Blasé Judge Takes Irish Power Nap

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A Manchester Crown Court judge is under investigation by the office of the Judicial Conduct Inquisition following reports he fell asleep during a paedo' sexual abuse / rape trial, forcing it to be abandoned mid-stream - at great inconvenience and embarrassment to the CPS 'and' even greater financial cost to the taxpayer's purse.

Prosecution Service and defence barristers jointly filed a complaint that the 97-year old judge, Sir Dinsdale Cattflap, fell asleep during the cross examination of the 14-year old alleged victim - Ms Slutsy McSkanger - who can't be named for legal reasons. The trial will now have to be re-listed as several members of the jury were also noted to have followed the judge's lead and taken an unauthorised post-prandial 'forty winks' during the afternoon proceedings, before having to be discreetly 'nudged' back into a state of wakefulness by the court usher, wielding his official 'dozy twat prodding pole'.

The trial had entered its third day when the attentions of defence barrister, Ms Candida Mingerot of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot (Solicitors) were distracted from her cross-examination of a witness by the sound of snoring coming from the bench.
"I exercised a polite hand-to-mouth cough but as this didn't seem to jolt Mr Cattflap out of his obvious state of somnolent apathy, I then proceeded to address His Honour directly and asked, in my best courtroom 'loud voice' if he wished me to repeat that last question - which seemed to arouse him from his siesta inasmuch he sat up and remarked "Is it my round again already?"

Rumours originating from the Crown Court press room claim Judge Cattflap had been out on the lash the previous evening with a gaggle of Masonic fraternity brothers from the Law Society and slightly overdid the Meths Breezer shots and Old Headbanger lager chasers at the notorious Salome's Suck n Swallow lapdancing bar in Upper Scrote Street before moving on to Cheetham Hill's Violate Club for a late night Spank-a-Thon BD/SM adult entertainment session.

The rape victim's elder sister, Fellattia McSkanger, a 16-year old mother of three from Greater Manchester's infamous Stench Hill sink or swim social housing estate, had this to say outside the court to one gutter press hack from the Jail Bait Review.
"It's all a load of effin' bollocks, the judge is sat up there on his bench an' nippin' swigs of Night Nurse outa a hip flask then goes inter fuckin' hibernation mode an' now the case gets abandoned an' these scumbag scally gyppo twats wot bonked our Slutsy last year is back on the streets ter three hole gang rape a bunch of other chicks - until they can organise another trial an' find some judge wot can stay awake on the job."

While the Judicial Conduct Office statutes prevent Judge Cattflap from commenting on this untoward incident while it is being investigated, a fellow judge and spokesman for the Law Society, Sir Peregrine Armitage-Shanks, informed the media that "It all comes down to the parable of casting the first stone. I can speak candidly from personal experience that these trials get boring with a capital B, especially so when there's no household name celebrity faces from Coronation Street or Jekyll and Hyde Aussie didgeridoo players involved - and lots of salacious Fifty Shades of Grey scandal to fantasize over - and all we have is a debatable chit-chat exchange between counsels about both defendant and the accused coming from broken homes - and the contrary fact that the alleged victim has a history of spreading STD's around the community and flogging her golly for drug money."

Former solicitor general Vera 'Ginger Minger' Baird opined to one gutter press hack from the Pederasts Gazette that she was gobsmacked and harboured real concerns viz the allegation that a Crown Court judge has been comatose in the midst of a costly underage rape trial - especially so as a similar incident had previously occurred while Cattflap was presiding over the Slumberland Gang murders case in 2009.
"In the 'wake' (sic - no pun intended) of this incident it seems clear that Judge Cattflap has been delinquent in the exercise his official duties and is guilty of un-befitting conduct that brings Broken Britain's maligned criminal justice system into a state of further disrepute than it already stands."

"Ye gods, this isn't just about a 'point of law' complaint - the fact the judge went to sleep is a mark of disrespect in itself and makes a mockery of the Judicial Conduct Rules. What we most definitely do not need is Manchester Crown Court getting a reputation of notoriety to equal that of Nonceland's Aberdeen, where half the Sheriffs presiding over child sex abuse cases are rumoured to be part of a kiddie fiddling ring themselves and let paedo crime offenders off with slap on the limp wrist community service sentences."

Have you ever dropped off to sleep while serving on jury duty? Do you find rape case trials boring? Have you ever been groped by a BBC celebrity DJ or House of Conmans politician? Did you bother wasting your time by filing a complaint with the police?
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Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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