Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Jeremy ‘Gobshite’ Clarkson went on the public record over the weekend, stating that he would rather quit his mega-bucks job than move to ‘Shitty Salford’ if the BBC decided to produce the Top Gear petrolhead motoring programme at MediaCityUK.
Writing in the News Corporation crime syndicate’s Sunday Times - and ironically displaying nary an ounce of shame he’s scribing a self-opinionated column of droll sarcasm for the Dirty Digger, Rupert Mudrock - he described the city of Salford, a place he’s never visited, as "a shitty slum area of Manchester whose only saving graces were hosting a Starbucks and having a string of canals infested with man-eating ducks".
In his motoring column the six-foot plus ignoramus continued: "The dump’s miles from any court of significance and nowhere near a single politician that matters” – a direct insult to the ginger-mingin’ Labour MP for Salford, the Parliamentary expenses fiddling Hazel ‘Dumpy’ Blears.
Clarkson continued with his diatribe of condemning the hapless city with "Furthermore, if we ran the show from Salford, we'd be employing yobs and scallies who live in slums like Coronation Street and look like the stick insect cloth cap peasants in Lowry’s paintings.”
Conversely, Salford Council's Labour leader Bazzer ‘Pitbull’ McScrote opined to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker "Fer a bloke that’s never bin ter Salford his comments simply demonstrate his contempt fer anyone he considers less than his social equal, and are thus born out of this unqualified arrogance that possesses the stupid Brillo-bonced dog wanker.”
“Clarkson’s got shit-fer-brains, an’ a bad habit of opening mouth before engaging brain, hence not a bloke given ter considered opinion. What a sad twat, dissin’ Salford, the centre of the Industrial Revolution, when his own roots lie in dingy Doncaster and his family made their money on the ‘tea cosy’ market – an’ he kicked off floggin’ pirate copies of Paddington Bear at car boot sales.”
“But now the pillock has a few bob he’s got big ideas wot surpass his limited intellect so reckons he can gob off an’ insult who the fuck he likes wiv impunity. Believe me, if the Beeb ever did move the Top Gear programme ter Media City then we wouldn’t grant that tosser a visa ter come here.”
“So, bollocks ter owt that Clarkson has ter say – yer can’t educate pork – an’ the best yer can expect from a pig is a grunt.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
Dead Body Mans RattleTrack Ticket Office
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A furore has erupted between the RMT Union and UK train operators after it was discovered a dead commuter, pulled off the electrified ‘third rail’ of the London Underground tube lines during the night, had been sat in - and then tied to - a stool at the Smegmadale Station ticket office for several hours prior to being collected by one of the NHS’s Mortuary Service vans later that morning.
The union is calling for an official inquiry by the offices of London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Transport for London after the body of a suicidal commuter who’d also been hit by a tube train after receiving a fatal 630 volts DC shock, was scraped off the lines, pieced back together in haphazard fashion with Blue Tack, staples, jumbo paper clips and Gaffer tape, then allegedly left propped up in the station ticket office – with the hectic rush hour flow of commuters failing to notice anything unusual.
Apparently the corpse was already in a state of rigor mortis and only discovered to be dead when one of Tosspot Trains pikey contract cleaners from the Renta-Moron Agency came into the office and noticed a large puddle of red liquid on the floor, which upon ‘touch and taste’ investigation was determined not to be spilled herbal tea nor Ribena, but coagulating blood.
Bazzer McScrote, a regular commuter traveling from his 'margins of society' makeshift home on Smegmadale’s landfill site aboard First Crapita Disconnect, to sign on at the Euston Jobcentre, told one press hack from the Snafu Gazette that “I just got the usual response when I asked the guy sat on the stool by the ticket desk window if the Dorklands Light Rail inner-City service woz runnin’ on schedule or still on effin’ strike - an’ he just stared back at me an’ said nowt. Yer can never tell wiv Rattle Track’s staff anymore cos they’re all brain dead ter start wiv.”
In their defence, Transport for London spokeswoman Bev Titwank informed a reporter from the Self-Harmers Weekly that following a "person under a train incident" at Smegmadale Station at 05:10 BST that morning, CO2 Rail and TossRail services on the Circle and City line were suspended while the third rail power was cut and the body retrieved by paramedics from emergency services.
Ms Titwank explained “Cos the effin’ ambulance service are a bunch of squeamish twats an’ won’t transport dead bodies, night shift staff moved the dead bloke ter a secure location within the station complex – wot just happened ter be the ticket office – until the meat wagon from the NHS mortuary could come round an’ body bag the corpse an’ cart it off. By the time our staff had hosed the lines an’ platform down an’ got rid of all the blood an’ guts wot woz splattered everywhere it woz 07:00 hours an’ that’s when the station woz open ter the public again.”
Smegmadale police Sergeant Harry Fuctifino informed media hacks “This was probably yet another in this current spate of suicides due manic depression that we put down to the hapless public having to deal with delayed and cancelled services. We get a couple of dozen of these a week when the customer service tannoy announces that some train or the other has been delayed until next Wednesday, then all these weird commuter types that’s run out of Prozac go into collective lemming mode and hurl themselves onto the tracks en masse under the next train that happens to comes along.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
A furore has erupted between the RMT Union and UK train operators after it was discovered a dead commuter, pulled off the electrified ‘third rail’ of the London Underground tube lines during the night, had been sat in - and then tied to - a stool at the Smegmadale Station ticket office for several hours prior to being collected by one of the NHS’s Mortuary Service vans later that morning.
The union is calling for an official inquiry by the offices of London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Transport for London after the body of a suicidal commuter who’d also been hit by a tube train after receiving a fatal 630 volts DC shock, was scraped off the lines, pieced back together in haphazard fashion with Blue Tack, staples, jumbo paper clips and Gaffer tape, then allegedly left propped up in the station ticket office – with the hectic rush hour flow of commuters failing to notice anything unusual.
Apparently the corpse was already in a state of rigor mortis and only discovered to be dead when one of Tosspot Trains pikey contract cleaners from the Renta-Moron Agency came into the office and noticed a large puddle of red liquid on the floor, which upon ‘touch and taste’ investigation was determined not to be spilled herbal tea nor Ribena, but coagulating blood.
Bazzer McScrote, a regular commuter traveling from his 'margins of society' makeshift home on Smegmadale’s landfill site aboard First Crapita Disconnect, to sign on at the Euston Jobcentre, told one press hack from the Snafu Gazette that “I just got the usual response when I asked the guy sat on the stool by the ticket desk window if the Dorklands Light Rail inner-City service woz runnin’ on schedule or still on effin’ strike - an’ he just stared back at me an’ said nowt. Yer can never tell wiv Rattle Track’s staff anymore cos they’re all brain dead ter start wiv.”
In their defence, Transport for London spokeswoman Bev Titwank informed a reporter from the Self-Harmers Weekly that following a "person under a train incident" at Smegmadale Station at 05:10 BST that morning, CO2 Rail and TossRail services on the Circle and City line were suspended while the third rail power was cut and the body retrieved by paramedics from emergency services.
Ms Titwank explained “Cos the effin’ ambulance service are a bunch of squeamish twats an’ won’t transport dead bodies, night shift staff moved the dead bloke ter a secure location within the station complex – wot just happened ter be the ticket office – until the meat wagon from the NHS mortuary could come round an’ body bag the corpse an’ cart it off. By the time our staff had hosed the lines an’ platform down an’ got rid of all the blood an’ guts wot woz splattered everywhere it woz 07:00 hours an’ that’s when the station woz open ter the public again.”
Smegmadale police Sergeant Harry Fuctifino informed media hacks “This was probably yet another in this current spate of suicides due manic depression that we put down to the hapless public having to deal with delayed and cancelled services. We get a couple of dozen of these a week when the customer service tannoy announces that some train or the other has been delayed until next Wednesday, then all these weird commuter types that’s run out of Prozac go into collective lemming mode and hurl themselves onto the tracks en masse under the next train that happens to comes along.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Monday, 11 July 2011
Will Palestine be the next South Sudan?
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Saturday’s festivities in South Sudan, celebrating the Third World dump achieving independent nation status, presented the perfect opportunity for arch vulgarian Rupert Mudrock’s News Corporation to distract the British sheeple from the closure of their favourite Sunday morning shit-raking rag - the ‘more tits on pages 4, 5 and 6 masturbation aid’ News of the World, due its excommunication by the Church of England and associated stigma concerning felonious breaches of privacy statutes and the Data Protection Act – and bribing members of Her Majesty’s crooked constabulary.
This scandalous situation has manifested due the paper’s journalists engaging in unbridled management-sanctioned campaigns of phone hacking - and corrupting dodgy members of the Met’s Plod Squad with mega-bucks bribes in exchange for confidential information concerning criminal inquiries.
The whole shebang is currently percolating at a geometric rate into a critical mass situation that’s going to erupt in a joint political-corporate mega-nuclear meltdown once the entire smorgasbord index of revelations of wrong-doing are exposed and laid alongside the current charges – heralding a complex toxic scandal of criminal activities that will reverberate throughout the hallowed halls of government, corporate board rooms, the stock exchange, and the cloisters of the judiciary for what horologists aptly term ‘a very long time’ – and have a ‘shit sticks’ half-life that might well surpass the millennium’s-plus radioactive contamination around Japan’s stricken Fuckupshima reactors.
Insha’Allah, let’s just hope PM Posh Dave Scameron does distance himself from involvement with the phone hacking and Plod Squad bribery investigations and not do a Tony Bliar by appointing some civil service career scumbag Freemason like Bwian Hutton or John Chilcot - aka Lord Whitewash and Lord Coverups respectively - to head the inquiry.
So, the weekend’s done with, the Screws of the World’s a gonner – along with the ginger-mingin Rebekah Brooks' credibility as News International’s CEO - and South Sudan’s busy recovering from a massive hangover before the IMF’s banksters arrive en masse to saddle them with shed loads of nasty debt and gain control of their undeveloped oil and gas resources.
Thus here’s the question of the day: will Palestine be the next South Sudan – and be greeted likewise as the world’s newest nation – with similar displays of fanfare, fireworks and bunting in a celebration attended and applauded by hosts of world leaders when they stand before the United Nations Assembly this coming September and petition for ‘nationhood’?
Doubtful, when Bobo Nuttyaho and the scumbag Ashkenazi Jews of convenience running the Israeli Knesset are involved – and the United States, under the monetary and political domination of kikester banks and AIPAC are lobbying every fucker and their dog to deny the Palestinians statehood – much as they’ve just pressured (read ‘coerced / blackmailed’) the morally, and fiscally, bankrupt Greek government into preventing the departure of the next Gaza-bound Freedom Flotilla – and likewise coerced European nations various to block the passage of air travellers to Palestine on the ‘Fly-tilla’.
Thus how can the Palestinians regain their usurped – their ‘stolen’ - nationhood status and not remain forever under the ZioNazi jackboot? Alike the West Bank, as an Israeli ‘Occupied Territory’ that the illegal settlements see diminished further with each passing day. Or the Gaza Strip – besieged behind the kikester’s Great Apartheid Wall, where their quality of life is reduced by force of arms to that of Malthusian Catastrophe level, living in the biggest concentration camp on the planet.
Meanwhile, hypocrisy-ridden political leaders from across the globe have been sending their congratulations to South Sudan on Saturday as it became the world's newest nation – while with conspicuous irony, totally ignoring the plight of Palestine, which was a long-established and prosperous sovereign state until the 1948 ‘Yawm an-Nakbah’ (Day of Catastrophe).
It was on this fateful day, that must go down in the annals of historic infamy, when the thieving Ashkenazi ‘Jews of convenience’ kikester terrorists stole their country from under their very feet and drove the Palestinians out of ‘Palestine’ - in a genocidal military action then applauded by the crooked Zionist-dominated United Nations, who were quick to recognise the outlaw state and have complied with ZioNazi demands to ignore their human rights and wrongs breaches and shit on the Palestinians at every opportunity since that fateful date – much to their everlasting moral shame.
Thought for the day: Is the old Dirty Digger Mudrock still to be considered a ‘fit and proper person’, of good moral character, to be trusted with the stewardship of BSkyB with regard to the current phone hacking and police bribery scandals - and the fact his News Corporation media conglomerate is the chief apologist and propaganda machine for the rogue state of Israel – and main media antagonist demonising the Palestinians?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday’s festivities in South Sudan, celebrating the Third World dump achieving independent nation status, presented the perfect opportunity for arch vulgarian Rupert Mudrock’s News Corporation to distract the British sheeple from the closure of their favourite Sunday morning shit-raking rag - the ‘more tits on pages 4, 5 and 6 masturbation aid’ News of the World, due its excommunication by the Church of England and associated stigma concerning felonious breaches of privacy statutes and the Data Protection Act – and bribing members of Her Majesty’s crooked constabulary.
This scandalous situation has manifested due the paper’s journalists engaging in unbridled management-sanctioned campaigns of phone hacking - and corrupting dodgy members of the Met’s Plod Squad with mega-bucks bribes in exchange for confidential information concerning criminal inquiries.
The whole shebang is currently percolating at a geometric rate into a critical mass situation that’s going to erupt in a joint political-corporate mega-nuclear meltdown once the entire smorgasbord index of revelations of wrong-doing are exposed and laid alongside the current charges – heralding a complex toxic scandal of criminal activities that will reverberate throughout the hallowed halls of government, corporate board rooms, the stock exchange, and the cloisters of the judiciary for what horologists aptly term ‘a very long time’ – and have a ‘shit sticks’ half-life that might well surpass the millennium’s-plus radioactive contamination around Japan’s stricken Fuckupshima reactors.
Insha’Allah, let’s just hope PM Posh Dave Scameron does distance himself from involvement with the phone hacking and Plod Squad bribery investigations and not do a Tony Bliar by appointing some civil service career scumbag Freemason like Bwian Hutton or John Chilcot - aka Lord Whitewash and Lord Coverups respectively - to head the inquiry.
So, the weekend’s done with, the Screws of the World’s a gonner – along with the ginger-mingin Rebekah Brooks' credibility as News International’s CEO - and South Sudan’s busy recovering from a massive hangover before the IMF’s banksters arrive en masse to saddle them with shed loads of nasty debt and gain control of their undeveloped oil and gas resources.
Thus here’s the question of the day: will Palestine be the next South Sudan – and be greeted likewise as the world’s newest nation – with similar displays of fanfare, fireworks and bunting in a celebration attended and applauded by hosts of world leaders when they stand before the United Nations Assembly this coming September and petition for ‘nationhood’?
Doubtful, when Bobo Nuttyaho and the scumbag Ashkenazi Jews of convenience running the Israeli Knesset are involved – and the United States, under the monetary and political domination of kikester banks and AIPAC are lobbying every fucker and their dog to deny the Palestinians statehood – much as they’ve just pressured (read ‘coerced / blackmailed’) the morally, and fiscally, bankrupt Greek government into preventing the departure of the next Gaza-bound Freedom Flotilla – and likewise coerced European nations various to block the passage of air travellers to Palestine on the ‘Fly-tilla’.
Thus how can the Palestinians regain their usurped – their ‘stolen’ - nationhood status and not remain forever under the ZioNazi jackboot? Alike the West Bank, as an Israeli ‘Occupied Territory’ that the illegal settlements see diminished further with each passing day. Or the Gaza Strip – besieged behind the kikester’s Great Apartheid Wall, where their quality of life is reduced by force of arms to that of Malthusian Catastrophe level, living in the biggest concentration camp on the planet.
Meanwhile, hypocrisy-ridden political leaders from across the globe have been sending their congratulations to South Sudan on Saturday as it became the world's newest nation – while with conspicuous irony, totally ignoring the plight of Palestine, which was a long-established and prosperous sovereign state until the 1948 ‘Yawm an-Nakbah’ (Day of Catastrophe).
It was on this fateful day, that must go down in the annals of historic infamy, when the thieving Ashkenazi ‘Jews of convenience’ kikester terrorists stole their country from under their very feet and drove the Palestinians out of ‘Palestine’ - in a genocidal military action then applauded by the crooked Zionist-dominated United Nations, who were quick to recognise the outlaw state and have complied with ZioNazi demands to ignore their human rights and wrongs breaches and shit on the Palestinians at every opportunity since that fateful date – much to their everlasting moral shame.
Thought for the day: Is the old Dirty Digger Mudrock still to be considered a ‘fit and proper person’, of good moral character, to be trusted with the stewardship of BSkyB with regard to the current phone hacking and police bribery scandals - and the fact his News Corporation media conglomerate is the chief apologist and propaganda machine for the rogue state of Israel – and main media antagonist demonising the Palestinians?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
BBC Turn Jobhunting into Blood Sport
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Programme planners at the BBC are facing renewed criticism and copping for fresh heaps of well-deserved flack from civil rights groups for a planned gameshow-style reality series which will offer top City jobs as prizes to the unemployed.
Bazzer McScrunt, the director of Ox-Rat, the human rights and wrongs abuse watchdog charity, opined to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker that “This is the worst effin’ idea the BBC’s had since their last worst idea. The whole concept’s tacky n trashy, but that sums the BBC up to a tee – and 99% of all other telly channels too.”
The proposed BBC3 programme, ‘Jobs to Die For’ - which moronically plans to pit unemployed teenagers against each other in Roman gladiator style combat scenarios live on air - is scheduled to give the series – pre-emptively branded as inappropriate and cruel - a prime time evening spot to attract a mega-ratings blood-thirsty audience fed up with the lack of gore and carnage offered on Big Brother, Dragon’s Den – or Bargain Hunt.
Love & Hate Productions, the makers of the show, are looking for jobseekers aged between 16 and 24 with a history of violence and who’ve previously been penalised with Asbos for vandalism and anti-social behaviour - or ordered to attend ‘anger management’ seminars.
The series, which was commissioned earlier this year, will film school, college and university leavers – along with Borstal releasees - on four-week placements with British Special Forces troops in Afghanistan and Libya to ‘get the feel of things violent’.
The youngsters will start with menial tasks like body-bagging civilians killed by cross-eyed NATO gunship pilots firing Shitehawk missiles into schools and orphanages around Tripoli - before graduating to more independent executive actions such as the ’Silent Snuff’ – taking out an enemy sentry with a cheese wire garrotte or their K-bar knife.
From then on it’s back to the UK studios, where the series’ producer, Genghis de Sade, intends to stage weekly knock-out slugfest tournaments in ‘The Arena’, where contestants will get the chance to prove their worth in Roman ‘Blood & Snot’ style face-to-face combat situations and hack each other to pieces with a variety of bladed weapons and blunt instruments – and with the winner being awarded the coveted 'You're Hired' decision after proving themselves capable of surviving and prospering in the cut-throat, dog-eat-dog world of corporate banking.
Conversely, employment consultants have rapped the BBC, accusing the Corporation of exploiting the jobless for entertainment.
Fellattia van der Gamm, founder of the respected job-hunting website Scally-Hire, opined to the Warmongers Gazette that “This show’s inappropriate and cruel – and obviously designed by some moronic prat who has no empathy for how it feels to be young and unemployed, with no chance of getting a job while this fatally-flawed Libservative Coalition government, led by Posh Dave Scameron, remain in power and perpetuate the depression by pushing the moronic Big Society concept and it being run by volunteers.”
“Really, turning their struggle to find a job into gore-ridden entertainment for a television audience is humiliating – and don’t overlook the fact that those contestants who fail to make the grade in the arena might take the rejection on national television very hard and a blow to their self-esteem – especially when the viewing audience phone-in a ‘thumbs down’ verdict.”
So, if you’re out of a job and interested in pitting your wits and pugilist skills against contemporary opponents in a life-or-death situation, fill in the online application form below.
While the top prizes include such coveted posts as trainee CEO of N.M. Rothshite Bank and Junior VP at BAE Armaments, consolation prizes include a guaranteed NHS bed and a dedicated A & E surgical team to patch up losers – plus 100 minutes of free texts to Samaritans - or an all-paid one-way trip to Switzerland’s Dignitas ‘Smiley Face’ assisted suicide resort if inflicted injuries include brain damage.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Programme planners at the BBC are facing renewed criticism and copping for fresh heaps of well-deserved flack from civil rights groups for a planned gameshow-style reality series which will offer top City jobs as prizes to the unemployed.
Bazzer McScrunt, the director of Ox-Rat, the human rights and wrongs abuse watchdog charity, opined to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker that “This is the worst effin’ idea the BBC’s had since their last worst idea. The whole concept’s tacky n trashy, but that sums the BBC up to a tee – and 99% of all other telly channels too.”
The proposed BBC3 programme, ‘Jobs to Die For’ - which moronically plans to pit unemployed teenagers against each other in Roman gladiator style combat scenarios live on air - is scheduled to give the series – pre-emptively branded as inappropriate and cruel - a prime time evening spot to attract a mega-ratings blood-thirsty audience fed up with the lack of gore and carnage offered on Big Brother, Dragon’s Den – or Bargain Hunt.
Love & Hate Productions, the makers of the show, are looking for jobseekers aged between 16 and 24 with a history of violence and who’ve previously been penalised with Asbos for vandalism and anti-social behaviour - or ordered to attend ‘anger management’ seminars.
The series, which was commissioned earlier this year, will film school, college and university leavers – along with Borstal releasees - on four-week placements with British Special Forces troops in Afghanistan and Libya to ‘get the feel of things violent’.
The youngsters will start with menial tasks like body-bagging civilians killed by cross-eyed NATO gunship pilots firing Shitehawk missiles into schools and orphanages around Tripoli - before graduating to more independent executive actions such as the ’Silent Snuff’ – taking out an enemy sentry with a cheese wire garrotte or their K-bar knife.
From then on it’s back to the UK studios, where the series’ producer, Genghis de Sade, intends to stage weekly knock-out slugfest tournaments in ‘The Arena’, where contestants will get the chance to prove their worth in Roman ‘Blood & Snot’ style face-to-face combat situations and hack each other to pieces with a variety of bladed weapons and blunt instruments – and with the winner being awarded the coveted 'You're Hired' decision after proving themselves capable of surviving and prospering in the cut-throat, dog-eat-dog world of corporate banking.
Conversely, employment consultants have rapped the BBC, accusing the Corporation of exploiting the jobless for entertainment.
Fellattia van der Gamm, founder of the respected job-hunting website Scally-Hire, opined to the Warmongers Gazette that “This show’s inappropriate and cruel – and obviously designed by some moronic prat who has no empathy for how it feels to be young and unemployed, with no chance of getting a job while this fatally-flawed Libservative Coalition government, led by Posh Dave Scameron, remain in power and perpetuate the depression by pushing the moronic Big Society concept and it being run by volunteers.”
“Really, turning their struggle to find a job into gore-ridden entertainment for a television audience is humiliating – and don’t overlook the fact that those contestants who fail to make the grade in the arena might take the rejection on national television very hard and a blow to their self-esteem – especially when the viewing audience phone-in a ‘thumbs down’ verdict.”
So, if you’re out of a job and interested in pitting your wits and pugilist skills against contemporary opponents in a life-or-death situation, fill in the online application form below.
While the top prizes include such coveted posts as trainee CEO of N.M. Rothshite Bank and Junior VP at BAE Armaments, consolation prizes include a guaranteed NHS bed and a dedicated A & E surgical team to patch up losers – plus 100 minutes of free texts to Samaritans - or an all-paid one-way trip to Switzerland’s Dignitas ‘Smiley Face’ assisted suicide resort if inflicted injuries include brain damage.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday, 9 July 2011
News of World Gets Death Sentence
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Friday, 8 July 2011
Saudis Win ‘Barbarians of the Year’ Award
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A Saudi Arabian court, headed by Sheikh Ras al Shitbag of the Mutaween religious police, has succeeded in getting the bog-standard kingdom into the Guinness Book of World Records this week after they set a judicial first by actually prosecuting one of their nationals for ‘crimes against humanity’ – and sentenced a woman to 50 hours of community service plus fining her 100 riyals for stabbing, beating and burning her Indonesian housemaid, Whingeeter bin Hapless, after she failed to peel sufficient grapes for the accused’s breakfast.
The woman, Princess Sharmuta Bala’a il A’air, the fourth wife of Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer, the Minister for Nepotistic Appointments, was sentenced under a newly-enacted legislative decree, based on legal statutes copied directly from the British RSPCA’s handbook of cruelty to animals laws.
This constitutes a veritable first for the backward kingdom, where graft and corruption have become so institutionalised that government is incapable of functioning without them, and where peasants caught parking on double yellow lines, or getting pissed on Horny Camel beer, or falling behind with their council tax payments, cop for fifty lashes.
Such is life under the rule of the Saudi kleptocracy, where adulterous sluts are condemned to be lapidated (‘stoned’ to death – and not by smoking ganja), and petty thieves have their hands chopped off – with beheading the penalty for posting anti-establishment graffiti or writing to the Despots Gazette, criticising the ruling totalitarian regime - or bad-mouthing King Abdullah bin Fat Git personally.
Hmmm, King Abdullah, an autocratic dictator who doesn’t qualify for a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy, and a man now stricken with severe credibility issues due his violent suppression of the population’s Arab Spring aspirations - and dispatching troops from their Renta-Thug Battalion to Bahrain to quell socio-political dissent there - has been ranked by Tyrant-Watch, the international human rights and wrongs sentinel, as among the worst five dictators in Asia.
Known amongst the silent political opposition and critics alike as Abdullah the Slug, the King presides over a Third World shithole, veneered with a wafer-thin facade of civilization, where religious freedom is non-existent, along with freedom of speech - and women have no rights whatever as they can't work, vote, try to piss standing up - or drive a car – and are forbidden from appearing in public without being ensheathed in one of those vile and ubiquitous Satanic black burkhas – and accompanied by an adult male relative – and get punished as harshly as the cock-happy perpetrators if they’re stupid enough to complain to the police that they’ve been raped.
Now, we are unfortunately forced to accept that fact that there are no safeguards against the vagaries of human nature – and fascist states like Saudi don’t recognise such socio-political objectives as the Montesquieu principles of political checks and balances – which serve to ensure freedom of speech, justice and the rule of law, and thus provide an indicator of a society’s civilised status to meet the aspirations and demands of their internet street smart Bolshie populations.
However, fortunately, apart from other damning transgressions of basic human rights listed in the preceding paragraphs, which the peons of civilised nations take for granted in the 21st Century - at least the notorious national pastime of torturing foreign domestic maids is finally frowned upon and decreed to be a crime in Saudi Arabia – where the actual year on the Hirji calendar is still a Dark Ages ‘1432’.
Alas, pulling her ‘royal connections’ Get Out of Jail Free card, Princess Sharmuta Bala’a il A’air is insisting that she’s innocent and had nothing to do with the injuries suffered by her housemaid, Ms Whingeeter Binti Salan Mustapa – who she claims is a self-harmer and inflicted the wounds upon her own person which left her with third degree burns, deep lacerations, several broken bones, a fractured skull, internal bleeding and severe bruising - and informed one interviewer from Oasis Channel TV that she will appeal against the sentencing.
Thought for the day: More than 80,000 Indonesian and Filipino Muslim domestic workers flock to Saudi Arabia every year, where they and other economic migrant workers face slavery-like conditions and sexual abuse. So, will this successful prosecution herald an end to the culture of housemaid tortures? Hmmm, in the interests of environmental hygiene, will bears stop shitting in the woods? Will the Pope stop wearing that daft fishtail hat?
Anyone ever wondered why there are no pigs in Saudi Arabia? Easy, no self-respecting porker worth its bacon would live in the Third World barbaric shithole.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
A Saudi Arabian court, headed by Sheikh Ras al Shitbag of the Mutaween religious police, has succeeded in getting the bog-standard kingdom into the Guinness Book of World Records this week after they set a judicial first by actually prosecuting one of their nationals for ‘crimes against humanity’ – and sentenced a woman to 50 hours of community service plus fining her 100 riyals for stabbing, beating and burning her Indonesian housemaid, Whingeeter bin Hapless, after she failed to peel sufficient grapes for the accused’s breakfast.
The woman, Princess Sharmuta Bala’a il A’air, the fourth wife of Sheikh Fizzy Al Kaseltzer, the Minister for Nepotistic Appointments, was sentenced under a newly-enacted legislative decree, based on legal statutes copied directly from the British RSPCA’s handbook of cruelty to animals laws.
This constitutes a veritable first for the backward kingdom, where graft and corruption have become so institutionalised that government is incapable of functioning without them, and where peasants caught parking on double yellow lines, or getting pissed on Horny Camel beer, or falling behind with their council tax payments, cop for fifty lashes.
Such is life under the rule of the Saudi kleptocracy, where adulterous sluts are condemned to be lapidated (‘stoned’ to death – and not by smoking ganja), and petty thieves have their hands chopped off – with beheading the penalty for posting anti-establishment graffiti or writing to the Despots Gazette, criticising the ruling totalitarian regime - or bad-mouthing King Abdullah bin Fat Git personally.
Hmmm, King Abdullah, an autocratic dictator who doesn’t qualify for a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy, and a man now stricken with severe credibility issues due his violent suppression of the population’s Arab Spring aspirations - and dispatching troops from their Renta-Thug Battalion to Bahrain to quell socio-political dissent there - has been ranked by Tyrant-Watch, the international human rights and wrongs sentinel, as among the worst five dictators in Asia.
Known amongst the silent political opposition and critics alike as Abdullah the Slug, the King presides over a Third World shithole, veneered with a wafer-thin facade of civilization, where religious freedom is non-existent, along with freedom of speech - and women have no rights whatever as they can't work, vote, try to piss standing up - or drive a car – and are forbidden from appearing in public without being ensheathed in one of those vile and ubiquitous Satanic black burkhas – and accompanied by an adult male relative – and get punished as harshly as the cock-happy perpetrators if they’re stupid enough to complain to the police that they’ve been raped.
Now, we are unfortunately forced to accept that fact that there are no safeguards against the vagaries of human nature – and fascist states like Saudi don’t recognise such socio-political objectives as the Montesquieu principles of political checks and balances – which serve to ensure freedom of speech, justice and the rule of law, and thus provide an indicator of a society’s civilised status to meet the aspirations and demands of their internet street smart Bolshie populations.
However, fortunately, apart from other damning transgressions of basic human rights listed in the preceding paragraphs, which the peons of civilised nations take for granted in the 21st Century - at least the notorious national pastime of torturing foreign domestic maids is finally frowned upon and decreed to be a crime in Saudi Arabia – where the actual year on the Hirji calendar is still a Dark Ages ‘1432’.
Alas, pulling her ‘royal connections’ Get Out of Jail Free card, Princess Sharmuta Bala’a il A’air is insisting that she’s innocent and had nothing to do with the injuries suffered by her housemaid, Ms Whingeeter Binti Salan Mustapa – who she claims is a self-harmer and inflicted the wounds upon her own person which left her with third degree burns, deep lacerations, several broken bones, a fractured skull, internal bleeding and severe bruising - and informed one interviewer from Oasis Channel TV that she will appeal against the sentencing.
Thought for the day: More than 80,000 Indonesian and Filipino Muslim domestic workers flock to Saudi Arabia every year, where they and other economic migrant workers face slavery-like conditions and sexual abuse. So, will this successful prosecution herald an end to the culture of housemaid tortures? Hmmm, in the interests of environmental hygiene, will bears stop shitting in the woods? Will the Pope stop wearing that daft fishtail hat?
Anyone ever wondered why there are no pigs in Saudi Arabia? Easy, no self-respecting porker worth its bacon would live in the Third World barbaric shithole.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Thursday, 7 July 2011
EDL Exposed as ZioNazi Stooges
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The bonkers English Defence League, formed in 2009 via merging of the United Morons of Luton with the Skinhead Dingbat Patriot Movement, who’s bigoted leadership branded the squint-eyed Nick Griffin’s nasty neo-fascist ‘National Hate Every Fucker’ Party as a gang of ‘armchair racists’, wholly devoid of exercising any sense of real thuggery and gratuitous violence to get their chauvinist political message across – were this week exposed as being not only fanatically ‘anti-Muslim’ but also in cahoots with the Rothshite crime syndicate family and the Ashkenazi Jews of convenience scumbags running the ZioNazi state of Israel.
Following the publication of an editorial in the Daily Shitraker which labelled the EDL as a bunch of latter day Nazis and a resurrection of the genocidal Israeli ‘Kahane Gang’, the ultra-xenophobic group’s leader, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon - aka Tommy ‘Pitbull’ Robinson – their party theologian and apparently the ’brains of the outfit’ (sic), told one press hack from the Jingoist Review that “De English Defence League woz formed two years ago an’ one of our fundamental beliefs dat dis movement woz built on is its support fer Israel’s right ter defend itself against all dese Palestinian twats from de PLO an’ Hamas wot sez dey own de Gaza Strip an’ de West Bank – an’ even effin’ more if yer listen ter their bullshit claims.”
“Dat’s why I wears dis Star of David badge instead of de St George emblem - cos Israel’s a shining star of democracy an’ if Israel gets taken over by all dese heathen Arab states wot prays ter dis Allah bloke an’ hates democracy den we’re all fucked.”
“I’m like de Israeli Prime Minister, Bobo Nuttyahoo – a die-hard follower of Ze’ev Jabot de Hutt an’ believe Jabotinskyism – cos buildin’ an’ effin’ big wall around Gaza and de West Bank’s de only way ter keep de Palestinian terrorists in check – plus de occasional bit of ethnic cleansin’ wiv one of dem Cave of de Patriots demo’s ter let dem know who de fuck’s in charge.”
“De EDL stands fer freedom an’ since Baron Rothshite gave us a stack of money last year we support de Jewish people ter remain free forever, and we all stand together in dis fight against dem Islamic Jolly Jihad bastards an’ Hamas an’ Hezbollah an’ Iran an’ any other fucker an’ der dog wot sez Israel’s in breach of human rights cos dey don’t take any shit off de Palestinians.”
Robinson concluded “Fer fuck’s sake, dese Palestinian twats need ter wake up ter reality cos de Jews is God’s ‘Chosen People’ an’ de Halacha – orthodox Jewish law – sez dat anyone wot’s not a Jew is goyim scum – so dat’s dem totally fucked wiv a large capital F. Den yer got dat Pentateuch thingy wot sez dat de Holy Land all belongs ter de Jews - from de Euphrates ter Washington – an’ AIPAC have already have a grip on dat end of things cos dey’ve got de little Kenyan darkie bloke wot’s squattin’ in de White House by de short an’ curlies an’ doin’ precisely wot he’s told.”
Conversely, and in contradiction of Herr Gruppenfuhrer Robinson’s rhetoric, the gospel according to the Daily Shitraker editorial has stated for the public record, that in their qualified opinion, the English Defence League is neo-Nazi far-right street protest movement whose membership is composed of career NEDs and a legion of other intellectually-challenged gormless twats whose parents have been swimming too long at the shallow end of the gene pool.
The editorial, scribed by the iconic ‘Fair Play All Round’ philosopher, Sir Irwin Bogbrush, claims without ambiguity that the EDL are a tool of the Anglo-American-Israeli establishment’s military-industrial combine and simply fulfilling the part of stooges in their PNAC / Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion quest for full spectrum dominance of the Middle-East.
Of course the EDL recruit thick as pigshit morons from the Renta-Thug contingent of our society - soccer hooligans barred from attending live matches, and rabid racists slapped with Asbo’s which prevent them going within a hundred metres of a Paki’ chippy or take-away or a mosque - as no fucker with an ounce of common sense or grey matter between their ears would pay heed to their jingoistic and xenophobic ‘Hate Thy Neighbour’ spiel.
While it might well be deemed as unfair to tar (and feather) everybody in the organisation with the same brush, the antics and slogans of the street-demo’ membership don’t tend to come over as those of an eclectic group but more of one of similar mind and purpose – that of racist Islamophobic misanthropes and generalised shit-for-brains haters who haven’t a clue about the beliefs or culture of those they would pillory and burn at the stake.
However, this view suits the Libservative Coalition and British ruling establishment who, since the false flag jobs of 9/11, and too 7/7, have been working flat out like a lizard drinking to promote the charade of the war on terror and a false global overview - wherein the manky Muslim Jihadists, who’s religion they claim is vehemently intolerant of the illusionary Democracy we are supposed to relish in our panopticon surveillance society, are out to usurp our Christian beliefs and impose the jackboot of Islam and Sharia Law on our infidel necks – simply because it supports the government's involvement in illegal overseas wars of aggression.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The bonkers English Defence League, formed in 2009 via merging of the United Morons of Luton with the Skinhead Dingbat Patriot Movement, who’s bigoted leadership branded the squint-eyed Nick Griffin’s nasty neo-fascist ‘National Hate Every Fucker’ Party as a gang of ‘armchair racists’, wholly devoid of exercising any sense of real thuggery and gratuitous violence to get their chauvinist political message across – were this week exposed as being not only fanatically ‘anti-Muslim’ but also in cahoots with the Rothshite crime syndicate family and the Ashkenazi Jews of convenience scumbags running the ZioNazi state of Israel.
Following the publication of an editorial in the Daily Shitraker which labelled the EDL as a bunch of latter day Nazis and a resurrection of the genocidal Israeli ‘Kahane Gang’, the ultra-xenophobic group’s leader, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon - aka Tommy ‘Pitbull’ Robinson – their party theologian and apparently the ’brains of the outfit’ (sic), told one press hack from the Jingoist Review that “De English Defence League woz formed two years ago an’ one of our fundamental beliefs dat dis movement woz built on is its support fer Israel’s right ter defend itself against all dese Palestinian twats from de PLO an’ Hamas wot sez dey own de Gaza Strip an’ de West Bank – an’ even effin’ more if yer listen ter their bullshit claims.”
“Dat’s why I wears dis Star of David badge instead of de St George emblem - cos Israel’s a shining star of democracy an’ if Israel gets taken over by all dese heathen Arab states wot prays ter dis Allah bloke an’ hates democracy den we’re all fucked.”
“I’m like de Israeli Prime Minister, Bobo Nuttyahoo – a die-hard follower of Ze’ev Jabot de Hutt an’ believe Jabotinskyism – cos buildin’ an’ effin’ big wall around Gaza and de West Bank’s de only way ter keep de Palestinian terrorists in check – plus de occasional bit of ethnic cleansin’ wiv one of dem Cave of de Patriots demo’s ter let dem know who de fuck’s in charge.”
“De EDL stands fer freedom an’ since Baron Rothshite gave us a stack of money last year we support de Jewish people ter remain free forever, and we all stand together in dis fight against dem Islamic Jolly Jihad bastards an’ Hamas an’ Hezbollah an’ Iran an’ any other fucker an’ der dog wot sez Israel’s in breach of human rights cos dey don’t take any shit off de Palestinians.”
Robinson concluded “Fer fuck’s sake, dese Palestinian twats need ter wake up ter reality cos de Jews is God’s ‘Chosen People’ an’ de Halacha – orthodox Jewish law – sez dat anyone wot’s not a Jew is goyim scum – so dat’s dem totally fucked wiv a large capital F. Den yer got dat Pentateuch thingy wot sez dat de Holy Land all belongs ter de Jews - from de Euphrates ter Washington – an’ AIPAC have already have a grip on dat end of things cos dey’ve got de little Kenyan darkie bloke wot’s squattin’ in de White House by de short an’ curlies an’ doin’ precisely wot he’s told.”
Conversely, and in contradiction of Herr Gruppenfuhrer Robinson’s rhetoric, the gospel according to the Daily Shitraker editorial has stated for the public record, that in their qualified opinion, the English Defence League is neo-Nazi far-right street protest movement whose membership is composed of career NEDs and a legion of other intellectually-challenged gormless twats whose parents have been swimming too long at the shallow end of the gene pool.
The editorial, scribed by the iconic ‘Fair Play All Round’ philosopher, Sir Irwin Bogbrush, claims without ambiguity that the EDL are a tool of the Anglo-American-Israeli establishment’s military-industrial combine and simply fulfilling the part of stooges in their PNAC / Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion quest for full spectrum dominance of the Middle-East.
Of course the EDL recruit thick as pigshit morons from the Renta-Thug contingent of our society - soccer hooligans barred from attending live matches, and rabid racists slapped with Asbo’s which prevent them going within a hundred metres of a Paki’ chippy or take-away or a mosque - as no fucker with an ounce of common sense or grey matter between their ears would pay heed to their jingoistic and xenophobic ‘Hate Thy Neighbour’ spiel.
While it might well be deemed as unfair to tar (and feather) everybody in the organisation with the same brush, the antics and slogans of the street-demo’ membership don’t tend to come over as those of an eclectic group but more of one of similar mind and purpose – that of racist Islamophobic misanthropes and generalised shit-for-brains haters who haven’t a clue about the beliefs or culture of those they would pillory and burn at the stake.
However, this view suits the Libservative Coalition and British ruling establishment who, since the false flag jobs of 9/11, and too 7/7, have been working flat out like a lizard drinking to promote the charade of the war on terror and a false global overview - wherein the manky Muslim Jihadists, who’s religion they claim is vehemently intolerant of the illusionary Democracy we are supposed to relish in our panopticon surveillance society, are out to usurp our Christian beliefs and impose the jackboot of Islam and Sharia Law on our infidel necks – simply because it supports the government's involvement in illegal overseas wars of aggression.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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