Runcorn Fight Club MP Suspended

The incumbent Labour Party’s MP for rabid Runcorn, Mike ‘Slugger’ Amesbury - elected to the House of Conmans in 2017 by his equally-pugilistic Runcorn & Helsby conshituents – and who previously served as Shadow Minister for Sucker Punching in Keir Stammerer’s opposition party - claims he felt threatened in a middle-of-the-night altercation with a fellow drunk in Frodsham, and landed a pre-emptive leftie to the jaw, thus flooring his own constituent - before striking the hapless twat a further six times.

Conversely, a plethora of ‘he said – she said’ conflicting CCTV footage of the punchy Amesbury delivering several snide blows during the incident at a Frodsham taxi rank around 02.15 am on Saturday morning - when the hapless, and inebriated, Mr Paul Fellows questioned Amesbury viz the Keir Stammerer-led (sic) Labour party’s motives for shit-canning his 87-year old Grandma’s winter fuel allowance payment - have prompted Labour’s hierarchy to revoke his party membership, and withdraw the whip, hence the punchy Amesbury is now out on his arse for the violent behaviour.

Hmmm, 02:00 hours in the morning – following a Friday night out – and Amesbury’s violent response to the question – sans any format of physical provocation towards him - implication leans to suggest the entire crowd involved were the worse for alcohol consumption – or perhaps ‘tired and over-emotional’ - as Private Eye is given to phrase the circumstances of such altercations.

Frodsham Labour councillors were also in attendance to put the boot in, as the group turned a deaf ear to concerns from concerned neighbourhood residents regarding the late night racket, and shit state of local policing and community safety.

For the public record, mere hours before the incident occurred, Amesbury was attending an old pals pub crawl get-together with his fellow Freemason buddy - none other than the Cheshire Police & Crime Commissioner, Dan Price himself – rumoured to be known in policing circles as Dodgy Dan, the Cut-Price Man.

Reflecting on the above paragraph, and being Masonic mates with Dodgy Dan, doubtless the odds are favourite that Slugger Amesbury will face zero criminal charges of assault, or GBH, for his fisticuffs attack on a helpless fellow human being.

Ergo, if this was an erring Japanese politician, causing his political party embarrassment, then he’d automatically commit ritual seppuku and disembowel himself in the middle of the House of Conmans debating floor for his inebriated, and violent, indiscretions.

Seizing the opportunistic moment, the Reform Party has called for Mr Punchy to do the honourable thing and resign immediately, if not sooner – (Ha! – the honourable thing from Labour - some joke) – thus initiating a by-election which, after coming second place in the last voting session for rabid Runcorn, are hoping their candidate, canvassing on an anti-street violence ticket, can usurp the Labour-vacated House of Conmans seat.

https://rustyskewednewsviews.blogspot.com/2024/10/runcorn-fight-club-mp-suspended.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14011613/MP-Mike-Amesbury-arguing-constituent-closure-bridge-punch.html

https://www.gbnews.com/politics/mike-amesbury-labour-mp-punch-assault

Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka the Truth.

This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane unorthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids, plus a dusting of socio-political satire - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references, 5G electro-smog radiation, and a chemtrail residue of genetically-modifed nano-particle bush telegraph innuendo.