Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Former Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed, the cartoonesque phoney baloney Pharaoh of Shitesbridge who sold the prestigious department store for £1.5 zillion quid to the Al Thani crime syndicate rulers of the Persian Gulf desert state of Qatar in May, has revealed to gobsmacked reporters he purposely, and with malice aforethought, destroyed the store's ‘Royal Warrants’ in 2002.
The Egyptian-born tycoon - who likes to boast of his own ‘royal’ descent from Pharaoh Akhenaten and Queen Neferteabag, the 18th Dynasty rulers who innovated the first ‘Pyramid Selling’ schemes – and still holds the international patent for ‘Sphinx Cat Food’ - informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker that the endorsements, from the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh, the Prince of Wales and the late Queen Mother, were a "curse" on the store – and that Harrods didn’t need a bunch of murdering Greek-German mongrel reptilian lizard trash as customers.
“I sat there, on my throne one March afternoon, smoking a big cigar and burned the warrants one at a time in the ashtray - as revenge for them murdering Di’ and Dodi – and refusing to give me a British passport. I burned the old bag’s last – the Queen Mother’s – and watched it smoulder away – then she died a couple of days later and our business turn-over tripled. Insh’Allah akbar!”
Harrods, today the second greatest London tourist attraction after Big Ben, was first presented with a royal warrant in 1913 by King George V, who used to have his proprietary brand of haemorrhoid ointment blended in the pharmacy department. Each individual warrant, issued for supplying boots, saddles and a wide selection of riding crops, whips and serf cudgels, thumbscrews, slave yokes, shackles and chains, vibrating sexual aids and other ‘personal’ goods to the British royal family, was reviewed every five years and re-issued where applicable.
At the time Al Fayed claims he decided to not request the renewal of the warrants since neither the Queen, nor Prince Philip, nor the bat-eared Prince of Wales had shopped there since they ordered Princess Di’ terminated with extreme prejudice for getting preggers from shagging a Muslim. Hence he considered continuing to display them would have been totally misleading and a piece of consummate hypocrisy.
“They were a curse and business tripled after I had burned them – and then my Israeli Prime Minister friend Binman Nuttyahoo called up and said he could get Mossad to issue me with a British passport any time I needed one.”
“So bollocks to Britain – I shall now retire to my Hotel Ritz in Paris and chat to my good friend Nikky Teacozy, the little Prime Minister. He is very cute and tells me I can have French citizenship and a passport any time I like – in exchange for one of my fat brown envelopes. This is what Britain needs – more politicians like Nikki – and Neil Hamilton.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of 18th Dynasty lunacy and / or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
NAC Slammed as Spendthrift Scamsters
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Acts of blatant profligacy at the National Audit Commission have been targeted and zeroed in on by Communities Secretary Eric Prickles, who informed the Daily Shitraker “We reckoned the NAC might just get its act together once Sir John Bourn was forced off his Chairman’s seat after 20 years of scandalously abusing
his personal expenditures. Obviously we were wrong as much the same continues to this day – hence I intend to ‘decommission’ the commission within the next few months.”
While the abolition of the NAC will mean the sacking or re-trenching of its bloated staff of 2,000 jobsworths currently manning 37 offices across the UK, Secretary Prickles announced “In terms of people working for the Audit Commission, almost certainly we are looking for them to be able to continue in another form of local government employment - sweeping the roads or signing on as traffic wardens or Community Enforcement Stasi, perhaps. Basically somewhere they don’t have any further access to, or control over, the nation’s money box.”
While the current NAC chairman Michael O'Piggins, in a typical desperate act of self-preservation, refuted claims by the government that he has overseen a regime of extravagance, Secretary Prickles countered with “The greedy grasping twat tried to award himself a salary of £240,000 quid a year – plus expenses. Then he blows £8,000 nicker on a day at the Newmarket races, watching the donkeys run round the track – and all paid for out of the taxpayer’s pocket. A value-for-money governmental oversight body this is not. Believe you me - we can save £200 million a year simply by scrapping this ‘deadwood’ department of leeches and hangers-on.”
However the biggest stickler that might well have proved an unintentional felo-de-se for Mr O’Piggins is the fact he ‘dissed’ his future Minister by paying £60,000 to a company of lobbyists for advice on “how to combat and nullify the austere regulatory activities of Tory shadow Communities Secretary Eric Prickles”.
So, while O’Piggins and other high and mighty mandarins at the NAC might cry “Foul!” the public spending watchdog - tasked with scrutinising local government - has now become the highest-profile victim of the government's austerity drive.
And a victim of their own design since exasperating the government by refusing to allow any and all expenses over £500 to be published as part of Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society transparency drive.
Further exasperation stems from the fact that Prickles’ staff now refer to the NAC as a total doss house due the numerous occasions when they called their main London office well before the end of the working day to question the Soviet-style diktats they were issuing cart blanche to local government bodies - and the place was deserted.
Upon its abolition next year, it is intended that the National Audit Commission's powers will be hived off to auditors in the private and public sectors – based in Dehli.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Acts of blatant profligacy at the National Audit Commission have been targeted and zeroed in on by Communities Secretary Eric Prickles, who informed the Daily Shitraker “We reckoned the NAC might just get its act together once Sir John Bourn was forced off his Chairman’s seat after 20 years of scandalously abusing
his personal expenditures. Obviously we were wrong as much the same continues to this day – hence I intend to ‘decommission’ the commission within the next few months.”
While the abolition of the NAC will mean the sacking or re-trenching of its bloated staff of 2,000 jobsworths currently manning 37 offices across the UK, Secretary Prickles announced “In terms of people working for the Audit Commission, almost certainly we are looking for them to be able to continue in another form of local government employment - sweeping the roads or signing on as traffic wardens or Community Enforcement Stasi, perhaps. Basically somewhere they don’t have any further access to, or control over, the nation’s money box.”
While the current NAC chairman Michael O'Piggins, in a typical desperate act of self-preservation, refuted claims by the government that he has overseen a regime of extravagance, Secretary Prickles countered with “The greedy grasping twat tried to award himself a salary of £240,000 quid a year – plus expenses. Then he blows £8,000 nicker on a day at the Newmarket races, watching the donkeys run round the track – and all paid for out of the taxpayer’s pocket. A value-for-money governmental oversight body this is not. Believe you me - we can save £200 million a year simply by scrapping this ‘deadwood’ department of leeches and hangers-on.”
However the biggest stickler that might well have proved an unintentional felo-de-se for Mr O’Piggins is the fact he ‘dissed’ his future Minister by paying £60,000 to a company of lobbyists for advice on “how to combat and nullify the austere regulatory activities of Tory shadow Communities Secretary Eric Prickles”.
So, while O’Piggins and other high and mighty mandarins at the NAC might cry “Foul!” the public spending watchdog - tasked with scrutinising local government - has now become the highest-profile victim of the government's austerity drive.
And a victim of their own design since exasperating the government by refusing to allow any and all expenses over £500 to be published as part of Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society transparency drive.
Further exasperation stems from the fact that Prickles’ staff now refer to the NAC as a total doss house due the numerous occasions when they called their main London office well before the end of the working day to question the Soviet-style diktats they were issuing cart blanche to local government bodies - and the place was deserted.
Upon its abolition next year, it is intended that the National Audit Commission's powers will be hived off to auditors in the private and public sectors – based in Dehli.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Kelly Murder: A Textbook Suicide Case
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Dr Nicholas Scrunt, the Home Office accredited forensic pathologist who first examined the deceased body of controversial UN weapons inspector David Kelly where it was discovered in the Grassy Knoll Woods close to his Poxfordshire home in 2003, has gone public in castigating a group of certified medical experts who have had the audacity to contradict and question his post mortem conclusions – terming their speculations concerning Kelly’s death as ‘conspiracy theories’ and treating it like a game of Cluedo.
Scrunt told a reporter from the Coverups Gazette that “This was a textbook self-inflicted injury case and quite determined too – slashing his wrist with a blunt pruning penknife – he obviously wanted to suffer and feel the pain otherwise he’d have sharpened it first or chosen one of those serrated blade kitchen knives – or a box cutter.”
“This was no doubt his conscience troubling him for grassing up the Prime Minister and his Downing Street mates and claiming their Iraqi weapons of mass distraction dossier was ‘spiced up’ and a pack of porky pies. A fitting end for a government employee turned Judas.”
“I was the one who performed the autopsy and had first-hand experience of Dr Kelly’s felo-de se - and all this speculation and rot concerning minimal blood loss is rubbish. I noticed several big thick clots around the suicide area – and by this I do mean blood and not members of the moronic Plod Squad.”
Dr Hunt told the Sunday Shitraker that during the ten minute post mortem examination he found no signs of violence that would indicate foul play or murder caused Kelly’s death – apart from a black eye, split lips, several smashed teeth and a variety of bruises about the head, torso and legs. “Really, his arteries were 70% constricted and a condition of chronic heart disease so advanced that he could have keeled over and died at any moment – so committing suicide obviously saved him a great deal of ill-health and suffering further down the road.”
“Then we have his personal statement to a colleague the previous day – stating “I’ll probably be found dead in the woods” – which is an obvious indication of his intent of self-harm.”
However the controversy stems from the fact that PM Tony Bliar stuck his oar in the normal workings of officialdom, bypassed the expected embarrassing revelations of a public coroner's inquest and cajoled the toadying Lord Brian Muttonleg of Chappaquiddick to conduct an investigation, which found Dr Kelly died from blood loss after slashing his wrist with a blunt gardening knife.
Lord Muttonchop then decided that details of the post-mortem examination would be subject to a 70-year ‘gagging order – to protect the sensibilities of Dr Kelly’s family – stressing to the media at the time that there was "nothing to hide".
Fair comment – but if there was ‘nothing to hide' – why hide it at all – and especially so under a dodgy 70 year duration ‘Whitewash Notice’?
And that is precisely one of a number of contentious factors now being considered by the Attorney General Dominic Grieve, who spoke to a reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette on Thursday, opining "We would like to resolve this in a way that might serve to provide the public with reassurance that the Labour government under Tony Bliar weren’t actually a bunch of cold-blooded thugs – well, not all of them anyway.”
“A lot of people have expressed valid concerns about why Lord Hutton did not tie up all the loose ends hanging around his inquiry alike conspicuous cobwebs and these need to be cleared up once and for all.”
Right on, Dominic old chap. Loose ends indeed. The Thames Valley police’s Operation Mason – codename for the search for Dr Kelly – logged on their computers and commenced hours before the doomed Doctor was actually reported missing.
The theft of his personal home pc by police, then the same officers ripping the wallpaper off in his study - did they actually believe he was hiding underneath it?
Then we have the enigmatic dilemma of Dr Kelly’s partially-disabled right hand which prevented him from holding a pen – never mind gripping a blunt pruning knife while he sawed through his left wrist. Hmmm, the same blunt gardening penknife that didn’t bear Kelly’s fingerprints.
Then we have the damning statement and evidence from Dr Nicholas Scrunt himself that the presence of hypostasis (discoloration caused by blood settling to the lowest part of the body after death occurs - also termed livor mortis or post mortem lividity) indicated Kelly was lying on his back when he died – hence the body was obviously moved as it was ‘discovered’ sat up against a tree.
Now that fact alone is almost as weird as the fact that Dr Kelly had reportedly ingested 29 of his wife’s Coproxamol pain killers when only one-fifth of a single tablet was found in his gut.
So typical - yet another botched job by the security services – the blokes who are supposed to protect us all. 9/11 – 7/7 – and how many more yet to come we wonder? Who actually trains these clowns cos James Bond – or the other JB - Jason Bourne - they are not. Ricin bombs, shampoo and peroxide bombs, high explosive skidmarks in a Muslim patsy’s jockey shorts. Shoe bombs that fizzle.
They can’t even tell a Mid-Eastern jihadi terrorist from a Brazilian electrician for Christ’s sake – never mind demonstrating their total ignorance of human anatomy in the manner they slashed David Kelly’s left wrist.
Do you live in the area? Were you in the Grassy Knoll Woods on the afternoon of the 17th July 2003? Did you receive any e-mails from Dr Kelly? If you volunteered to ‘assist’ Dr Kelly with his suicide attempt the Poxfordshire police would like to hear from you.
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a copy of Tony Bliar’s new autobiography “Porky Pies” and be entered in our “Who’s Next?” dodgy dossiers quiz.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so the SIS know just where to find you.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Dr Nicholas Scrunt, the Home Office accredited forensic pathologist who first examined the deceased body of controversial UN weapons inspector David Kelly where it was discovered in the Grassy Knoll Woods close to his Poxfordshire home in 2003, has gone public in castigating a group of certified medical experts who have had the audacity to contradict and question his post mortem conclusions – terming their speculations concerning Kelly’s death as ‘conspiracy theories’ and treating it like a game of Cluedo.
Scrunt told a reporter from the Coverups Gazette that “This was a textbook self-inflicted injury case and quite determined too – slashing his wrist with a blunt pruning penknife – he obviously wanted to suffer and feel the pain otherwise he’d have sharpened it first or chosen one of those serrated blade kitchen knives – or a box cutter.”
“This was no doubt his conscience troubling him for grassing up the Prime Minister and his Downing Street mates and claiming their Iraqi weapons of mass distraction dossier was ‘spiced up’ and a pack of porky pies. A fitting end for a government employee turned Judas.”
“I was the one who performed the autopsy and had first-hand experience of Dr Kelly’s felo-de se - and all this speculation and rot concerning minimal blood loss is rubbish. I noticed several big thick clots around the suicide area – and by this I do mean blood and not members of the moronic Plod Squad.”
Dr Hunt told the Sunday Shitraker that during the ten minute post mortem examination he found no signs of violence that would indicate foul play or murder caused Kelly’s death – apart from a black eye, split lips, several smashed teeth and a variety of bruises about the head, torso and legs. “Really, his arteries were 70% constricted and a condition of chronic heart disease so advanced that he could have keeled over and died at any moment – so committing suicide obviously saved him a great deal of ill-health and suffering further down the road.”
“Then we have his personal statement to a colleague the previous day – stating “I’ll probably be found dead in the woods” – which is an obvious indication of his intent of self-harm.”
However the controversy stems from the fact that PM Tony Bliar stuck his oar in the normal workings of officialdom, bypassed the expected embarrassing revelations of a public coroner's inquest and cajoled the toadying Lord Brian Muttonleg of Chappaquiddick to conduct an investigation, which found Dr Kelly died from blood loss after slashing his wrist with a blunt gardening knife.
Lord Muttonchop then decided that details of the post-mortem examination would be subject to a 70-year ‘gagging order – to protect the sensibilities of Dr Kelly’s family – stressing to the media at the time that there was "nothing to hide".
Fair comment – but if there was ‘nothing to hide' – why hide it at all – and especially so under a dodgy 70 year duration ‘Whitewash Notice’?
And that is precisely one of a number of contentious factors now being considered by the Attorney General Dominic Grieve, who spoke to a reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette on Thursday, opining "We would like to resolve this in a way that might serve to provide the public with reassurance that the Labour government under Tony Bliar weren’t actually a bunch of cold-blooded thugs – well, not all of them anyway.”
“A lot of people have expressed valid concerns about why Lord Hutton did not tie up all the loose ends hanging around his inquiry alike conspicuous cobwebs and these need to be cleared up once and for all.”
Right on, Dominic old chap. Loose ends indeed. The Thames Valley police’s Operation Mason – codename for the search for Dr Kelly – logged on their computers and commenced hours before the doomed Doctor was actually reported missing.
The theft of his personal home pc by police, then the same officers ripping the wallpaper off in his study - did they actually believe he was hiding underneath it?
Then we have the enigmatic dilemma of Dr Kelly’s partially-disabled right hand which prevented him from holding a pen – never mind gripping a blunt pruning knife while he sawed through his left wrist. Hmmm, the same blunt gardening penknife that didn’t bear Kelly’s fingerprints.
Then we have the damning statement and evidence from Dr Nicholas Scrunt himself that the presence of hypostasis (discoloration caused by blood settling to the lowest part of the body after death occurs - also termed livor mortis or post mortem lividity) indicated Kelly was lying on his back when he died – hence the body was obviously moved as it was ‘discovered’ sat up against a tree.
Now that fact alone is almost as weird as the fact that Dr Kelly had reportedly ingested 29 of his wife’s Coproxamol pain killers when only one-fifth of a single tablet was found in his gut.
So typical - yet another botched job by the security services – the blokes who are supposed to protect us all. 9/11 – 7/7 – and how many more yet to come we wonder? Who actually trains these clowns cos James Bond – or the other JB - Jason Bourne - they are not. Ricin bombs, shampoo and peroxide bombs, high explosive skidmarks in a Muslim patsy’s jockey shorts. Shoe bombs that fizzle.
They can’t even tell a Mid-Eastern jihadi terrorist from a Brazilian electrician for Christ’s sake – never mind demonstrating their total ignorance of human anatomy in the manner they slashed David Kelly’s left wrist.
Do you live in the area? Were you in the Grassy Knoll Woods on the afternoon of the 17th July 2003? Did you receive any e-mails from Dr Kelly? If you volunteered to ‘assist’ Dr Kelly with his suicide attempt the Poxfordshire police would like to hear from you.
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a copy of Tony Bliar’s new autobiography “Porky Pies” and be entered in our “Who’s Next?” dodgy dossiers quiz.
A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so the SIS know just where to find you.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
BP Caught Telling Mega-Porkies
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Seven Sisters oil giant BP – about as popular as a leper at a christening at the best of times – has broken the 11th Commandment – ‘Thou Shalt Not Get Found Out’ - and been caught telling massive porkie pies concerning the actual status and discharge flow rate of the gushing oil leak caused by a British Navy submarine torpedoing the Transocean Deepshit Horizon drilling rig’s wellhead – to create a social-engineering eco-disaster to serve the New World Order agenda.
More lies are being churned out of the Prevarication Mill to counter the legions of awkward questions that are being raised over the bill of health of the Gulf waters, the surrounding coastlines, and sea life (oysters, mussels, shrimps, crabs, fish etc et al) – contaminated with crude oil, methyl hydrates and the highly toxic Coreshite 9500 and 9527 oil dispersants – present on the surface and accumulated on the sea bed (and in the bicuspids and crustaceans) – which BP now claim are back to their original (sic) pristine condition.
Complicit in these coverup crimes is the entire US government for suppressing the truth and conniving with BP to criminally deceive the public into believing the coastal zones are safe to swim and fish - and the sea food fit for human consumption.
Those guilty of this mass cover-up also includes the entire Zionist –owned TV and press media, the judiciary and police departments involved - plus the US Coast Guard – all of whom have become tainted by Mammon’s lucre.
As if to kick start the week with a pack of lies, on Monday, August 9th, the Director of the State of Mississippi Department of Marine Resources Billy Bob Dorkberger, despite ongoing reports of tar balls, oil and dispersants being found in Mississippi coastal waters and on the sea bed, declared, "there should be no new threats - the Gulf coastal waters are safe and clean" – and issued an order for all local coast governments to halt ongoing oil disaster work being funded from the $25 million bucks BP had allocated to Mississippi state administration for local government disaster work.
Dorkberger’s statement comes in the face of reports by fishermen and scientists of discovering oil slicks and massive fish and sea bird kills near Cat Island and in the Mississippi Sound - and also submerged oil plumes in Pass Christian – with the Coreshite 9500 and 9527 contamination present in all samples – and potent enough to kill a big brown dog.
Mississippi residents and fishermen alike believe Dorkberger's move stems from an order given by Governor Haley Bagashit, who has been heavily criticized over the years for his lobbying on behalf of the Tobacco and Oil industries – and recently being seen walking around wearing a BP baseball cap.
However, and perhaps unsurprisingly, considering the graft and corruption so inherent in US politics, while a mere $500,000 worth of invoices for oil response work have been submitted to the state of Mississippi nobody seems to know the whereabouts of the remaining $24,500,000 – plus change.
To emphasise the fact that misery loves company and if it wasn’t for bad luck then BP wouldn’t have any, the NOAA has been under fire from independent scientists and Congress for its dodgy wildcat conclusions and failing to explain how it processed the raw data and methodology to arrive at its disingenuous calculations – hence fuelling the speculation they have been deliberately concealing negative data and spinning the science of the oil spill.
White House claims that the worst of the BP oil spill was over were undermined yesterday when a senior government scientist finally admitted the blatantly – and visibly – obvious fact - that three-quarters of the oil is still in the Gulf environment and huge plumes of oil have been detected floating, suspended, in the ocean depths.
This was a 180 degree about-face in departing from their official statement of two weeks ago which declared the majority of the oil had been captured or broken down – complying with the NOAA admission that it is still in the environment and actively polluting all sea life.
Professor Sheldon Weaselberg, a senior scientist at the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, conceded that the Coreshite 9500 and 9527 toxic dispersants had been used to ‘sink’ the surface oil slicks which had now accumulated in submerged ‘floating’ masses - and on the Gulf sea bed – admitting the veracity of one independent environment report from Ox-Rat, the international eco-watchdog, that a gigantic super-toxic oil plume the size of Manhattan - 22 miles long by 1.2 miles wide and 650 feet thick - was suspended in the Gulf waters off the Mississippi coastline.
As shrimper Uncle Cletus Jaffacake of Biloxi told Truthout “It’s all a pile of bullshit wot dese government bitches is spoutin’ – ya see dat O’Barmy guy – de Kenyan cuckoo wot’s squattin’ in de White House – de Mista Hope an’ Change hypocrite – takin a swim in de Gulf – but he’s round at some private beach in Florida.”
“Red eyes an’ sore throats be fucked - clearin’ dis shit up off de beaches fer minimum wage an’ dey fire ya sad ass if ya wear a breathin’ mask. Y’all jest wait until de galloping cancerous tumours start ter sprout an' rot ya organs - an’ de DNA damage shows up in de next generation ter be born – an’ all de kids is lookin’ like Blinkie - and sterile ter boot. An’ do BP or de government really give a flyin’ fuck if we all die? Hell no.”
“Hey, no shit, we’s all gonna be starved ter death by then anyways without de Gulf ter supply our livelihoods an’ food.”
Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Seven Sisters oil giant BP – about as popular as a leper at a christening at the best of times – has broken the 11th Commandment – ‘Thou Shalt Not Get Found Out’ - and been caught telling massive porkie pies concerning the actual status and discharge flow rate of the gushing oil leak caused by a British Navy submarine torpedoing the Transocean Deepshit Horizon drilling rig’s wellhead – to create a social-engineering eco-disaster to serve the New World Order agenda.
More lies are being churned out of the Prevarication Mill to counter the legions of awkward questions that are being raised over the bill of health of the Gulf waters, the surrounding coastlines, and sea life (oysters, mussels, shrimps, crabs, fish etc et al) – contaminated with crude oil, methyl hydrates and the highly toxic Coreshite 9500 and 9527 oil dispersants – present on the surface and accumulated on the sea bed (and in the bicuspids and crustaceans) – which BP now claim are back to their original (sic) pristine condition.
Complicit in these coverup crimes is the entire US government for suppressing the truth and conniving with BP to criminally deceive the public into believing the coastal zones are safe to swim and fish - and the sea food fit for human consumption.
Those guilty of this mass cover-up also includes the entire Zionist –owned TV and press media, the judiciary and police departments involved - plus the US Coast Guard – all of whom have become tainted by Mammon’s lucre.
As if to kick start the week with a pack of lies, on Monday, August 9th, the Director of the State of Mississippi Department of Marine Resources Billy Bob Dorkberger, despite ongoing reports of tar balls, oil and dispersants being found in Mississippi coastal waters and on the sea bed, declared, "there should be no new threats - the Gulf coastal waters are safe and clean" – and issued an order for all local coast governments to halt ongoing oil disaster work being funded from the $25 million bucks BP had allocated to Mississippi state administration for local government disaster work.
Dorkberger’s statement comes in the face of reports by fishermen and scientists of discovering oil slicks and massive fish and sea bird kills near Cat Island and in the Mississippi Sound - and also submerged oil plumes in Pass Christian – with the Coreshite 9500 and 9527 contamination present in all samples – and potent enough to kill a big brown dog.
Mississippi residents and fishermen alike believe Dorkberger's move stems from an order given by Governor Haley Bagashit, who has been heavily criticized over the years for his lobbying on behalf of the Tobacco and Oil industries – and recently being seen walking around wearing a BP baseball cap.
However, and perhaps unsurprisingly, considering the graft and corruption so inherent in US politics, while a mere $500,000 worth of invoices for oil response work have been submitted to the state of Mississippi nobody seems to know the whereabouts of the remaining $24,500,000 – plus change.
To emphasise the fact that misery loves company and if it wasn’t for bad luck then BP wouldn’t have any, the NOAA has been under fire from independent scientists and Congress for its dodgy wildcat conclusions and failing to explain how it processed the raw data and methodology to arrive at its disingenuous calculations – hence fuelling the speculation they have been deliberately concealing negative data and spinning the science of the oil spill.
White House claims that the worst of the BP oil spill was over were undermined yesterday when a senior government scientist finally admitted the blatantly – and visibly – obvious fact - that three-quarters of the oil is still in the Gulf environment and huge plumes of oil have been detected floating, suspended, in the ocean depths.
This was a 180 degree about-face in departing from their official statement of two weeks ago which declared the majority of the oil had been captured or broken down – complying with the NOAA admission that it is still in the environment and actively polluting all sea life.
Professor Sheldon Weaselberg, a senior scientist at the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, conceded that the Coreshite 9500 and 9527 toxic dispersants had been used to ‘sink’ the surface oil slicks which had now accumulated in submerged ‘floating’ masses - and on the Gulf sea bed – admitting the veracity of one independent environment report from Ox-Rat, the international eco-watchdog, that a gigantic super-toxic oil plume the size of Manhattan - 22 miles long by 1.2 miles wide and 650 feet thick - was suspended in the Gulf waters off the Mississippi coastline.
As shrimper Uncle Cletus Jaffacake of Biloxi told Truthout “It’s all a pile of bullshit wot dese government bitches is spoutin’ – ya see dat O’Barmy guy – de Kenyan cuckoo wot’s squattin’ in de White House – de Mista Hope an’ Change hypocrite – takin a swim in de Gulf – but he’s round at some private beach in Florida.”
“Red eyes an’ sore throats be fucked - clearin’ dis shit up off de beaches fer minimum wage an’ dey fire ya sad ass if ya wear a breathin’ mask. Y’all jest wait until de galloping cancerous tumours start ter sprout an' rot ya organs - an’ de DNA damage shows up in de next generation ter be born – an’ all de kids is lookin’ like Blinkie - and sterile ter boot. An’ do BP or de government really give a flyin’ fuck if we all die? Hell no.”
“Hey, no shit, we’s all gonna be starved ter death by then anyways without de Gulf ter supply our livelihoods an’ food.”
Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Yobette Guilty of War Memorial Desecration
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A woman has been found guilty of outraging public decency after she was caught urinating and performing a lesbian sex act on another female against the Slackpool-on-Sea War Memorial.
Chlamydia McSlutt, a 17-year old mother of three and resident of Scumborough Hamlets, was found guilty in her absence of outraging public decency and desecrating the war memorial after she failed to appear in court. The judge at Slackpool Magistrates' Court issued a warrant for her arrest without bail.
The breach of the peace incident, which took place on the night of May 7th, was recorded on an adjacent CCTV camera. Following her initial arrest and being charged with outraging public decency, Ms McSlutt’s statement claims she had been out on a bender with a group of lesbian friends from the Temple of Sapphic Love on Dildodo Street – namely Minjeeta Dykeford, Fellattia Gammer and Butch Bev Titwank - to celebrate her divorce from 19-year old career yob and welfare benefit cheat Wayne Scrunt.
The foursome had reportedly consumed several pints of Old Headbanger lager in the Tribbers Arms before hitting the Blue WKD and Meths Breezers, then decided to wander down to the Godemiche Club for a nightcap. This was where McSlutt was taken short and to prevent pissing in her knickers took a squatting leak behind the war memorial.
While she was in this crouched position an inebriated Ms Titwank - a backing singer for the Scissor Sisters - staggered over and, hoisting her skirts, thrust her naked pelvic region into McSlutt’s face, saying “Eat me baby” – to which request the CCTV camera recorded her compliance of muff diving her companion.
War veterans were outside the town’s magistrate’s court yesterday and shouted abuse at McSlutt as she passed to enter the building, her hoodie pulled far down to cover her face. However the cat calls and jeers got the better of her and she about-turned and disappeared into the town – giving the assembled veterans the big finger over her shoulder.
McSlutt’s accompanying girl friend, Minjeeta Dykeford spit the dummy at ogling reporters and the veterans, shouting “What the fuck was Chlammy supposed ter do then – piss down her effin’ legs an’ play wiv the steam? Every fucker an’ their dog’s go a mobile phone now so there’s hardly any BT phone boxes about ter take an emergency slash in – an’ it’s a bit gross ter go pissin’ in shop doorways.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
A woman has been found guilty of outraging public decency after she was caught urinating and performing a lesbian sex act on another female against the Slackpool-on-Sea War Memorial.
Chlamydia McSlutt, a 17-year old mother of three and resident of Scumborough Hamlets, was found guilty in her absence of outraging public decency and desecrating the war memorial after she failed to appear in court. The judge at Slackpool Magistrates' Court issued a warrant for her arrest without bail.
The breach of the peace incident, which took place on the night of May 7th, was recorded on an adjacent CCTV camera. Following her initial arrest and being charged with outraging public decency, Ms McSlutt’s statement claims she had been out on a bender with a group of lesbian friends from the Temple of Sapphic Love on Dildodo Street – namely Minjeeta Dykeford, Fellattia Gammer and Butch Bev Titwank - to celebrate her divorce from 19-year old career yob and welfare benefit cheat Wayne Scrunt.
The foursome had reportedly consumed several pints of Old Headbanger lager in the Tribbers Arms before hitting the Blue WKD and Meths Breezers, then decided to wander down to the Godemiche Club for a nightcap. This was where McSlutt was taken short and to prevent pissing in her knickers took a squatting leak behind the war memorial.
While she was in this crouched position an inebriated Ms Titwank - a backing singer for the Scissor Sisters - staggered over and, hoisting her skirts, thrust her naked pelvic region into McSlutt’s face, saying “Eat me baby” – to which request the CCTV camera recorded her compliance of muff diving her companion.
War veterans were outside the town’s magistrate’s court yesterday and shouted abuse at McSlutt as she passed to enter the building, her hoodie pulled far down to cover her face. However the cat calls and jeers got the better of her and she about-turned and disappeared into the town – giving the assembled veterans the big finger over her shoulder.
McSlutt’s accompanying girl friend, Minjeeta Dykeford spit the dummy at ogling reporters and the veterans, shouting “What the fuck was Chlammy supposed ter do then – piss down her effin’ legs an’ play wiv the steam? Every fucker an’ their dog’s go a mobile phone now so there’s hardly any BT phone boxes about ter take an emergency slash in – an’ it’s a bit gross ter go pissin’ in shop doorways.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Police Concern for Motorbike Thieves Safety
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Police in Greater Numpchester let three thieves drive away on stolen motorbikes - over fears for the safety of the riders who were not quite smart enough to steal a crash helmet each as well.
Officers were ordered by the city’s Plod Squad Central Clot Control not to pursue the bikes which were stolen from a showroom in suburban Numpchester early on Thursday – and instead stood around like a bunch of proverbial dildos and watched as the three scallies rode off on a trio of high performance motorbikes worth £17,000.
Greater Numpchester Police (GNP) spokeswoman Sgt Mingeeter Slapperotti told reporters from the gutter press red top tabloids that the new national policy on the pursuit of motorbikes had been followed to the letter – in complete accordance with the EURRS regulations concerning ‘criminal safety’.
Conservative MP for Numpchester, Rt Hon Arthur Madeupname, criticised the decision to prevent the police from pursuing the three thieves, stating to the media “In my view this doesn't reflect the priorities of the public who would most definitely prefer to see the police giving chase – just as they do in the movies – and the villains run off the road or killed in high speed head-on collisions with Polish container trucks on the motorway.”
Similarly, the shop owner Mr Kostas Kumatsu Suzuki, an Albanian immigrant of Japanese extraction, who only recently set up the Nickit Motorbike Store on Upper Hijack Street, converted from his uncle’s former Swan Roasters Bistro, branded the police policy as ‘Pletty fuckin’ stoopid!”
Supt Norman ‘Nutcase’ Nibbler, of the GNP, told the press "Our Greater Numpchester Police force follows the new EUSSR nationwide HSE policy which gives clear guidance that criminal types stealing motorbikes should not be pursued because of the higher risk of injury to the rider – which obviously doesn’t apply if the thieving scally is a Muslim terrorist type carrying a backpack bomb – then we can take them out with a helicopter gunship.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Police in Greater Numpchester let three thieves drive away on stolen motorbikes - over fears for the safety of the riders who were not quite smart enough to steal a crash helmet each as well.
Officers were ordered by the city’s Plod Squad Central Clot Control not to pursue the bikes which were stolen from a showroom in suburban Numpchester early on Thursday – and instead stood around like a bunch of proverbial dildos and watched as the three scallies rode off on a trio of high performance motorbikes worth £17,000.
Greater Numpchester Police (GNP) spokeswoman Sgt Mingeeter Slapperotti told reporters from the gutter press red top tabloids that the new national policy on the pursuit of motorbikes had been followed to the letter – in complete accordance with the EURRS regulations concerning ‘criminal safety’.
Conservative MP for Numpchester, Rt Hon Arthur Madeupname, criticised the decision to prevent the police from pursuing the three thieves, stating to the media “In my view this doesn't reflect the priorities of the public who would most definitely prefer to see the police giving chase – just as they do in the movies – and the villains run off the road or killed in high speed head-on collisions with Polish container trucks on the motorway.”
Similarly, the shop owner Mr Kostas Kumatsu Suzuki, an Albanian immigrant of Japanese extraction, who only recently set up the Nickit Motorbike Store on Upper Hijack Street, converted from his uncle’s former Swan Roasters Bistro, branded the police policy as ‘Pletty fuckin’ stoopid!”
Supt Norman ‘Nutcase’ Nibbler, of the GNP, told the press "Our Greater Numpchester Police force follows the new EUSSR nationwide HSE policy which gives clear guidance that criminal types stealing motorbikes should not be pursued because of the higher risk of injury to the rider – which obviously doesn’t apply if the thieving scally is a Muslim terrorist type carrying a backpack bomb – then we can take them out with a helicopter gunship.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Fischer Pulls Checkmate from Beyond Grave
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A DNA test comparison has forced the Manila-based lawyers representing a nine-year-old Filipino girl to throw their grasping hands up in despair and finally admit that the late chess icon and international grand master Bobby Fischer was not her father.
The Supreme Court in Reykjavik had ordered Mr Fischer's body exhumed to prove whether the claimant, Ms Jinksy McSlapper, was Mr Fischer's daughter. The court allowed DNA to be taken from Fischer's remains and compared to genetic samples from the girl and her mother.
However, lawyer Numptus Noggson informed a reporter from the Sophistry Gazette that the DNA test results most definitely excluded Bobby Fisher from any paternity suit claim.
The US-born chess player died in Iceland in 2008 but left no will to direct the desired disbursement of his estate - estimated at US$ 2 million bucks – which has since become a prime target for a legion of gold-diggers.
Jinksy is the daughter of Titsy McSlapper, who claims she had an intimate relationship with Fischer while he was living in the Philippines. Ms McSlapper apparently worked as a ‘suck n swallow therapist’ at Baguio Country Club’s notorious Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Parlour, where Fischer often retired to relax in the afternoons and contemplate his next ‘move’.
Following Fischer’s death, Titsy filed a claim to his estate, declaring the chess champion was the father of her daughter.
Titsy confided to gutter press hacks at the time that “No shit, I was Bobby’s three-hole favourite and he promised to buy me an air-conditioned home then pissed off to Iceland without even a bye-bye kiss. He was a kuriput bull-shitter – a big cheap Charlie playboy.”
Controversy still abounds where Titsy McSlapper is concerned as several years ago her lawyers filed an ‘assertion of rights’ against the Howard Hughes estate, declaring the late tycoon was her grandfather.
One other major claimant to Fischer's estate is the Japanese chess champion Miyoko Twatai, who claims to be his widow and told reporters “Bobby and I spent many happy hours together burying the bishop.” However the Icelandic courts have nullified her claim to the estate as she was unable to produce a marriage certificate proving she was ever actually legally wedded to the deceased chess master.
Apart from the United States IRS, who filed a claim against the estate for unpaid taxes, other claimants include the chess master's two nephews – Beavis and Butthead Nargsby – with Beavis the current title holder of the prestigious Homer Simpson Chequers Championship trophy.
Did you ever play chess against Bobby Fischer? Did he promise you a cut from his will when you check-mated him? If you think Bobby Fischer’s estate might owe you a few bob for whatever hare-brained reason, get in touch with Gomez, Ripoffs and Scally, Attorneys-at-Law, Manila, Rep. of the Philippines (No Claim Too Small).
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
A DNA test comparison has forced the Manila-based lawyers representing a nine-year-old Filipino girl to throw their grasping hands up in despair and finally admit that the late chess icon and international grand master Bobby Fischer was not her father.
The Supreme Court in Reykjavik had ordered Mr Fischer's body exhumed to prove whether the claimant, Ms Jinksy McSlapper, was Mr Fischer's daughter. The court allowed DNA to be taken from Fischer's remains and compared to genetic samples from the girl and her mother.
However, lawyer Numptus Noggson informed a reporter from the Sophistry Gazette that the DNA test results most definitely excluded Bobby Fisher from any paternity suit claim.
The US-born chess player died in Iceland in 2008 but left no will to direct the desired disbursement of his estate - estimated at US$ 2 million bucks – which has since become a prime target for a legion of gold-diggers.
Jinksy is the daughter of Titsy McSlapper, who claims she had an intimate relationship with Fischer while he was living in the Philippines. Ms McSlapper apparently worked as a ‘suck n swallow therapist’ at Baguio Country Club’s notorious Happy Ending Rub n Tug Massage Parlour, where Fischer often retired to relax in the afternoons and contemplate his next ‘move’.
Following Fischer’s death, Titsy filed a claim to his estate, declaring the chess champion was the father of her daughter.
Titsy confided to gutter press hacks at the time that “No shit, I was Bobby’s three-hole favourite and he promised to buy me an air-conditioned home then pissed off to Iceland without even a bye-bye kiss. He was a kuriput bull-shitter – a big cheap Charlie playboy.”
Controversy still abounds where Titsy McSlapper is concerned as several years ago her lawyers filed an ‘assertion of rights’ against the Howard Hughes estate, declaring the late tycoon was her grandfather.
One other major claimant to Fischer's estate is the Japanese chess champion Miyoko Twatai, who claims to be his widow and told reporters “Bobby and I spent many happy hours together burying the bishop.” However the Icelandic courts have nullified her claim to the estate as she was unable to produce a marriage certificate proving she was ever actually legally wedded to the deceased chess master.
Apart from the United States IRS, who filed a claim against the estate for unpaid taxes, other claimants include the chess master's two nephews – Beavis and Butthead Nargsby – with Beavis the current title holder of the prestigious Homer Simpson Chequers Championship trophy.
Did you ever play chess against Bobby Fischer? Did he promise you a cut from his will when you check-mated him? If you think Bobby Fischer’s estate might owe you a few bob for whatever hare-brained reason, get in touch with Gomez, Ripoffs and Scally, Attorneys-at-Law, Manila, Rep. of the Philippines (No Claim Too Small).
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
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