Fracking: Conflict of Interest, Anyone?

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition of Rusty's Skewed News Views we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip direct from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The embarrassing joint venture political pantomime commonly known as the 'Tory-Lib-Dum Coalition' government has come in line yet again for a shit storm barrage of criticism by appointing another of PM Scameron's dodgy pals to a key administrative position: specifically as Chairman of the Environment Agency.

Sir Philip Dill-Pickle, a former business adviser to Posh Dave - and a brother Freemason to boot - has suspicious corporate 'shilling' links to the fracking industry, for in a previously incarnation as chairman of Arup, he conjured up favourable environmental impact study reports on behalf of notorious eco-vandals Crap-Drilla Resources to play down and minimise the 'earthquake effect' and long term 'half-life' radioactive toxic dangers involved with the controversial geo-extraction fossil fuels technique known as 'fracking'.

Dildo-Pickle - by his own admission a committed 'frackster' - is scheduled to work three days a week for a salary of £100,000 per annum - which divided by 52 comes in at £1,923 a week - or £641 for an 8 hour day - or £80 quid an hour. Doubtless generous 'expenses' will be included in this package deal too.
Not a bad little earner when the minimum wage in Broken Britain is set at £6:31p an hour - and unemployed Jobseekers are struggling to survive, hand to mouth fashion, on £60-odd nicker a week - and the gimpy welfare benefit cheats can hardly afford to spend the afternoon in the pub or Flatbrokes betting shop anymore since Atos took over with the sickness / disability assessment austerity programme racket.
Oh yes, don't even bother saying it cos we know - some fucker's taking the piss - big time.

The appointment was rubber stamp endorsed by the House of Conmans environment select committee last week - whose only warped concern was to query why Downing Street felt it necessary, during the recruitment process, to extend the time commitment required from two days a week to three days and sweeten the deal by proportionately bumping up an already-extravagant salary from £60,632 per annum to a round robin £100,000.

Dill-Prickle, who was knighted for services to corruption and nepotism on behalf of his Masonic fraternity brothers last month, worked for two years as part of Scameron's business advisory group - the very same one that provided piss poor advice to the cabinet on critical economic issues facing the country - such as - er - shale gas resource exploitation via the medium of fracking.

The Environment Agency will have responsibility for granting permits for fracking across the length and breadth of our once-sceptred isle as part of the Con-Dem coalition's promised shale 'revolution' - and now they're committed to blindly go where no stupid fucker has gone before - and contaminate the deep groundwater aquifers of our green and pleasant land for a millennium length timescale.

Caroline 'Rebel Ranga' Lucas, the ginger mingin Green Party MP for Brighton who was arrested last year for her part in fracking protests, opined to one gutter press hack from the Environmental Pillagers Gazette that it was 'untenable' for Dildo-Pickle to be appointed to chair the agency when his former company Arup is so clearly linked to support for the shale gas industry.

"When you've got an issue as sensitive as fracking, the public needs to have real confidence in the independence and neutrality of people making decisions over licensing and so forth - and not some old school tie pal from Eton or one of those 'closet case frackster' secret handshake types who exudes the stench of conflict of interest from every pore - reeking from the feet up - like they've just trodden in a pile of smelly dogshit."

"And just wait, if Crap-Drilla get the go-ahead for some of their more controversial greenfield exploration sites then the floodgates will be opened to every Tom, Dick and Ivan venture capital investor - and we'll have a wave of bent Russian energy oligarchs like Oleg Mobsaroubles of Gulag Gaz and Igor Scumbagsky of RussTheft Oil squatting on our doorsteps and raking in massive alternative energy source exploration subsidies."

Ron McScrote, leader of the Frack-Off protest group, informed media hacks that “Here again we’re faced with a government-backed policy of alternative energy development – same as the global warming scam and rip-off carbon credit offset cap n trade exchange - all limping along on the metaphoric crutches of concocted faulty science – to appease profit-motivated parties of self-interest that worship before the altar of Mammon, their voracious and insatiable God of Greed.”

“Scameron’s openly supporting a corruption-ridden policy of blatant bribery to seduce local councils to okay fracking operations in their bailiwicks by quelling public hostility to the controversial gas extraction drilling process - and if so required dispatch their local Plod Squad goons and moronic PCSO bullies from the Renta-Thug security agency to disperse the Luddite hordes of Friends of the Smegmadale Landfill protesters blocking access to fracking sites so operations can get underway and foreign investment energy developers kept happy.”

Ergo, Sir Philip Dildo-Pickle is to the environment agency what Baroness Butler-Sloshed was to heading any inquiry into kiddie fiddling coverups by Scotland Yard, Whitehall and Downing Street. An overpaid 'three-day-week' fucking joke.

Hmmm, talking of three day weeks - I recall people ending up on a salary-deficient three day week back in the early 70's due the economic and human resource (unions / miners) mismanagement of the Tory's paedo-sodomite-child strangling PM, Ted Heath.

To wit, the profit-motivated energy exploiters / environmental pillagers pushing the fracking industry claim such is safe from long term (and short term) environmental damage and sub-strata geological pollution – which at best is a statement loaded with disingenuous content, and at worst a total pile of lie-stuffed crap.
In the absence of any environmental impact study, per the ground level / surface exploration de rigueur requirements, which is an impossibility with this sub-strata hydrostatic fracturing extraction process as we do not have the technology to ‘estimate’ what the fuck can go wrong - and even Cassandra or some super-psychic seer scrying into a big shiny crystal ball still can’t foretell the long term pollution damage that will result from pumping a mega-gallons pressurised toxic radioactive chemical cocktail down a bore hole.

Conversely, common sense and base logic, coupled with established knowledge of hydrostatic science and computer generated sub strata fluid migration models allows us to 'deduce' (one step up from 'guessology') that the resulting fractured geology allows the released gas to migrate then the injected toxic chemicals will do likewise – and contaminate the water table and across the entire spectrum of flora and fauna food chain – much to the detriment of nature and the environment – and more importantly, the harmonious balance of the Gaia Spirit’s Schumann resonance.

Alas, the common herd still maintain a belief in this illusion of representative government for, to their eventual detriment, in spite of the sore thumb obvious that the country is run by multi-national profit-motivated corporate interests who don’t give a flying fuck about the welfare of the common herd or the environment – or a future that looks further ahead than the next scheduled stockholder dividend payout and annual bonus dates – and in the case of the fracking industry’s environmental pillagers the long-term casualty is going to be Mother Nature and the Earth itself – wounded and poisoned deep down – where the public cannot see the scars nor hear her screams.

Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles – or Syrian refugees - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of the GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / eavesdropping / data mining system’s network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in Cheltenham were temporarily inconvenienced.

Thought for the day. Oh well, some fucker or their dog's got to look after the fracking industry interests at cabinet level now their Tory Defra Minister pal Owen 'Cobblers' Paterson has been hoofed out following Scameron's ethnic cleansing ministerial reshuffle last week.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area and whilst purposely blending slanderous comments and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour and hard facts, may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.