury Committee, was commissioned to investigate the pathetic state of the sector by the National Association of Pension Funds.
Interviewed by a press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette, McTwatt opined that “People are simply not saving enough to secure a decent retirement overseas, where it’s nice and warm, and they’ll be stuck in Broken Britain, relying on their Winter Fuel Allowance to buy a bag of coal and some firewood – and eating those shitty little £1 quid ready meals from Pestco. It’s all about spending today and ignoring tomorrow – then they’ll be scraping by in poverty on the state pension.”
Well, McTwatt’s got nothing to worry about, being totally immune from the effects of Posh Dave Scameron’s draconic ‘Age of Austerity’ with a guaranteed government service pension, plus a few honorary directorships to feather his fat cat nest.
A sad pity the clot doesn’t comprehend that not everyone’s in a nice little earning sinecure like him, pocketing mega-bucks and House of Lords expenses – as people have no choice about ‘ignoring tomorrow’ - so they can pay their mortgages and feed themselves today.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The gospel according to some arrogant jobsworth at the Workplace Retirement Income Commission claims that some 14 million British peasants have not saved enough money into job-related or private pension schemes and hence face what they term ‘a retirement of misery’ – unable to even afford to off themselves with some modicum of dignity at one of Switzerland’s bargain basement assisted suicide clinics.
Alas, this prognosis is wrong with a large capital W. The British proletariat, who have endured, nay suffered, decades of ‘circus without a tent’ governments aren’t to be blamed for not saving enough for their retirements as they’ve paid in faithfully to a National Insurance scheme that isn’t fit for purpose – plus years of ‘Graduate Pension Contributions’ starting in the 1960’s that did a vanishing act into some bureaucratic black hole, never to be heard of in polite company ever since.
Blessed with the facilities of subjunctive retrospect and 20/20 hindsight, the Workplace Retirement Income Commission draw this erroneous and flawed conclusion, but the fault lies with government mismanagement, plus a lack of research and foresight at the top – in Parliament, who seem to field more think tanks than enough - and none of them ever predicted people living longer than their Biblically-allotted three score and ten.
Besides, how can any fucker or their dog save a penny in this crippling economic environment where you have typical APR interest rates running at a percentage that would embarrass Shylock to charge - with next to zero return on savings and investments - yet mega-bucks in usurious interest rates on mortgages, bank loans and overdrafts.
Lord Genghis McTwatt, the Labour former chairman of the House of Conmans' Treasury Committee, was commissioned to investigate the pathetic state of the sector by the National Association of Pension Funds.
Interviewed by a press hack from the Pound of Flesh Gazette, McTwatt opined that “People are simply not saving enough to secure a decent retirement overseas, where it’s nice and warm, and they’ll be stuck in Broken Britain, relying on their Winter Fuel Allowance to buy a bag of coal and some firewood – and eating those shitty little £1 quid ready meals from Pestco. It’s all about spending today and ignoring tomorrow – then they’ll be scraping by in poverty on the state pension.”
Well, McTwatt’s got nothing to worry about, being totally immune from the effects of Posh Dave Scameron’s draconic ‘Age of Austerity’ with a guaranteed government service pension, plus a few honorary directorships to feather his fat cat nest.
A sad pity the clot doesn’t comprehend that not everyone’s in a nice little earning sinecure like him, pocketing mega-bucks and House of Lords expenses – as people have no choice about ‘ignoring tomorrow’ - so they can pay their mortgages and feed themselves today.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sunday, 14 August 2011
US Super-Plod to Tackle UK Rioters
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The UK’s Plod Squad chiefs are taking over from last weekend’s Bolshie rioters to stage a protest of their own – denouncing PM Posh Dave Scameron’s opinion of them as ‘risk averse’ and initiating this egregious, impulsive scheme to import ‘Wild Bill’ Bratton, the New York SuperCop from the Planet Krypton, to sort out all that’s wrong with British policing methods.
Association of Chief Police Officers' head Sir Hugh Jampton told one press hack from the Daily Shitraker "We’re very sceptical about having some trigger-happy Yankee redneck come over here and teach us about gang control when their entire 50 states are dominated by them – and they have this criminal AIPAC lobby group actually running their Congress and Senate for Israel’s benefit.”
“Really, Scameron and Co – especially that clot of a Mayor, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, cutting their vacations short and returning to London were no help to our policing operations whatsoever and simply confused matters even more. Now Scameron’s panacea for what he refers to as Britain’s policing ills is to ignore the fact it is imprudent to further diminish our ranks by making 7,000 officers redundant - and import some gung-ho celebrity cowboy from New York. Is this the same police chief who stood idly by and was complicit in letting a bunch of hi-fiving Israelis blow up the World Trade Centre’s twin towers back on 9/11?”
In a desperate bid to address the waves of rampaging violence currently sweeping England, the Libservative Coalition leader claims he’s fed up with excuses from UK police chiefs, out to avoid responsibility for large sections of the commercial and retail marketing sections of their respective cities being looted and then burned to the ground, stating that government budget cuts and social spending austerity measures are to blame – and has called for the former New York police chief to help stamp out mob violence and rioting in English cities – and implement his primary scheme to actually recruit the protest mob leaders to take charge of the proposed National Riot Team.
Sir Hugh also rejected the Tory Party’s ‘let’s blame someone’ criticism of their tactics, announcing for the public record "The accusation that my officers shit their pants at the first sign of trouble is incredibly hurtful as they were all very disturbed and frightened by the violence. The Officer-in-Charge carried out the recommended Health and Safety ‘risk assessment’ and decided it was too volatile a situation to address at that time and a ‘watch & wait’ strategy should be employed – as the mob were at that time heavily committed to drinking the entire stocks of liquor in the Bargain Booze outlet they’d just broken into, and it’s so much easier to load them into the back of our vans when they’re pissed and half asleep.”
“I mean to say, our plods have been trained to follow the tried and tested bully boy fashion of policing – a squad of four go for a single miscreant – not have hundreds of lean and mean gym-fit aggie youths, boosted up on pills and snort, facing off our middle-aged pudgy coppers that train on a diet of all-day English breakfasts, sweet tea and donuts.”
Faced with the sad reality of Scameron’s appointment of Sheriff ‘Shoot First’ Bratton, other senior police figures up and down our once green and pleasant land have spoken out, sharing Sir Hugh's concerns, and stating that anticipated cuts to officer numbers would make policing any future similar disturbances even harder – especially so if the rioting mobs decided to target Whitehall and Parliament – and perhaps Buckingham Palace and the City’s Square Mile.
Chief Constable Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McTwatt, of the Greater Manchester Police Federation, called it a "slap in the face" and told the media “Britain doesn’t need some Wild West retired thug from 5,000 miles away when we have plenty of our own. It’s just a matter of Parliament giving us the okay to let them loose on the mobs. Scameron’s knee-jerk proposal is a source of acute anger and disappointment – plus a sense of incredulity as well, that he’s not even bothered consulting us on this matter. What the fuck next, we wonder – is Scameron going to invite that thick Irish U2 frontman, Bonehead, to have a go at quelling mob violence with his ‘love and peace’ mantra?”
Conversely Chancellor George Osborne, ignoring the lashings of withering criticism being directed at the fatally-flawed Libservative Coalition concerning the root problems behind the riots, said the Government would press ahead with money-saving cuts to police numbers and that throwing money at deep-seated social issues - such as unemployment and homelessness - was not the answer.
“We already have the new ‘pre-crime’ arrest system tried and tested at Prince Willy and Kate Middleclass’s royal wedding, so why not simply rounds these oicks up and slap them in one of those Gulag thingy camps up in the Pennines – just like Uncle Joe Stalin had in Siberia.”
“I mean to say, with the money we save by laying off 7,000 plods we can afford to go ahead at full steam with mobilising our Gestapo style neighbourhood snitch and grasser squads, where they only get paid a commission on results – which will work the same as our current ‘Shop-a-Looter’ Judas campaign, where actual families turn each other in for thirty pieces of silver.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The UK’s Plod Squad chiefs are taking over from last weekend’s Bolshie rioters to stage a protest of their own – denouncing PM Posh Dave Scameron’s opinion of them as ‘risk averse’ and initiating this egregious, impulsive scheme to import ‘Wild Bill’ Bratton, the New York SuperCop from the Planet Krypton, to sort out all that’s wrong with British policing methods.
Association of Chief Police Officers' head Sir Hugh Jampton told one press hack from the Daily Shitraker "We’re very sceptical about having some trigger-happy Yankee redneck come over here and teach us about gang control when their entire 50 states are dominated by them – and they have this criminal AIPAC lobby group actually running their Congress and Senate for Israel’s benefit.”
“Really, Scameron and Co – especially that clot of a Mayor, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, cutting their vacations short and returning to London were no help to our policing operations whatsoever and simply confused matters even more. Now Scameron’s panacea for what he refers to as Britain’s policing ills is to ignore the fact it is imprudent to further diminish our ranks by making 7,000 officers redundant - and import some gung-ho celebrity cowboy from New York. Is this the same police chief who stood idly by and was complicit in letting a bunch of hi-fiving Israelis blow up the World Trade Centre’s twin towers back on 9/11?”
In a desperate bid to address the waves of rampaging violence currently sweeping England, the Libservative Coalition leader claims he’s fed up with excuses from UK police chiefs, out to avoid responsibility for large sections of the commercial and retail marketing sections of their respective cities being looted and then burned to the ground, stating that government budget cuts and social spending austerity measures are to blame – and has called for the former New York police chief to help stamp out mob violence and rioting in English cities – and implement his primary scheme to actually recruit the protest mob leaders to take charge of the proposed National Riot Team.
Sir Hugh also rejected the Tory Party’s ‘let’s blame someone’ criticism of their tactics, announcing for the public record "The accusation that my officers shit their pants at the first sign of trouble is incredibly hurtful as they were all very disturbed and frightened by the violence. The Officer-in-Charge carried out the recommended Health and Safety ‘risk assessment’ and decided it was too volatile a situation to address at that time and a ‘watch & wait’ strategy should be employed – as the mob were at that time heavily committed to drinking the entire stocks of liquor in the Bargain Booze outlet they’d just broken into, and it’s so much easier to load them into the back of our vans when they’re pissed and half asleep.”
“I mean to say, our plods have been trained to follow the tried and tested bully boy fashion of policing – a squad of four go for a single miscreant – not have hundreds of lean and mean gym-fit aggie youths, boosted up on pills and snort, facing off our middle-aged pudgy coppers that train on a diet of all-day English breakfasts, sweet tea and donuts.”
Faced with the sad reality of Scameron’s appointment of Sheriff ‘Shoot First’ Bratton, other senior police figures up and down our once green and pleasant land have spoken out, sharing Sir Hugh's concerns, and stating that anticipated cuts to officer numbers would make policing any future similar disturbances even harder – especially so if the rioting mobs decided to target Whitehall and Parliament – and perhaps Buckingham Palace and the City’s Square Mile.
Chief Constable Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McTwatt, of the Greater Manchester Police Federation, called it a "slap in the face" and told the media “Britain doesn’t need some Wild West retired thug from 5,000 miles away when we have plenty of our own. It’s just a matter of Parliament giving us the okay to let them loose on the mobs. Scameron’s knee-jerk proposal is a source of acute anger and disappointment – plus a sense of incredulity as well, that he’s not even bothered consulting us on this matter. What the fuck next, we wonder – is Scameron going to invite that thick Irish U2 frontman, Bonehead, to have a go at quelling mob violence with his ‘love and peace’ mantra?”
Conversely Chancellor George Osborne, ignoring the lashings of withering criticism being directed at the fatally-flawed Libservative Coalition concerning the root problems behind the riots, said the Government would press ahead with money-saving cuts to police numbers and that throwing money at deep-seated social issues - such as unemployment and homelessness - was not the answer.
“We already have the new ‘pre-crime’ arrest system tried and tested at Prince Willy and Kate Middleclass’s royal wedding, so why not simply rounds these oicks up and slap them in one of those Gulag thingy camps up in the Pennines – just like Uncle Joe Stalin had in Siberia.”
“I mean to say, with the money we save by laying off 7,000 plods we can afford to go ahead at full steam with mobilising our Gestapo style neighbourhood snitch and grasser squads, where they only get paid a commission on results – which will work the same as our current ‘Shop-a-Looter’ Judas campaign, where actual families turn each other in for thirty pieces of silver.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Gay Pride Demand Bert & Ernie Marry
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Well, the Bible – and God – call them ‘an abomination; Parliament and Whitehall are infested with ‘em; Oscar Wilde went to prison for the then-heinous crime of buggering newspaper boys; and now this same crew of shirt-lifting sodomites are petitioning Sesame Street’s producers to marry off the iconic pair of Bert and Ernie – in a same-sex union to each other.
What the fuck next – will they want all the other Henson family characters to start pairing off also? Kermit to get hitched to Miss Piggy and have lots of ‘tadlets’ – or ‘pigpoles’ – or the pair of old curmudgeons in the Muppet Show balcony box, Statler and Waldorf, to come out of the closet? Will Big Bird go broody, lay a clutch of eggs and slap Sam the Eagle with a paternity suit?
Oh yes, what a great set of promiscuous guidelines for pre-pubescent kiddies. “Mummy, Mummy, what's Bert doing to Ernie?”
“Oh, he’s just giving him one up his back passage – but look, Ernie’s smart, he’s wearing a condom.”
However, gay rights campaigners are attempting to force the issue, demanding the ‘odd couple’ should marry as a way to encourage tolerance of gay people – with an excess of 7,000 sad fuckers signing the petition to date, and more than 3,000 other morons joining a ‘Bert and Ernie Get Married’ Facebook page.
American gay rights campaigner and celebrity transvestite Lair ‘call me Geena’ Scott is actively petitioning for the pair to tie the knot, a move that he hoped would teach children tolerance of those that are different – and like sticking their cocks up each other’s bums.
Bert and Ernie are cast as confirmed bachelors who have lived together for 40 years and sleep in the same bedroom, albeit in single beds – arousing speculation and suspicions that they’re secret lovers who play the beast with two backs once the lights are out.
Scott’s online petition states: "We are not asking that Sesame Street do anything crude or disrespectful – like having them put on a suck n spit demo’ or butt-fuck each other – but stage a simple civil ceremony if a white wedding’s out.”
Regardless, the makers of Sesame Street have issued a press statement that the characters Bert and Ernie will not marry in a same-sex ceremony despite an online petition calling for the union.
Sesame Workshop Chairman Hiram P. Warthog III told gutter press hacks “Enough these Madam and Eve – or Adam and Steve – perverse relationships.”
"Bert and Ernie are best friends and were created to teach pre-schoolers that people can be good friends - without the Gay Pride movement’s dirty butch dykes and ass-fiddling fudgers resorting to corrupting the minds of our youth with their dildos and butt plugs and cross dressing antics.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Well, the Bible – and God – call them ‘an abomination; Parliament and Whitehall are infested with ‘em; Oscar Wilde went to prison for the then-heinous crime of buggering newspaper boys; and now this same crew of shirt-lifting sodomites are petitioning Sesame Street’s producers to marry off the iconic pair of Bert and Ernie – in a same-sex union to each other.
What the fuck next – will they want all the other Henson family characters to start pairing off also? Kermit to get hitched to Miss Piggy and have lots of ‘tadlets’ – or ‘pigpoles’ – or the pair of old curmudgeons in the Muppet Show balcony box, Statler and Waldorf, to come out of the closet? Will Big Bird go broody, lay a clutch of eggs and slap Sam the Eagle with a paternity suit?
Oh yes, what a great set of promiscuous guidelines for pre-pubescent kiddies. “Mummy, Mummy, what's Bert doing to Ernie?”
“Oh, he’s just giving him one up his back passage – but look, Ernie’s smart, he’s wearing a condom.”
However, gay rights campaigners are attempting to force the issue, demanding the ‘odd couple’ should marry as a way to encourage tolerance of gay people – with an excess of 7,000 sad fuckers signing the petition to date, and more than 3,000 other morons joining a ‘Bert and Ernie Get Married’ Facebook page.
American gay rights campaigner and celebrity transvestite Lair ‘call me Geena’ Scott is actively petitioning for the pair to tie the knot, a move that he hoped would teach children tolerance of those that are different – and like sticking their cocks up each other’s bums.
Bert and Ernie are cast as confirmed bachelors who have lived together for 40 years and sleep in the same bedroom, albeit in single beds – arousing speculation and suspicions that they’re secret lovers who play the beast with two backs once the lights are out.
Scott’s online petition states: "We are not asking that Sesame Street do anything crude or disrespectful – like having them put on a suck n spit demo’ or butt-fuck each other – but stage a simple civil ceremony if a white wedding’s out.”
Regardless, the makers of Sesame Street have issued a press statement that the characters Bert and Ernie will not marry in a same-sex ceremony despite an online petition calling for the union.
Sesame Workshop Chairman Hiram P. Warthog III told gutter press hacks “Enough these Madam and Eve – or Adam and Steve – perverse relationships.”
"Bert and Ernie are best friends and were created to teach pre-schoolers that people can be good friends - without the Gay Pride movement’s dirty butch dykes and ass-fiddling fudgers resorting to corrupting the minds of our youth with their dildos and butt plugs and cross dressing antics.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday, 12 August 2011
Super Mice Immune to Poisons - and Bullets!
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A team of egg-headed beardies and anoraks, each blessed with an IQ in excess of 165, and bestowed with more degrees that a thermometer - (yet paradoxically less common sense than a goldfish) - have been diligently researching a project commissioned by the UK Government’s Ministry for Wasting Time & Money into devising a politically-correct and RSPCA- acceptable method of ridding Parliament of infestations of noxious vermin.
No, not the House of Conmans MPs or the fat cat Lords, but actual four-legged furries – specifically ‘the mice’ (order ‘Rodentia’ and family ‘Muridae’ - under the Linnean index of taxonomy) that have invaded every crook and cranny of the Westminster Palace - and according to nasty rumours put out by Ed Millipede's New Labour propagandists, had even been bold enough nest in the cavernous knickers and hirsute snatch of Anne ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Widdecombe - prior to her retirement from active political life – proving themselves to be a hardy mammalian survivor in even the most inhospitable and harsh of physical environments.
The project has been commissioned due the fact that British house mice have developed a resistance to the strongest poisons and under the current pervasive hypocritical climate of morality, while it’s okay to bomb the shit out of women and kids in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Palestine’s Gaza Strip concentration camp - it is most definitely not kosher to set inhumane spring traps around Parliament for Mrs Tittlemouse and her brood – nor import a clutter of manky moggies to play extraordinary rendition games of the ‘cat n mouse’ variety with their prey.
Apparently since the EUSSR Cross-Borders legislation came into force and our once-sceptre isle has been invaded by every fucker and their dog from the bankrupt 27 member community - all over here to sponge British welfare benefits - along too have come droves of Serbo-Croat ‘Pikey’ mice that had evolved a total immunity to all poisons after the entire Balkans region – from Albania to Zagreb - was carpet bombed with depleted uranium missiles and like munitions by NATO in the 1990’s.
The researchers claim this genetic feature has now been passed on to our common or garden British ‘house mouse’, rendering them also invulnerable to such old favourite tasty toxins as rapid bleed-out Warfarin.
However the shocker came when the research group discovered not only the super-VKORC1 Warfarin-resistant gene in the mouse DNA but what they have now termed the ‘Ironclad’ gene – believed to have also been transmitted from their Balkans cousins due cross-breeding.
This has manifested in a bizarre mutation, with the Serbo-Croat Pikey mice surviving on a diet of not only DU-contaminated ‘materials’ – which included high-end ceramic clay in a Srebrenica pottery targeted by NATO bombers - but also scrumptious helpings of military ‘Kevlar’ body armour on the corpses of troops who didn’t expect to be hit with Teflon rounds - which has enabled them to quickly evolve a rhino-hide type para-aramid skin, rendering the mice ‘bullet-proof’.
Thought for the day: It’s really nice to know that Britain’s dwindling mouse population will now thrive following the virtual extinction of our iconic ‘Church mice’ due to abject poverty and starvation since the Libservative Coalition came into power in 2010 and slammed the country with their dystopic austerity measures and crippling social service budget cuts – where even the odd half a communion cracker dropped under the pews became a bygone luxury.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
A team of egg-headed beardies and anoraks, each blessed with an IQ in excess of 165, and bestowed with more degrees that a thermometer - (yet paradoxically less common sense than a goldfish) - have been diligently researching a project commissioned by the UK Government’s Ministry for Wasting Time & Money into devising a politically-correct and RSPCA- acceptable method of ridding Parliament of infestations of noxious vermin.
No, not the House of Conmans MPs or the fat cat Lords, but actual four-legged furries – specifically ‘the mice’ (order ‘Rodentia’ and family ‘Muridae’ - under the Linnean index of taxonomy) that have invaded every crook and cranny of the Westminster Palace - and according to nasty rumours put out by Ed Millipede's New Labour propagandists, had even been bold enough nest in the cavernous knickers and hirsute snatch of Anne ‘I Beat Bulimia’ Widdecombe - prior to her retirement from active political life – proving themselves to be a hardy mammalian survivor in even the most inhospitable and harsh of physical environments.
The project has been commissioned due the fact that British house mice have developed a resistance to the strongest poisons and under the current pervasive hypocritical climate of morality, while it’s okay to bomb the shit out of women and kids in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Palestine’s Gaza Strip concentration camp - it is most definitely not kosher to set inhumane spring traps around Parliament for Mrs Tittlemouse and her brood – nor import a clutter of manky moggies to play extraordinary rendition games of the ‘cat n mouse’ variety with their prey.
Apparently since the EUSSR Cross-Borders legislation came into force and our once-sceptre isle has been invaded by every fucker and their dog from the bankrupt 27 member community - all over here to sponge British welfare benefits - along too have come droves of Serbo-Croat ‘Pikey’ mice that had evolved a total immunity to all poisons after the entire Balkans region – from Albania to Zagreb - was carpet bombed with depleted uranium missiles and like munitions by NATO in the 1990’s.
The researchers claim this genetic feature has now been passed on to our common or garden British ‘house mouse’, rendering them also invulnerable to such old favourite tasty toxins as rapid bleed-out Warfarin.
However the shocker came when the research group discovered not only the super-VKORC1 Warfarin-resistant gene in the mouse DNA but what they have now termed the ‘Ironclad’ gene – believed to have also been transmitted from their Balkans cousins due cross-breeding.
This has manifested in a bizarre mutation, with the Serbo-Croat Pikey mice surviving on a diet of not only DU-contaminated ‘materials’ – which included high-end ceramic clay in a Srebrenica pottery targeted by NATO bombers - but also scrumptious helpings of military ‘Kevlar’ body armour on the corpses of troops who didn’t expect to be hit with Teflon rounds - which has enabled them to quickly evolve a rhino-hide type para-aramid skin, rendering the mice ‘bullet-proof’.
Thought for the day: It’s really nice to know that Britain’s dwindling mouse population will now thrive following the virtual extinction of our iconic ‘Church mice’ due to abject poverty and starvation since the Libservative Coalition came into power in 2010 and slammed the country with their dystopic austerity measures and crippling social service budget cuts – where even the odd half a communion cracker dropped under the pews became a bygone luxury.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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