Darkie Refugee Shysters Taking the Piss

In today’s ‘Someone's Taking the Piss' asylum scam artist expose edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from our frontline cross-dressing media correspondent, Mohammed al Patsy, manning the live news hotline in Geneva for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a shocking report in this week's Basler Zeitung (Ripoffs Gazette) Eritrean war zone asylum-seeking refugees granted leave to remain in Switzerland on the basis that they risk death – or an even worse fate – if they return to their Third World shithole points of origin - are using welfare benefit payments to fund holidays 'back home'.

The Swiss gutter press tabloid has taken exception that thousands of fuzzy wuzzy migrant scallies are heading back to Eritrea and the Red Sea beach resorts for their vacations in lieu of suffering a chill factor European winter - despite their having allegedly fled the north-east African dump in fear of their lives.

Although a large proportion of the scam merchant Eritreans in cuckoo clock land have been refused asylum, authorities are powerless to deport them due the prevailing political philosophy that their homelands are deemed too dangerous – thanks to the country’s stupid bleeding heart refugee policy.

While there are no direct flights from Switzerland to Eritrea, the Ripoffs Gazette claims to have discovered up to fifty darkies a day are hopping over the border into Krautland and taking flights to Egypt then onto Eritrea - in order to catch a cheapo vacation and say Hi to relatives in their dodgy, health hazard-fraught home country.

Stating he hoped that this holidaying abuse by Eritreans would not be proved a mass occurrence phenomenon and no more than a small handful of migrants were abusing both the asylum 'and' welfare benefits systems, the Swiss Secretariat for Migration, Herr Heinrich von Stupid, opined to media hacks that it was difficult to work out the number of Eritreans who were taking sneaky vacations in their deadly dangerous homelands due to the lack of direct flights from Switzerland.

Conversely, Breitbart London reported that African refugee scrotes granted asylum in Germany have been using welfare benefit payments to return for vacations in the very countries they fled – purportedly in fear of life and limb.

Here the recent case of certain Rastus O'Dinga of South Sudan becomes relevant. O'Dinga, after paddling across the Mediterranean on an inflatable rubber duck - hijacked from a group of school children at an Alexandria beach resort - eventually made landfall in Greece last June and sneaked his way through Europe to Austria, where he was granted refugee asylum status.

After taking an Xmas season social welfare benefits funded vacation in South Sudan's war zone capital of Juba, he landed back in Vienna mid-January clutching several duty free goods bags, where he was detained by suspicious immigration officials – yet had the hard-faced cheek to justify his trip with the excuse he had outstanding matters to arrange and clear up back in the Sudan – specifically to pay an overdue fine for a parking violation and get his driving licence back - when in all truth it was for the presentation of his ISIS Institute graduation diploma for completing their Advanced Suicide Bomber course.

Likewise the case of Switzerland-based Eritrean asylum-seeking refugee, Mista Mohammad Aferwerki-Turkey-Ferki - who stopped over in Zurich for a short sojourn on his way to the UK and learned to speak the Queen's English from the online Guide to British Rhyming Slang website - spoke to one gutter press hack from the Daily Shitraker on conditions of anonymity – and receipt of 100 francs – cash in hand.

"Yeah, well it's dead easy,. I jump a bus from Zurich an' hop over the border inter Krautland an' catch a flight ter Egypt, then direct on ter Asmara. Then a bus ride down ter the Red Sea / Gulf of Aden beach resorts of Edd or Assab, an' spend a week or so gettin' pissed on Suwa beer an' buggerin' little boys an' goats – an' delight in watchin' Saudi war planes bomb the livin' fuck outa Houthi rebel army positions (read: hospitals, schools and orphanages) over the Gulf, in Yemen."

"Then it's time fer a quick afternoon dash across the adjacent Djibouti border fer a stash of duty free khat – an' grab a bargain-buy 12-year-old Afar virgin from the Moulhoule slave market - fer a mere 50 Swiss francs, no less – I kid you not – an' one wot's had an FGM job done on her snatch, obviously - as me second wife. Then it's off again (all rush-rush) back ter Asmara ter grab a forged passport fer the new missus an' hop a flight ter Cairo, an' on ter Munich– an' catch the overnight air con' coach back ter Zurich – all in time ter sign on at the local welfare centre an' collect me monthly benefits cheque."

"It's a good thing the welfare system's got more effin' holes in it than a Swiss cheese an the benefit handouts stretch ter afford Club Class flights - cos that beats all the walkin' across the effin' Sudan an' Egypt, then an open water sea trip on a rubber boat wiv sixty-odd other stinkin' black fuckers in it – an' when it sinks halfway ter Greece yer gotta swim ter the nearest island before some fuckin' big fish takes a fancy ter yer leg."

Thought for the day. War zone asylum-seeking refugees can't be deported back home on humanitarian grounds - due the fact it's too dangerous. But they can return to visit – thanks to the political loopholes presented by sentimental liberalism - and them holding a First Class season ticket to ride the EU's social welfare benefits Gravy Train. You couldn't make this shit up.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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