In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
In what seems to be turning into a juvenile Arab pissing contest (mine’s bigger than yours), the builders of London's Shard skyscraper have been contracted to oversee the construction of a tower in Saudi Arabia set to be the tallest structure in the known Universe
The UK-based Nimrod Attic Conversions will team up with Bob Babel (Builders) to create Jeddah’s Kingdom Tower (Burj al Mamlakah) – projected to begin this summer and take 5 years to complete – and will measure in at 3,280 feet – spot on one kilometre high – 550 feet taller than the current record holder – Dubai’s 2,717 feet Burj Khalifa – and more than three times taller than that pointless Qatari-owned architectural abomination, the London Shard – a vertical monstrosity that civil engineers and window cleaners alike refer to as ‘very, very high’
Construction of the Kingdom Tower, which will overlook the rest of the world from north to south – with visitors to the intended lofty viewing platform able to wave to penguins on the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica - is expected to cost (pre-corruption payouts) around £780 million quid and take more than five years to complete.
It will consist of a ten-star hotel – the penultimate zenith in ostentatious waste and hedonistic luxury – along with apartments, office space and a revolving restaurant from which nasty Arabs can spit on their business rivals below – and every Friday after prayers, get a literal bird’s eye views of beheadings in the local square.
Ron McScrote, head of property and social infrastructure at Nimrod Attic Conversions joined with Achmed al Qaeda, CEO of the Saudi BinLaden Group, to inform media hacks that “The Kingdom Tower is a landmark building intended to demonstrate Saudi Arabia's true ambitions to the world – so they’re not simply viewed as a bunch of oil-rich sand niggers who kiss Zionist Israel’s arse by ignoring the cries of their marginalised fellow Muslim Palestinian brothers and instead make great industry of financing and stirring up nasty little proxy wars around the Mid-East with their Qatari cohorts – such as the current clusterfuck in Syria - and supporting (read ‘perpetuating’) the shelf life expired homicidal regime of King Hamad bin Barbarian al Khalifa in Bahrain.”
Sheikh Mohammed al Kickback, the Saudi Minister for Graft & Corruption, introduced the main investors in the project at a press conference – whose shifty money-laundering ranks include Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer - a man that claims hereditary grazing rights to every hotel lobby carpet in the Gulf region – along with Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, head of the Jeddah Baksheesh Corporation who just happens to be married to Princess Dalal bint Slutt, a daughter of King Abdullah bin Fat Git al Saud.
Hmmm, yet another Third World basket case shithole ruled by a monarchical regime with a gossamer thin veneer of civilisation (electricity, running water, flush toilets – and roads – which their disenfranchised women folk are not permitted to drive on) - whose progressive justice system still consists of chopping the hands off felons caught shoplifting – with beheading for third time losers - and whose Monty Pythonesque ‘Mutaween’ religious police arrest people for adultery – for which the penalty is death by stoning.
Oh yes, you read it right the first time - death for adultery – a ‘crime’ that’s almost classed as a competitor sport in the Western world.
But what the fuck can one expect from a bunch of cultural Philistines - these nouveau riche vulgarians – forever stuck in a Dark Ages 'Groundhog Day' circa 1433 – and whose nepotistic kleptocracy government administration (sic) is so mired with graft and corruption that no part of the fubar system can operate without it – with the upper echelons of their sick society climbing on their national Hypocrisy Airlines jets to fly to the safer confines of Europe and Asia to get pissed, gamble and screw around with impunity from the reach of their own cultural restrictions and draconian laws.
Thought for the day. Hmmm, hopefully a crew of Mossad’s hi-fiving removals men and art students don’t pilot a remote UAV passenger jet into the Kingdom Tower then turn it to dust with their micro-nukes and DEW molecular dissociation weapons of mass distraction – just like the WTC Twin Towers that Mohammed al Pasty and his non-existent Jolly Jihad hijackers got blamed for back in 9/11.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Tories Urge Pensioners: Go Back to School
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
David ‘Bonkers’ Willetts, the Minister for Universities and Science (and incumbent Tory MP for Old Scrotum) has issued a somewhat hare-brained press statement concerning age related issues being an encumbrance with older people searching for jobs – claiming they should return to higher education to make themselves ‘more employable’.
Disregarding the fact that Broken Britain is still bollocks-deep in a mosh pit state of post-industrial ‘depression’ (triple-dip variety or otherwise) purposely contrived by the Rothshite crime syndicate and a cabal of the Edomite Mafia’s shifty Shylock banksters to undermine the global economy – resulting in the common herd being faced with a jobless landscape - in Willets’ skewed opinion the UK’s senior citizens should point their Zimmer frames in the direction of the nearest university and go get an all-new degree-certified skill set that prospective employers will jump at.
Previously the cut-off point for student loans was 54 (seriously) – however, since the upper age limit for taking out a loan to cover tuition fees has now been raised to 100-plus, the over-60s can go back to university and study whatever the fuck turns them on – with Pharmaceutical Chemistry being a favoured option for a self-employed line of work – cooking up lots of synthetic designer drugs (crystal meth’, ecstasy, date-rape GHB and Rohypnol) on the kitchen stove for the local Yardie gang’s distributers – with Roofies being the top knock-out drug favoured by Rochdale’s Paki paedo’ taxi drivers and the Oxford-based Muslim child sex grooming gangs.
Criticism besides, Willetts justified this scheme to a press hack from the Crock a’ Shit Gazette, stating for the public record that “With people now living longer and the retirement / state pension qualifying age due to rise to 85 if we get back in at the next election, plus considering how inflation’s shooting up at a geometric rate, then folks in their late 50’s and 60’s should most definitely consider opting for a mature student loan and trotting off back to a devil-may-care boozy campus life for three years and sow any wild oats they’ve got left.”
“This move will give them an edge in the current job market wilderness – especially so if they take Polish or Bulgarian as a language study option and learn how to read the Cyrillic alphabet – then they’ll be quids-in to save for their eventual retirement ‘and’ repay the £27,000 nicker student loan.”
Certain more canny Lib-Dum members of the flawed Con-Dem Coalition have questioned Willett’s sanity on this issue and raised fears whether the older segment of the common herd being enticed to take out student loans will have enough time to actually repay them – or are likely to keel over with a fatal coronary or stroke due the excitement of the graduation ceremony while receiving their sheepskin.
At the consumer end of things, Ron McScrote, 72, complained he did a night school course to get an NVQ1 diploma as a qualified Recycling Technician (Bin Man) a couple of years ago – and passed summa cum laude - but was still turned down for employment by local council contractors on the discriminatory grounds he couldn’t walk without crutches.
Conversely Mrs Gladys Muffitch, a 69-year old widow from Smegmadale-on-Sea told media hacks that “Meself I reckon it’s a fuckin’ great idea an’ I’ve always bin interested in studyin’ tantric sex – so I intend ter sign up fer the Tantra Yoga instructor’s course an’ meet some strappin’ student wot’s in the same class an’ fancies older women. Hey, I might be a bit past the MILF stage of me life but I can still suck the patina off a brass doorknob when I takes me false teeth out.”
Hmmm, so much for Minister Willetts - formerly cabinet secretary for tea and biscuits. He with a disparaging sobriquet of ‘The Man with Two Brains’ – who regardless of having more degrees than an industrial thermometer lacks a single iota of common sense or nuance and is incapable of changing a light bulb – a task he contracts out to workmen at a cost to the taxpayer (claimed on MPs’ expenses) of £115 quid.
Really, what Tory Millbank HQ committee put this fucking idiot in charge of an education portfolio?
Willetts is indeed a dangerous personage to have anywhere around the House of Conmans where political decisions are made - due him advocating the New World Order’s proactive approach to the spread of liberal democracy throughout the known Universe by whatever means necessary - including military intervention – and don’t we have enough of that already in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya (what a fucking joke), Yemen, Somalia, Mali and Niger – and still pushing for the same in Syria – while the likes of Zionist arse-kissing Bahrain, Qatar and Saudi Arabia continue with their Western-approved barbaric versions of egalitarian ‘despotcracy’.
To add to his calumny, he blames split-arsed feminists for the UK’s burgeoning unemployed male statistics due Bolshie women who should be at home, slaving over a hot stove and content with a lifetime status of ‘well fucked and poorly shod’ – and not going out to get their cute arses educated then stealing all the good jobs from Tom, Dick and Harry – and Stefan from Cracow.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
David ‘Bonkers’ Willetts, the Minister for Universities and Science (and incumbent Tory MP for Old Scrotum) has issued a somewhat hare-brained press statement concerning age related issues being an encumbrance with older people searching for jobs – claiming they should return to higher education to make themselves ‘more employable’.
Disregarding the fact that Broken Britain is still bollocks-deep in a mosh pit state of post-industrial ‘depression’ (triple-dip variety or otherwise) purposely contrived by the Rothshite crime syndicate and a cabal of the Edomite Mafia’s shifty Shylock banksters to undermine the global economy – resulting in the common herd being faced with a jobless landscape - in Willets’ skewed opinion the UK’s senior citizens should point their Zimmer frames in the direction of the nearest university and go get an all-new degree-certified skill set that prospective employers will jump at.
Previously the cut-off point for student loans was 54 (seriously) – however, since the upper age limit for taking out a loan to cover tuition fees has now been raised to 100-plus, the over-60s can go back to university and study whatever the fuck turns them on – with Pharmaceutical Chemistry being a favoured option for a self-employed line of work – cooking up lots of synthetic designer drugs (crystal meth’, ecstasy, date-rape GHB and Rohypnol) on the kitchen stove for the local Yardie gang’s distributers – with Roofies being the top knock-out drug favoured by Rochdale’s Paki paedo’ taxi drivers and the Oxford-based Muslim child sex grooming gangs.
Criticism besides, Willetts justified this scheme to a press hack from the Crock a’ Shit Gazette, stating for the public record that “With people now living longer and the retirement / state pension qualifying age due to rise to 85 if we get back in at the next election, plus considering how inflation’s shooting up at a geometric rate, then folks in their late 50’s and 60’s should most definitely consider opting for a mature student loan and trotting off back to a devil-may-care boozy campus life for three years and sow any wild oats they’ve got left.”
“This move will give them an edge in the current job market wilderness – especially so if they take Polish or Bulgarian as a language study option and learn how to read the Cyrillic alphabet – then they’ll be quids-in to save for their eventual retirement ‘and’ repay the £27,000 nicker student loan.”
Certain more canny Lib-Dum members of the flawed Con-Dem Coalition have questioned Willett’s sanity on this issue and raised fears whether the older segment of the common herd being enticed to take out student loans will have enough time to actually repay them – or are likely to keel over with a fatal coronary or stroke due the excitement of the graduation ceremony while receiving their sheepskin.
At the consumer end of things, Ron McScrote, 72, complained he did a night school course to get an NVQ1 diploma as a qualified Recycling Technician (Bin Man) a couple of years ago – and passed summa cum laude - but was still turned down for employment by local council contractors on the discriminatory grounds he couldn’t walk without crutches.
Conversely Mrs Gladys Muffitch, a 69-year old widow from Smegmadale-on-Sea told media hacks that “Meself I reckon it’s a fuckin’ great idea an’ I’ve always bin interested in studyin’ tantric sex – so I intend ter sign up fer the Tantra Yoga instructor’s course an’ meet some strappin’ student wot’s in the same class an’ fancies older women. Hey, I might be a bit past the MILF stage of me life but I can still suck the patina off a brass doorknob when I takes me false teeth out.”
Hmmm, so much for Minister Willetts - formerly cabinet secretary for tea and biscuits. He with a disparaging sobriquet of ‘The Man with Two Brains’ – who regardless of having more degrees than an industrial thermometer lacks a single iota of common sense or nuance and is incapable of changing a light bulb – a task he contracts out to workmen at a cost to the taxpayer (claimed on MPs’ expenses) of £115 quid.
Really, what Tory Millbank HQ committee put this fucking idiot in charge of an education portfolio?
Willetts is indeed a dangerous personage to have anywhere around the House of Conmans where political decisions are made - due him advocating the New World Order’s proactive approach to the spread of liberal democracy throughout the known Universe by whatever means necessary - including military intervention – and don’t we have enough of that already in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya (what a fucking joke), Yemen, Somalia, Mali and Niger – and still pushing for the same in Syria – while the likes of Zionist arse-kissing Bahrain, Qatar and Saudi Arabia continue with their Western-approved barbaric versions of egalitarian ‘despotcracy’.
To add to his calumny, he blames split-arsed feminists for the UK’s burgeoning unemployed male statistics due Bolshie women who should be at home, slaving over a hot stove and content with a lifetime status of ‘well fucked and poorly shod’ – and not going out to get their cute arses educated then stealing all the good jobs from Tom, Dick and Harry – and Stefan from Cracow.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday, 22 February 2013
Lib-Dums Renamed Greedy Twats Party
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
In what canny political observers and analysts summarily translate as a do-or-die effort on the part of the Librarian-Dummercrats to make absolutely certain they’ve no fucking chance of clocking up a winning tally in the 2015 General Election, the party’s maudlin mandarins have tasked a team of their Common Purpose NLP brainwashed / zero IQ think tank morons to burn the midnight oils 24/7 and expand their ill-conceived (and fatally flawed) Mansion Tax.
Obviously intent on challenging their Tory coalition partners for the title of the ‘Nasty Party’ and fostering this Them and Us 1% versus 99% culture to breaking point and furthering the existing economic disparity and social chaos that plagues our once green and pleasant land, the mansion tax snafu has now morphed into a gob-smacking fubar.
To wit, it is now set to include second homes (which obviously won’t apply to expense-fiddling MPs) and endowing HMRC tax inspectors with Renta-Thug bailiff powers to go round knocking on doors (or rather kicking them in) and evaluating a family’s heirlooms – Old Masters, Faberge eggs, Renaissance period furniture, Ming dynasty ceramics - plus their garages stuffed with shiny Bentleys, Rollers, Astons and Ferraris – along with the covert wall safe hordes of uncut gemstones, gold bullion ingots and Bulgari, Schwartz and Tiffany jewellery.
Oh yes, the Lib-Dum’s geriatric Business Secretary Vince Cobble is set to start widening the cast of their all-new ‘fine skein’ tax dodgers net – which looks purposely designed to steer well clear of the likes of Buckingham Palace and Highgrove, Clarence House and Balmoral Castle – and instead target the surviving members of what was until a few years ago still known as the ‘Middle Class’.
Alas now a diminished entity, that privileged caste was once the iconic buffer zone of society’s demographic - conjured up by far-sighted nobility politicians generations back to act as the primary ‘hate’ objective for the common herd if they ever spit the dummy and went into total revolution mode – thus provide that vital breathing space escape route for the monarchy and associated hangers-on to do a tactical moonlight, skip the coop and avoid the mob’s tumbrels and gibbet – or the headsman’s axe.
Both the Lib Dums and Ed Millipede’s New Labour losers are already committed to introducing a mansion tax on individual properties worth over £2 million quid – which should kick the rich kid Conservative members of the cabinet right square in the arse – and thus make a total fuck of any chance of a further coalition with the Tory #30 Millbank Posh Squad mafia.
Conversely the jewellery and mansion tax moves have been condemned by the Tory party hierarchy as the worst idea the Lib-Dum’s have come up with since Jeremy Thorpe instructed Liberal Party whips to organise the murder of Norman Scott and dump his body down a Cornish tin mine shaft – with one astute political analyst commenting “Didn’t the Bolsheviks try this redistribution of wealth scam with Marx and Engles’ Communist Manifesto back in 1917?”
This latest ‘desperate’ set of plans come in a policy document drawn up by ‘party tax gurus’ – which include the Lib-Dum’s blonde moment MP Tessa Kunt and the re-sanitised albeit scandal-ridden David ‘Fudge’ Laws – as groundwork for the Lib Dums’ 2015 General Election manifesto – with Ms Kunt - a hybrid cross old trout / three-bagger troll of a broomstick merchant - informing a press hack from the Extortionists Review that in her arrogant opinion the jewellery tax was a spiffing idea to keep milking the common herd.
Commissioned by the party’s self-harmer Lemming Committee, the proposal makes clear their determination to force those better-off members of our sick society (the blood out of a stone royalty and the rich n shameless nobility – including the Tory posh set - we think not) - to pay more tax on their accumulated wealth.
One misguided senior Lib Dum MP claimed the so-called ‘mansion tax-plus’ would be hugely popular among party activists in their south-west of England heartland, where the common herd peasants resent well-off outsiders cutting the feet from under first time buyers and grabbing country cottages for their holiday second homes – hence forcing up property prices beyond the limited budgets of the local yokels.
Ron McScrote, tax editor at the Ripoffs Gazette, opined “There’s a shitload of folks gonna get caught by this cumulative mansion tax cos it’s designed ter slam buy-to-let properties as well – an’ these people already pay tax on the rent they receive – just like the common herd motorists wot’s now double-shafted by Georgie Osborne when payin’ not only fuel excise duty but also VAT at 20% on every litre of diesel or gasoline they buy.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
In what canny political observers and analysts summarily translate as a do-or-die effort on the part of the Librarian-Dummercrats to make absolutely certain they’ve no fucking chance of clocking up a winning tally in the 2015 General Election, the party’s maudlin mandarins have tasked a team of their Common Purpose NLP brainwashed / zero IQ think tank morons to burn the midnight oils 24/7 and expand their ill-conceived (and fatally flawed) Mansion Tax.
Obviously intent on challenging their Tory coalition partners for the title of the ‘Nasty Party’ and fostering this Them and Us 1% versus 99% culture to breaking point and furthering the existing economic disparity and social chaos that plagues our once green and pleasant land, the mansion tax snafu has now morphed into a gob-smacking fubar.
To wit, it is now set to include second homes (which obviously won’t apply to expense-fiddling MPs) and endowing HMRC tax inspectors with Renta-Thug bailiff powers to go round knocking on doors (or rather kicking them in) and evaluating a family’s heirlooms – Old Masters, Faberge eggs, Renaissance period furniture, Ming dynasty ceramics - plus their garages stuffed with shiny Bentleys, Rollers, Astons and Ferraris – along with the covert wall safe hordes of uncut gemstones, gold bullion ingots and Bulgari, Schwartz and Tiffany jewellery.
Oh yes, the Lib-Dum’s geriatric Business Secretary Vince Cobble is set to start widening the cast of their all-new ‘fine skein’ tax dodgers net – which looks purposely designed to steer well clear of the likes of Buckingham Palace and Highgrove, Clarence House and Balmoral Castle – and instead target the surviving members of what was until a few years ago still known as the ‘Middle Class’.
Alas now a diminished entity, that privileged caste was once the iconic buffer zone of society’s demographic - conjured up by far-sighted nobility politicians generations back to act as the primary ‘hate’ objective for the common herd if they ever spit the dummy and went into total revolution mode – thus provide that vital breathing space escape route for the monarchy and associated hangers-on to do a tactical moonlight, skip the coop and avoid the mob’s tumbrels and gibbet – or the headsman’s axe.
Both the Lib Dums and Ed Millipede’s New Labour losers are already committed to introducing a mansion tax on individual properties worth over £2 million quid – which should kick the rich kid Conservative members of the cabinet right square in the arse – and thus make a total fuck of any chance of a further coalition with the Tory #30 Millbank Posh Squad mafia.
Conversely the jewellery and mansion tax moves have been condemned by the Tory party hierarchy as the worst idea the Lib-Dum’s have come up with since Jeremy Thorpe instructed Liberal Party whips to organise the murder of Norman Scott and dump his body down a Cornish tin mine shaft – with one astute political analyst commenting “Didn’t the Bolsheviks try this redistribution of wealth scam with Marx and Engles’ Communist Manifesto back in 1917?”
This latest ‘desperate’ set of plans come in a policy document drawn up by ‘party tax gurus’ – which include the Lib-Dum’s blonde moment MP Tessa Kunt and the re-sanitised albeit scandal-ridden David ‘Fudge’ Laws – as groundwork for the Lib Dums’ 2015 General Election manifesto – with Ms Kunt - a hybrid cross old trout / three-bagger troll of a broomstick merchant - informing a press hack from the Extortionists Review that in her arrogant opinion the jewellery tax was a spiffing idea to keep milking the common herd.
Commissioned by the party’s self-harmer Lemming Committee, the proposal makes clear their determination to force those better-off members of our sick society (the blood out of a stone royalty and the rich n shameless nobility – including the Tory posh set - we think not) - to pay more tax on their accumulated wealth.
One misguided senior Lib Dum MP claimed the so-called ‘mansion tax-plus’ would be hugely popular among party activists in their south-west of England heartland, where the common herd peasants resent well-off outsiders cutting the feet from under first time buyers and grabbing country cottages for their holiday second homes – hence forcing up property prices beyond the limited budgets of the local yokels.
Ron McScrote, tax editor at the Ripoffs Gazette, opined “There’s a shitload of folks gonna get caught by this cumulative mansion tax cos it’s designed ter slam buy-to-let properties as well – an’ these people already pay tax on the rent they receive – just like the common herd motorists wot’s now double-shafted by Georgie Osborne when payin’ not only fuel excise duty but also VAT at 20% on every litre of diesel or gasoline they buy.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Thursday, 21 February 2013
UK School Bans Rape Play Games
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
In what has been exposed as the ultimate in the Hall of Shame of video game controversy, Smegmadale-on-Sea parents were left in varying states of gob-smacked aghast horror and associated nervous trauma after being informed their primary school children - aged nine and ten years – had received cautions from the head teacher after being caught playing 'the randy rape game'
Mrs Candida Ffitch-Gargoyle, head at the St Sappho School for Latter Day Sluts in Smegmadale, informed a press hack from the Pederasts Gazette that the first indications of this sordid ‘game’ being played became known to staff following an incident in which several male pupils approached the comely 18 year old Dutch exchange Art class teacher, Ms Fellattia van der Gamm, to inquire if she’d like to join in their after-school ‘rape game’ activities.
Obviously due something being lost in the translation, Ms van der Gamm readily agreed to participation in what she believed would be an interesting cross culture extra-curriculum activity - which led to her being blindfolded then hogtied and stripped naked in a veritable ‘Neko Kappa’ BD/SM scenario in one pupil’s back garden tree house – and subjected to hours of rampant three hole multi-orgasmic sex by several Year 5 class male students – plus one ‘tomboy’ contemporary with lesbian tendencies - kitted out with her elder sister’s strapon dildo and a Jolly Jackrabbit vibrator.
Apparently this novel playground activity has recently superceded such traditional pastimes as skipping, hop scotch and ticky – with pubescent Year 6 girlie pupils being targeted for their budding breasts and downy genitalia then stalked by a crew of horny 10-year old ‘Chikans’ and gang raped – much to the delight of their fellow pupils who make great industry of recording all on their smart phones then posting the scenes on Facebook and YouTube and blackmailing the victims via Twitter for 50% of their lunch money.
After being threatened with a two-week stay in one of North Wales’ myriad kiddie fiddling ‘care homes’ and sodomised by Tory cabinet ministers, the offending pupils came clean and revealed the concept for their ‘rape play’ was copied from a banned Japanese video game which depicts violent sexual assaults on a mother and two daughters.
RapeLay (Reipirei) banned in most civilised countries – apart from Japan - is a 3D ‘eroge’ video game made by Illusion Soft – producers of the Artificial Girl series - and specifically designed for the sexual stimulation of self-abusing onanists and ‘salary men’ sick and tired of their lard-arsed whingeing wives complaining about leaking radioactivity from the Fuckupshima nuclear power plant making their hair fall out – and who simply can’t get turned on reading kanji translation copies of Fifty Shades of Grey without a double 100mg shot of Viagra.
The controversial game centres on a male character Doggo Wanka, who stalks and rapes a sexy MILF neighbour named Mrs Shaggamora and her teenage daughters, Titsy and Slagella – with the player able to choose from a variety of sexual positions and control the ‘in-out’ humping actions by holding the mouse against his cock as he jacks off.
RapeLay’s graphic depictions of glorification of sexual violence have led to its outright banning although Amazon - so recently scandalised over the brutal actions of neo-Nazi security guards at their main Krautland plant treating migrant workers like slave labour – only stopped marketing the game and removed it from their website after being threatened with sanctions by the British government’s regulatory body.
While the game breaches Japan's obligations under the 1985 Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, copies are still a hotcakes sales item across the Land of the Rising Sun, regardless of the Ethics Organization of Computer Software attempting to restrict the sale and production of the offending game.
Thus is the way of human nature when faced with the dual temptations of lust and profit.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
In what has been exposed as the ultimate in the Hall of Shame of video game controversy, Smegmadale-on-Sea parents were left in varying states of gob-smacked aghast horror and associated nervous trauma after being informed their primary school children - aged nine and ten years – had received cautions from the head teacher after being caught playing 'the randy rape game'
Mrs Candida Ffitch-Gargoyle, head at the St Sappho School for Latter Day Sluts in Smegmadale, informed a press hack from the Pederasts Gazette that the first indications of this sordid ‘game’ being played became known to staff following an incident in which several male pupils approached the comely 18 year old Dutch exchange Art class teacher, Ms Fellattia van der Gamm, to inquire if she’d like to join in their after-school ‘rape game’ activities.
Obviously due something being lost in the translation, Ms van der Gamm readily agreed to participation in what she believed would be an interesting cross culture extra-curriculum activity - which led to her being blindfolded then hogtied and stripped naked in a veritable ‘Neko Kappa’ BD/SM scenario in one pupil’s back garden tree house – and subjected to hours of rampant three hole multi-orgasmic sex by several Year 5 class male students – plus one ‘tomboy’ contemporary with lesbian tendencies - kitted out with her elder sister’s strapon dildo and a Jolly Jackrabbit vibrator.
Apparently this novel playground activity has recently superceded such traditional pastimes as skipping, hop scotch and ticky – with pubescent Year 6 girlie pupils being targeted for their budding breasts and downy genitalia then stalked by a crew of horny 10-year old ‘Chikans’ and gang raped – much to the delight of their fellow pupils who make great industry of recording all on their smart phones then posting the scenes on Facebook and YouTube and blackmailing the victims via Twitter for 50% of their lunch money.
After being threatened with a two-week stay in one of North Wales’ myriad kiddie fiddling ‘care homes’ and sodomised by Tory cabinet ministers, the offending pupils came clean and revealed the concept for their ‘rape play’ was copied from a banned Japanese video game which depicts violent sexual assaults on a mother and two daughters.
RapeLay (Reipirei) banned in most civilised countries – apart from Japan - is a 3D ‘eroge’ video game made by Illusion Soft – producers of the Artificial Girl series - and specifically designed for the sexual stimulation of self-abusing onanists and ‘salary men’ sick and tired of their lard-arsed whingeing wives complaining about leaking radioactivity from the Fuckupshima nuclear power plant making their hair fall out – and who simply can’t get turned on reading kanji translation copies of Fifty Shades of Grey without a double 100mg shot of Viagra.
The controversial game centres on a male character Doggo Wanka, who stalks and rapes a sexy MILF neighbour named Mrs Shaggamora and her teenage daughters, Titsy and Slagella – with the player able to choose from a variety of sexual positions and control the ‘in-out’ humping actions by holding the mouse against his cock as he jacks off.
RapeLay’s graphic depictions of glorification of sexual violence have led to its outright banning although Amazon - so recently scandalised over the brutal actions of neo-Nazi security guards at their main Krautland plant treating migrant workers like slave labour – only stopped marketing the game and removed it from their website after being threatened with sanctions by the British government’s regulatory body.
While the game breaches Japan's obligations under the 1985 Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, copies are still a hotcakes sales item across the Land of the Rising Sun, regardless of the Ethics Organization of Computer Software attempting to restrict the sale and production of the offending game.
Thus is the way of human nature when faced with the dual temptations of lust and profit.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Fizzy Soft Drinks: Gov’s Next Tax Target
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The latest piece of social engineering propaganda from the Ministry for Mass Media Distractions has publicised a report compiled by a gaggle of NHS quacks and clinicians at the Freddy Patel Centre for Post-Mortem Guesswork – who are calling for action over rampant obesity and petitioning that fizzy drinks be taxed into extinction - with junk food adverts banished from TV screens until the UK’s fat slob school kids have sidled off to bed for a furtive ‘under the covers’ game of Dai Nippon’s ‘Illusion’ RapeLay video game on their iPads and tablets.
So the ‘tax it’ propaganda is focused on synthetic sweetener soft drinks and high cholesterol fatty foods and the inherent diabetes / cardio-vascular dangers of eating and drinking the crap – and all well and good too but why is there nary a mention of the health dangers posed from the likes of Monsanto’s manky GMO Frankenfood Mutant Meals or Insta-Tumour microwave-ready 60% horsemeat cottage pie and lasagne dinners – full of ‘bute’ and nasty MSG artificial flavourings, colourings and preservatives - nor the neurotoxin aspartame drinks and candies sweetener that, like all excitotoxins – is accumulative in the body at cellular level and the main cause of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) – along with a host of other health problems and cancers?
Really, on a stand alone basis or in combinations, ingesting this shite will fuck up the human digestive system and physique – and our DNA faster than a plutonium enema – and to add to the hypocrisy, walk out of any NHS hospital and there’s a chew n spew fast food joint on the opposite corner offering fat-laden artery-blocking BOGOFs.
Sure, our not-fit-for-purpose money-grubbing government might well tax the living daylights out of them – at the consumer end of things - but for what purpose or end? If this shit is detrimental to health then instead of the NHS and Co going into default settings mode (aka ‘failure in performance’) simply ‘slap the crap’ with a prohibition order – re-brand the gastronomical garbage as a Class A controlled substance as per heroin and the other ‘coke’ and be done with the problem.
But no fucker or their dog in this Con-Dem Coalition is going to toss their hand in the air and state the fucking obvious – a total ban on junk tucker and turn all the fast food chew n spew joints – McD’s, Biffo’s Barf Burgers, Cilla’s Chunderama, Pukerella’s Pizza, Pedro’s Pukery, Barney‘s Botulism Bistro, Doggers Wood Conuts, Retcher Rick’s Restaurant, Vic’s Vomitarium, the Chunder Café or Salmonella Sub-Sandwich Centre - into Remploy workshops and factories.
Though lo and behold, that’s never going to happen when the likes of the fast food and soft drinks offenders – manufacturers and Greedy Grocer retailers alike (Pestco, Mammon & Snobfords and Pukesburys) – are on the Fortune 500 list and donate filthy lucre to the dominant political parties – plus spend more on lobbying the governments of the day ‘and’ unashamedly the food and health regulatory bodies – than the actual government dishes out in NHS healthcare.
The gospel according to a research team at the Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence, Broken Britain has one of the most obese populations on Earth - with about a quarter of adults classed as ‘fat cunts’ – which is fuck all to worry about really when considering the state of the beer-guzzling Germans - and lard-arsed Yanks over in the good ole supersized US of A – all just a couple of bad cholesterol steps away from a fatal heart attack or stroke – or both.
Further it is estimated that the 25% figure is predicted to double by 2050 – with a third of primary school leavers already overweight and making Greyfriars’ iconic Billy Bunter look like an anorexic reject from Auschwitz.
Conversely, doctors claim the confusion regarding the connections of fast food and fizzy drinks with an unhealthy lifestyle and generalised flabbiness is apparently being promulgated and heavily influenced through the lobbying campaigns run by ‘for profit’ self interest pressure groups – specifically the manufacturers and distributers of these toxic products that are negatively affecting the health of our nation’s compulsive nibblers.
In response Ron McScumm of the Junk Food Federation joined with Rita Titwank, spokeswoman for the British Soft Drinks Association who agreed the NHS and Department of Health have a one-size-fits-all regulatory approach that is, by design, simply incapable of distinguishing the wood from the trees.
Ms Titwank opined to one media hack from the Teletubbies Gazette that “It’s got nowt ter do wiv our fast foods an’ soft drinks. The punters need ter get off their fat arses an’ increase their levels of activity - do some exercise an’ go down the Jobcentre more often – an’ use the stairs at the welfare benefits office an’ not the elevators – an’ stop blamin’ their gaspin’ out-of-breath porkiness on our bespoke calorie controlled products.”
Thought for the day. Bullshit besides, it doesn’t really come down to a case of 24/7/365 cradle to grave / womb to tomb Nanny State meddling or regulation – if the political will is there and they want to do the right thing for the health of the common herd then just ban the shit outright, plain and simple.
Anyone still worried about horsemeat in the beef mince and the fact they might have eaten poor old Dobbin’s mum? More to the point is the fact if you ever eat fish fingers or sausages – and gave a thought of what the fuck’s in them?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The latest piece of social engineering propaganda from the Ministry for Mass Media Distractions has publicised a report compiled by a gaggle of NHS quacks and clinicians at the Freddy Patel Centre for Post-Mortem Guesswork – who are calling for action over rampant obesity and petitioning that fizzy drinks be taxed into extinction - with junk food adverts banished from TV screens until the UK’s fat slob school kids have sidled off to bed for a furtive ‘under the covers’ game of Dai Nippon’s ‘Illusion’ RapeLay video game on their iPads and tablets.
So the ‘tax it’ propaganda is focused on synthetic sweetener soft drinks and high cholesterol fatty foods and the inherent diabetes / cardio-vascular dangers of eating and drinking the crap – and all well and good too but why is there nary a mention of the health dangers posed from the likes of Monsanto’s manky GMO Frankenfood Mutant Meals or Insta-Tumour microwave-ready 60% horsemeat cottage pie and lasagne dinners – full of ‘bute’ and nasty MSG artificial flavourings, colourings and preservatives - nor the neurotoxin aspartame drinks and candies sweetener that, like all excitotoxins – is accumulative in the body at cellular level and the main cause of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome / ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) – along with a host of other health problems and cancers?
Really, on a stand alone basis or in combinations, ingesting this shite will fuck up the human digestive system and physique – and our DNA faster than a plutonium enema – and to add to the hypocrisy, walk out of any NHS hospital and there’s a chew n spew fast food joint on the opposite corner offering fat-laden artery-blocking BOGOFs.
Sure, our not-fit-for-purpose money-grubbing government might well tax the living daylights out of them – at the consumer end of things - but for what purpose or end? If this shit is detrimental to health then instead of the NHS and Co going into default settings mode (aka ‘failure in performance’) simply ‘slap the crap’ with a prohibition order – re-brand the gastronomical garbage as a Class A controlled substance as per heroin and the other ‘coke’ and be done with the problem.
But no fucker or their dog in this Con-Dem Coalition is going to toss their hand in the air and state the fucking obvious – a total ban on junk tucker and turn all the fast food chew n spew joints – McD’s, Biffo’s Barf Burgers, Cilla’s Chunderama, Pukerella’s Pizza, Pedro’s Pukery, Barney‘s Botulism Bistro, Doggers Wood Conuts, Retcher Rick’s Restaurant, Vic’s Vomitarium, the Chunder Café or Salmonella Sub-Sandwich Centre - into Remploy workshops and factories.
Though lo and behold, that’s never going to happen when the likes of the fast food and soft drinks offenders – manufacturers and Greedy Grocer retailers alike (Pestco, Mammon & Snobfords and Pukesburys) – are on the Fortune 500 list and donate filthy lucre to the dominant political parties – plus spend more on lobbying the governments of the day ‘and’ unashamedly the food and health regulatory bodies – than the actual government dishes out in NHS healthcare.
The gospel according to a research team at the Harold Shipman Centre for Clinical Excellence, Broken Britain has one of the most obese populations on Earth - with about a quarter of adults classed as ‘fat cunts’ – which is fuck all to worry about really when considering the state of the beer-guzzling Germans - and lard-arsed Yanks over in the good ole supersized US of A – all just a couple of bad cholesterol steps away from a fatal heart attack or stroke – or both.
Further it is estimated that the 25% figure is predicted to double by 2050 – with a third of primary school leavers already overweight and making Greyfriars’ iconic Billy Bunter look like an anorexic reject from Auschwitz.
Conversely, doctors claim the confusion regarding the connections of fast food and fizzy drinks with an unhealthy lifestyle and generalised flabbiness is apparently being promulgated and heavily influenced through the lobbying campaigns run by ‘for profit’ self interest pressure groups – specifically the manufacturers and distributers of these toxic products that are negatively affecting the health of our nation’s compulsive nibblers.
In response Ron McScumm of the Junk Food Federation joined with Rita Titwank, spokeswoman for the British Soft Drinks Association who agreed the NHS and Department of Health have a one-size-fits-all regulatory approach that is, by design, simply incapable of distinguishing the wood from the trees.
Ms Titwank opined to one media hack from the Teletubbies Gazette that “It’s got nowt ter do wiv our fast foods an’ soft drinks. The punters need ter get off their fat arses an’ increase their levels of activity - do some exercise an’ go down the Jobcentre more often – an’ use the stairs at the welfare benefits office an’ not the elevators – an’ stop blamin’ their gaspin’ out-of-breath porkiness on our bespoke calorie controlled products.”
Thought for the day. Bullshit besides, it doesn’t really come down to a case of 24/7/365 cradle to grave / womb to tomb Nanny State meddling or regulation – if the political will is there and they want to do the right thing for the health of the common herd then just ban the shit outright, plain and simple.
Anyone still worried about horsemeat in the beef mince and the fact they might have eaten poor old Dobbin’s mum? More to the point is the fact if you ever eat fish fingers or sausages – and gave a thought of what the fuck’s in them?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday, 20 February 2013
Scameron Touts Neo-Colonialism – With a Twist
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Posh Dave Scameron, the UK’s Prime Minister ‘without a mandate’ - leaving his ‘austerity measures’ coat of many dark and depressing colours back in Downing Street - informed a gaggle of neck-weaving gutter press hacks that Broken Britain is set to forge one of the great trade partnerships of the 21st Century with the Indian sub-continent - as he arrived in Mumbai on Monday (hot on the heels of French President Francois Hollande’s trade mission to flog their new supersonic Rafale fighter-bomber) to begin a three day visit.
Diplomatic fingers were crossed that no fucker or their dog – student activists / anarchist radicals etc - would turn up on the airport tarmac with a host of ‘Shame’ placards and banners to pull some Bolshie neo-imperialism publicity stunt and have the audacity to rake over a most unsavoury past by mentioning the 1919 Jallianwala Bagh massacre at Amritsar in which millions were shot down on the orders of their British overlords - or the couple of hundred years of oppression and human rights abuses their hapless ancestors suffered under the jackboot of the Union Jack and Raj the last time a British trade delegation came calling - with Sir Robert Clive at the head of the insurrection / dissident-crushing East India Company Army.
With business the main focus, Scameron is leading what the Tory spin merchants claim is the largest trade delegation to be chaperoned on an overseas trip by a UK prime minister since he fronted for last year’s arms dealer’s excursion to Dubai and facilitated the sale of lots of shiny British weapons to the Gulf region’s nasty Arab regimes to smuggle into Syria and arm the foreign mercenaries attempting to overthrow the incumbent Assad regime.
However this current band of profiteers is composed of a pick and mix selection from the Tory Party’s Fortune 500 lobbyists and donors – who cough up big bucks (aka ‘invest’) to get preferential treatment (such as a Prime Minister to put the official seal of approval on things by leading a trade delegation) - with the ubiquitous merchants of death led by BAE Systems – whose rep’s made a great impression by giving away sample grenades and pepper spray to immigration and customs officials as they passed through Chatrapati Shivaji airport – followed by GNK sales staff handing out Drone Wars t-shirts to any other fucker and their dog who might be useful in re-securing their $748 million quid AgustaWestland helicopter deal, cancelled by the New Delhi government who trashed the contract due a burgeoning bribery scandal in which mega-bucks kickbacks ended up in the wrong pockets.
Speaking before an assembled multitude of fawning brown faces in the car park of Unilever’s Mumbai headquarters, Posh Dave urged his audience to cease with their shouts of “We love you Nick Clegg!” as he was actually the Big Boss Tory and young Nick merely the Lib-Dum’s errand boy.
Asked during the Q & A session which Indian dishes he was hoping to sample, Dave replied that if he had enough Imodium tablets in his kit then it would be a Kerala fish curry - "to see if it compares to the slop Sarah gets from the local take-away joint in Whitney".
Scameron used the speech platform opportunity to address the news media and get the message across for the Indian government to cut regulation and red tape in a bid to encourage trade and investment involving the City’s Edomite Mafia crime syndicate’s financial interests, such as licencing a branch of the Shylock Bank of International Usury and opening a Delhi-based subsidiary of the Wilkins Micawber Institute for Economic Guessology to promote the Western fiscal hyper-inflation and Debtocracy systems.
"India's rise is going to be one of the great phenomena of this century and it’s incredibly impressive to see who pollutes their country to the point of an irreversible environmental calamity first - you or China - with the entire population suffering from terminal bronchitis first.”
"That’s why we in Britain want to be your partner of choice and sell India lots of carbon trade credits so you don’t have to worry over Al Gore harping on about drowning polar bears and melting glaciers and icecaps - and continue to burn as many fossil fuels as you like - and have a carbon footprint the size of Godzilla’s.”
Fronting yet another vendre un canard à moitié (to half-sell a duck) scheme, Dave promised investment of up to a million nicker to help fund a feasibility study - using British expertise, obviously - to develop an ambitious (fantasist) business corridor along the 1,000 mile stretch between Mumbai in the north and Bangalore in the south.
Yep, you heard it right first time – a string of Milton Keynes new town look-alikes – all with the colourless character of a caravan site.
Hmmm, nice one Dave - all they have to sort out is such blatant Third World basket case anomalies as brown outs, potable water, sewage disposal, efficient highways, honest policing – and exorcise the endemic culture of bureaucratic graft and corruption which infests the entire sub-continent to such an extent the fucking place can no longer operate without their ‘kleptocracy’ baksheesh system.
One of Dave’s targets during the trip is to address controversy over the recent toughening of UK visa rules by the not-fit-for-purpose Border Agency who now view returning British vacationers as potential illegal immigrants.
In an interview with the Sacred Bullshit Gazette Posh Dave stressed how there was a warm welcome – even in a frosty February - for those who wanted to make a positive contribution to the UK monetary system and receive a big ‘thank you’ from the Rothshite crime family – and there being no limit on the number of Indian students that could come to British universities, so long as they had an English language qualification then would be virtually guaranteed a university place in Brummystan.
Still hovering in Cloud Cuckoo Land, Dave further intimated the UK's visa process could be relaxed for Indian businessmen if they arrived at Heathrow toting suitcases bulging with any of the major trading currency banknotes – or gold. "Whether its business entrepreneurs or students, we want to make sure we’re attracting the best and the brightest - and there’s always room for a few more curry houses and a Poundshop or two up and down the High Street.”
So once again the ‘for profit’ Fortune 500 corporations determine and drive Broken Britain’s foreign policy to suit their own ends – and not the good of the voting public. From the despicable makers of weapons of war to the Unilever costermongers selling their repulsive Marmite concoction - that spread on a platoon of toast soldiers is as likely to appeal to the palate of your common or garden dhobi wallah as an Aussie abo’s wood grubs are to a French gourmand intent on dining with Lucullus.
Among the businessmen joining Scameron on the trip was Ron Skidmark, chief executive of the English Premier League, , who told the BBC that football was the fastest growing off-pitch gambling sport in India, with hefty bribes and payoffs to players, linesmen and referees – as evidenced by the recent Cup Final match between Delhi Dynamos and the Madras Marauders at the latter’s Tamil Nadu home ground.
Last Saturday the Marauders lost 23 – 0 to the visiting team – in a calamitous match which included several red cards issued, five players sent off, fourteen instances of ‘hand ball’ penalties being awarded – and scored – and a riot breaking out in the stands when it was discovered the Marauders centre half had a wooden leg and the goalkeeper wore a glass eye.
Scameron’s true constituency might well be the Fortune 500 company index back in Blighty but here on the sub-continent are a myriad of obstacles to reconcile himself with – a nepotism-riddled bureaucracy lorded over by dynastic Brahmins – with each possessed of a narcissistic personality disorder and deranged sense of omnipotent self-righteousness.
Then we have the Curse of the Four C’s: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency (compromised politicians and a compliant, corporate controlled media) – along with the dodgy DOSRII factor: Directors, Officers, Seniors and Related Invested Interests.
Last but by no means least there’s the ingrained ‘caste’ apartheid culture system with the bloated Brahmins on the top rung and the dirty Dacoits down below – to be perennially shit on as is their lot in life. Now that’s definitely got to be a problem for the UK / EU equal rights and opportunities legislation to do business with India.
On a lighter note, Posh Dave took advantage of a photo op’ and played a game of cricket - facing a barrage of ferocious deliveries from the local youngsters - before his middle stump fell to a fast ball from one young bowler named Achmed whose 9 year old cousin was recently murdered in a ISAF hunter-killer MQ-9 Reaper drone attack while attending the funeral of their Paki Granny in the Peshawar hinterlands.
After being bowled out for a duck he commented to press hacks “It was good fun but I knew I was in trouble when that little twat Achmed started hurling the balls at me like a sodding baseball pitcher.”
Thought for the day. 23-year old Wormhole Jaffacake, an unemployed tortoise polisher from the slums of Mumbai, yesterday surprised friends and neighbours with his self-confident air of enterprise by giving up the security of a stable 16-hour-a-day job mooching for tat on a coastal landfill site, with a potable water standpipe within an hour’s walking distance from his makeshift home (two sheets of corrugated iron) – and has been first in line at the British Embassy to take advantage of Scameron’s offer of a next-day visa to travel to Britain and attend University.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Posh Dave Scameron, the UK’s Prime Minister ‘without a mandate’ - leaving his ‘austerity measures’ coat of many dark and depressing colours back in Downing Street - informed a gaggle of neck-weaving gutter press hacks that Broken Britain is set to forge one of the great trade partnerships of the 21st Century with the Indian sub-continent - as he arrived in Mumbai on Monday (hot on the heels of French President Francois Hollande’s trade mission to flog their new supersonic Rafale fighter-bomber) to begin a three day visit.
Diplomatic fingers were crossed that no fucker or their dog – student activists / anarchist radicals etc - would turn up on the airport tarmac with a host of ‘Shame’ placards and banners to pull some Bolshie neo-imperialism publicity stunt and have the audacity to rake over a most unsavoury past by mentioning the 1919 Jallianwala Bagh massacre at Amritsar in which millions were shot down on the orders of their British overlords - or the couple of hundred years of oppression and human rights abuses their hapless ancestors suffered under the jackboot of the Union Jack and Raj the last time a British trade delegation came calling - with Sir Robert Clive at the head of the insurrection / dissident-crushing East India Company Army.
With business the main focus, Scameron is leading what the Tory spin merchants claim is the largest trade delegation to be chaperoned on an overseas trip by a UK prime minister since he fronted for last year’s arms dealer’s excursion to Dubai and facilitated the sale of lots of shiny British weapons to the Gulf region’s nasty Arab regimes to smuggle into Syria and arm the foreign mercenaries attempting to overthrow the incumbent Assad regime.
However this current band of profiteers is composed of a pick and mix selection from the Tory Party’s Fortune 500 lobbyists and donors – who cough up big bucks (aka ‘invest’) to get preferential treatment (such as a Prime Minister to put the official seal of approval on things by leading a trade delegation) - with the ubiquitous merchants of death led by BAE Systems – whose rep’s made a great impression by giving away sample grenades and pepper spray to immigration and customs officials as they passed through Chatrapati Shivaji airport – followed by GNK sales staff handing out Drone Wars t-shirts to any other fucker and their dog who might be useful in re-securing their $748 million quid AgustaWestland helicopter deal, cancelled by the New Delhi government who trashed the contract due a burgeoning bribery scandal in which mega-bucks kickbacks ended up in the wrong pockets.
Speaking before an assembled multitude of fawning brown faces in the car park of Unilever’s Mumbai headquarters, Posh Dave urged his audience to cease with their shouts of “We love you Nick Clegg!” as he was actually the Big Boss Tory and young Nick merely the Lib-Dum’s errand boy.
Asked during the Q & A session which Indian dishes he was hoping to sample, Dave replied that if he had enough Imodium tablets in his kit then it would be a Kerala fish curry - "to see if it compares to the slop Sarah gets from the local take-away joint in Whitney".
Scameron used the speech platform opportunity to address the news media and get the message across for the Indian government to cut regulation and red tape in a bid to encourage trade and investment involving the City’s Edomite Mafia crime syndicate’s financial interests, such as licencing a branch of the Shylock Bank of International Usury and opening a Delhi-based subsidiary of the Wilkins Micawber Institute for Economic Guessology to promote the Western fiscal hyper-inflation and Debtocracy systems.
"India's rise is going to be one of the great phenomena of this century and it’s incredibly impressive to see who pollutes their country to the point of an irreversible environmental calamity first - you or China - with the entire population suffering from terminal bronchitis first.”
"That’s why we in Britain want to be your partner of choice and sell India lots of carbon trade credits so you don’t have to worry over Al Gore harping on about drowning polar bears and melting glaciers and icecaps - and continue to burn as many fossil fuels as you like - and have a carbon footprint the size of Godzilla’s.”
Fronting yet another vendre un canard à moitié (to half-sell a duck) scheme, Dave promised investment of up to a million nicker to help fund a feasibility study - using British expertise, obviously - to develop an ambitious (fantasist) business corridor along the 1,000 mile stretch between Mumbai in the north and Bangalore in the south.
Yep, you heard it right first time – a string of Milton Keynes new town look-alikes – all with the colourless character of a caravan site.
Hmmm, nice one Dave - all they have to sort out is such blatant Third World basket case anomalies as brown outs, potable water, sewage disposal, efficient highways, honest policing – and exorcise the endemic culture of bureaucratic graft and corruption which infests the entire sub-continent to such an extent the fucking place can no longer operate without their ‘kleptocracy’ baksheesh system.
One of Dave’s targets during the trip is to address controversy over the recent toughening of UK visa rules by the not-fit-for-purpose Border Agency who now view returning British vacationers as potential illegal immigrants.
In an interview with the Sacred Bullshit Gazette Posh Dave stressed how there was a warm welcome – even in a frosty February - for those who wanted to make a positive contribution to the UK monetary system and receive a big ‘thank you’ from the Rothshite crime family – and there being no limit on the number of Indian students that could come to British universities, so long as they had an English language qualification then would be virtually guaranteed a university place in Brummystan.
Still hovering in Cloud Cuckoo Land, Dave further intimated the UK's visa process could be relaxed for Indian businessmen if they arrived at Heathrow toting suitcases bulging with any of the major trading currency banknotes – or gold. "Whether its business entrepreneurs or students, we want to make sure we’re attracting the best and the brightest - and there’s always room for a few more curry houses and a Poundshop or two up and down the High Street.”
So once again the ‘for profit’ Fortune 500 corporations determine and drive Broken Britain’s foreign policy to suit their own ends – and not the good of the voting public. From the despicable makers of weapons of war to the Unilever costermongers selling their repulsive Marmite concoction - that spread on a platoon of toast soldiers is as likely to appeal to the palate of your common or garden dhobi wallah as an Aussie abo’s wood grubs are to a French gourmand intent on dining with Lucullus.
Among the businessmen joining Scameron on the trip was Ron Skidmark, chief executive of the English Premier League, , who told the BBC that football was the fastest growing off-pitch gambling sport in India, with hefty bribes and payoffs to players, linesmen and referees – as evidenced by the recent Cup Final match between Delhi Dynamos and the Madras Marauders at the latter’s Tamil Nadu home ground.
Last Saturday the Marauders lost 23 – 0 to the visiting team – in a calamitous match which included several red cards issued, five players sent off, fourteen instances of ‘hand ball’ penalties being awarded – and scored – and a riot breaking out in the stands when it was discovered the Marauders centre half had a wooden leg and the goalkeeper wore a glass eye.
Scameron’s true constituency might well be the Fortune 500 company index back in Blighty but here on the sub-continent are a myriad of obstacles to reconcile himself with – a nepotism-riddled bureaucracy lorded over by dynastic Brahmins – with each possessed of a narcissistic personality disorder and deranged sense of omnipotent self-righteousness.
Then we have the Curse of the Four C’s: Cronyism, Collusion, Corruption, and Complacency (compromised politicians and a compliant, corporate controlled media) – along with the dodgy DOSRII factor: Directors, Officers, Seniors and Related Invested Interests.
Last but by no means least there’s the ingrained ‘caste’ apartheid culture system with the bloated Brahmins on the top rung and the dirty Dacoits down below – to be perennially shit on as is their lot in life. Now that’s definitely got to be a problem for the UK / EU equal rights and opportunities legislation to do business with India.
On a lighter note, Posh Dave took advantage of a photo op’ and played a game of cricket - facing a barrage of ferocious deliveries from the local youngsters - before his middle stump fell to a fast ball from one young bowler named Achmed whose 9 year old cousin was recently murdered in a ISAF hunter-killer MQ-9 Reaper drone attack while attending the funeral of their Paki Granny in the Peshawar hinterlands.
After being bowled out for a duck he commented to press hacks “It was good fun but I knew I was in trouble when that little twat Achmed started hurling the balls at me like a sodding baseball pitcher.”
Thought for the day. 23-year old Wormhole Jaffacake, an unemployed tortoise polisher from the slums of Mumbai, yesterday surprised friends and neighbours with his self-confident air of enterprise by giving up the security of a stable 16-hour-a-day job mooching for tat on a coastal landfill site, with a potable water standpipe within an hour’s walking distance from his makeshift home (two sheets of corrugated iron) – and has been first in line at the British Embassy to take advantage of Scameron’s offer of a next-day visa to travel to Britain and attend University.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Is Kate a Cyborg or Really Human?
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
PM Posh Dave Scameron last night went into total sycophantic muppet mode to kiss some royal arse by defending Katie Middleclass, informing press hacks that author Hilary ‘Witchipoo’ Mantel, a former child frightener, was completely off her rocker and out of order to compare the Princess with a shop window dummy – adding that Mantel might well write great books to wipe your bum on but what she's said about Kate was completely misguided.
Scameron further lambasted Mantel, stating for the public record, “In her wholly unqualified opinion, contrasted to Diana, the late Princess of Wales – who was unfortunately murdered on Royal orders in Paris back in 1997 to prevent her giving birth to that al Fayed Muslim costermonger’s sprog – this horrid and creepy cow Mantel claims that Kate looks like some emaciated laboratory-product Fabricant – just the same as the sexy slant-eyed slope in the Cloud Atlas movie that certain delinquent cabinet members downloaded from Pirate Bay last week.”
The piranha-toothed Mantel, suffering one of her frequent menopausal blonde moments – and obviously not out to win any popularity contests – or monarch-bestowed honours – seized the opportunity while speaking at the London Review of Royal Sluts Lecture to do a spot of selective backstabbing and compare the duchess to the likes of a cross-dressing Bono – ‘a gloss-varnished moron with a plastic smile’.
In her speech, titled ‘Undressing Anne Boleyn – Warts and All’, which related to royal women, Mantel also included snide remarks aimed at the late Princess Margaret, known in regal circles as the ‘Royal Bike’ as everyone had been for a ride on her.
“There’s been a vacuum since they had MI5 knock Di’ off - which none of the other royal trolls could even hope to fill – especially that chain-smoking harpy Gorgonzilla Parker-Bowles that Chazzer took up with. Good God, has the Prince of Wales never heard of Specsavers?”
“So Katie’s the answer – the replacement people’s Princess – and once she gets over her morning sickness ‘puke-a-thon’, the gutter press hacks will describe her as radiant – totally missing out on the point that her only purpose is to give birth. Kate was designed to fit the role of royal broodmare and a bit of a handy bonk for Wills while he’s assigned to the RAF Valley in Anglesey – so he doesn’t go off and get photographed fucking sheep – or behaving like his ginger-mingin cuckoo of a half-brother - Harry of the Hewitts – and shagging everything with a twat.”
Criticism aside, Mantel received a surge of support on the Twatter social networking site, with media scribbler Jemima Puddled Duck defending the author’s diatribe – agreeing that Kate came across as a semi intelligent dummy - albeit with a fabulous arse.
Last week the Royal Finger Pointer criticised the Italian ‘El Shitraker’ gossip magazine after it published photographs of the pregnant duchess in a bikini, taken while she was vacationing with Prince Wills on the elitist jet-setter’s Caribbean island of Le Expensive.
Conversely editor Alfonso Scummeroni, defended the use of the material, saying they were "photos of a young king-to-be having a grope at his wife’s tits” - and hence of interest to any self-respecting onanist dog wanker who needed that extra bit of sexual fantasy in their life.
With regard to Mantel’s splenetic speech, St James' Palace declined to comment officially, but one spokesman confided to media reporters “Who really gives a flying fuck what that tub of lard Mantel thinks about anything – and it will serve the nasty cow right if someone doses her morning coffee with polonium 210 – or ramblers find her body dumped in the David Kelly Memorial Woods – with her wrists slashed – or asphyxiated inside a big black North Face holdall.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
PM Posh Dave Scameron last night went into total sycophantic muppet mode to kiss some royal arse by defending Katie Middleclass, informing press hacks that author Hilary ‘Witchipoo’ Mantel, a former child frightener, was completely off her rocker and out of order to compare the Princess with a shop window dummy – adding that Mantel might well write great books to wipe your bum on but what she's said about Kate was completely misguided.
Scameron further lambasted Mantel, stating for the public record, “In her wholly unqualified opinion, contrasted to Diana, the late Princess of Wales – who was unfortunately murdered on Royal orders in Paris back in 1997 to prevent her giving birth to that al Fayed Muslim costermonger’s sprog – this horrid and creepy cow Mantel claims that Kate looks like some emaciated laboratory-product Fabricant – just the same as the sexy slant-eyed slope in the Cloud Atlas movie that certain delinquent cabinet members downloaded from Pirate Bay last week.”
The piranha-toothed Mantel, suffering one of her frequent menopausal blonde moments – and obviously not out to win any popularity contests – or monarch-bestowed honours – seized the opportunity while speaking at the London Review of Royal Sluts Lecture to do a spot of selective backstabbing and compare the duchess to the likes of a cross-dressing Bono – ‘a gloss-varnished moron with a plastic smile’.
In her speech, titled ‘Undressing Anne Boleyn – Warts and All’, which related to royal women, Mantel also included snide remarks aimed at the late Princess Margaret, known in regal circles as the ‘Royal Bike’ as everyone had been for a ride on her.
“There’s been a vacuum since they had MI5 knock Di’ off - which none of the other royal trolls could even hope to fill – especially that chain-smoking harpy Gorgonzilla Parker-Bowles that Chazzer took up with. Good God, has the Prince of Wales never heard of Specsavers?”
“So Katie’s the answer – the replacement people’s Princess – and once she gets over her morning sickness ‘puke-a-thon’, the gutter press hacks will describe her as radiant – totally missing out on the point that her only purpose is to give birth. Kate was designed to fit the role of royal broodmare and a bit of a handy bonk for Wills while he’s assigned to the RAF Valley in Anglesey – so he doesn’t go off and get photographed fucking sheep – or behaving like his ginger-mingin cuckoo of a half-brother - Harry of the Hewitts – and shagging everything with a twat.”
Criticism aside, Mantel received a surge of support on the Twatter social networking site, with media scribbler Jemima Puddled Duck defending the author’s diatribe – agreeing that Kate came across as a semi intelligent dummy - albeit with a fabulous arse.
Last week the Royal Finger Pointer criticised the Italian ‘El Shitraker’ gossip magazine after it published photographs of the pregnant duchess in a bikini, taken while she was vacationing with Prince Wills on the elitist jet-setter’s Caribbean island of Le Expensive.
Conversely editor Alfonso Scummeroni, defended the use of the material, saying they were "photos of a young king-to-be having a grope at his wife’s tits” - and hence of interest to any self-respecting onanist dog wanker who needed that extra bit of sexual fantasy in their life.
With regard to Mantel’s splenetic speech, St James' Palace declined to comment officially, but one spokesman confided to media reporters “Who really gives a flying fuck what that tub of lard Mantel thinks about anything – and it will serve the nasty cow right if someone doses her morning coffee with polonium 210 – or ramblers find her body dumped in the David Kelly Memorial Woods – with her wrists slashed – or asphyxiated inside a big black North Face holdall.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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