Boris Reshuffles Cabinet of Useless Twats

Tory Nasty Party Crime Minister, Bonkers Boris de Spiffle Attaturk Nonsense and his uncivil service henchmen advisors, in a vain - and probably futile - attempt to attach some modicum of credibility to his 'imminent for kick start' post-Covid 'Build Back Better' campaign - are having a good old heave-ho sort-out of the Downing Street cabinet's ministerial deadwood – replacing a bunch of useless wankers with – you gottit – yet another bunch of useless cunts - smug n pompous'group think' sycophants and assorted onanists – and all slavishly parroting the official narrative – with nary an original – or, heavens forbid – a questioning, critical thought in their ego-inflated heads.

Boris' 'newspeak' cabinet selection will doubtless be a pick n mix bag composed of ne'er do well Oxford n Cambridge failures – though hopefully not quite on a par with Posh Dave Scameron's Tory cabinet of 2010, which he crammed with his ex-Oxford days Bullingdon Vandals Club membershit cronies – and the dismal, personality-deficient likes of Gideon 'Spankies' Osborne in charge of Broken Britain's purse strings - and given free rein to spite the common herd with austerity measures – starting on the old age pensioner's meagre 'winter fuel allowance' – slashed by £50 quid.

We copped a whiff of the Build Back Better program agenda last week, with Boris ensuring that Cressida Dickhead's Met Plod Squad 'Commissioner' contract was extended until she croaks – in return for her uniformed thugsters stamping down – jackboot style – on Food Bank Britain's anarchist types – specifically the Winston Smith Brigade and their black propaganda lies viz the Covid virus being a scamdemic – and the clinical trial / experimental mRNA pseudo-vaccine a toxic spike protein Clot Shot medication being pushed by the genocidal SAGE wankers.

Next up on the BBB agenda was the creation of a Ministry of Plenty – to offset and belay the Food Bank Britain rumours that our once sceptred isle's supply chain is fucked with a large capital F – and the Greedy Grocer supermarket shelves will be stripped bare by Xmas – of food and not just bog rolls.

Tory doctors were dispatched to Worstminster to oversee Commons Leader Jacob Rees-Dogg safely removed from his Parliamentary storage cupboard, dusted off and pacemaker batteries replaced – all ready to raise his voice – and a voting hand in the House of Conmans - when, and as, required.

While the cabinet office playing field was strewn with sacked ministerial bods by the day's end, the fat-arsed Shiti Patel managed to hang onto her post as 'Chief Bully' at the Home Office – after threatening Boris with a 'good kicking' in the bollocks if he even dared to follow through with rumours he intended a lateral promotion for her to take up the new post of Minister for Propaganda & Public Distractions.

As to 'the fallen' - Foreign Minister ('and' Deputy Crime Minister) - Domino Scabb, after having his fumbling fingers involved in the recent Afghanistan evacuation fubar  - simply had to go, due his personal hand in laying on a special charter flight for ex-Marine Percy Pennywise and his cargo of Afghan dogs, cats and donkeys – while leaving hapless British citizens to be buggered by the Taliban's Sodomite Brigade.

To add insult to injury, the incompetent Scabb beast has been assigned the post of Injustice Minister - and will doubtless make an even bigger fuck-up of our legal system than it is in already - while Loopy Lizzie Truss takes over Domino's job as the second split-assed foreign secretary to ever hold the post.

Class act thick cunt Gavin 'Mr Personality' Williamson copped the boot as Education Minister – and was to be demoted to tea boy duties until the in-house HSE officer kiboshed the idea as he couldn't be trusted with a kettle full of boiling water - while his equally IQ-deficient successor is none other that Mr Secret Society in an apron– the shape-shifting ex-Covid Vax Minister, Nadhim '666' Zahawi – yet another lateral promotion from the post of Minister for Covid Vax Enforcement to top dog at the re-named Ministry of Re-Education – but on the bright side of Zahawi's appointment, at least under his aegis, the equestrian stables at select state schools will be kept warm this coming winter.

Now for the one step beyond factor - as the utterly clueless, expenses-fiddling, bottle blonde bimbo posing as Minister for Ill-Health, Nadine 'Get Me Outa Here' Dorries, has been confirmed as the new Celebrity Culture Secretary.

Que? WTF? Dumbshit Dorries? Is this Boris' idea of a bad fucking joke as a replacement for Oliver 'Dingbat' Dowden – who's been demoted to a Cabinet position of 'Minister Without a Chair'.

Really, these cunts could, collectively, fuck up a perfectly good anvil. Ha! My bad – they've already – collectively – made a total fuck of England's economy with their Covid scamdemic and 18 months of loopy lockdowns.

Stop press: One surprise out-of-the-blue sacking – much to the shock revelation of the Portsmouth MP herself - Penny 'Whale Island' Morbid has departed her post as the Cabinet Office's Paymaster General (Bribes, Back-Handers & Baksheesh Dept.) to become a cleaner at the Trade Department.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/uk-politics-58564999