Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A Smegmashire school dinner lady, penalised, persecuted and then sacked by local education authorities after snitching to the pikey immigrant parents of 13-year old Mingeeter Rugmunch that their child had been bullied on the school premises, was dismissed unfairly, according to a decision reached today by her local Employment Tribunals office.
Gladys McScrunt, 69, the kitchen’s senior gravy and custard chef, was suspended from her £125 quid a-month role at the Scroteborough Asbo Central Academy after grassing up a group of students to the girl's parents in June 2009 – informing them their daughter had been victimised by the gang for being what they termed ‘pussy-licking dyke scum’ – who then tied her to a fence with skipping ropes, stripped her nether regions naked, and proceeded to ‘give her a good seeing-to’ – which apparently included a sound rogering and turning her into a three hole suck n swallow slut.
The case attracted mass public attention after the details were posted on the Blabberwocky social networking website in September 2009, with Mrs McScrunt’s cause being taken up and propagated across the full media spectrum by Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers establishment abuse watchdog charity.
Mrs McScrunt’s union attorney, Irwin Bogbrush, filed a case of unfair dismissal and argued during the Tribunal hearing that his client was sacked due the fact the school governors were "embarrassed by the public outcry" after she revealed the details of the case and her suspension to hacks from the gutter press’s red top tabloids. Further to this, she was not given a correct notice period and her rights to freedom of expression under EUSSR law were infringed.
Conversely, the school's head teacher Ms Deborah Scabb, ignoring the profusion of riding crop welts across the Mingeeter’s buttocks, cigarette burns on her inner thighs and breasts – plus hypodermic needles stuck through her nipples - denied to reporters that the girl had been bullied but rather a popular fetish game of sado-masochistic role playing had gone too far.
However, Ms Scabb did admit that Mingeeter had been found tied to a fence with skipping ropes but attempted to mitigate the seriousness of the actual ‘assault’, claiming the girl had been playing a game called ‘Prisoners and Guards’ – the extraordinary rendition version - which was acquired from a scenario listed in the school library’s copy of ‘BD/SM for Dummies’ - and the boys and other girls involved had simply got slightly carried away when it was Mingeeter’s turn to be their submissive fuck slut.
Ms Scabb related “I’ve personally dealt with the four boys and one butch yobette involved and responsible for Mingeeter’s ordeal, and have placed them all in detention for a whole week, tasked with writing out a thousand lines apiece, stating “Anal Sex Without a Condom is a Sin.”
“Obviously Mingeeter was upset with having to relinquish the role of Dominatrix and play her part as the sub slut. However she seemed happy enough after being untied and the black polythene bin bag removed from over her head and receiving treatment from the team of paramedics that Mrs McScrunt had called up on her cellphone. Apparently the blood transfusion and the cold compress applied to the rope burns on her neck were wholly unnecessary and just expedited as safety measures.”
In total contrast to this statement to the press, the Employment Tribunal were provided with hard evidence that Ms Scabb had sent a letter to the girl's parents following the bondage and flagellation incident, disingenuously stating for the record "You may wish to know that Mingeeter had a minor mishap during playtime today and suffered several slight friction burns after becoming entangled with her skipping rope."
Did you have BD/SM classes in your school curriculum? Was your head teacher a sado-masochistic fetishist – or just a lying scumbag like Ms Scabb? What are your bondage tastes – plastic tie wraps, Manila hemp, B & Q gardening twine, barbed wire, leather straps or simply shackles and handcuffs?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a free afternoon session with an Alpha Dominatrix of your choice at the notorious Max Mosley Sexy Spankers Salon in Slappers Gardens, Chelsea.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday, 7 January 2011
Thursday, 6 January 2011
Council Flips over Missing Moggy Posters
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Mrs Candida Pustule, a 96-year old grandmother of twelve, was issued with a 48 hour ''Remove or Pay Up'' ultimatum by Smegmadale Borough Council which accused the hapless pensioner of ''fly-posting'' when she stuck up a bundle of notices on lamp posts, trees and bus shelters around her Asbo Central Housing Estate, appealing for information about her missing tomcat Nookie.
This threat of prosecution and the possibility of incurring legal costs plus a hefty fine forced Mrs Pustule to drive around the snow-covered streets in the early hours of a freezing Christmas morning on her mobility scooter, ripping down the ‘Lost Pussy’ posters one by one to avoid the implied £1,000 quid penalty.
After returning from her part-time job at ‘Orloffs’, a local lap dacing bar, at mid-night on Christmas Eve, Candida raced around the Asbo Central estate taking the posters down before the council's deadline and eventually arrived back home at 3:00am – just minutes too late to leave a mince pie and a glass of sherry out for Santa.
Councillor Arthur Jobsworth and the Council Environment Protection Officer, Beryl McStupid, accosted by a gaggle of incensed press hacks this morning, who publicly accused the moronic pair of ‘seasonal Scroogeism’ and lacking in compassion, defended their actions by claiming the posters could have damaged the town’s lamp posts and traffic sign poles.
Ms McStupid related that ''Our Environmental Enforcement Stasi officers discovered more than 20 of Mrs Pustule’s ‘Lost Pussy’ posters – and some were stuck ter the trees along Skank Street wiv that vile Bluetack stuff wot causes gallopin’ root rot an’ global warmin’.”
Out of desperation Mrs Pustule had her six-year old grandson Dwayne design and print 25 posters on his home pc in a final appeal to neighbours after the nineteen-year-old Tabby cat Nookie disappeared last November when her weekly £5 quid ‘Cat Allowance’ was slashed under Chancellor Georgie Oddborurne’s draconic budget cuts and she could no longer afford to feed it.
“Perhaps Nookie’s pissed off an’ found somewehere he can get a couple of square meals a day. But it’s just the attitude of these scumbags at the local council. Bastards, no effin’ empathy whatsoever – fer me or the moggie."
"There I am, sat watchin’ Sex an’ the City on the telly an’ getting’ all hot an’ horny, like – an’ these two twats from that Renta-Thug Security Agency wot the council use ter hire bailiffs, comes bangin’ on the front door an’ delivers this effin’ ultimatum that I’ve got ter rip all me posters down before mornin’ – or else – an’ here’s me due ter be dancin’ at Orloffs that night as well an’ get a few fivers stuck down the front of me thong.”
Is your local borough council staffed by compassionless morons? Are your local authority officials totally out of touch with reality and the pulse of the people? Have you ever stuck up a ‘Missing Pussy’ poster? Have you seen any sign of a hungry Nookie?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Mrs Candida Pustule, a 96-year old grandmother of twelve, was issued with a 48 hour ''Remove or Pay Up'' ultimatum by Smegmadale Borough Council which accused the hapless pensioner of ''fly-posting'' when she stuck up a bundle of notices on lamp posts, trees and bus shelters around her Asbo Central Housing Estate, appealing for information about her missing tomcat Nookie.
This threat of prosecution and the possibility of incurring legal costs plus a hefty fine forced Mrs Pustule to drive around the snow-covered streets in the early hours of a freezing Christmas morning on her mobility scooter, ripping down the ‘Lost Pussy’ posters one by one to avoid the implied £1,000 quid penalty.
After returning from her part-time job at ‘Orloffs’, a local lap dacing bar, at mid-night on Christmas Eve, Candida raced around the Asbo Central estate taking the posters down before the council's deadline and eventually arrived back home at 3:00am – just minutes too late to leave a mince pie and a glass of sherry out for Santa.
Councillor Arthur Jobsworth and the Council Environment Protection Officer, Beryl McStupid, accosted by a gaggle of incensed press hacks this morning, who publicly accused the moronic pair of ‘seasonal Scroogeism’ and lacking in compassion, defended their actions by claiming the posters could have damaged the town’s lamp posts and traffic sign poles.
Ms McStupid related that ''Our Environmental Enforcement Stasi officers discovered more than 20 of Mrs Pustule’s ‘Lost Pussy’ posters – and some were stuck ter the trees along Skank Street wiv that vile Bluetack stuff wot causes gallopin’ root rot an’ global warmin’.”
Out of desperation Mrs Pustule had her six-year old grandson Dwayne design and print 25 posters on his home pc in a final appeal to neighbours after the nineteen-year-old Tabby cat Nookie disappeared last November when her weekly £5 quid ‘Cat Allowance’ was slashed under Chancellor Georgie Oddborurne’s draconic budget cuts and she could no longer afford to feed it.
“Perhaps Nookie’s pissed off an’ found somewehere he can get a couple of square meals a day. But it’s just the attitude of these scumbags at the local council. Bastards, no effin’ empathy whatsoever – fer me or the moggie."
"There I am, sat watchin’ Sex an’ the City on the telly an’ getting’ all hot an’ horny, like – an’ these two twats from that Renta-Thug Security Agency wot the council use ter hire bailiffs, comes bangin’ on the front door an’ delivers this effin’ ultimatum that I’ve got ter rip all me posters down before mornin’ – or else – an’ here’s me due ter be dancin’ at Orloffs that night as well an’ get a few fivers stuck down the front of me thong.”
Is your local borough council staffed by compassionless morons? Are your local authority officials totally out of touch with reality and the pulse of the people? Have you ever stuck up a ‘Missing Pussy’ poster? Have you seen any sign of a hungry Nookie?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Cabbage Patch Dave Goes for ‘Mind Control’
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The totalitarian and dystopian antics of the Libservative cabinet office's top secret ‘Behavioural Insight Team’ – a questionable cabal cobbled together by PM Posh Dave Scameron, with a dodgy selection of psycho’ beardies and anoraks from Chatham House and the Tavistock Institute coupled to a gaggle of Common Purpose’s neo-Nazi NLP-mind control freaks, plus a few of Whitehall’s resident botty-spanking BD/SM Dominatrixes thrown in for good measure – have been exposed in a Daily Shitraker report.
While the old time religion frighteners consisted of ‘Conquest, War, Pestilence and Death, the Libservative’s Behavioural Insight Team have modified the slogan to suit contemporary society – with ‘Shame, Vanity, Laziness and Desire’ (the desire to fit in and keep up with the fucking Jones’s down the road – and bollocks to the credit card bill) – these are all to be used as neuro-linguistic programming tools of Government policy by ministers acting on the advice of this new Kafkaesque psychology unit in Shitehall.
The first glimpse into the highly confidential work of the cabinet office's Behavioural Insight Team came on Tuesday when one ‘Deep Throat’ whistle-blowing Tory mole, working for Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers government abuse watchdog charity, revealed that Libservative ministers have adopted the BIT’s moronic suggestion that to add to their already crippling trials and tribulations, members of the cash-strapped unemployed and homeless public should be encouraged to make small – or large - charitable donations when using ATM cashpoints or their credit cards – preferably to the Tory Party coffers – following the credo of the ubiquitous Greedy Grocer supermarket chain, Pestco, that ‘Every little helps’.
Dr Jarvis Higgs-Boson, a former member of the RAND Corporation social engineering cabal , and a consultant to the BIT group, affectionately known to friends and colleagues alike as ‘The Emissary from Planet Fuckwit’ (and a man with so inflated an ego it’s measured at the top end of the Beaufort scale – totally disqualifying him for a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy) told one press hack that “Our aim is to get the public riff-raff and all the other useless oicks off their lazy arses and volunteering for unpaid community service work, grassing up their neighbours for anti-government sentiments – plus condition them to vote Tory every time an election comes around.”
Higgs-Boson is the proponent for making government ministers ‘choice architects’, and the man who dreamed up the concept of ‘Nudge Nudge Theory’, which is the foundation stone of the BIT group’s guiding philosophy and the actual mechanism that ‘might’ make it work – or not, all being dependent on traditional British public stubbornness.
In addition to Higgs-Boson’s agenda and aims is limiting regulation and cost via the route of behavioural economics, according to the BIT unit's joint directors, Dr Genghis McTwatt, a former welfare officer and clinical psychologist at Iraq’s notorious Abu Ghraib Prison, and Col Hakim ben Ratsach, until recently the senior interrogator at Israel’s ‘Facility 1391’ extraordinary rendition and re-education centre for naughty Palestinians.
Dr McTwatt has experience of seeking unconventional solutions to policy problems in his role as chief analyst at Tony Bliar's Strategy Unit, which researched viable methods to increase public happiness in the UK that resulted in a survey revealing 95% of the British electorate would be a lot happier if Bliar resigned and admitted responsibility for spicing up dodgy dossiers and being an all-round dog wanker.
McTwatt and ben Ratsach are the joint innovators of "MINDSPACE," an idiotic acronym that stands for Messenger (the communicator of information affects its impact); Incentives (carrot versus stick approach); Norms (what others do influences individuals); Defaults (pre-set options tend to be accepted); Salience (revelance and novelty attract attention); Priming (sub-conscious cues); Affect (the power of emotional associations); Commitments (bending public promises); and Ego (the stroking of which promotes moronic and submissive obedience).
Seeking to explain the varying naunces, Dr McTwatt informed the media "With Messenger for example, it matters who delivers the actual ’message’. If your subject matter is about ‘Compliance’, you’re much better off having a big ugly thug in body armour, waving a pick axe handle in their face than some effeminate Whitehall poofter in a penguin suit if you want any of the pigshit-thick public to get the hint and follow sound government advice over something as casual as fluoridated drinking water being good for their teeth."
However, these initiatives are all sordid examples of the application of Big Brother mind control techniques to influence mass opinion, and while seemingly paradoxical to the Libservative Coalition's purported goal of a smaller state, are likely to become a common feature of Government policy to foster individual support for Cabbage Patch Dave’s ‘Big Society’ – with the public having "social norms" drummed into their heads 24/7 through every avenue of media available.
These will include TV, radio, videos, cinema, newspapers and magazines, internet, cold calls from some twat called Achmed in New Delhi - plus High Street advertising – and all focusing emphasis on the ‘virtues’ of voluntary work, paying income taxes on schedule (if not before), donating any internal organs they don’t need to the NHS, reporting anti-social behaviour to the local Community Enforcement Stasi, and generally turning into a craven stoolie that thrives on snitching and schadenfreude (rejoicing in another’s misfortune).
The coalition’s dynamic duo, Scameron and Clogg, established the numpty BIT unit last July, since when the Government has declined to divulge all its members and the full extent of its Orwellian mind control work. However, the Scandalmongers Gazette has learnt its guiding principles and some of the projects that have used its favoured NLP ‘Nudge Nudge’ techniques.
Scameron embraced ‘Nudge Theory’ in the run-up to May’s election in a speech about Broken Britain and the intended Big Society – with his version being an adaptation and blend of both Chaos Theory and String Theory – wherein as the Labour government had taken 13 years to cause the current state of economic Chaos, then the Tories would assume power and simply ‘String’ the public along.
One preliminary BIT experiment involved Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs (HMRC) secretly changing the wording of tens of thousands of tax letters from “Pretty Please Pay” to an assertive and aggressive ‘Nudge-Nudge’ - “Pay Immediately or We’ll Kill Your Wife & Kids” - leading to the collection of an extra £200 zillion quid in income tax.
Other ideas tried elsewhere that have been studied by the unit include reducing recidivism by changing public perception of ex-convicts – promoting instead of tar and feathering as pariahs, the idea of ‘Fellowship’ for semi-refomed scallies and scrotes – and the Christian ethos concepts of turning the other cheek – and of magnanimity and forgiveness – even if they were members of a joy-riding paedo’ blag gang of raving zoophiliacs that nicked your motor, mugged your granny for her pension, shagged your 11-year old sister, and buggered your Labrador.
On Friday, Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the Tory MP for Borkum-Riff and incumbent ‘Minister for Things with Wheels’ fell victim to the insane BIT unit's advice when he proposed the asininity that learner drivers be opted in to an transplant organ scheme when they apply for a licence – and are mandated to donate one kidney after passing their test and to qualify for a licence upgrade.
The Health Secretary, Andrew Moronstein favours the ‘nudge-nudge’ approach rather than legislation and is in the dubious ‘conflict of interest’ process of recruiting food and drink multinationals (who profit from unhealthy behaviour and fill our processed foods and drinks with toxic shite such as MSG, aspartame and fluoride) to devise appropriate strategies.
Another of Moronstein’s bright ideas is "patient hotels", a barmy Continental innovation where relatives can sleep alongside patients thereby cutting costs as they can cook meals, change beddings and dressings, empty bedpans – and eventually perform their own simple surgical proceedures – such as ingrowing foreskins and toenails - and tonsilectomys.
Moronstein also wants public health campaigns on STDs modified, to replace factual warnings with ubiquitous ‘nudge-nudge’ questions designed to emphasise social norms. Hence, instead of advising people of the likelihood of sexual partners having an STD, posters would ask: "What would your girlfriend think if you say you want to use a condom for bum sex?" – (probably that you think she’s a poxed-up slag)
Chlamydia Titwank, the ultra-left wing director of the UK’s Ox-Rat offices, voiced these opinions about the Libservative’s MINDSPACE and NUDGE THEORY projects to gutter press hacks over a few pints of Old Headbanger lager in Whitehall’s Ponce & Poofter Arms pub.
“It’s all an effin’ circus without a tent – a Chinese fire drill - and enough to make a Cheshire cat laugh. Alas, any authority, given free rein, will resort to absolutism, and that’s precisely what we’re seeing manifest here – just like the US and their dystopian Patriot Act and Homeland Security and the pervert TSA gropers at the airports.”
“Same as all this bullshit about reducing NHS provisions. We don’t have an National Health Service but a National Sickness Service – more at treat the symptom than cure the cause or disease. But if we had that then Big Pharma wouldn’t have a market for their exorbitantly-priced money-spinning toxic poisons if the population’s all hale and hearty. It’s not Health Care but Sick Care.”
“Labour started this bullshit with the 9/11 and 7/7 false flag terrorist attacks. Now we’re infested with Plods, PCSO’s, CEO’s and airport security thugs manning their Insta-Tumour full body scanners and unzipping your DNA. All these people are closet psycho’s and professional intimidators - who piss people off for a living.”
“Scameron and Clogg are just a revised version of Labour – a Technocracy - and the type of shits that will do anything to get into power – like form a coalition government – and be willing to do anything to keep in power – even as prostitutes for crony Capitalism and the Zionist New World Order.”
“They’re out to force us to accept commercial market tyranny, with the wholesale disruption of British society topping their nasty little agenda. Working from Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle that we don’t know shit from shinola, they’re out for the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional society via the proven Common Purpose social engineering toll of Neuro-Linguistic Programming – and the concept of perception management – which reads as ‘lies and propaganda’.”
“The four major collective forces that form a society are Race, Religion, Family and Nation. They’re the four pillars of our human identity that this poxy government and the EUSSR in Brussels are out to destroy – along with individual will in a frantic pre-December 2012 bid to create and manifest the Hive Mind – and have the effin’ lot of us micro-chipped – or euthenised – or in concentration camps for domestic terrorism.”
“While Huxley’s ‘Brave New World’ and Orwell’s ‘1984’ both provide stellar insights to what a Dystopian state might manifest as, the books in themselves were never meant to be used as a ‘Totalitarianism for Dummies’ instruction manual to create a panopticon close-circuit society – a Big Brother state run on intrusive surveillance. Cabbage Patch Dave and his Libservative stooges have taken the maxim ‘Ordo ab Chao’ (Order out of Chaos) and reversed it – now it’s ‘Order into Chaos’.”
“To conclude, monthly polls by Ipsos-Mori show that the UK is a miserable place, with Britons are less happy than others in Europe, particularly in Scandinavia. They’re also less trusting of fellow citizens – and with good reason when the actual Prime Minister (Tony Bliar) lied to us through his teeth, senior government weapons inspectors get murdered while having a stroll around their local Grassy Knoll Woods, and Downing Street pulls all the stops to avoid an actual Coroner’s Inquest into the death.”
“Then they’ve got the blatant audacity to task MI5 and Co to pull a false flag terrorist operation and blow up three tube trains and a double decker bus to convince us that the heathen hordes of Islam hate our democratic freedoms and are breathing down our necks – murdering scores of British citizens to justify the illegal invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq – and convince the shit-for-brains public they need a CCCTV camera in every room in their house – and one outside to cop moggie-haters in the act of wheelie-binning the cat. And that is the actual core philosophy and strategy of MINDSPACE and NUDGE THEORY.”
Have you been subjected to behavioural modifications? Do you have the social interaction skills of a worker bee – or a black mamba? Would you make a voluntary donation to some cadging charity like ‘Leper Relief’ every time you use an ATM machine?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a life-sized replica set of the RAND Corporation’s Georgia Guidestones – complete with profane graffiti - plus a working scale model of the Niagara Falls as the perfect water feature for your back garden. Consolation prizes consist of a free copy of Huxley’s dystopian novel Brave New World - in Braille.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so MI5’s ‘Thought Police’ know exactly where you live.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Thought for the day: Imagine the implications for freedom if humanity used its numerical potential to say NO to the system and ceased to cooperate with its own enslavement.
Oh, and by the by, fuck Posh Dave Scameron’s ‘Behavioural Insight Team’ and Big Brother – and his sister – and the Zionist Freemason’s New World Order.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The totalitarian and dystopian antics of the Libservative cabinet office's top secret ‘Behavioural Insight Team’ – a questionable cabal cobbled together by PM Posh Dave Scameron, with a dodgy selection of psycho’ beardies and anoraks from Chatham House and the Tavistock Institute coupled to a gaggle of Common Purpose’s neo-Nazi NLP-mind control freaks, plus a few of Whitehall’s resident botty-spanking BD/SM Dominatrixes thrown in for good measure – have been exposed in a Daily Shitraker report.
While the old time religion frighteners consisted of ‘Conquest, War, Pestilence and Death, the Libservative’s Behavioural Insight Team have modified the slogan to suit contemporary society – with ‘Shame, Vanity, Laziness and Desire’ (the desire to fit in and keep up with the fucking Jones’s down the road – and bollocks to the credit card bill) – these are all to be used as neuro-linguistic programming tools of Government policy by ministers acting on the advice of this new Kafkaesque psychology unit in Shitehall.
The first glimpse into the highly confidential work of the cabinet office's Behavioural Insight Team came on Tuesday when one ‘Deep Throat’ whistle-blowing Tory mole, working for Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers government abuse watchdog charity, revealed that Libservative ministers have adopted the BIT’s moronic suggestion that to add to their already crippling trials and tribulations, members of the cash-strapped unemployed and homeless public should be encouraged to make small – or large - charitable donations when using ATM cashpoints or their credit cards – preferably to the Tory Party coffers – following the credo of the ubiquitous Greedy Grocer supermarket chain, Pestco, that ‘Every little helps’.
Dr Jarvis Higgs-Boson, a former member of the RAND Corporation social engineering cabal , and a consultant to the BIT group, affectionately known to friends and colleagues alike as ‘The Emissary from Planet Fuckwit’ (and a man with so inflated an ego it’s measured at the top end of the Beaufort scale – totally disqualifying him for a slot in the index of Linnaean taxonomy) told one press hack that “Our aim is to get the public riff-raff and all the other useless oicks off their lazy arses and volunteering for unpaid community service work, grassing up their neighbours for anti-government sentiments – plus condition them to vote Tory every time an election comes around.”
Higgs-Boson is the proponent for making government ministers ‘choice architects’, and the man who dreamed up the concept of ‘Nudge Nudge Theory’, which is the foundation stone of the BIT group’s guiding philosophy and the actual mechanism that ‘might’ make it work – or not, all being dependent on traditional British public stubbornness.
In addition to Higgs-Boson’s agenda and aims is limiting regulation and cost via the route of behavioural economics, according to the BIT unit's joint directors, Dr Genghis McTwatt, a former welfare officer and clinical psychologist at Iraq’s notorious Abu Ghraib Prison, and Col Hakim ben Ratsach, until recently the senior interrogator at Israel’s ‘Facility 1391’ extraordinary rendition and re-education centre for naughty Palestinians.
Dr McTwatt has experience of seeking unconventional solutions to policy problems in his role as chief analyst at Tony Bliar's Strategy Unit, which researched viable methods to increase public happiness in the UK that resulted in a survey revealing 95% of the British electorate would be a lot happier if Bliar resigned and admitted responsibility for spicing up dodgy dossiers and being an all-round dog wanker.
McTwatt and ben Ratsach are the joint innovators of "MINDSPACE," an idiotic acronym that stands for Messenger (the communicator of information affects its impact); Incentives (carrot versus stick approach); Norms (what others do influences individuals); Defaults (pre-set options tend to be accepted); Salience (revelance and novelty attract attention); Priming (sub-conscious cues); Affect (the power of emotional associations); Commitments (bending public promises); and Ego (the stroking of which promotes moronic and submissive obedience).
Seeking to explain the varying naunces, Dr McTwatt informed the media "With Messenger for example, it matters who delivers the actual ’message’. If your subject matter is about ‘Compliance’, you’re much better off having a big ugly thug in body armour, waving a pick axe handle in their face than some effeminate Whitehall poofter in a penguin suit if you want any of the pigshit-thick public to get the hint and follow sound government advice over something as casual as fluoridated drinking water being good for their teeth."
However, these initiatives are all sordid examples of the application of Big Brother mind control techniques to influence mass opinion, and while seemingly paradoxical to the Libservative Coalition's purported goal of a smaller state, are likely to become a common feature of Government policy to foster individual support for Cabbage Patch Dave’s ‘Big Society’ – with the public having "social norms" drummed into their heads 24/7 through every avenue of media available.
These will include TV, radio, videos, cinema, newspapers and magazines, internet, cold calls from some twat called Achmed in New Delhi - plus High Street advertising – and all focusing emphasis on the ‘virtues’ of voluntary work, paying income taxes on schedule (if not before), donating any internal organs they don’t need to the NHS, reporting anti-social behaviour to the local Community Enforcement Stasi, and generally turning into a craven stoolie that thrives on snitching and schadenfreude (rejoicing in another’s misfortune).
The coalition’s dynamic duo, Scameron and Clogg, established the numpty BIT unit last July, since when the Government has declined to divulge all its members and the full extent of its Orwellian mind control work. However, the Scandalmongers Gazette has learnt its guiding principles and some of the projects that have used its favoured NLP ‘Nudge Nudge’ techniques.
Scameron embraced ‘Nudge Theory’ in the run-up to May’s election in a speech about Broken Britain and the intended Big Society – with his version being an adaptation and blend of both Chaos Theory and String Theory – wherein as the Labour government had taken 13 years to cause the current state of economic Chaos, then the Tories would assume power and simply ‘String’ the public along.
One preliminary BIT experiment involved Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs (HMRC) secretly changing the wording of tens of thousands of tax letters from “Pretty Please Pay” to an assertive and aggressive ‘Nudge-Nudge’ - “Pay Immediately or We’ll Kill Your Wife & Kids” - leading to the collection of an extra £200 zillion quid in income tax.
Other ideas tried elsewhere that have been studied by the unit include reducing recidivism by changing public perception of ex-convicts – promoting instead of tar and feathering as pariahs, the idea of ‘Fellowship’ for semi-refomed scallies and scrotes – and the Christian ethos concepts of turning the other cheek – and of magnanimity and forgiveness – even if they were members of a joy-riding paedo’ blag gang of raving zoophiliacs that nicked your motor, mugged your granny for her pension, shagged your 11-year old sister, and buggered your Labrador.
On Friday, Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the Tory MP for Borkum-Riff and incumbent ‘Minister for Things with Wheels’ fell victim to the insane BIT unit's advice when he proposed the asininity that learner drivers be opted in to an transplant organ scheme when they apply for a licence – and are mandated to donate one kidney after passing their test and to qualify for a licence upgrade.
The Health Secretary, Andrew Moronstein favours the ‘nudge-nudge’ approach rather than legislation and is in the dubious ‘conflict of interest’ process of recruiting food and drink multinationals (who profit from unhealthy behaviour and fill our processed foods and drinks with toxic shite such as MSG, aspartame and fluoride) to devise appropriate strategies.
Another of Moronstein’s bright ideas is "patient hotels", a barmy Continental innovation where relatives can sleep alongside patients thereby cutting costs as they can cook meals, change beddings and dressings, empty bedpans – and eventually perform their own simple surgical proceedures – such as ingrowing foreskins and toenails - and tonsilectomys.
Moronstein also wants public health campaigns on STDs modified, to replace factual warnings with ubiquitous ‘nudge-nudge’ questions designed to emphasise social norms. Hence, instead of advising people of the likelihood of sexual partners having an STD, posters would ask: "What would your girlfriend think if you say you want to use a condom for bum sex?" – (probably that you think she’s a poxed-up slag)
Chlamydia Titwank, the ultra-left wing director of the UK’s Ox-Rat offices, voiced these opinions about the Libservative’s MINDSPACE and NUDGE THEORY projects to gutter press hacks over a few pints of Old Headbanger lager in Whitehall’s Ponce & Poofter Arms pub.
“It’s all an effin’ circus without a tent – a Chinese fire drill - and enough to make a Cheshire cat laugh. Alas, any authority, given free rein, will resort to absolutism, and that’s precisely what we’re seeing manifest here – just like the US and their dystopian Patriot Act and Homeland Security and the pervert TSA gropers at the airports.”
“Same as all this bullshit about reducing NHS provisions. We don’t have an National Health Service but a National Sickness Service – more at treat the symptom than cure the cause or disease. But if we had that then Big Pharma wouldn’t have a market for their exorbitantly-priced money-spinning toxic poisons if the population’s all hale and hearty. It’s not Health Care but Sick Care.”
“Labour started this bullshit with the 9/11 and 7/7 false flag terrorist attacks. Now we’re infested with Plods, PCSO’s, CEO’s and airport security thugs manning their Insta-Tumour full body scanners and unzipping your DNA. All these people are closet psycho’s and professional intimidators - who piss people off for a living.”
“Scameron and Clogg are just a revised version of Labour – a Technocracy - and the type of shits that will do anything to get into power – like form a coalition government – and be willing to do anything to keep in power – even as prostitutes for crony Capitalism and the Zionist New World Order.”
“They’re out to force us to accept commercial market tyranny, with the wholesale disruption of British society topping their nasty little agenda. Working from Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle that we don’t know shit from shinola, they’re out for the creation and maintenance of a dysfunctional society via the proven Common Purpose social engineering toll of Neuro-Linguistic Programming – and the concept of perception management – which reads as ‘lies and propaganda’.”
“The four major collective forces that form a society are Race, Religion, Family and Nation. They’re the four pillars of our human identity that this poxy government and the EUSSR in Brussels are out to destroy – along with individual will in a frantic pre-December 2012 bid to create and manifest the Hive Mind – and have the effin’ lot of us micro-chipped – or euthenised – or in concentration camps for domestic terrorism.”
“While Huxley’s ‘Brave New World’ and Orwell’s ‘1984’ both provide stellar insights to what a Dystopian state might manifest as, the books in themselves were never meant to be used as a ‘Totalitarianism for Dummies’ instruction manual to create a panopticon close-circuit society – a Big Brother state run on intrusive surveillance. Cabbage Patch Dave and his Libservative stooges have taken the maxim ‘Ordo ab Chao’ (Order out of Chaos) and reversed it – now it’s ‘Order into Chaos’.”
“To conclude, monthly polls by Ipsos-Mori show that the UK is a miserable place, with Britons are less happy than others in Europe, particularly in Scandinavia. They’re also less trusting of fellow citizens – and with good reason when the actual Prime Minister (Tony Bliar) lied to us through his teeth, senior government weapons inspectors get murdered while having a stroll around their local Grassy Knoll Woods, and Downing Street pulls all the stops to avoid an actual Coroner’s Inquest into the death.”
“Then they’ve got the blatant audacity to task MI5 and Co to pull a false flag terrorist operation and blow up three tube trains and a double decker bus to convince us that the heathen hordes of Islam hate our democratic freedoms and are breathing down our necks – murdering scores of British citizens to justify the illegal invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq – and convince the shit-for-brains public they need a CCCTV camera in every room in their house – and one outside to cop moggie-haters in the act of wheelie-binning the cat. And that is the actual core philosophy and strategy of MINDSPACE and NUDGE THEORY.”
Have you been subjected to behavioural modifications? Do you have the social interaction skills of a worker bee – or a black mamba? Would you make a voluntary donation to some cadging charity like ‘Leper Relief’ every time you use an ATM machine?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a life-sized replica set of the RAND Corporation’s Georgia Guidestones – complete with profane graffiti - plus a working scale model of the Niagara Falls as the perfect water feature for your back garden. Consolation prizes consist of a free copy of Huxley’s dystopian novel Brave New World - in Braille.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so MI5’s ‘Thought Police’ know exactly where you live.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Thought for the day: Imagine the implications for freedom if humanity used its numerical potential to say NO to the system and ceased to cooperate with its own enslavement.
Oh, and by the by, fuck Posh Dave Scameron’s ‘Behavioural Insight Team’ and Big Brother – and his sister – and the Zionist Freemason’s New World Order.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Kikesters Linked to Kosovo Organ Trade
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The gospel according to an EUSSR Council of Europe / InterPlod report concerning both organised ‘and’ disorganised crime across the 27-state community, released to salivating media hacks in Brussels on New Year’s Day, reveals that the two-year inquiry has linked ranking Vatican figures and Israeli politicians with Kosovo's prime minister, Hashim Twatçi, the Don of the Albanian Pikey Mafia – and their crime network’s transplant organ black market operations – through which hapless donors are selected for positive aspects of good health then kidnapped and their internal organs stolen to end up inside some worn-out slob of a Shylock couch potato – in the end-user destinations of Israel and the United States.
Hashim Twatçi, a former child prostitute strangler and leader of the Drenica cabal, who was described by friends and business associates alike as a “cunt in cunt’s clothing”, has been linked directly to the Albanian Mafia’s money laundering, narcotics and arms dealing, and protection and prostitution rackets – and now stands further accused of the slaughter of Serb prisoners for their kidneys – plus any other internal organs – or gold teeth - that might catch the eye of some chronically debilitated and mangy kikester on their last legs - and fetch a good price on eBay.
The EUSSR report positively identifies Hashim Twatçi as the ‘Capo di Capi’ of a network that began operating criminal rackets in the run-up to the 1999 Kosovo war, and has held powerful sway over the country's government since – mainly due the fact they have all the guns – and hence the shekels.
A copy of the report, which cites the FBI, Wickedleaks, the Daily Sport and other vital intelligence sources, has been obtained by the Scandalmongers Gazette - which names Twatçi as having exerted violent control over the heroin trade and any other illicit enterprise that might turn his gang of scallies a quick buck.
Criminal figures belonging to PM Twatçi's inner circle and government cabinet members – all Kosovo Liberation Army veterans - are further accused of taking captives across the border to Tirana in Albania after the war, where legions of Serbs were murdered for their kidneys, hearts and livers during the KLA’s organ harvesting campaigns, which were then sold on the black market via their ‘Sickies-R-Us’ hypochondria website.
The EUSSR report maintains that during the Kosovo war and for almost a year after, Twatçi and a score of other members of the Drenica group were responsible for detentions, interrogations, beatings and assassinations – and were an all-round bunch of very nasty bastards.
This same hardline KLA faction under Hashim Twatçi has held considerable power in Kosovo's government over the last decade, with the support of the US and other allied Western banksters and military-industrial power brokers keen to ensure a market for their continued profitable arms deals and the heroin / narcotics trade – plus continue to provide a reliable supply of untraceable children for their Satanic kiddie fiddling blood rituals around Europe.
The report further focuses on the international black market end-user destinations for the stolen transplant organs – with orders flowing in via a Vatican-based IP address – assigned to one ‘Cardinal Guido Pederasti’ - which hosts the “Ratline Transplant Replacements” (Organs U Can Trust) website – and the human tissue contraband being shipped out on charter flights (thus avoiding the DNA being scrambled by tetra-wave full body scanners) to destinations in both Israel and Brooklyn, New York – where the organs are auctioned off by a gang of grasping rabbis to the highest bidder.
This information led to the FBI’s ‘Operation Kikester Kidney Snatchers’ targeting ‘The Holy Sepulchre Synagogue for Latter Day Shylocks’ on Brooklyn’s Koos Emakk Street and the arrest of Rabbi Smok Scrotebaum in a sweeping federal case that began - innocently enough - as an investigation into the trafficking of stolen kidneys and replacement foreskins – then expanded to fake designer condoms, arms deals, money laundering and noxious nuclear materials smuggling.
Since it has now mushroomed into a political corruption probe, culminating in the arrests this week of 44 people, including Brooklyn Mayor Grafto Corruptioni, a variety of other scumbag public officials and a score of dodgy Jewish community leaders and doctors - including Rabbi Zayin Scattstein, Rabbi Achzib Slimehoff and Dr Sheldon Shittheim, of New York’s prestigious Josef Mengele Clinic - the surgeon who carried out the illicit organ transplant procedures.
Rabbi Scrotebaum, 58, is a member of the Orthodox Jewish community in the Scumberg Park section of Brooklyn, where he is known to neighbours as a ‘bit of a self-promoting gobshite’ as he boasted he worked for Mossad and was a ‘hi-fiving sayan’ involved the 9/11 World Trade Centre Twin Towers demolitions.
Anxious to cop a plea bargain, and in typical kikester fashion, Rabbi Scrotebaum quickly turned snitch and grassed up the entire illegal transplant organ theft syndicate to save his own arse, not only implicating Kosovo PM Hashim Twatçi and his government but Cardinal Pederasti and the Vatican’s ‘Ratline Transplant Replacements’ network.
Further implicated were a cabal of Israel’s Knesset politicians and the IDF officials running their notorious ‘Facility 1391’ extraordinary rendition and re-education centre - where adolescent Palestinian Muslims, kidnapped from the Gaza Strip - helpless and besieged behind Israel’s Great Apartheid Wall – are taken to be first asphyxiated with carbon monoxide gas (if they’re lucky) then once they’ve stopped kicking and protesting, sliced open butcher-fashion and their internal organs harvested to supply the international black market trade.
UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Loon told Pox News that “The Council of Europe report is quite damning in its accusations, but which ‘Gangster State’ officials are we supposed to censure and issue International Jurisprudence warrants against first – Kosovo, the Vatican, or Israel?”
“I personally blame the precedent for this entire transplant organ black market crime syndicate on the People’s Marxist Utopia of China and their Smiley Face Prisons where inmates wake up in a morning with all kinds of vital bits of their internal anatomy missing.”
Thought for the day: If you’re stuck on a dialysis machine three times a week - for x-hours at a go, or you have a heart attack every time you try to climb the stairs, then who really gives a flying fuck if the hapless sucker your transplanted organ belonged to previously carried a genuine organ donor card – or their kidneys, whatever, were stolen or legal – Muslim or goyim - haram or kosher?
Letters of humanitarian protest concerning the Muslim population of the Gaza Strip being kept imprisoned behind the Great Apartheid Wall to serve as unwitting organ donors can be mailed to the Israeli Prime Minister, Binman Nuttyahoo, c/o The Knesset, Kiryat Ben-Gurion, Hakirya, Giv’at Ram, Jerusalem, Palestine, 91950 – or simply e-mail pm_eng@pmo.gov.il.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The gospel according to an EUSSR Council of Europe / InterPlod report concerning both organised ‘and’ disorganised crime across the 27-state community, released to salivating media hacks in Brussels on New Year’s Day, reveals that the two-year inquiry has linked ranking Vatican figures and Israeli politicians with Kosovo's prime minister, Hashim Twatçi, the Don of the Albanian Pikey Mafia – and their crime network’s transplant organ black market operations – through which hapless donors are selected for positive aspects of good health then kidnapped and their internal organs stolen to end up inside some worn-out slob of a Shylock couch potato – in the end-user destinations of Israel and the United States.
Hashim Twatçi, a former child prostitute strangler and leader of the Drenica cabal, who was described by friends and business associates alike as a “cunt in cunt’s clothing”, has been linked directly to the Albanian Mafia’s money laundering, narcotics and arms dealing, and protection and prostitution rackets – and now stands further accused of the slaughter of Serb prisoners for their kidneys – plus any other internal organs – or gold teeth - that might catch the eye of some chronically debilitated and mangy kikester on their last legs - and fetch a good price on eBay.
The EUSSR report positively identifies Hashim Twatçi as the ‘Capo di Capi’ of a network that began operating criminal rackets in the run-up to the 1999 Kosovo war, and has held powerful sway over the country's government since – mainly due the fact they have all the guns – and hence the shekels.
A copy of the report, which cites the FBI, Wickedleaks, the Daily Sport and other vital intelligence sources, has been obtained by the Scandalmongers Gazette - which names Twatçi as having exerted violent control over the heroin trade and any other illicit enterprise that might turn his gang of scallies a quick buck.
Criminal figures belonging to PM Twatçi's inner circle and government cabinet members – all Kosovo Liberation Army veterans - are further accused of taking captives across the border to Tirana in Albania after the war, where legions of Serbs were murdered for their kidneys, hearts and livers during the KLA’s organ harvesting campaigns, which were then sold on the black market via their ‘Sickies-R-Us’ hypochondria website.
The EUSSR report maintains that during the Kosovo war and for almost a year after, Twatçi and a score of other members of the Drenica group were responsible for detentions, interrogations, beatings and assassinations – and were an all-round bunch of very nasty bastards.
This same hardline KLA faction under Hashim Twatçi has held considerable power in Kosovo's government over the last decade, with the support of the US and other allied Western banksters and military-industrial power brokers keen to ensure a market for their continued profitable arms deals and the heroin / narcotics trade – plus continue to provide a reliable supply of untraceable children for their Satanic kiddie fiddling blood rituals around Europe.
The report further focuses on the international black market end-user destinations for the stolen transplant organs – with orders flowing in via a Vatican-based IP address – assigned to one ‘Cardinal Guido Pederasti’ - which hosts the “Ratline Transplant Replacements” (Organs U Can Trust) website – and the human tissue contraband being shipped out on charter flights (thus avoiding the DNA being scrambled by tetra-wave full body scanners) to destinations in both Israel and Brooklyn, New York – where the organs are auctioned off by a gang of grasping rabbis to the highest bidder.
This information led to the FBI’s ‘Operation Kikester Kidney Snatchers’ targeting ‘The Holy Sepulchre Synagogue for Latter Day Shylocks’ on Brooklyn’s Koos Emakk Street and the arrest of Rabbi Smok Scrotebaum in a sweeping federal case that began - innocently enough - as an investigation into the trafficking of stolen kidneys and replacement foreskins – then expanded to fake designer condoms, arms deals, money laundering and noxious nuclear materials smuggling.
Since it has now mushroomed into a political corruption probe, culminating in the arrests this week of 44 people, including Brooklyn Mayor Grafto Corruptioni, a variety of other scumbag public officials and a score of dodgy Jewish community leaders and doctors - including Rabbi Zayin Scattstein, Rabbi Achzib Slimehoff and Dr Sheldon Shittheim, of New York’s prestigious Josef Mengele Clinic - the surgeon who carried out the illicit organ transplant procedures.
Rabbi Scrotebaum, 58, is a member of the Orthodox Jewish community in the Scumberg Park section of Brooklyn, where he is known to neighbours as a ‘bit of a self-promoting gobshite’ as he boasted he worked for Mossad and was a ‘hi-fiving sayan’ involved the 9/11 World Trade Centre Twin Towers demolitions.
Anxious to cop a plea bargain, and in typical kikester fashion, Rabbi Scrotebaum quickly turned snitch and grassed up the entire illegal transplant organ theft syndicate to save his own arse, not only implicating Kosovo PM Hashim Twatçi and his government but Cardinal Pederasti and the Vatican’s ‘Ratline Transplant Replacements’ network.
Further implicated were a cabal of Israel’s Knesset politicians and the IDF officials running their notorious ‘Facility 1391’ extraordinary rendition and re-education centre - where adolescent Palestinian Muslims, kidnapped from the Gaza Strip - helpless and besieged behind Israel’s Great Apartheid Wall – are taken to be first asphyxiated with carbon monoxide gas (if they’re lucky) then once they’ve stopped kicking and protesting, sliced open butcher-fashion and their internal organs harvested to supply the international black market trade.
UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Loon told Pox News that “The Council of Europe report is quite damning in its accusations, but which ‘Gangster State’ officials are we supposed to censure and issue International Jurisprudence warrants against first – Kosovo, the Vatican, or Israel?”
“I personally blame the precedent for this entire transplant organ black market crime syndicate on the People’s Marxist Utopia of China and their Smiley Face Prisons where inmates wake up in a morning with all kinds of vital bits of their internal anatomy missing.”
Thought for the day: If you’re stuck on a dialysis machine three times a week - for x-hours at a go, or you have a heart attack every time you try to climb the stairs, then who really gives a flying fuck if the hapless sucker your transplanted organ belonged to previously carried a genuine organ donor card – or their kidneys, whatever, were stolen or legal – Muslim or goyim - haram or kosher?
Letters of humanitarian protest concerning the Muslim population of the Gaza Strip being kept imprisoned behind the Great Apartheid Wall to serve as unwitting organ donors can be mailed to the Israeli Prime Minister, Binman Nuttyahoo, c/o The Knesset, Kiryat Ben-Gurion, Hakirya, Giv’at Ram, Jerusalem, Palestine, 91950 – or simply e-mail pm_eng@pmo.gov.il.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Monday, 3 January 2011
Con’s Refuse Breath Tests & Torch Nick
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The official government position, expressed by Crispin Scrunt, the Libservative Coalition’s 'Minister for Locking Things Up', states “There must be no repeat of the violence which broke out at HMP Twatts open prison at Yobford in West Smegmashire over the New Year holiday, and those involved who burned the prison to the ground must be brought to justice.”
For those of us who have never before heard of Crispin Scrunt and wonder to themselves “Who he?”, besides his cabinet position, Crispin is the incumbent Tory MP for Shitegate in Surrey and a former officer in the 13th/18th Queen’s Own Cannon Fodder Regiment - who last August hopped out of the closet in a grand Busby Berkeley spectacular fashion and departed the matrimonial bed, informing his wife “I’m off to come to terms with the fact I’m a raving poofter and prefer getting it up the arse from other men than shagging you, darling.”
Hmmm, must have been a nice surprise for his constituents to finally know they’d voted a perverted shirt-lifting sodomite – a Biblical ‘abomination’ - into Parliamentary office.
After visiting the smouldering remains of HMP Twatts, Scrunt informed one reporter from the Scallies Gazette “A number of buildings were burned to the ground during the incident, which was reportedly alcohol-related. Now this type of anti-establishment behaviour simply isn’t good enough and the people responsible have been very naughty and must be punished. Seriously, take me at my word - if they’re not careful they could end up in prison for this kind of social pariah conduct. Really, I mean to say, what’s wrong with them - don’t they like it here?”
Scrunt added that two inquiries would be held, one being a police investigation into ‘what the fuck happened?’ - plus a Prison Service inquiry into why the incident kick started around midnight on New Year's Eve after the skeleton staff on duty tried to breathalyse some prisoners before they ventured out on their regular evening ‘pub pick-up’ taxi driving duties.
However, Wilf Bogbrush, the prison inmate’s official spokesman, told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker “There’s a few deeper seated issues that need rectification besides the fact the screws tried ter breathalyse some of the lads before they were allowed out ter do the late night pub rounds wiv the prison taxis an’ earn a few bob extra.”
“The festive season, such as it was in HMP Twatts before the bonfire, has gone from bad ter effin’ worse this past couple of years. The Christmas turkey was overcooked and dry as a nun’s snatch, the quality of the crackers an’ the little pressies inside were total crap – cheapo Chinese shit – plus the telly programmes were nowt either – Mary effin Poppins an’ the bleedin’ Grinch again.”
“Then we come ter our ‘dram of festive spirit’ – which is usually a fairly good quality vintage drop of 12 year first malt Meths from B & Q, but this year the screws had bought it from Pound Stretcher instead an’ it woz real mingin’ crap – an’ that’s wot started off the fireworks. We’re payin’ the screws good money fer quality meths an’ it tasted that bad no fucker or their dog would drink it so we used the shit ter torch the place then went over the fence an’ down ter the Plod & Scally Arms fer a few pints.”
Initial reports claim 400 inmates out of the 406 total were involved in the riot, and the fires destroyed several of the 5-star accommodation blocks, the gym, sauna and massage salon, the snooker hall, the HD- Digital cinema, and the prison’s 24/7 cyber café.
The ‘disturbance’ went on for 22 hours before it was "successfully resolved" by several hundred specially trained riot staff seconded from the Renta-Thug Security Agency at neighbouring Dorkminster – supported by US military Predator drones that picked off the riot’s ringleaders with precision bursts of 20 mm cannon fire.
The surviving inmates that didn’t bother to leg it and go home are now billeted at the Yobford NHS Trust Hospital, receiving treatment for a variety of injuries sustained from their encounter with the Renta-Thug task force – and ‘collateral damage’ shrapnel wounds from Predator drone missiles.
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The official government position, expressed by Crispin Scrunt, the Libservative Coalition’s 'Minister for Locking Things Up', states “There must be no repeat of the violence which broke out at HMP Twatts open prison at Yobford in West Smegmashire over the New Year holiday, and those involved who burned the prison to the ground must be brought to justice.”
For those of us who have never before heard of Crispin Scrunt and wonder to themselves “Who he?”, besides his cabinet position, Crispin is the incumbent Tory MP for Shitegate in Surrey and a former officer in the 13th/18th Queen’s Own Cannon Fodder Regiment - who last August hopped out of the closet in a grand Busby Berkeley spectacular fashion and departed the matrimonial bed, informing his wife “I’m off to come to terms with the fact I’m a raving poofter and prefer getting it up the arse from other men than shagging you, darling.”
Hmmm, must have been a nice surprise for his constituents to finally know they’d voted a perverted shirt-lifting sodomite – a Biblical ‘abomination’ - into Parliamentary office.
After visiting the smouldering remains of HMP Twatts, Scrunt informed one reporter from the Scallies Gazette “A number of buildings were burned to the ground during the incident, which was reportedly alcohol-related. Now this type of anti-establishment behaviour simply isn’t good enough and the people responsible have been very naughty and must be punished. Seriously, take me at my word - if they’re not careful they could end up in prison for this kind of social pariah conduct. Really, I mean to say, what’s wrong with them - don’t they like it here?”
Scrunt added that two inquiries would be held, one being a police investigation into ‘what the fuck happened?’ - plus a Prison Service inquiry into why the incident kick started around midnight on New Year's Eve after the skeleton staff on duty tried to breathalyse some prisoners before they ventured out on their regular evening ‘pub pick-up’ taxi driving duties.
However, Wilf Bogbrush, the prison inmate’s official spokesman, told one reporter from the Daily Shitraker “There’s a few deeper seated issues that need rectification besides the fact the screws tried ter breathalyse some of the lads before they were allowed out ter do the late night pub rounds wiv the prison taxis an’ earn a few bob extra.”
“The festive season, such as it was in HMP Twatts before the bonfire, has gone from bad ter effin’ worse this past couple of years. The Christmas turkey was overcooked and dry as a nun’s snatch, the quality of the crackers an’ the little pressies inside were total crap – cheapo Chinese shit – plus the telly programmes were nowt either – Mary effin Poppins an’ the bleedin’ Grinch again.”
“Then we come ter our ‘dram of festive spirit’ – which is usually a fairly good quality vintage drop of 12 year first malt Meths from B & Q, but this year the screws had bought it from Pound Stretcher instead an’ it woz real mingin’ crap – an’ that’s wot started off the fireworks. We’re payin’ the screws good money fer quality meths an’ it tasted that bad no fucker or their dog would drink it so we used the shit ter torch the place then went over the fence an’ down ter the Plod & Scally Arms fer a few pints.”
Initial reports claim 400 inmates out of the 406 total were involved in the riot, and the fires destroyed several of the 5-star accommodation blocks, the gym, sauna and massage salon, the snooker hall, the HD- Digital cinema, and the prison’s 24/7 cyber café.
The ‘disturbance’ went on for 22 hours before it was "successfully resolved" by several hundred specially trained riot staff seconded from the Renta-Thug Security Agency at neighbouring Dorkminster – supported by US military Predator drones that picked off the riot’s ringleaders with precision bursts of 20 mm cannon fire.
The surviving inmates that didn’t bother to leg it and go home are now billeted at the Yobford NHS Trust Hospital, receiving treatment for a variety of injuries sustained from their encounter with the Renta-Thug task force – and ‘collateral damage’ shrapnel wounds from Predator drone missiles.
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Met Thugs Brutalise Wheelchair Terrorist
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
After receiving legions of complaints and ‘Fuck Off, Eat Shit and Die’ Xmas cards regarding the policing of the student tuition fee hikes protests by the Met’s Plod Squad, Ms Beverly Titwank, the senior spokesperson for the IPCC (Independent Police Coverups Commission), today informed one reporter from the Whitewash Gazette that they are still investigating the grievances of a disabled man, Jody McIntyre, who was brutalized by plods in two separate incidents at the London demonstration against the exorbitant tuition fee hike on December 9, 2010.
Firstly that McIntyre was threatened by an officer with a baton in a sexually suggestive manner, then assaulted by another plod who deliberately tipped him out of his wheelchair and dragged him along the road – with aggression aforethought - from the demonstration front and ditched him on the pavement – then had the wheelchair clamped and towed away to a police holding compound – depriving Mr McIntyre of his only means of mobility – while a gaggle of the offending officer’s uniformed Stasi cohorts provided a typical display of perverted Israeli ‘Schadenfreude’ – standing around laughing at a disadvantaged person’s misfortune.
The IPCC Commissioner for London, Deborah Scatt, interviewed on the BBC’s ‘Kuntwatch Hour’ related that "There is no doubt this video footage of a disabled person being chucked out of his wheelchair and dragged up the street is pretty disturbing – in as much as the police really have to watch their arses nowadays when the public have access to this type of technology to record incriminating behaviour as evidence of barbaric wrongdoing.”
PC Genghis McTwatt, the officer responsible for tipping Mr McIntyre out of his wheelchair then dragging him along the ground, was at the time on secondment to the Met from the Wankhill Lane TSG Renta-Thug Unit, and has, through his union attorney, informed IPCC investigators he is applying the Sgt Delboy Smellie vs Ms Nicola Fisher defence (G20 demonstrations April 2009) – wherein Smellie was cleared of misconduct for beating the shit out of Ms Fisher as he mistook the orange juice container she was carrying for an AK47 assault rifle.
PC McTwatt has now stated for the public record that he mistook the Boots asthma inhaler that Jody McIntyre was holding to his face for a LAW 80 shoulder-held missile launcher and tipped over his wheelchair while in fear of his own life.
Hmmm, disingenuousness aside, perhaps the IPCC might also consider Alfie Meadows, who, unlike the Plod Squad, wasn’t kitted out with a baton-proof helmet or Perspex shield and ended up in hospital in a critical condition, having brain surgery after being whacked around the skull with a police truncheon - or a 'kettle' - several times. While Alfie didn’t previously suffer from cerebral palsy and wasn’t actually in a wheelchair – he probably will be following the barbarous Thug Squad attack.
Oh yes, yet another nice bit of crowd dispersal and anarchy suppression by Constable No-Name – the one wearing an IRA terrorist scally style balaclava – and with his ID tags removed.
However the Student’s Union are planning their next big demo’ in London for mid-January, with a full brigade of Little Britain ‘Andy’ impersonators having their wheelchairs pushed by a battalion of long-suffering pacific ‘Lou’s’ – and fully reinforced by a regiment of Segway-mounted hemiplegic Olympic Hop Scotch athletes – with the whole caboodle kitted out in Pound Stretcher’s ‘Finest’ camouflage body armour and equipped with aerosol cans of ‘anti-kettle’ spray.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
After receiving legions of complaints and ‘Fuck Off, Eat Shit and Die’ Xmas cards regarding the policing of the student tuition fee hikes protests by the Met’s Plod Squad, Ms Beverly Titwank, the senior spokesperson for the IPCC (Independent Police Coverups Commission), today informed one reporter from the Whitewash Gazette that they are still investigating the grievances of a disabled man, Jody McIntyre, who was brutalized by plods in two separate incidents at the London demonstration against the exorbitant tuition fee hike on December 9, 2010.
Firstly that McIntyre was threatened by an officer with a baton in a sexually suggestive manner, then assaulted by another plod who deliberately tipped him out of his wheelchair and dragged him along the road – with aggression aforethought - from the demonstration front and ditched him on the pavement – then had the wheelchair clamped and towed away to a police holding compound – depriving Mr McIntyre of his only means of mobility – while a gaggle of the offending officer’s uniformed Stasi cohorts provided a typical display of perverted Israeli ‘Schadenfreude’ – standing around laughing at a disadvantaged person’s misfortune.
The IPCC Commissioner for London, Deborah Scatt, interviewed on the BBC’s ‘Kuntwatch Hour’ related that "There is no doubt this video footage of a disabled person being chucked out of his wheelchair and dragged up the street is pretty disturbing – in as much as the police really have to watch their arses nowadays when the public have access to this type of technology to record incriminating behaviour as evidence of barbaric wrongdoing.”
PC Genghis McTwatt, the officer responsible for tipping Mr McIntyre out of his wheelchair then dragging him along the ground, was at the time on secondment to the Met from the Wankhill Lane TSG Renta-Thug Unit, and has, through his union attorney, informed IPCC investigators he is applying the Sgt Delboy Smellie vs Ms Nicola Fisher defence (G20 demonstrations April 2009) – wherein Smellie was cleared of misconduct for beating the shit out of Ms Fisher as he mistook the orange juice container she was carrying for an AK47 assault rifle.
PC McTwatt has now stated for the public record that he mistook the Boots asthma inhaler that Jody McIntyre was holding to his face for a LAW 80 shoulder-held missile launcher and tipped over his wheelchair while in fear of his own life.
Hmmm, disingenuousness aside, perhaps the IPCC might also consider Alfie Meadows, who, unlike the Plod Squad, wasn’t kitted out with a baton-proof helmet or Perspex shield and ended up in hospital in a critical condition, having brain surgery after being whacked around the skull with a police truncheon - or a 'kettle' - several times. While Alfie didn’t previously suffer from cerebral palsy and wasn’t actually in a wheelchair – he probably will be following the barbarous Thug Squad attack.
Oh yes, yet another nice bit of crowd dispersal and anarchy suppression by Constable No-Name – the one wearing an IRA terrorist scally style balaclava – and with his ID tags removed.
However the Student’s Union are planning their next big demo’ in London for mid-January, with a full brigade of Little Britain ‘Andy’ impersonators having their wheelchairs pushed by a battalion of long-suffering pacific ‘Lou’s’ – and fully reinforced by a regiment of Segway-mounted hemiplegic Olympic Hop Scotch athletes – with the whole caboodle kitted out in Pound Stretcher’s ‘Finest’ camouflage body armour and equipped with aerosol cans of ‘anti-kettle’ spray.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday, 1 January 2011
UK Charities ‘2011 Begging Hypocrisy’
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Oblivious to the irony and hypocrisy of their mendicant demands, the UK’s 166,000 registered begging bowl charities - being tax-exempt themselves – are urging the government to levy a tax on the bloated annual bonuses awarded to shit-for-brains overpaid banksters – so as to afford the planned 2011 salary increases for their own grasping CEO’s.
Stephen Blobb, the chief executive of the ACEVO organisation, which represents 2,000 Common Purpose graduates / charity leaders in Britain, and a man whose personal £90,000-odd quid per annum salary (2010-related) defies logic for a man supposedly working for a ‘voluntary public body’ – informed one reporter from the Cadgers Gazette that such a levy was vital to prevent thousands of charities closing or cutting services in light of Chancellor Georgie Oddball’s draconic budget cuts.
Sir Stephen – just knighted in the New Year Honours list on the strength of the fact he’s ‘friendly’ with some of the shirt-lifting Tory prats infesting Whitehall – is a man whose ego far surpasses his limited intellect, and a person who still believes wood grows on trees.
Currently Blobb is the incumbent CEO of the UK’s Association of Chief Executives of Voluntary Organisations (AVECO), which is calling for a new tax on banksters’ bonuses to help protect their organisations from funding cuts – and further ensure their personal salaries are indemnified against 2011 inflation rates.
During an interview with the Moochers Review, Blobb called for a meeting with Chancellor George Oddball to suggest the zillions of pounds that would be raised by the tax he is proposing could be channelled straight into the Big Society Bank set up by the Libservative coalition to encourage social enterprise – and help foot the bill for their continued illegal military operations in Afghanistan – and further bailing out the bankrupt Republic of Eire.
Blobb, who claims he was knighted for services to advancing the New World Order cause of international Zionism and Freemasonry, informed a gaggle of gutter press hacks from the red top tabloids that if his penny-pinching scheme was implemented then charities would be able to beg the government for funds to help to fill the gap left by the estimated £1 zillion quid being shaved off local government grants as part of Chancellor Oddball’s dystopian spending cuts – further arguing that most council’s pondscum jobsworths had a "Neanderthal approach to cuts and were ready and willing to wreak havoc on UK communities sooner than tighten their own belts a couple of notches.”
The inept Libservative coalition has so far resisted bringing in a new tax on bankers' bonuses, but its levy on the balance sheets of banks is expected to raise £2.5 billion quid this year and a further £9 billion for the Treasury over the coming four years.
Conversely, in response to Stephen Blobb’s parasitic demands, London Banksters spokesman Sir Mildew Leech told media reporters “What the fuck - tax my annual bonus? Bullshit - over my dead body!” just before he was hit on the head with a charity box and dumped in a coffin.
Bazzer McScrote, spokesman for the ‘School of Hard Knocks’ organisation, told reporters “Well, fuck me sideways - if it’s a volunteer organisation, why are they claiming ridiculous an’ exorbitant six-figure salaries wot would keep an average family of ten starvin’ Somalis in drought-stricken Mogadishu wadded up wiv house-keepin’ money fer ten years? Wot der fuck happened ter ‘pro bono’, I ask yer? These greedy CEO bastards are corruptin’ der entire ethos of der voluntary sector by even acceptin’ dat kind of excessive renumeration while goin’ round wiv’ their charity boxes, scroungin’ off der unemployed an’ homeless public. This is der cancerous culture of greed wot’s polluting der voluntary sector.”
*Riverside Housing Group: Deborah Shackleton, chief executive, received a salary of £231,000 for 2008-9.
*Barnardo's: Chief executive, Martin Narey, earns a salary of £166,532.
*National Trust: Fiona Reynolds, the director general, is paid between £160,000 and £169,000.
*British Heart Foundation: Peter Hollins, chief executive, enjoys a salary of £153,000
*Action for Children: Top dog Clare Tickell was paid between £130,000 and 140,000 last year.
*Guide Dogs for the Blind: Bridget Warr, chief executive, earns between £120,000 and £130,000.
*Age Concern: Director General Gordon Lishman earned £117,488 in 2007-8.
*RSPCA: Mark Watts, chief executive, received £105,500 in pay and perks in the year to April 2009.
*The RSPB: Chief executive Graham Wynne's pay and benefits were up to £100,000 for 2007-8.
*Victim Support: Gillian Guy, the group's chief executive, earns a salary of £100,000*World Vision: Justin Byworth, the chief executive, received £99,994 in pay and perks in 2008.
*Greenpeace: The current salary of the organisation's chief executive, John Sauven, is £65,000.
The following charities were contacted by The Daily Shitraker but refused to name their highest earners:
*NSPCC – Highest earner received pay and perks of between £110,001 and £120,000 in 2009.
*Anchor Trust – Jane Ashcroft, deputy chief executive, stepped in as acting chief executive after the resignation of John Belcher who earned nearly £400,000. The charity said it did not know who will be the permanent replacement and how much they will be paid.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Thought for the day: Charity begins at home – or fucking well should do.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Oblivious to the irony and hypocrisy of their mendicant demands, the UK’s 166,000 registered begging bowl charities - being tax-exempt themselves – are urging the government to levy a tax on the bloated annual bonuses awarded to shit-for-brains overpaid banksters – so as to afford the planned 2011 salary increases for their own grasping CEO’s.
Stephen Blobb, the chief executive of the ACEVO organisation, which represents 2,000 Common Purpose graduates / charity leaders in Britain, and a man whose personal £90,000-odd quid per annum salary (2010-related) defies logic for a man supposedly working for a ‘voluntary public body’ – informed one reporter from the Cadgers Gazette that such a levy was vital to prevent thousands of charities closing or cutting services in light of Chancellor Georgie Oddball’s draconic budget cuts.
Sir Stephen – just knighted in the New Year Honours list on the strength of the fact he’s ‘friendly’ with some of the shirt-lifting Tory prats infesting Whitehall – is a man whose ego far surpasses his limited intellect, and a person who still believes wood grows on trees.
Currently Blobb is the incumbent CEO of the UK’s Association of Chief Executives of Voluntary Organisations (AVECO), which is calling for a new tax on banksters’ bonuses to help protect their organisations from funding cuts – and further ensure their personal salaries are indemnified against 2011 inflation rates.
During an interview with the Moochers Review, Blobb called for a meeting with Chancellor George Oddball to suggest the zillions of pounds that would be raised by the tax he is proposing could be channelled straight into the Big Society Bank set up by the Libservative coalition to encourage social enterprise – and help foot the bill for their continued illegal military operations in Afghanistan – and further bailing out the bankrupt Republic of Eire.
Blobb, who claims he was knighted for services to advancing the New World Order cause of international Zionism and Freemasonry, informed a gaggle of gutter press hacks from the red top tabloids that if his penny-pinching scheme was implemented then charities would be able to beg the government for funds to help to fill the gap left by the estimated £1 zillion quid being shaved off local government grants as part of Chancellor Oddball’s dystopian spending cuts – further arguing that most council’s pondscum jobsworths had a "Neanderthal approach to cuts and were ready and willing to wreak havoc on UK communities sooner than tighten their own belts a couple of notches.”
The inept Libservative coalition has so far resisted bringing in a new tax on bankers' bonuses, but its levy on the balance sheets of banks is expected to raise £2.5 billion quid this year and a further £9 billion for the Treasury over the coming four years.
Conversely, in response to Stephen Blobb’s parasitic demands, London Banksters spokesman Sir Mildew Leech told media reporters “What the fuck - tax my annual bonus? Bullshit - over my dead body!” just before he was hit on the head with a charity box and dumped in a coffin.
Bazzer McScrote, spokesman for the ‘School of Hard Knocks’ organisation, told reporters “Well, fuck me sideways - if it’s a volunteer organisation, why are they claiming ridiculous an’ exorbitant six-figure salaries wot would keep an average family of ten starvin’ Somalis in drought-stricken Mogadishu wadded up wiv house-keepin’ money fer ten years? Wot der fuck happened ter ‘pro bono’, I ask yer? These greedy CEO bastards are corruptin’ der entire ethos of der voluntary sector by even acceptin’ dat kind of excessive renumeration while goin’ round wiv’ their charity boxes, scroungin’ off der unemployed an’ homeless public. This is der cancerous culture of greed wot’s polluting der voluntary sector.”
*Riverside Housing Group: Deborah Shackleton, chief executive, received a salary of £231,000 for 2008-9.
*Barnardo's: Chief executive, Martin Narey, earns a salary of £166,532.
*National Trust: Fiona Reynolds, the director general, is paid between £160,000 and £169,000.
*British Heart Foundation: Peter Hollins, chief executive, enjoys a salary of £153,000
*Action for Children: Top dog Clare Tickell was paid between £130,000 and 140,000 last year.
*Guide Dogs for the Blind: Bridget Warr, chief executive, earns between £120,000 and £130,000.
*Age Concern: Director General Gordon Lishman earned £117,488 in 2007-8.
*RSPCA: Mark Watts, chief executive, received £105,500 in pay and perks in the year to April 2009.
*The RSPB: Chief executive Graham Wynne's pay and benefits were up to £100,000 for 2007-8.
*Victim Support: Gillian Guy, the group's chief executive, earns a salary of £100,000*World Vision: Justin Byworth, the chief executive, received £99,994 in pay and perks in 2008.
*Greenpeace: The current salary of the organisation's chief executive, John Sauven, is £65,000.
The following charities were contacted by The Daily Shitraker but refused to name their highest earners:
*NSPCC – Highest earner received pay and perks of between £110,001 and £120,000 in 2009.
*Anchor Trust – Jane Ashcroft, deputy chief executive, stepped in as acting chief executive after the resignation of John Belcher who earned nearly £400,000. The charity said it did not know who will be the permanent replacement and how much they will be paid.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Thought for the day: Charity begins at home – or fucking well should do.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
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