In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Willy Vague, the Libservative Cabinet Minister for Israeli Affairs, last night spit the dummy and threw all his toys out of the pram in a fit of pique concerning speculation in the media that he’s a raving poofter.
The 96-year old Vague, who was educated at St Fudgers Grammar School in Ripoff, Porkshire, informed reporters from the Daily Shitraker and the Scandalmongers Gazette “You bloody oicks and hacks and your rumours! I shared a twin bed hotel room with one of my advisors while we were campaigning during the general election run-up – that doesn’t mean to say I was bonking him up the botty.”
While unsubstantiated rumours have circulated about Vague's bisexuality around Shitehall and Westminster for years, the first hint of allegations surrounding his 25-year-old ‘special’ adviser, Chrissy ‘Call me Emily’ Myers, surfaced in the Doggers Review last week in an article questioning why he had hired a cross-dressing third ‘adviser’ when his predecessors had just two - and after PM Posh Dave Scameron has pledged to cut back on political advisers.
Apparently when questioned on what ‘Emily’ actually advised on, Vague confessed “Oh, where to go for dinner, which movies or West End shows were worth seeing – that sort of thing – and he’s very good on the African gossip on what’s happening in Uganda. Plus he’s the one who picks up the brown envelope with the Fulham grandstand tickets from Mo’ al Fayed on a Friday. Emily also does the Bet Fred run and calls in at Threshers and the chippy every afternoon.”
The Doggers Review posted a series of pictures with the article showing Vague and ‘Emily’ strolling around Cottagers Woods on Clapham Common – the latter wearing a stuffed bra, fishnet tights and six inch black slingback stilettos. The pictures were apparently taken last year before Vague was appointed to the Libservative coalition's Zionist Department – as chief 'Spin Meister' and apologist for Israel’s continual human rights and war crimes clusterfucks.
When the prisons minister, Crispin Kuntt, recently announced that he was separating from his wife Sapphie to allow him to "come to terms with the fact he prefers anal sex with other men to shagging his missus", many newspapers were planning to run further scandalous rumours about Vague’s private life, questioning if he too was cross-dressing at the taxpayer’s expense – with the Sunday Shitraker submitting a Freedom of Information request for details of what junkets ‘Emily’ Myers had been on, how much he was paid and to be provided with a complete and detailed job description.
Conversely Minister Vague has instructed Ms Sue Fleecem QC, of law firm Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, to issue libel writs against any gutter press rags publishing unsubstantiated lurid tittle-tattle that he has been playing the beast with two backs with the camp Chrissy Myers.
Apparently Vague’s office received an anonymous e-mail from the Labour Paty HQ yesterday threatening to produce evidence that would ‘out’ him as a raving poofter – and “being possessed with sexual tastes that some members of polite society regard as ‘disgusting’ while the Bible actually terms them ‘an abomination’ – and we all know what God did to Sodom don’t we”.
Hmmm, was it only 43 years ago that homosexual acts between males were a prosecutable offence in Britain's once green and pleasant lands? Sir John ‘Fellattia’ Wolfenden and his ‘Wollfenden Report’ of 1957 recommended legalising shirt-lifting sessions between consenting adults – although it took a further ten years before such became law. Under the 1957 laws homosexual offences could incur anything from a £5 quid fine to life imprisonment. Little wonder they loitered around tube station lavatories and the like.
Hence why the law was changed in 1967 - simply to accommodate this perverted practice as the House of Conmans - and the Lords and Shitehall in particular - are infested with sodomites – and a legion of kiddie fiddling pederasts - and that’s without mentioning the Freemasonry contingent and the be-wigged judiciary sexual deviants and raving faggots. Let’s be honest – the whole of British government is powered by Fairydust.
Thought for the day: Who really gives a flying fuck if Willy Vague is a shirt-lifting fudging poofter? His Mum, perhaps? Maybe the Missus too?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Saturday, 4 September 2010
Cameron Demands Minimum Liquor Price
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Libservative coalition PM, Posh Dave Scameron, today informed a reporter from the Pissheads Gazette that, in no uncertain terms, he is determined to impose a crackdown on supermarkets and other stores selling alcohol at below-cost prices to curb binge drinking and alcohol abuse in general.
Scameron claims drastic action is needed to stop Britain's town and city centres resembling the Wild West and the aftermath of the Little Big Horn massacre in the evenings as a result of drink-fuelled disorder.
“We need to stop these yobster types of people pre-loading and getting off their heads on cheap shop-bought alcohol before they go and start skulling pints of Old Headbanger and Bitch Thumper in the pubs and clubs.”
The PM was speaking to a small crowd in the city’s centre after publicly backing Greater Manchester councils' plans to bring in minimum prices. Several councils in the area are determined to pass and implement bylaws to address public disorder and health issues caused by binge-drinking, including a regulation that each unit of alcohol must cost at least 10 pence per shot.
The bemused crowd of listeners, mesmerised by Scameron’s sermon, openly giggled when children called out “Is it a Punch and Judy show?” “Where’s the crocodile mate?” “That’s not the Pope – he hasn’t got a daft hat on?” “Is it that bloke from the Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
Regardless, the stalwart Scameron soldiered on – determined to combat booze-related anti-social behaviour which he finds unacceptable for his planned Big Society Youth Movement Utopia.
“I mean to say, really, why can’t these binge-drinking oicks just settle for a glass of dry sherry and not go off quaffing down jeroboams of Tithead Tankard? What we need to do is stop places like the Pestco and the Pukesburys Greedy Grocer supermarket chains from selling 20 tins of Pit Bull Brewery’s 8% ‘Dogbite’ lager for a fiver.”
“Their discount deals go right over the top of the insurance damages claims, council clean-ups, and NHS A & E department costs in sorting the anti-social after-effects of all this cheapo plonk swilling. They stagger out of the local Chunder Arms after a night on the Migrane Mixers then wander off for an early morning nosebag take-away from Biffo’s Barg Burger Chew n Spew outlet - then puke the lot up over the pavement 100 meters down the road – and then the poor pigeons are left to peck over this cold regurgitated mess the next morning - and we all know pigeons don't like carrots.”
While the House of Conmans Ill-Health Select Committee have joined with the Smegmadale-based Harold Shipman Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence in voicing strong support for minimum pricing, Ghengis McTwatt, the feisty CEO of the ubiquitous Troublespot Taverns pub chain that markets their strong Crap Brew Ales range for £1 per pint – with weekend offers of ‘Buy one – get one free’, opined to the media that “If the kids are drinkin’ lager and mixers yer know they’ll only wake up wiv an hangover."
“If yer bang the price up ter a minimum like this knobhead Scameron wants then they’ll be swillin’ down any old shit ter get a buzz on – like bottles of meths from B & Q – or Rad-Weld and anti-freeze from Halfords - then they’ll be needin’ liver transplants on the NHS – never mind A & E band-aids fer their knuckle scrapes and stab wounds.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Libservative coalition PM, Posh Dave Scameron, today informed a reporter from the Pissheads Gazette that, in no uncertain terms, he is determined to impose a crackdown on supermarkets and other stores selling alcohol at below-cost prices to curb binge drinking and alcohol abuse in general.
Scameron claims drastic action is needed to stop Britain's town and city centres resembling the Wild West and the aftermath of the Little Big Horn massacre in the evenings as a result of drink-fuelled disorder.
“We need to stop these yobster types of people pre-loading and getting off their heads on cheap shop-bought alcohol before they go and start skulling pints of Old Headbanger and Bitch Thumper in the pubs and clubs.”
The PM was speaking to a small crowd in the city’s centre after publicly backing Greater Manchester councils' plans to bring in minimum prices. Several councils in the area are determined to pass and implement bylaws to address public disorder and health issues caused by binge-drinking, including a regulation that each unit of alcohol must cost at least 10 pence per shot.
The bemused crowd of listeners, mesmerised by Scameron’s sermon, openly giggled when children called out “Is it a Punch and Judy show?” “Where’s the crocodile mate?” “That’s not the Pope – he hasn’t got a daft hat on?” “Is it that bloke from the Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
Regardless, the stalwart Scameron soldiered on – determined to combat booze-related anti-social behaviour which he finds unacceptable for his planned Big Society Youth Movement Utopia.
“I mean to say, really, why can’t these binge-drinking oicks just settle for a glass of dry sherry and not go off quaffing down jeroboams of Tithead Tankard? What we need to do is stop places like the Pestco and the Pukesburys Greedy Grocer supermarket chains from selling 20 tins of Pit Bull Brewery’s 8% ‘Dogbite’ lager for a fiver.”
“Their discount deals go right over the top of the insurance damages claims, council clean-ups, and NHS A & E department costs in sorting the anti-social after-effects of all this cheapo plonk swilling. They stagger out of the local Chunder Arms after a night on the Migrane Mixers then wander off for an early morning nosebag take-away from Biffo’s Barg Burger Chew n Spew outlet - then puke the lot up over the pavement 100 meters down the road – and then the poor pigeons are left to peck over this cold regurgitated mess the next morning - and we all know pigeons don't like carrots.”
While the House of Conmans Ill-Health Select Committee have joined with the Smegmadale-based Harold Shipman Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence in voicing strong support for minimum pricing, Ghengis McTwatt, the feisty CEO of the ubiquitous Troublespot Taverns pub chain that markets their strong Crap Brew Ales range for £1 per pint – with weekend offers of ‘Buy one – get one free’, opined to the media that “If the kids are drinkin’ lager and mixers yer know they’ll only wake up wiv an hangover."
“If yer bang the price up ter a minimum like this knobhead Scameron wants then they’ll be swillin’ down any old shit ter get a buzz on – like bottles of meths from B & Q – or Rad-Weld and anti-freeze from Halfords - then they’ll be needin’ liver transplants on the NHS – never mind A & E band-aids fer their knuckle scrapes and stab wounds.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Bliar Bio’ Backstabs Broon
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Ex-Labour PM Tony Bliar’s autobiography ‘Wages of Sin’ was on the book seller’s shelves on September 1st, with an official launch hosted at Pissstone’s flagship store in central London.
The former Slime Minister was there to personally promote sales of the ghost-written tome, for which he was paid a £4.6 zillion quid advance – signing copies of the book with the DU-contaminated blood of slaughtered Iraqi children – to provide a 10,000 year half-life glow-in-the-dark effect.
Wages of Sin is published by the Renegade House Group in the UK, and Alfred A. Numpf in the good ole US of A - one of the prime imprints of the Numpf Doublecross Publishing Group.
The book, which took almost three weeks to write, focuses on his years spent in Downing Street and is the first time Bliar has revealed the inner workings of his relationship with Chancellor – and successor PM – Gordon ‘ Incapability’ Broon. Blair describes Broon, who took over the 10 Downing Street spot in 2007, as a “typical tight-fisted Scots twat” and “as stubborn as Murphy’s mule”.
Ghengis McScrote, the Scottish editor of the red top gutter press tabloid, the ‘See You Gazette’, had this to say in his editorial pages “By the look of his picture on the dustcover of the book it might just be a hefty dose of conscience catching up with him – if he’d been born with one that is. The man’s all eyebags an’ worry an’ balding – like Wilde’s Dorian Gray in reverse. Now that has got ter be due all the evil nasty sins the scally git’s gone an’ committed.”
“As fer the book itself – well, it’s saturated with a litany of selective character assassinations – and typical of what we’ve grown to expect from the Sassenach scumbag – more fucking lies, bullshit an’ spin. Just take a look at how the low-life bastard sticks the knife in Gordon’s back. If Bliar never gets another decent night’s sleep ever again, then good!”
While Bliar reveals his crocodile tears "anguish" over the deaths and maiming of British soldiers in the Iraq war – he conspicuously makes no mention of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi troops – and too innocent civilians – specifically children - killed and crippled by his criminal decision to manipulate false intelligence reports to justify the illegal invasion.
He touches on the subject of Princess Di’s murder in the Pont de l’Alma Tunnel in Paris just after he assumed office as PM in 1997, and while sort of indicating he might have given the nod for Dr David Kelly’s assisted suicide for whistle-blowing the government’s dodgy weapons of mass distraction intelligence dossier to Ox-Rat – the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity - wholly denies he was ever involved in the conspiracy to snuff Di’ and Dodo al Fayed. “Honestly, that was Philip’s and MI6’s shenanigans and bugger all to do with Downing Street.”
However, with such a record for telling massive porkies it’s hard to accept the verisimilitude of anything he says – especially when it’s preceded by the words “Honest to God!” or “Believe you me!”
You can watch Tony Blair's interview with Andrew ‘Bat Ears’ Marr on BBC 2’s ‘Lying Gits’ programme on Sunday 5th September at 1900 BST – right after Songs of Praise.
Thought for the day: Should the title of Bliar’s bio’ be changed to ‘False Pretences’?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Ex-Labour PM Tony Bliar’s autobiography ‘Wages of Sin’ was on the book seller’s shelves on September 1st, with an official launch hosted at Pissstone’s flagship store in central London.
The former Slime Minister was there to personally promote sales of the ghost-written tome, for which he was paid a £4.6 zillion quid advance – signing copies of the book with the DU-contaminated blood of slaughtered Iraqi children – to provide a 10,000 year half-life glow-in-the-dark effect.
Wages of Sin is published by the Renegade House Group in the UK, and Alfred A. Numpf in the good ole US of A - one of the prime imprints of the Numpf Doublecross Publishing Group.
The book, which took almost three weeks to write, focuses on his years spent in Downing Street and is the first time Bliar has revealed the inner workings of his relationship with Chancellor – and successor PM – Gordon ‘ Incapability’ Broon. Blair describes Broon, who took over the 10 Downing Street spot in 2007, as a “typical tight-fisted Scots twat” and “as stubborn as Murphy’s mule”.
Ghengis McScrote, the Scottish editor of the red top gutter press tabloid, the ‘See You Gazette’, had this to say in his editorial pages “By the look of his picture on the dustcover of the book it might just be a hefty dose of conscience catching up with him – if he’d been born with one that is. The man’s all eyebags an’ worry an’ balding – like Wilde’s Dorian Gray in reverse. Now that has got ter be due all the evil nasty sins the scally git’s gone an’ committed.”
“As fer the book itself – well, it’s saturated with a litany of selective character assassinations – and typical of what we’ve grown to expect from the Sassenach scumbag – more fucking lies, bullshit an’ spin. Just take a look at how the low-life bastard sticks the knife in Gordon’s back. If Bliar never gets another decent night’s sleep ever again, then good!”
While Bliar reveals his crocodile tears "anguish" over the deaths and maiming of British soldiers in the Iraq war – he conspicuously makes no mention of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi troops – and too innocent civilians – specifically children - killed and crippled by his criminal decision to manipulate false intelligence reports to justify the illegal invasion.
He touches on the subject of Princess Di’s murder in the Pont de l’Alma Tunnel in Paris just after he assumed office as PM in 1997, and while sort of indicating he might have given the nod for Dr David Kelly’s assisted suicide for whistle-blowing the government’s dodgy weapons of mass distraction intelligence dossier to Ox-Rat – the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity - wholly denies he was ever involved in the conspiracy to snuff Di’ and Dodo al Fayed. “Honestly, that was Philip’s and MI6’s shenanigans and bugger all to do with Downing Street.”
However, with such a record for telling massive porkies it’s hard to accept the verisimilitude of anything he says – especially when it’s preceded by the words “Honest to God!” or “Believe you me!”
You can watch Tony Blair's interview with Andrew ‘Bat Ears’ Marr on BBC 2’s ‘Lying Gits’ programme on Sunday 5th September at 1900 BST – right after Songs of Praise.
Thought for the day: Should the title of Bliar’s bio’ be changed to ‘False Pretences’?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Thursday, 2 September 2010
ANC Resort to Media-Gagging Fascism
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The ‘truth’ can be a terrible double-edged weapon – much to the consternation of South Africa’s journalists, whose use of such has led to repercussions that are proving hazardous not only to health but also life and liberty.
The clamp down on the national press is being implemented following complaints by ministers of the ruling African National Congress over media revelations detailing their delinquent behaviour illustrated by exuberant boozing and whoring life styles in five-star hotels and restaurants around the country and overseas junkets – all at the hapless taxpayer’s expense.
One of the chief high-living abusers - and in contrary fashion - complainants is Blade Nzimande, the Communist Party leader with the IQ of a rutting pig who the inept President Zuma has appointed Minister for Higher Education – regardless of the fact the gollified moron can’t read or write and only count up to the total of his fingers and toes (16).
An avalanche of other reports across the swathe of the gutter press red top tabloids has detailed and laid bare the rampant graft and corruption at ministerial level, committed via the allocation of state contracts to favoured bidders who then pay mega-bucks backhanders into foreign numbered bank accounts.
President Zuma, for his part, is still resentful about frequent press allegations of corruption directed against himself – including embarrassing revelations concerning his cross-dressing fetish, together with further aggravating reports about his multitudinous wives, mistresses and harem of high school aged concubines. Zuma has filed lawsuits against many journalists and, particularly, cartoonists for their subtle satires labelling him a ‘prehensile troglodyte’ and a ‘paedo’ kiddie fiddler’ due his primitive sexual taste for teenage girls that barely have hair they can sit on.
As a result, and to offset international human rights charges of murdering reporters and press editors, the government plans on implementing legislation to create a “Protection of Personal Information Bill,” which would only allow reporting about politician’s personal lives with their consent. Heavy penalties would thus prevent any more reporting of Mr. Nizimande’s scurrilous sodomising of half-caste ladyboys, or ANC Youth Movement leader Julius Malema’s rampant homosexual rapes - or the legions of illegitimate children born to President Zuma’s 15-year old mistresses.
This is to be reinforced with a new Kafkaesque / Stalinist “Information Bill” proposal, which will impose penalties of up to 25 years in jail for reporting about any subject matter the government declares to be a matter of national security – such as the bribes paid to ministers or Jumpin’ Julius Malema and his Red Ant Army of hooligans from the Renta-Thug agency implementing their policy of forced land reform through a campaign of chaotic and uncoordinated land grabs that more often as not result in the slaughter of the white farmers being usurped and dispossessed from their rightful homes.
To top this off with a most spectacular flourish of despotic tyranny, the villainous Zuma government plans a special Media Tribunal to adjudicate complaints against the press and which will have the power to issue ‘shoot on sight’ judgements against erring reporters who are foolish and naïve enough to believe that the ‘truth’ is the best defence – and then close down offending newspapers as subversive journals guilty of disseminating information considered to be contrary to the national interest – and hence promoting domestic terrorism.
While these drastic laws suppressing the nation’s free press are excessive and serve only to conceal ministerial malfeasance, there is little confidence the Constitutional Court will stand up to Zuma and his bully boy criminal government, for the ANC has long appointed its own stooges and patsies to the Supreme Court bench – all of whom are now tainted by accepting Mammon’s lucre.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
The ‘truth’ can be a terrible double-edged weapon – much to the consternation of South Africa’s journalists, whose use of such has led to repercussions that are proving hazardous not only to health but also life and liberty.
The clamp down on the national press is being implemented following complaints by ministers of the ruling African National Congress over media revelations detailing their delinquent behaviour illustrated by exuberant boozing and whoring life styles in five-star hotels and restaurants around the country and overseas junkets – all at the hapless taxpayer’s expense.
One of the chief high-living abusers - and in contrary fashion - complainants is Blade Nzimande, the Communist Party leader with the IQ of a rutting pig who the inept President Zuma has appointed Minister for Higher Education – regardless of the fact the gollified moron can’t read or write and only count up to the total of his fingers and toes (16).
An avalanche of other reports across the swathe of the gutter press red top tabloids has detailed and laid bare the rampant graft and corruption at ministerial level, committed via the allocation of state contracts to favoured bidders who then pay mega-bucks backhanders into foreign numbered bank accounts.
President Zuma, for his part, is still resentful about frequent press allegations of corruption directed against himself – including embarrassing revelations concerning his cross-dressing fetish, together with further aggravating reports about his multitudinous wives, mistresses and harem of high school aged concubines. Zuma has filed lawsuits against many journalists and, particularly, cartoonists for their subtle satires labelling him a ‘prehensile troglodyte’ and a ‘paedo’ kiddie fiddler’ due his primitive sexual taste for teenage girls that barely have hair they can sit on.
As a result, and to offset international human rights charges of murdering reporters and press editors, the government plans on implementing legislation to create a “Protection of Personal Information Bill,” which would only allow reporting about politician’s personal lives with their consent. Heavy penalties would thus prevent any more reporting of Mr. Nizimande’s scurrilous sodomising of half-caste ladyboys, or ANC Youth Movement leader Julius Malema’s rampant homosexual rapes - or the legions of illegitimate children born to President Zuma’s 15-year old mistresses.
This is to be reinforced with a new Kafkaesque / Stalinist “Information Bill” proposal, which will impose penalties of up to 25 years in jail for reporting about any subject matter the government declares to be a matter of national security – such as the bribes paid to ministers or Jumpin’ Julius Malema and his Red Ant Army of hooligans from the Renta-Thug agency implementing their policy of forced land reform through a campaign of chaotic and uncoordinated land grabs that more often as not result in the slaughter of the white farmers being usurped and dispossessed from their rightful homes.
To top this off with a most spectacular flourish of despotic tyranny, the villainous Zuma government plans a special Media Tribunal to adjudicate complaints against the press and which will have the power to issue ‘shoot on sight’ judgements against erring reporters who are foolish and naïve enough to believe that the ‘truth’ is the best defence – and then close down offending newspapers as subversive journals guilty of disseminating information considered to be contrary to the national interest – and hence promoting domestic terrorism.
While these drastic laws suppressing the nation’s free press are excessive and serve only to conceal ministerial malfeasance, there is little confidence the Constitutional Court will stand up to Zuma and his bully boy criminal government, for the ANC has long appointed its own stooges and patsies to the Supreme Court bench – all of whom are now tainted by accepting Mammon’s lucre.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Libservatives Plan Lean & Mean Military
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Basil Brush look-alike Dr Liam Fox has gone public with the fact the Ministry of Defence must become leaner and meaner to help tackle the kikester’s purposely engineered deficit in Britain’s finances – sabotaged to perfection by thirteen years of New Labour misgovernment under Gordon Broon’s and Alastair Darling’s inept chancellorships.
The defence secretary further indicated there would be fewer civil servants and senior officers around come Spring as he planned a massive cull to ensure enough money was devoted to the front line for use by the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and the 18th Body Bag Brigade in Afghanistan.
While Fox was evasive concerning what jobs and equipment would be slashed he did admit cutting the deficit would be ‘difficult and painful’ – especially so for those squaddies on the Afghan front line in Bellend Province who haven’t yet received their body armour, tin hats and boots.
“The Army, Navy and Air Force, collectively known as the Armed Forces, will, due to drastic budgetary cut-backs, in future be known as the Unarmed Forces.”
“I intend to reorganise the Army into three simple areas – those alive and fighting on our neo-colonial battle fronts in the Third World – then those who are guarding our poppy crops and the stupid Trans-Afghan gas pipeline - and then those who are careless enough to get themselves shot and killed at Deep Throat Barracks while in training – who’ll be off payroll forthwith.”
“Seriously, this strategy will see a leaner and less centralised organisation – especially so when I start slashing running costs by 25% and put my foot down with a firm hand concerning the fact that while the Army has just 100,000 soldiers, the MoD has 85,000 civil servants working for it – the majority of which will face the decision of take up the Queen’s shilling – or join the Jobcentre queue.”
In an after dinner speech at Whitehall’s salacious ‘Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Parlour’, Dr Fox told the assembled military top brass that his flying visit to Afghanistan recently had been one of ‘shock and awe’ for him – relating “Good grief, these men are actually getting shot at by some squirly Islamic religious types called the Taliban – and with real bullets too. This isn’t a game and our blokes don’t even have a decent flush crapper to take a poo.”
Alas, such was Posh Dave Scameron’s imprudent choice for Minister of Defence – Liam Fox – MP for suburban Woodworm. A man who has never done military service nor heard a shot fired in anger. Wholly lacking in first-hand knowledge and skills of anything military - apart from being given a fort as a Christmas present when he was 9-years old.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Basil Brush look-alike Dr Liam Fox has gone public with the fact the Ministry of Defence must become leaner and meaner to help tackle the kikester’s purposely engineered deficit in Britain’s finances – sabotaged to perfection by thirteen years of New Labour misgovernment under Gordon Broon’s and Alastair Darling’s inept chancellorships.
The defence secretary further indicated there would be fewer civil servants and senior officers around come Spring as he planned a massive cull to ensure enough money was devoted to the front line for use by the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and the 18th Body Bag Brigade in Afghanistan.
While Fox was evasive concerning what jobs and equipment would be slashed he did admit cutting the deficit would be ‘difficult and painful’ – especially so for those squaddies on the Afghan front line in Bellend Province who haven’t yet received their body armour, tin hats and boots.
“The Army, Navy and Air Force, collectively known as the Armed Forces, will, due to drastic budgetary cut-backs, in future be known as the Unarmed Forces.”
“I intend to reorganise the Army into three simple areas – those alive and fighting on our neo-colonial battle fronts in the Third World – then those who are guarding our poppy crops and the stupid Trans-Afghan gas pipeline - and then those who are careless enough to get themselves shot and killed at Deep Throat Barracks while in training – who’ll be off payroll forthwith.”
“Seriously, this strategy will see a leaner and less centralised organisation – especially so when I start slashing running costs by 25% and put my foot down with a firm hand concerning the fact that while the Army has just 100,000 soldiers, the MoD has 85,000 civil servants working for it – the majority of which will face the decision of take up the Queen’s shilling – or join the Jobcentre queue.”
In an after dinner speech at Whitehall’s salacious ‘Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Parlour’, Dr Fox told the assembled military top brass that his flying visit to Afghanistan recently had been one of ‘shock and awe’ for him – relating “Good grief, these men are actually getting shot at by some squirly Islamic religious types called the Taliban – and with real bullets too. This isn’t a game and our blokes don’t even have a decent flush crapper to take a poo.”
Alas, such was Posh Dave Scameron’s imprudent choice for Minister of Defence – Liam Fox – MP for suburban Woodworm. A man who has never done military service nor heard a shot fired in anger. Wholly lacking in first-hand knowledge and skills of anything military - apart from being given a fort as a Christmas present when he was 9-years old.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
Iraq Troop Withdrawal – 56,000 to Remain?
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Well the Battle for Hearts & Minds might have been given up as total waste of time and effort (read ‘dead loss’) as a mere 14,000 US GI Joe combat troops pull out of Iraq and move across to a nice fresh Afghan posting to provide Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadis with some extra target practice.
However the Battle against Bullshit in Baghdad - and hypocrisy, spin and blatant lies across Iraq continues – helped along by the ‘other’ 56,000 US troops that are remaining there – to assist the government’s inept armed forces in guarding the – er – government - from what are loosely termed ‘disaffected and marginalised’ political and militia groups such as the Ba’athists and the Shites - plus the Sunni’s and Cher’s.
So, after telling a heap of porkie pies concerning dodgy dossiers – by Duya Bush in Washington and Tony Bliar in London - to ‘justify’ (sic) the illegal invasion of Iraq – plus the seven and a half years since, spent making a total fuck of the place - just to steal someone else’s property - Operation Iraqi Fuckups goes into ‘whisper mode’ as the 14,000 grunts comprising the ranks of the 4th Stryker Brigade Combat Team piss off to pastures new to kill and maim kids of a different nationality – but the same demonised heathen religion.
Washington’s deadwood O’Barmy administration had pledged to reduce overall troops numbers to 50,000 by 31 August – which was specifically ‘yesterday’. But what are 6,000 extra between friends – especially so considering the mortality count from snipers and IED’s over the course of a week.
In fact a week when one suicide bomber with an attitude problem killed at least 60 army recruits in central Baghdad, highlighting the numpty logic of leaving behind a rear guard of 56,000 non-combatant troops.
However the Daily Shitraker claims that the gospel according to the US military Deputy Dawg Commander, General Billy Bob Conehead, speaking from his bunker in the ever-pleasant Green Zone, the 56,000 US troops still remaining might well be of the ‘non-combat’ variety – but refused to clarify if ‘non-combat’ meant ‘unarmed’ or if the troops were simply remaining to sweep up the mess they’ve made or decontaminate the radioactive horror that now constitutes the gutted city of Fallujah.
Barry Soetoro’s Defence Secretary, ‘Bent Bobby’ Gates – a man who couldn’t tell the truth even if he hasn’t a lie ready, declined to discuss whether a further 6,000 troops would be withdrawn to comply with the Kenyan cuckoo’s earlier promise, but did inform the Dover Test Gazette "During the last 18 months, over 90,000 US troops have left Iraq – and while the majority of those were in body bags it’s still a lot of troops."
So, according to one report in the Despot’s Gazette, quoting US Vice-President Jumpin’ Joe Bidet in Baghdad, the US-led Operation Enduring Fuckups is officially over – and by logical progression, obviously the occupation of Iraq too. Conversely, with 56,000 US troops still on the ground there – in whatever disingenuous fucking capacity – combatant / non-combatant – call them what you will – it’s still an occupation – by another fucking name – even if the troops are there to protect and maintain the National Graft & Corruption Party government of US muppet and career stooge, Prime Minister Nouri al Waikiki - who had the moronic audacity to proclaim “At last, my country is now independent as the US has formally ended combat operations.”
Alas, what results has this illegal invasion and ensuing war of attrition by the US Forces of Darkness wrought – apart from filling the coffers of the infidel Mammon-worshipping oil companies and the military-industrial complex? Saddam Hussein was a bit of an all-round nasty cunt – but at the end of the day, originally a US-backed stooge, and definitely no worse than some of the despots the Zionist kikesters have invested by force of arms and deception as leaders around the poverty-stricken shitholes that constitute the Third World – to maintain US hegemony and protect their commercial interests.
Further, Saddam Hussein was no worse than some of the world leaders who pushed for his ouster and the seizure of Iraq’s oilfields and the creation of a giant Mid-East military power base to terrorise the Islamic nations - such as Israel’s incumbent psychopath Binman Nutyahoo – or the moronic George W Bush – or that evil perjurious twat Tony Bliar.
Old Saddam ran a tight ship and a nice stable government – maintaining a perfect infrastructure - schools and utilities and health care. Now look at the fucking mess the Yanks have left the place in.
Ah well, at least Ahmed ‘Watch yer Pockets’ Chalabi, of dodgy dossier Curveball fame, and his crooked INC Party aren’t running the place. Thank Christ – or Allah – for small mercies.
However, the word on the streets in Iraq isn’t quite in accordance with PM Nouri al Waikiki’s pronouncement.
Mr Istimna ibn Himar, a 96-year-old goat doctor from Basra told the Manuke Khara news agency "It is all a bunch of old bollocks as you say in the West. There is no real Iraqi government – we are still ruled out of Wall Street and as long as there is oil in the ground then the US soldiers will remain in Iraq – thus it will still be occupied. “Go - we want all you Yankee fuckpigs out! Go, and take your dead bodies with you – and all this depleted uranium shit too.”
Hmmm, thank you for those heart-felt sentiments Mr ibn Himar.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Thought for the day: Fuck the criminal Neo-Con Zionist stooges, and the Project for a New American Century - and the New World Order.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Well the Battle for Hearts & Minds might have been given up as total waste of time and effort (read ‘dead loss’) as a mere 14,000 US GI Joe combat troops pull out of Iraq and move across to a nice fresh Afghan posting to provide Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadis with some extra target practice.
However the Battle against Bullshit in Baghdad - and hypocrisy, spin and blatant lies across Iraq continues – helped along by the ‘other’ 56,000 US troops that are remaining there – to assist the government’s inept armed forces in guarding the – er – government - from what are loosely termed ‘disaffected and marginalised’ political and militia groups such as the Ba’athists and the Shites - plus the Sunni’s and Cher’s.
So, after telling a heap of porkie pies concerning dodgy dossiers – by Duya Bush in Washington and Tony Bliar in London - to ‘justify’ (sic) the illegal invasion of Iraq – plus the seven and a half years since, spent making a total fuck of the place - just to steal someone else’s property - Operation Iraqi Fuckups goes into ‘whisper mode’ as the 14,000 grunts comprising the ranks of the 4th Stryker Brigade Combat Team piss off to pastures new to kill and maim kids of a different nationality – but the same demonised heathen religion.
Washington’s deadwood O’Barmy administration had pledged to reduce overall troops numbers to 50,000 by 31 August – which was specifically ‘yesterday’. But what are 6,000 extra between friends – especially so considering the mortality count from snipers and IED’s over the course of a week.
In fact a week when one suicide bomber with an attitude problem killed at least 60 army recruits in central Baghdad, highlighting the numpty logic of leaving behind a rear guard of 56,000 non-combatant troops.
However the Daily Shitraker claims that the gospel according to the US military Deputy Dawg Commander, General Billy Bob Conehead, speaking from his bunker in the ever-pleasant Green Zone, the 56,000 US troops still remaining might well be of the ‘non-combat’ variety – but refused to clarify if ‘non-combat’ meant ‘unarmed’ or if the troops were simply remaining to sweep up the mess they’ve made or decontaminate the radioactive horror that now constitutes the gutted city of Fallujah.
Barry Soetoro’s Defence Secretary, ‘Bent Bobby’ Gates – a man who couldn’t tell the truth even if he hasn’t a lie ready, declined to discuss whether a further 6,000 troops would be withdrawn to comply with the Kenyan cuckoo’s earlier promise, but did inform the Dover Test Gazette "During the last 18 months, over 90,000 US troops have left Iraq – and while the majority of those were in body bags it’s still a lot of troops."
So, according to one report in the Despot’s Gazette, quoting US Vice-President Jumpin’ Joe Bidet in Baghdad, the US-led Operation Enduring Fuckups is officially over – and by logical progression, obviously the occupation of Iraq too. Conversely, with 56,000 US troops still on the ground there – in whatever disingenuous fucking capacity – combatant / non-combatant – call them what you will – it’s still an occupation – by another fucking name – even if the troops are there to protect and maintain the National Graft & Corruption Party government of US muppet and career stooge, Prime Minister Nouri al Waikiki - who had the moronic audacity to proclaim “At last, my country is now independent as the US has formally ended combat operations.”
Alas, what results has this illegal invasion and ensuing war of attrition by the US Forces of Darkness wrought – apart from filling the coffers of the infidel Mammon-worshipping oil companies and the military-industrial complex? Saddam Hussein was a bit of an all-round nasty cunt – but at the end of the day, originally a US-backed stooge, and definitely no worse than some of the despots the Zionist kikesters have invested by force of arms and deception as leaders around the poverty-stricken shitholes that constitute the Third World – to maintain US hegemony and protect their commercial interests.
Further, Saddam Hussein was no worse than some of the world leaders who pushed for his ouster and the seizure of Iraq’s oilfields and the creation of a giant Mid-East military power base to terrorise the Islamic nations - such as Israel’s incumbent psychopath Binman Nutyahoo – or the moronic George W Bush – or that evil perjurious twat Tony Bliar.
Old Saddam ran a tight ship and a nice stable government – maintaining a perfect infrastructure - schools and utilities and health care. Now look at the fucking mess the Yanks have left the place in.
Ah well, at least Ahmed ‘Watch yer Pockets’ Chalabi, of dodgy dossier Curveball fame, and his crooked INC Party aren’t running the place. Thank Christ – or Allah – for small mercies.
However, the word on the streets in Iraq isn’t quite in accordance with PM Nouri al Waikiki’s pronouncement.
Mr Istimna ibn Himar, a 96-year-old goat doctor from Basra told the Manuke Khara news agency "It is all a bunch of old bollocks as you say in the West. There is no real Iraqi government – we are still ruled out of Wall Street and as long as there is oil in the ground then the US soldiers will remain in Iraq – thus it will still be occupied. “Go - we want all you Yankee fuckpigs out! Go, and take your dead bodies with you – and all this depleted uranium shit too.”
Hmmm, thank you for those heart-felt sentiments Mr ibn Himar.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Thought for the day: Fuck the criminal Neo-Con Zionist stooges, and the Project for a New American Century - and the New World Order.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Pensioned Slapped with Fixed Penalty Fine
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
An elderly widow has been threatened with a £2,500 fine by Smegmadale-on-Sea Council’s Community Enforcement ‘Stasi’ – for dropping cigarette ash on the pavement.
Mrs Edith Pustule, a 96-year old grandmother, was having a quick drag at a bus stop outside the local hospital - where she had just attended an appointment to have her pacemaker battery replaced - when a warden pounced and handed her a £75 quid fixed penalty fine for littering – which the cash-strapped granny refused to pay and has now been warned it could rise to £2,500 nicker if the issue is referred to a magistrate’s court.
Mrs Pustule told a reporter from the Jobsworths Gazette that “I’d come outa the hospital an’ went across the road ter have a look fer a pair of 6 inch heeled black patent slingbacks in the Jimmy Choo-Choo shoe shop fer when we go an’ see Norman & the Necrophiliacs at the Smegmadale Arena’s heavy metal concert next week.”
“Anyways, I goes an’ sits down on the wall next ter the bus stop ter wait fer the number 69 an’ I’m havin’ a quick smoke an’ this Community Enforcement Officer bitch wiv Slagella McSkank on her Renta-Thug security agency badge, wot works fer the council, comes up an’ sez’ “Yer droppin’ yer fag ash on the floor Missus – yer should have yer own ashtray wiv yer” – then she hands me this here fixed penalty notice fer a £75 quid fine – so I told her ter go an’ shove it up her fat dyke arse.”
Ms Candida Ffinch-Hattoff QC of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, Solicitors, who has volunteered her legal services to represent Mrs Pustule on a pro bono basis – informed the media “This is a case of gross idiocy, putting uniforms on total morons – and this McSkank clot was cautioned recently by the RSPCA for kicking a pigeon that she caught shitting on the pavement.”
Records show that Smegmadale-on-Sea Council dished out 22,758 penalty fines last year, compared to just 346 in neighbouring Scumborough Bay.
Alderman Derek Kuntt, Smegmadale-on-Sea’s council member for safer neighbourhoods, refused to comment on Mrs Pustule’s case – but stated for the public record that “In general terms, however, our community enforcement wardens do not issue fixed penalty notices for dropping cigarette ash as they do for cigarette butts, which are specifically classed as litter under the Environmental Protection Act - so in this case CEO McSkank obviously had a shitty on and decided to book the old baggage.”
The council has taken a particularly hardline stance against litter – instanced when Kerrie-Anne Mingerot was targeted by a warden and slapped with a £75 quid fine after a condom accidentally dropped from her pocket as she ran to catch a bus to her place of work at the Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Salon on Jackoff Street.
However the most notorious episode, which hit the headlines of the national gutter press tabloids, occured when 16-year old mother-of-three Tiffy Tourettes was fined £100 quid for feeding the ducks on the pond in the town’s Slagford Park with her toddler son, 3-year old son Dazzer, and a few breadcrumbs were left on the pondside pavings.
When Ms Tourettes was ordered by a split-arsed Community Enforcement moron to clean the mess up – or else - she told the officer to “Fuck off , eat shit and die, bitch. Fine the effin’ ducks fer not cleanin’ their mess up – not me.”
Eye witness and media reports jointly claim this was the point when the CEO pulled out her Taser – with Ms Tourettes reacting by hurling her into the pond – whereupon she was self-stunned with the ensuing electric shock, then unfortunately pecked to death by irate ducks invading their ‘chill out space’.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.
An elderly widow has been threatened with a £2,500 fine by Smegmadale-on-Sea Council’s Community Enforcement ‘Stasi’ – for dropping cigarette ash on the pavement.
Mrs Edith Pustule, a 96-year old grandmother, was having a quick drag at a bus stop outside the local hospital - where she had just attended an appointment to have her pacemaker battery replaced - when a warden pounced and handed her a £75 quid fixed penalty fine for littering – which the cash-strapped granny refused to pay and has now been warned it could rise to £2,500 nicker if the issue is referred to a magistrate’s court.
Mrs Pustule told a reporter from the Jobsworths Gazette that “I’d come outa the hospital an’ went across the road ter have a look fer a pair of 6 inch heeled black patent slingbacks in the Jimmy Choo-Choo shoe shop fer when we go an’ see Norman & the Necrophiliacs at the Smegmadale Arena’s heavy metal concert next week.”
“Anyways, I goes an’ sits down on the wall next ter the bus stop ter wait fer the number 69 an’ I’m havin’ a quick smoke an’ this Community Enforcement Officer bitch wiv Slagella McSkank on her Renta-Thug security agency badge, wot works fer the council, comes up an’ sez’ “Yer droppin’ yer fag ash on the floor Missus – yer should have yer own ashtray wiv yer” – then she hands me this here fixed penalty notice fer a £75 quid fine – so I told her ter go an’ shove it up her fat dyke arse.”
Ms Candida Ffinch-Hattoff QC of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, Solicitors, who has volunteered her legal services to represent Mrs Pustule on a pro bono basis – informed the media “This is a case of gross idiocy, putting uniforms on total morons – and this McSkank clot was cautioned recently by the RSPCA for kicking a pigeon that she caught shitting on the pavement.”
Records show that Smegmadale-on-Sea Council dished out 22,758 penalty fines last year, compared to just 346 in neighbouring Scumborough Bay.
Alderman Derek Kuntt, Smegmadale-on-Sea’s council member for safer neighbourhoods, refused to comment on Mrs Pustule’s case – but stated for the public record that “In general terms, however, our community enforcement wardens do not issue fixed penalty notices for dropping cigarette ash as they do for cigarette butts, which are specifically classed as litter under the Environmental Protection Act - so in this case CEO McSkank obviously had a shitty on and decided to book the old baggage.”
The council has taken a particularly hardline stance against litter – instanced when Kerrie-Anne Mingerot was targeted by a warden and slapped with a £75 quid fine after a condom accidentally dropped from her pocket as she ran to catch a bus to her place of work at the Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Salon on Jackoff Street.
However the most notorious episode, which hit the headlines of the national gutter press tabloids, occured when 16-year old mother-of-three Tiffy Tourettes was fined £100 quid for feeding the ducks on the pond in the town’s Slagford Park with her toddler son, 3-year old son Dazzer, and a few breadcrumbs were left on the pondside pavings.
When Ms Tourettes was ordered by a split-arsed Community Enforcement moron to clean the mess up – or else - she told the officer to “Fuck off , eat shit and die, bitch. Fine the effin’ ducks fer not cleanin’ their mess up – not me.”
Eye witness and media reports jointly claim this was the point when the CEO pulled out her Taser – with Ms Tourettes reacting by hurling her into the pond – whereupon she was self-stunned with the ensuing electric shock, then unfortunately pecked to death by irate ducks invading their ‘chill out space’.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel shit.
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