The Dis-United Kingdom’s National Farmers’ Union gender-neutral spokesperson, Delilah (they, them, theirs) Goldberg, speaking with one gutter press hack from the Malnutrition Gazette, warned that the current shortages of fruits and veggies in Broken Britain’s Greedy Grocer supermarkets could be the tip of the iceberg – before adding emphasis that 'they' were not referring to iceberg lettuce.
Joining Delilah, the NFU president, Wurzel Gummidge - (who identifies as a 'scarecrow') - opined that a reliance on imports from foreign growers has seen Food Bank Britain become vulnerable to the shock climate change events affecting the Mediterranean coastal countries of Europe and North Africa, with farm lands across Morocco, Algeria, and Tunisia stricken by recent Ice Age conditions and heavy snowfall blighting the previously tropical region’s export-orientated cash crops.
Conversely, the Tory Nasty Party’s lard-arsed Environment Secretary, Therese ‘Calamity’ Coffey, laid the blame for the UK’s fruit and veg’ crisis on soaring energy bills deterring farmers from heating and lighting their commercial-sized greenhouses – a situation primarily caused by the good ole U S of A’s Biden administration war mongers blowing up the Nord Stream gas supply pipelines in the Baltic – and further exacerbated by Russia’s ‘Mad Vlad’ Putrid invading the Ukraine – even though Broken Britain’s only imports from there were wheat flour - and mail order brides.
Coffey then resorted to castigating what she termed ‘selfish Spaniards’ for the current shortages, due taking up the Woke Joke cult’s carnivore shaming campaign, and promoting the current ‘must do’ vegetarian diet craze, and subsequently Spanish farmers having zero surplus salad foods for export north, to our once-sceptred Isle of Albion.
Regardless, Coffey maintained British consumers could survive the current shortages, thanks to abundant barn stocks of home grown stubble turnips, stating for the House of Conmans Hansard record that, quote: “If turnips are a good enough and nourishing source of high protein for pigs, sheep and cows, then they’re good enough for the British working class.”
The Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket chain has announced it is limiting the amount of fruit and veg that people can buy to customers who actually look hungry - and underweight – plus have imposed a strict limit on the sale of phallic-shaped salad veg’ after a skirmish broke out earlier today at their Offa’s Dyke super store, with two opposing groups of butch lesbian shoppers fighting over possession of the dwindling stocks of cucumbers and aubergines.
Frank McScrote, chief executive of the British Growers Association, predicted supermarkets could experience shortages of carrots, cabbage and cauliflower during the coming months, with the Brexit-induced climate change conditions also affecting the future of British tomato and aubergine growing – both of which are now on a proverbial ‘knife edge’ - as opposed to where they should be – in plant pots.
Oh my, and in addition we have yet another piece of conjured WEF / Great Reset theatre to keep the common herd useless eaters paranoid, and in a state of scare-a-thon panic.
Do I detect the stench of a conjured and manipulated shortage / allotment scam in the air - with some enforced national 'rationing' app' ready n waiting on some government pc hard drive, for a fickle finger to hit the 'go' button?
A couple of years ago it was the Covid-1984 plague, now it’s a conjured market supply chain food shortage – with the incidence of widespread ‘eat thy neighbour’ cannibalism becoming the next ‘must do’ lunatic craze to dominate the social media networks.
There again, perhaps the next ‘predicted’ viral scamdemic outbreak is upon us too. The dreaded H5N1 Avian Flu is being dressed up to gross exaggeration levels, and further embellished by the Deep State’s venal media wizards as ready to jump species - from its current bird hosts to humans – all ready to incite another global panic station extravaganza - with a young girl in Cambodia reportedly catching bird flu from her pet rooster, then displaying symptoms of the virus when she started squatting in a nest box, laying eggs, pecking her food, and clucking.
Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka the Truth.
This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane unorthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids with socio-political satire - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references, 5G electrosmog radiation, and a chemtrail residue of genetically-modified nano-particle bush telegraph innuendo.
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