Yep, the banner headline encapsulates the essence of the message – with Labour’s current Energy Secretary, ‘Ego Ed’ Millipede, single-handedly formulating a future housing crisis that will have legions of hapless property renters rendered homeless, and out on the streets - dossing across the expanse of Food Bank Britain’s back alleys and public parks.
Hark, and listen to the budding housing crisis message being carried on the winds of change, in the wake of Labour’s annual party conference – a week-long, gobshite ‘blame the Tories’ name-calling / cross party back-stabbing session in Scouseland.
Sooner than keep his stupid mouth shut and not publicly expose a glaring IQ-deficiency, Ed Millipede, the younger brother of the equally obnoxious David Millipede – and progeny of that chronically repulsive Belgian-born Polack-Marxist political wheeler-dealing Commie – and pro-Zionist sympathiser - Adolphe Millipede – simply had to take the stage, and make his moronic presence felt.
Babbling on regardless, ‘Wallace’ Millipede did succeed in impressing all assembled that, without a doubt - and regardless of his official ministerial title - he knows sweet fuck all regarding ‘Energy Security – or ‘Net Zero’ - nor has one single point of cerebral acumen regarding residential housing construction or insulation technology – apart from the A4 sized photo-copied information downloaded from the property pages of the Beano and Dandy kid’s comics - or Builder’s Weekly - and shoved on the desk in front of him to peruse and quote from – by Labour’s cognisant energy department staffers, burdened to support the hopeless moron in fulfilling his ministerial daily duties.
Okay, now read on, viz what ‘Wallace’ intends to inflict on property landlords – and ban them from renting out homes that are not up to the Labour / Millipede standard of energy efficiency.
Really, for this is not simply some political parody piece to ridicule Labour’s choice of an ‘energy minister’ for the fun of it – but rather fashioned from whole cloth truth, to report, in the public interest, that the moronic Millipede has actually vowed to ban landlords from renting out properties that do not meet his more at scent than substance ‘energy efficiency standards’.
'Red Ed' further informed the Labour party conference at ‘Grim-up-North’s Liverpool that property investors would have until the end of the decade to ‘dig deep’ into their collective pockets – or take out mega-interest bank loans (if available - and they qualify) - to invest (sic) £10,000 quid on upgrades for each of their rented social homes.
Under Mr 'Smarty Pants' Millipede’s iron fist aegis, private housing landlords will be henceforth forbidden from renting out properties with an energy rating of E, or lower – (G to Z) - while official figures from 2022 indicate that 50% of rental properties have an EPC rating of at least C.
Thus Millipede is vowing to ensure every single rented social housing property reaches his mandated standard of energy efficiency by 2030, sparking fresh fears that Labour intends to declare war on private landlords – forcing them to invest unaffordable amounts on heat pumps – or (no laughing) solar panels – (in the cloud-stricken northern hemisphere island of Britain?) - to achieve their ‘Millipede-approved’ energy performance certificate (EPC) rating of C, or higher.
(For the benefit of the uninformed, EPCs rate homes on their energy efficiency, with properties graded between A and G – and the government’s initial consultation suggesting that all newly-rented homes to have a minimum rating of C by 2025, and then all rented properties by 2030).
Regardless of homeless folks and families in dire need of having a roof over their heads, and glad to rough it – even if it’s a tent, a parkland bivouac, or even a vacated pigsty - current rules forbid landlords from renting out properties with a rating of E or lower - while there is no minimum rating for rented social homes.
Conversely, the National Residential Landlords Association warned that almost a third of Broken Britain’s rental homes were built prior to 1919 and heated by coal fires, thus would be among the hardest to improve the energy efficiency of.
To close his Labour party conference speech, Millipede speculated – on record - that banning landlords from renting out energy inefficient homes would lift one million families out of fuel poverty – and having to live in cold, draughty homes – which he personally points his fickle finger of Fate at – blaming such as a Tory legacy, a Tory scandal – and a Tory outrage.
Que? WTF? Who the fuck put this clown - ‘Wallace sans Gromit' - Millipede in charge of anything that involves intelligence, let alone appointed to the post of the Labour party’s energy secretary, overseeing the proposed energy and ‘nutty’ net zero compliance across the entire swathe of Broken Britain?
Has any fucker thought the scale and implications of this one through – as ‘Wallace’ Millipede and his faithful dog Gromit, obviously have not.
Ergo, reflecting on the above sentence, let us simply advance to the point where hard-up landlords will back off borrowing mega-bucks from rapacious, mega-interest rate banks, to pay for the mandated ‘Millipede Upgrades’ – and properties will stand empty – plus no longer forking out monthly council tax payments – and the homeless shall flood the streets, back alleyways, and parks.
Lol’s - albeit it is not a laughing matter, and to compound insult to injury, the Labour party’s shit-fer-brains - and noxious - Chancellor, Rachel 'Cold Comfort' Thieves, is now planning a capital gains tax raid in October’s Budget – a factor that has convinced many landlords to sell up and get out of the property market – while this egregious Labour government are in office.
How these Labour party clowns, of Millipede’s ilk, draw legitimacy for the absurdities that form the foundation points of their socio-economic – and net zero policies - is a question lacking a coherent answer.
Fer fuck’s sake, now the latest project of this shit fer brains Labour government is to introduce a ‘Protect the Undead’ bill before the House of Conmans - to enact a ban on the sale of, or possession of, zombie knives.
Now no fucker or their dog is gonna be safe when these decomposing ghouls escape their churchyard graves – or leg-it, half-incinerated – from the crematorium’s furnace, or corpse cinder dump – and cause havoc on the night-time landscape of Broken Britain – eating stray cats, badgers, and hedgehogs – and the vulnerable legions of Labour-inflicted homeless folks, crashed out on park benches, or in tents under parkland trees – deprived of the very tool that might combat the zombie hordes.
Labour, two months in office, and while Broken Britain morphs into Food Bank status as the Autmn sets in - with no £300 quid winter fuel allowance payment cash to spare for our OAPs - but plenty of £££ in the slush fund to send mega-bucks armaments to the Ukraine, or for welcoming ashore, housing, and feeding, legions of illegal migrants in hotels - then donate another £2 billion nicker- of our taxpayer funds - to some more myth than substance ‘climate change assessment fund’.
Something stinks in Denmark - and it isn't Hamlet's socks.
Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka the Truth.
This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane unorthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids, plus a dusting of socio-political satire - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references, 5G electro-smog radiation, and a chemtrail residue of genetically-modified nano-particle bush telegraph innuendo.
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