In today’s ‘You Couldn't Make This Shit Up' counter-culture edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Jack 'Weasle' McScrote, our deep cover mole, manning the covert hotline inside the Independent Police Coverups Commission for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A major head-scratching police investigation is underway after a pair of intellectually-challenged Plod Squad dingbats were captured on camera by a neighbour in the act of tasering a wholly innocent 63-year old 'person of colour' grand-daddy - who quite paradoxically was instrumental in establishing a socio-political group to foster better relations between the police and Bristol's burgeoning 'not quite white' – or Christian - community.
Hence yet another half-arsed investigation has been kick started by the graft and corruption-ridden IPCC watchdog to whitewash the latest Wallace & Gromit 'comedy of errors' misconduct incident perpetrated by the Bristol Police's IQ-deficient dipshit thugs in the wake of a 'Ferguson scale' fubar - wherein an innocent pedestrian out walking his dog was deliberately tasered in the face by a pair of uniformed morons who mistook him for the area's local anti-Christ – wanted man and Public Enemy No 6 – Dreadlocks Danny – aka the Rasta' Rascal.
This Wile E. Coyote snafu – with video footage of the entire brutal incident recorded by a neighbour and posted on YouTube - has to be branded with a Billboard slapstick irony label as the hapless victim, Mr Judah Adunbi - a resident of Bristol's 'Mad Maggie Sanger Social Housing Estate' - is a prominent activist in the Afro-Caribbean community and the singular 'darkie' member of the Avon & Scumerset Constabulary's own BME (black and minority ethnic) race relations Independent Advisory Group.
Speaking with one gutter press hack from the red top Daily Shitraker, Mr Adunbi recalled "This pair of brain dead wankers sees me comin' down the road an' stands in the middle of the pavement an' sez "Hey up – it's Dreadlocks Danny" – ter which I sez "Yer havin' a fuckin' laugh aren't yer – he's an effin' teenager an' I look sod all like him" – an' as I makes ter push past 'em an' go up me garden path one plod grabs hold of me an' the evil split-arsed plod bitch wiv him sez "Cop fer this, yer Yardie scumbag" – an' fires her effin' taser thing wot hits me right in the kisser - an' this knocks me head over tits an' I lands right on me arse – an' cos of the effin' shock paralysin' me, I not only pisses meself but shit me pants as well."
Bristol Chief Constable Harry 'Pitbull' McGnasher admitted to media hacks that the violent nature of the 'mistaken identity' arrest incident was not exactly the best public relations stunt his officers could have pulled – and has doubtless left common herd bystanders aghast and of a collective opinion that the tasering officer, WPC Fellatia Slagg, is a career sadist possessed of an arrogant contempt for perma-sun-tanned minority types – and with calculated malice aforethought – deliberately tasered Mr Adunbi in the face – which will doubtless be interpreted as yet another clear cut example of the national Plod Squad's institutional racism now being on a one to one par with that of their bigoted 'nigger-shooting' fellow police officers in the good ole US of A.
CC McGnasher continued: "But this type of shocking incident will become a thing of the past, for while our current batch of police officers have IQs well south of triple figures, we are introducing regulations that as future recruits will all be armed with tasers, side arms and an assault rifle to counter terrorist threats – they must either complete a three-year degree apprenticeship, a postgraduate conversion course or have a University degree qualification – plus be able to tie their own bootlaces and tell the difference between shit and shinola."
Hmmm, the mind boggles. Armed plods – whether kitted out with guns or tasers – are never – as the boast goes – gonna protect Broken Britain's common herd from terrorist attacks – all they can do is shoot the Muslim patsy fall guys dead post-attack status down at Canary Wharf before they can blab to the media that they'd been set up – as per 7/7.
Home Office rhetoric besides, we are always gonna be stuck with the likes of the sadistic PC Slimy Simon Hardwood, the Met's Territorial (Terrorist?) Support Group Plod Squad thug who beat innocent 2009 G20 protests passer-by Ian Tomlinson with malice aforethought, causing his death - and got off a manslaughter charge.
Or Sgt Delboy Stinkie, yet another half-chat mongrel Met TSG thug who - at the memorial to Ian Tomlinson's death - smacked G20 protester Knickerless Fisher around with a backhander and his telescopic steel asp baton as she was threatening him with a 'weapon' – actually a carton of orange juice – which the IQ-deficient Sgt Stinkie mistook for an AK47 assault rifle.
District Judge Daphne Prickham ruled Stinkie acted lawfully, despite video evidence posted on the internet showing him hitting a woman half his size with the back of his hand and a retractable metal baton.
Then we have the brainless excuse for a plod, PC Stuart Wright, who fired his 50,000 volts taser toy at disabled and blind 61-year old pensioner, Colin Farmyard, for carrying a white stick – which in his ultimate stupidity, he mistook for a Samurai sword.
Really, WTF? The Plod Squad trusts these morons with tasers and guns? And to add insult to injury, a Lancashire Plod Squad 'gross incompetency hearing' recommended that PC Wright be given a performance improvement notice.
Oh my, zero mention of a mandatory Common Sense course – or a trip to SpecSavers.
A last but not least point viz Broken Britain's not fit for purpose / graft & corruption-ridden Plod Squad we should duly make mention of North Wales Police Superintendent Gordon Angelsea, the 1980's Bryn Estyn paedo-serial child rapist – who was recently prosecuted and jailed for his 1980's kiddie fiddling excesses – and conveniently 'died' in the prison hospital before he could cut a deal by naming a whole swathe of paedophile politicos.
Angelsea had a master's degree from the Wrexham Institute of Pederasty in 'Care Home Sodomy' – and was a fellow craft Freemason of the Provincial Grand Chapter of Hertfordshire (Harpenden Chapter 4314) of his graft and corruption-ridden libel trial judge, Lord Justice Maurice Duckpond – who back in 1994 issued a ridiculously biased verdict favouring his secret handshake Brother Gordon and awarded the despicable lying twat Plod Squad bumboy mega-bucks payments of £375,000 quid in libel damages against the national press media.
Thought for the day. Hmmm, so much for the much-vaunted advent of 'facial recognition' technology.
Mind you, this pair of Common Purpose-indoctrinated twats are part of Broken Britain's same 'Boys in Blue' trigger-happy organisation who can't tell the difference between a blind man with a white stick and some local hood wielding a samurai sword – or a Brazilian electrician and a Mid-East Muslim terrorist – let alone a couple of darkies with dreadlocks.
Personally we've seen better organised riots.
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However, a large number of the NSA - GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / JTRIG / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness. An anti-authoritarian counter-culture news sheet and free radical alternative media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist ZioNazi Kosher Nostra lobby – and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).
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