Thursday, 27 June 2013

Them n Us Austerity: QE2 Gets £900K Raise

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

So Tory Chancellor ‘Jeff’ Osborne burned the midnight oil and suffered dietary privations, dining on a £10 quid ‘posh nosh’ burger and chips Happy Meal from Byron's Barfery local chew n spew fast food joint – eating sans his customary silver spoon – but Third World style with fingers – so as to focus his energies on the all-new Slam-Dunk austerity spending review proposal – which will see every fucker and their dog (MPs & civil servants exempt) take a weekly income nosedive.

Of course, Jeff’s a dyed-in-the-wool Zionist and one of the Rothshite bankster crime syndicate’s compliant bitches – always ready to assume the position and please his Masters – thanks to good ole public school NLP programming – which might well stand him in good stead with his Old Etonian Chumocracy pals and the secret handshake brotherhood cabal – but as far as Broken Britain’s common herd are concerned – he’s henceforth ‘unfriended’ – alike Nadine ‘Bonkers’ Dorries, the Tory MP for Numpty Dumpty.

But apart from being as popular as a course of chemo’ or a leper at a Bar Mitzva, Bullingdon Club boy Jeff’s (as Barky Obama calls him) insistence that Broken Britain’s train wreck economy is out of intensive care is a load of utter bollocks, as it’s already been given the last rites, shoved in a body bag and headed for the cemetery.
This factor alone casts him as more of an embarrassment to this blighted Tory Party than Marky Mark Harpic, the MP for the Black Forest and Minister for Break Dancing – who earlier this week made an utter cunt of himself in a Soho nightclub and was forced to seek solace at the nearest NHS Trust for his injuries.

Alas poor Jeff’s not been thinking too straight since his bilateral capsulotomy procedure last year, which was intended to boost his 80-odd IQ score into the triple figure Mensa range but went tits up and left him with the problem-solving skills of an autistic hedgehog – which do not bode well for a Chancellor of the Exchequer – especially so after the Biblical scale fiscal fuck ups left by Gordon 'Incapability’ Broon and his Scots successor, the equally-incompetent albino, Alastair Darling – and considering his Treasury second-in-command coalition partner, the ginger-mingin Danny ‘McRatty’ Alexander, is also a Jock in a frock.

Critics from the Twat Watch social concerns charity have expressed alarm that Jeff’s recent display of chronic cognitive dissonance regarding the flatline state of Broken Britain’s economy has led to the conjuring of a ‘synthetic reality’ – a self-delusional fantasy system first conceived by Lewis Carroll in his ‘Alice up a Rabbit Hole’ book.

Hence we see manifest Jeff’s latest gob-smacking conundrum - for while slashing pensioners winter fuel allowances if they have loft insulation or own more than one cardigan, a scarf and a pair of mittens – and making jobseekers take English language lessons then wait a week before they can claim welfare benefits – regardless of the Crown Estate – aka Queen Lizzie Inc – having increased profits to £252.6 million quid in the 2012 / 2013 financial period through their offshore Insolvency Investments group and Ripoffs Venture Capital Bank SA - Jeff’s found a few bob spare from the £11:5 zillion nicker spending review savings to up the monarchy’s ante by £900,000 - to £33.3 million nicker per annum – all thanks to the reluctant courtesy of the hapless British taxpayer.

Thus we ponder, is this yet another piece of Tavistock Institute / Common Purpose social engineering to test the common herd’s reaction and how far they can push the envelope before the Riot Act gets read and the water cannons hit the streets?

As to Philip ‘Dandruff’ Hammond whingeing over defence spending and laying off 4,500 squaddies - which while freeing up a plethora of battle-hardened thugs and psychos to stand in as teachers at the UK’s Asbo Central Academies - will consequently gut the armed forces fighting strength – the solution is easy-peasy.
Do the same as Africa with squabbling nations self-divided into fractious tribal and sectarian demographics – all warring over who controls the source of conflict diamonds – or the rare earth ‘Niggerite’ that the electronics and cellphone industries can’t survive without .

Go round the schools and press gang gaggles of gob-shite sprogs into child army regiments – which would most definitely contribute to solving Broken Britain’s truancy problems, ease the burden on the secret family court system – along with the corruption-ridden social services and their money-spinning paedo-fostering scams.

Thought for the day. Amazing how PM Posh Dave Scameron’s Big Society multicultural inclusiveness adroitly avoids the rich and poor divide factor.

Regardless, fuck the Freemasons and Big Brother – and his sister - and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

Georgie Osborne is a total knobhead who hasn't the grey cells to understand the social repercussions his austerity budgeting cuts are having on anyone earning less than an MP's basic £65,738 per annum.

That other dildo Ian Duncan Smith reckons he can live off £53 quid a week so why are these scumbags putting the thumbscrews on the working class and drawing £134,565 in salary as a cabinet minister?

Austerity obviously doesn't apply to the political elite.

wiggins said...

The shit is never going to hit the fan with the masses because, as someone once said: 'Until they become conscious they will never rebel, and, until they rebel they cannot become conscious.' Let's face it, people can't be arsed to think for themselves anymore.