In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Typical of their hypocritical and chronic ‘victim’ status whingeing that dates back to the days of Moses and the Exodus from Egypt, the shifty Shylocks comprising the membership ranks of the European Jewish Congress have gone into pantomime histrionics mode and demanded an apology and full retraction from the EUSSR's trade chief Karel De Gucht following his comments concerning the Palestinian-Israeli peace talks currently being hosted in the US by the pro-Zionist O’Barmy administration.
Mr De Gucht, a former Belgian foreign minister, made the innocent, yet vigilantly perceived, remarks, which have now been wholly misconstrued, in an interview where he was asked his personal opinion concerning the resumption of direct peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians – in which he made reference to the suffocating power of the Jewish lobby in US foreign policy and the difficulty of holding rational discussions with ultra-Zionist Jews on the Middle East situation – as evidenced perfectly by the reaction of the European Jewish Congress to anything they deem to resemble ‘criticism’ – even if such is invested with the power of the gospel Truth.
His remarks came as the EUSSR, which forms the Middle East diplomatic Quartet with the United States, Russia and the United Nations, is trying to broker peace between Israel and the Palestinians – a task that has as much chance of success due the Kneset’s mule-headed intransigence as trying to shove butter up a meerkat’s arse with a red hot tea spoon.
The Israeli Haaretz newspaper this morning carries the banner headline “Bring us the Head of Karel De Gucht” and accuses the EUSSR trade chief of anti-Semitism and labels him a ‘racist’ over his Jewish lobby comments.
Oh yes, here we go yet again. A racist no less, for criticising the ‘Jewish race’. WTF? The Jews aren’t a race – Judaism (Jew-ism) is a religious calling and they are part of a faith-based sect. Do we hear anyone mention the Protestant race or the Buddhist race or the Hindu race or Roman Catholic race or the Muslim race – or the polygamous Moron race of Utah? Fuck no.
Anyways, Jewish contrariness besides, the fact remains that De Gucht’s opinion is not only valid but spot on. As the common sense-possessed EUSSR foreign policy chief Catherine Ashton stated with reference to De Gucht's remarks “He was simply telling the plain and obvious truth – which apparently the Jews find offensive when such is in any way deemed critical of their behaviour – especially so when their attitude towards, and treatment of, the marginalised and besieged Palestinian population comes into question.”
So, public mention of the dominating power of the Jewish lobby in US government policy – and their influence over British and European foreign policy also – grates in the pro-Zionist Jewish craw does it – alike many more home truths which draw their ire and contempt.
However, the White House and President Barky O’Barmy’s administration are awash with pro-Zionist Jews – starting with his gay bath house faggot buddy and Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel - all the way down the line. Same as it was with Dubya Bush – surrounded by slimy kikester Neo-Con’s. Cheney, Rove, Scooter Libby, Wolfowitz, Bumsfeld, Hernandez, Fleicher, and the one-eyed Cyclops himself - Daniel Pearl - to name but a sampling of the criminal scumbags.
It’s not so much of a Fifth Column either – they’re like termites dug in and infesting not only the US, but British, Canadian and European governments and society throughout – they even have their own muppet heading the Palestinian Authority President – Mr ‘anti-Hamas’ Mahmoud Abbas – since they snuffed Yessir Marrowfat.
We need to get a comparative statistics graph set up via the Kikemeter to see how many shifty Shylocks there are versus WASPS in the US government. Undue Jewish influence indeed. WTF? Just take a look at the Western media – press, TV, radio, all owned by Zionist Shylocks and kikesters – with the Hollywood movie industry just the same.
Then we have Mr Hope & Change - the Kenyan cuckoo, President Barky O’Barmy – or Barry Soetoro - call the sun-tanned impostor what you will – he was purposely groomed and invested in the White House by Rothshite Zionist shekels and they own him – lock, stock and teleprompter – warts and all. So, let’s face it, the government of the United States is in bed with these ultra-Zionist clowns and should also be judged accordingly.
Next point in Mr De Gucht’s defence - why is it anti-Semitic to tell the Truth? For fuck’s sake these people who usurped the Palestinian’s and stole their lands in 1948 aren’t even Semites – another term they seem to have stolen and claimed as their own. They’re manky Khazars, mongrelised in the ghettos of medieval Europe to their present Ashkenazi gene line - with as much congenital connection to the historic Holy Land of Judea (Palestine) as a fucking penguin has.
The Israeli kikesters build a Jabotinsky style Great Apartheid Wall around the Gaza Strip, creating the biggest open prison on Earth (read concentration camp) then, when criticised over their genocidal policy towards the Palestinians, have the audacious chutzpah to start whingeing about their right to ‘defend’ themselves.
Actually Israel and her Zionist leaders, due their foul crimes against humanity, are to their horror, now suffering the Emperor’s new clothes syndrome – they’re in the All-Together – totally naked - transparent and stand labelled as a bunch of murdering cunts whose moral franchise has long expired when they became an outlaw rogue state that ignores the ethics regarding human empathy and shrugs off the strictures of international law.
Such is instanced by their disdain for, and utter refusal to comply with, the United Nations Resolution 242, demanding they return lands they ‘stole’ during the 1967 Six-Day War – and get their arses out of the West Bank, Jerusalem and the Golan. They are devoid of conscience and memory of empathy and compassion.
The outlaw state of Israel – usually obsessed with kosher sausages, money-grubbing and foreskins – yet forever portraying itself as the eternal victim as they commit far worse sins of oppression against their neighbours – then label them as anti-Semites and Holohoax deniers if they dare complain – or make mention of their tip-toe genocide of the Palestinian peoples.
However, they’ve no intention of ever complying with international laws or UN resolutions. Simply read the ‘counterfeit’ forged Protocols of the Elders of Zion – the State of Israel was conspired into being and founded by Jewish Shylock banksters with the sole intent of establishing – not a Jewish homeland – but a kikester criminal state – complete with their own central banking system, military, passports, secret service – for the purposes of fermenting wars for profit, drug-running, arms-dealing, political assassinations, and money-grubbing usury on a Biblical scale. A political state devoted to the worship of Mammon – and Satan – and committed to rebuilding their St Shylock Temple of Latter Day Kikesters in Jerusalem – on the site of the Al Aqsa Mosque.
The Rothshite crime family consortium directs the Knesset – and the Jewish lobbies influencing foreign policy in Western governments – to pursue and achieve their Manifest Destiny - an ideology of Jewish supremacy, racial and religious segregation – to advance their Schadenfreude and create the Empire of Greater Israel on which the sun never sets.
Hmmm, Israel and their ultra-Zionist supporters - alike a proverbial strutting tomcat testing the myth he has nine lives.
So, back to the veracity of Karel De Gucht’s remarks. “You cannot underestimate the weight of the Jewish lobby on Capitol Hill with the US Congress and inside the White House itself. It is the largest and most powerful and moneyed pressure group over there."
"There is a conviction among these Zionist Jews that they are always right and everyone else – the goyim – are wrong - and this Jewish conviction concerning the Middle East situation is something which is impossible to combat with rational arguments.”
So, what bodies actually comprise the suffocating power of the Jewish lobby in US foreign policy?
B’naith B’rith, AIPAC, Bronfman’s Anti-Defamation League, Christians United for Israel (founded by a Jew), the American Provisional Executive Committee for General Zionist Affairs (founded by Zionists), the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations – to name but a mere sampling.
The US Senate and Congress, and too the EUSSR HQ in Brussels, and the political parties of Britain and Parliament are chocker block full of ass-kissing pro-Zionist apologists posing as Friends of Israel.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of Zionist imperial lunacy.
Thought for the day: The tactics of the 'Israel First and Foremost' lobby plumb the depths of dishonour and indecency and include character assassination, selective misquotation, the willful distortion of the record, the fabrication of falsehoods, and an utter disregard for the truth. So, fuck Israel and the Rothshite crime family syndicate and their New World Order.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
The US-based Zionist Israeli lobby, to name but a sampling:
* Ameinu – expresses Israel’s commitment to war and social injustice.
* American Friends of Likud
* American Gathering/Federation of Jewish Holocaust Survivors
* American-Israeli Big Nosers League
* America-Israel Friendship League
* American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC)
* American Jewish Committee
* American Jewish Congress
* American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee
* American Jewish Nekeshers League
* American Red Sea Pedestrian League
* American Sephardi Federation
* American Zionist Movement.
* American Kikesters for Peace Now
* AMIT
* Anti-Defamation League (ADL)
* Association of Reform Zionists of America
* B'nai B'rith International
* B'nai Zion
* B'nai Barbarians of Zion
* Central Conference of American Rabbis
* Committee for Dissemination of Middle East Propaganda in America
* Development Corporation for Israel
* Emunah of America
* Friends of Israel's IDF psychopaths.
* Goyim Sayans for Israel
* Goyim Sayans for Perpetuation of the Holohoax Myth
* Hadassah, the Women's Zionist Organization of America
* Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society
* Jewish-American Usury Society
* Jewish Community Centers Association
* Jewish Council for Public Affairs
* Jewish Institute for National Security Affairs
* Jewish Labor Committee
* Jewish National Fund
* Jewish Reconstructionist Federation
* Jewish War Veterans of the United States of America (JWV)
* Jewish Women International
* Kedeshahs of America
* MERCAZ USA, Zionist Organization of the Conservative Movement
* NA'AMAT USA
* NCSJ
* National Council for Protocols of Zion Denial
* National Council of Jewish Women
* National Council of Young IsraelI Palestinian Baby-Killers
* World ORT - ORT America branch
* Rabbinical Assembly for Transplant Organ Thefts
* Rabbinical Council of America for Foreskins
* Rasha’im Rabbi’s Council of America
* Religious Zionists of America (RZA or Mizrahi)
* Union for Reform Judaism (URJ)
* Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America
* Union of Judean Mamzers
* United Jewish Communities (UJC)
* USA AEC Jewish league – Supplying Israel with nuclear materials since the 1950’s.
* United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism (USCJ)
* Women's International Zionist Organization (WIZO)
* Women's League for Conservative Judaism (WLCJ)
* Women’s Sharlila League of America (WSLA)
* Workmen's Circle of Jabotinskyist Apartheid Wall Builders (Arbeter Ring).
* World Zionist Propannganda Executive, US
* Zionist Americans for Ze’ev Jabot the Hutt
Hmmm, and that bunch closeted in the continental United Sates alone don’t constitue a ‘suffocating influence’ – with anyone who criticises Israel’s militaristic, criminal actions or disagrees with Zionist policy – or doesn’t bend to their will – labelled as a anti-Semitic or a Holohoax denier – and if Jewish themselves – then a self-hating kike.
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
BP Poisons Gulf States Population
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The red-neck peasant population of the Gulf States – from Florida to Texas and one hell of a ways inland – and too up the Atlantic coastline - are dropping like flies with a variety of weird medical complaints – and due the mix of official PR spin and blatant lies that border on gross criminality have swiftly evolved a general mistrust of industry and government - hence they no longer believe the BP-affiliated quacks who tell them it’s just a touch of seasonal flu or general fatigue due the soaring temperatures and humidity caused by Al Bore’s global warming bullshit.
Hmmm, since when were blindness, tumours, internal bleeding, suppurating body rashes and gangrenous ulcers caused by hot weather?
However, the alarming criteria lies in the fact that legions of Gulf residents have tested positive for oil component and the ultra-toxic Coreshite 9500 and 9527 chemical dispersants in their blood samples – which independent medical experts working for personal injury claim attorneys hypothesise will eventually migrate into the bone marrow and the body’s DNA causing irreversible pathological and psychological damage.
Blood and semen samples from Louisiana and Mississippi coastal residents – and here we emphasise these were fishermen and their families and not locally recruited clean-up workers - came back with ominously high counts of toxins in the subject’s bloodstreams indicating that the Washington administration and the EPA have been lying through their teeth to the general public concerning the adverse health effects directly attributable to the airborne pollution in the region.
Immunologist Prof. Billy Bob Fuctifino told one reporter from the Environmental Pillagers Review that “We’ve even discovered traces of ethylbenzine, methyl-hydrate and Coreshite 9500's 2-Butoxyethenol in scores of test subject’s blood, stool, urine and semen samples – and these were from a broad spectrum of the coastal and inland populations. Then the samples we took from the clean-up workers who are in the thick of this mess –bollocks deep and up to the eyeballs in the crap day in and day out – their readings are off the toxicity charts and most of them will doubtless sicken and die before Christmas.”
“Any one of these toxic chemicals – and even worse if there’s a combination cocktail of them blended together – are deadly because they’re accumulative in the body – in the very cell structure and the DNA – just the same as heavy metals - and radiation from nuclear waste. There’s no way to expel the stuff once it’s in the body. Hundreds of thousands of Gulf coast and inland residents are now walking coffin dodgers. Amen”
Official spin besides, the components of oil are termed as volatile organic compounds that are known to cause respiratory irritation and nervous system disorders, dermatitis and a host of other skin infections.
Additional to the above, health problems for which Gulf coast residents and clean-up workers have sought medical help so far included headaches, dizziness, nausea, chest pain, vomiting, diarrhoea, coughing, constipation, difficulty breathing, anxiety, depression, psychological stress, neurological impairment, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – all of which are directly attributable to exposure to the BP oil calamity syndrome and Coreshite 9500 spraying.
Apart from potable water and atmospheric contamination by these highly toxic pollutants – and by ‘atmospheric’ we imply both the air we breathe and the rain that falls on the ground to enter the water table and food chain – we must also include the lifeblood of the Gulf’s bounty – all sea foods - comprising fish and shellfish and crustacean that have become contaminated by hydrocarbons from the oil and the Coreshite 9500. Highly toxic amounts of cadmium, ethylbenzine, mercury, and lead are present in these sea foods and too the sea bed.
Prof. Billy Bob Fuctifino had this to say in closing “I’ve already diagnosed a score of the clean-up workers with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as they’re now totally fucked to do anything 24/7 – and these are the first guys where DNA alterations – that’s DNA corrupted at cellular level – will show up – most probably when they develop cancerous tumours – or their female partners start delivering two-headed kids that look like Blinkie.”
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: Everything that walks, swims, crawls or flies in or around the Gulf and coastline was irrevocably poisoned while posting this message.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known BP propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Thought for the day: Will BP’s fully patented Gulf Oil Syndrome snatch the record from Gulf War Syndrome for fucking up the quality of people’s lives?
Thought for the day 2: Fuck BP and the DHS and the crooked O’Barmy administration – and Congress.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
The red-neck peasant population of the Gulf States – from Florida to Texas and one hell of a ways inland – and too up the Atlantic coastline - are dropping like flies with a variety of weird medical complaints – and due the mix of official PR spin and blatant lies that border on gross criminality have swiftly evolved a general mistrust of industry and government - hence they no longer believe the BP-affiliated quacks who tell them it’s just a touch of seasonal flu or general fatigue due the soaring temperatures and humidity caused by Al Bore’s global warming bullshit.
Hmmm, since when were blindness, tumours, internal bleeding, suppurating body rashes and gangrenous ulcers caused by hot weather?
However, the alarming criteria lies in the fact that legions of Gulf residents have tested positive for oil component and the ultra-toxic Coreshite 9500 and 9527 chemical dispersants in their blood samples – which independent medical experts working for personal injury claim attorneys hypothesise will eventually migrate into the bone marrow and the body’s DNA causing irreversible pathological and psychological damage.
Blood and semen samples from Louisiana and Mississippi coastal residents – and here we emphasise these were fishermen and their families and not locally recruited clean-up workers - came back with ominously high counts of toxins in the subject’s bloodstreams indicating that the Washington administration and the EPA have been lying through their teeth to the general public concerning the adverse health effects directly attributable to the airborne pollution in the region.
Immunologist Prof. Billy Bob Fuctifino told one reporter from the Environmental Pillagers Review that “We’ve even discovered traces of ethylbenzine, methyl-hydrate and Coreshite 9500's 2-Butoxyethenol in scores of test subject’s blood, stool, urine and semen samples – and these were from a broad spectrum of the coastal and inland populations. Then the samples we took from the clean-up workers who are in the thick of this mess –bollocks deep and up to the eyeballs in the crap day in and day out – their readings are off the toxicity charts and most of them will doubtless sicken and die before Christmas.”
“Any one of these toxic chemicals – and even worse if there’s a combination cocktail of them blended together – are deadly because they’re accumulative in the body – in the very cell structure and the DNA – just the same as heavy metals - and radiation from nuclear waste. There’s no way to expel the stuff once it’s in the body. Hundreds of thousands of Gulf coast and inland residents are now walking coffin dodgers. Amen”
Official spin besides, the components of oil are termed as volatile organic compounds that are known to cause respiratory irritation and nervous system disorders, dermatitis and a host of other skin infections.
Additional to the above, health problems for which Gulf coast residents and clean-up workers have sought medical help so far included headaches, dizziness, nausea, chest pain, vomiting, diarrhoea, coughing, constipation, difficulty breathing, anxiety, depression, psychological stress, neurological impairment, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – all of which are directly attributable to exposure to the BP oil calamity syndrome and Coreshite 9500 spraying.
Apart from potable water and atmospheric contamination by these highly toxic pollutants – and by ‘atmospheric’ we imply both the air we breathe and the rain that falls on the ground to enter the water table and food chain – we must also include the lifeblood of the Gulf’s bounty – all sea foods - comprising fish and shellfish and crustacean that have become contaminated by hydrocarbons from the oil and the Coreshite 9500. Highly toxic amounts of cadmium, ethylbenzine, mercury, and lead are present in these sea foods and too the sea bed.
Prof. Billy Bob Fuctifino had this to say in closing “I’ve already diagnosed a score of the clean-up workers with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as they’re now totally fucked to do anything 24/7 – and these are the first guys where DNA alterations – that’s DNA corrupted at cellular level – will show up – most probably when they develop cancerous tumours – or their female partners start delivering two-headed kids that look like Blinkie.”
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: Everything that walks, swims, crawls or flies in or around the Gulf and coastline was irrevocably poisoned while posting this message.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known BP propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Thought for the day: Will BP’s fully patented Gulf Oil Syndrome snatch the record from Gulf War Syndrome for fucking up the quality of people’s lives?
Thought for the day 2: Fuck BP and the DHS and the crooked O’Barmy administration – and Congress.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Yet Another NATO Afghan Fubar
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A mere two days ago the moronic US Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton again committed one of her habitual errors and opened mouth prior to engaging brain when she spit the proverbial dummy while publicly condemning the slaughter of a bunch of Afghan election workers by supposed Taliban militants in country’s terror-stricken Bellend Province – insisting with her customary faulty dialectic that the security of such workers must be assured at all costs – for the sake of a (wait for it) ‘democratic future’ – further insisting with a soprano harpy screech that the ineffectual President Karzi get off his lazy arse and see to it that those miscreant terrorist types responsible are brought to justice.
Conversely the attitude from the US war-mongering administration underwent a 360 degree sea change this morning after NATO warplanes in the northern Titsup Province attacked a convoy of aid workers themselves, killing a proverbial multitude and snuffing the white flag-waving parliamentary candidate – Ghurlatun Ibn Zamel – the US’s hand-picked political stooge representing President Hamid Kami Karzai’s Graft & Corruption Party in the area.
The killing was particularly inopportune for Defence Secretary Robert Gates, who had just arrived in Afghanistan in the wake of the strike to meet with President Kami Karzai and discuss security issues pertaining to the forthcoming parliamentary elections.
Gates’ mouthpiece PA, Ms Sapphie Dildodo, immediately kicked the political spin machine into top gear, announcing to anyone gullible enough to listen that this was the first her boss had heard of civilian election campaign staff getting snuffed by yet another NATO air strike snafu - which obviously mistook the vehicle convoy for members of the Taliban Dan Gang.
While NATO chief General Billy Bob Betrayus had the blatant audacity to inform the media that the attack was a ‘precision air strike’ against a known Taliban commander, the governor of Titsup Province, Mr Bala’a il A’air, countered that Taliban Dan and his commanders are not actually reputed for travelling in unarmed 100-vehicle convoys – especially ones painted white and bearing a whopping bright red cross on the roof or the bonnet.
Taking a page from the rug-munching Rodent’s manual of criticism, President Karzi spit his own dummy at a press conference with Western media hacks, and castigated the entire US-led NATO ‘Operation Enduring Warfare’ pantomime for slaughtering more Afghan civilians that the Taliban’s mujihadeen – or the imaginary Big Al Qaeda’s Jolly Jihadi terrorists.
While Secretary Clinton reflects on her ill-timed censorship and concentrates how to disengage her foot from her big gob, President Karzi thought to apply the facility of 20/20 hindsight by ironically paraphrasing the Rodent when informing news media reporters that – “for the sake of a democratic future, those responsible for this criminal massacre of innocent civilians must be brought to justice.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Thought for the day: Fuck NATO and the kikesters Project for a New American Century.
A mere two days ago the moronic US Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton again committed one of her habitual errors and opened mouth prior to engaging brain when she spit the proverbial dummy while publicly condemning the slaughter of a bunch of Afghan election workers by supposed Taliban militants in country’s terror-stricken Bellend Province – insisting with her customary faulty dialectic that the security of such workers must be assured at all costs – for the sake of a (wait for it) ‘democratic future’ – further insisting with a soprano harpy screech that the ineffectual President Karzi get off his lazy arse and see to it that those miscreant terrorist types responsible are brought to justice.
Conversely the attitude from the US war-mongering administration underwent a 360 degree sea change this morning after NATO warplanes in the northern Titsup Province attacked a convoy of aid workers themselves, killing a proverbial multitude and snuffing the white flag-waving parliamentary candidate – Ghurlatun Ibn Zamel – the US’s hand-picked political stooge representing President Hamid Kami Karzai’s Graft & Corruption Party in the area.
The killing was particularly inopportune for Defence Secretary Robert Gates, who had just arrived in Afghanistan in the wake of the strike to meet with President Kami Karzai and discuss security issues pertaining to the forthcoming parliamentary elections.
Gates’ mouthpiece PA, Ms Sapphie Dildodo, immediately kicked the political spin machine into top gear, announcing to anyone gullible enough to listen that this was the first her boss had heard of civilian election campaign staff getting snuffed by yet another NATO air strike snafu - which obviously mistook the vehicle convoy for members of the Taliban Dan Gang.
While NATO chief General Billy Bob Betrayus had the blatant audacity to inform the media that the attack was a ‘precision air strike’ against a known Taliban commander, the governor of Titsup Province, Mr Bala’a il A’air, countered that Taliban Dan and his commanders are not actually reputed for travelling in unarmed 100-vehicle convoys – especially ones painted white and bearing a whopping bright red cross on the roof or the bonnet.
Taking a page from the rug-munching Rodent’s manual of criticism, President Karzi spit his own dummy at a press conference with Western media hacks, and castigated the entire US-led NATO ‘Operation Enduring Warfare’ pantomime for slaughtering more Afghan civilians that the Taliban’s mujihadeen – or the imaginary Big Al Qaeda’s Jolly Jihadi terrorists.
While Secretary Clinton reflects on her ill-timed censorship and concentrates how to disengage her foot from her big gob, President Karzi thought to apply the facility of 20/20 hindsight by ironically paraphrasing the Rodent when informing news media reporters that – “for the sake of a democratic future, those responsible for this criminal massacre of innocent civilians must be brought to justice.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Thought for the day: Fuck NATO and the kikesters Project for a New American Century.
Monday, 6 September 2010
Barclay Twins Plan to Invade Sark
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the paranoid and super-litigative zillionaire Barclay twins – born conjoined at the wallet, are set to celebrate their 99th birthdays on October 27th this year by staging a battle-themed extravaganza replay of the 9th Century genocidal Viking invasion of Sark – with a couple of slight variations. The marauders will be launching their attack from the twin’s private island of Cuckqhou in the English Channel to storm the shores of the neighbouring island, with the primary intent of abolishing Sark’s elected government – the Chief Pleas – then turn the entire ‘euthanized’ estate into an RSPCA-subsidised Killiwacky bird sanctuary and hedgehog refuge.
While Viking chief Vigpiss the Ranga and his rampaging horde of ginger mingin’ Berserkers gave a wholly new definition to the phrase “rape and pillage” during the 872 AD attack, for their planned assault on Sark, the twins will be foregoing the traditional Viking dragon-figurehead longboats for a squadron of Slackwater XE’s Apache helicopter gunships when they raise Sark to the ground and exterminate the contrary peasant population with extreme prejudice.
The numpty brothers bought the remote and desolate island of Cuckqhou, located a few miles west of Sark, in 1993. Originally used as a lunatic asylum in Victorian times – a purpose restored when the bonkers Barclay twins took over the dump - here they’re at liberty to play the Mad Hatters – without fear of being sectioned under the Mental Health Act - in very own Alice in Wonderland castle.
This mock-Gothic monstrosity - designed and purpose-built for them by Lego, sculptor Anthony Gormless, and decorated throughout by celebrity graffiti artist Banksie – it stands prominent and defiant on heights of the sea-lashed cliffs of Cormorant Crag, overlooking the pictureque Periwinkle Point.
Cuckqhou Castle features blizkreig-proofed Chobham triple-ply plasterboard walls, crenellated battlements, a croc’-infested moat, a drawbridge and B & Q-supplied portcullis – plus an open fireplace the size of Trafalgar Square, rigged to burn Giant Sequoia trunks. The castle is further equipped with a swimming pool for each twin, a pair of ‘his’ and ‘his’ helicopter pads - and hot and cold running chambermaids in every room –all recruited from the West End’s Bangkok Ladyboys troupe.
The ultra-reclusive zillionaire twins – renown as cantankerous curmudgeons due their congenital dour Scots nature – a factor further aggravated by a chronic ingrowing foreskin condition - founded their fortune by converting London hovels into slums during the early 1960’s – quickly evolving to investments in doss houses and one-star hotels – before becoming press barons and buying up several red top gutter press tabloids from convicted felons and generalised scallies.
After establishing themselves as feudal squires on the Channel Island of Cuckqhou the capricious brothers quickly gave the UK’s Inland Revenue wallahs the finger and declared themselves tax exiles, thereafter announcing their official address as Le Montaigne, 7 Avenue de Matelots, 98000, Monaco.
The eccentric recluses are rarely seen in public, and even then only when wearing Stig-type disguises as they have a paranoid obsession of being kidnapped by Scottish nationalists and tortured by being forced to wear kilts and eat haggis.
The duo of septic sociopaths made front page headlines with their 2004 purchase of the Smellygraph News Group from convicted Canuck fraudster Conrad Slack – where they adore playing their favourite game of ‘musical chairs’ with the Sunday Smellygraph’s editors – firing and hiring on a weekly basis when editors with a mind of their own refuse to bend alike servile flunkies to the Barclay’s whimsical dictates regarding news publishing policy.
The Barclay’s received lashings of unsolicited media attention in January this year when whistleblowers working for Ox-Rat, the international anarchy snitch and grassers charity, leaked details that the twins had bid a seven-figure sum to secure ownership of a priceless collection of pre-Columbian Tupperware - once the property of the Sapa Inca Emperor Atahualpa - purchased anonymously in an auction at London’s prestigious New Bond Street –based Pound Stretcher art dealers.
This massive faux pas was followed in March by their proposed take-over of Sir Gerald Plumrose’s luncheon meat empire after receiving faulty ‘planted’ intelligence that the Spam tycoon had genetically-engineered a cross between a pig and an elephant – the ‘Spammoth’.
Lampooned by the gutter press’ satirical publications on every opportunity available for their ‘utter numptyness’, the terrible twins have their personal barrister on 24/7 standby alert – Ms. Sue Fleecem QC of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot – ready and game to drag all and sundry over the litigative coals for apologies and compensation.
Rumours that the Barclays have petitioned the British government to sell them the North Atlantic’s sacred islet of Rockall – beloved of all marine weather shipping forecast aficionados – as a weekend getaway destination, are so far unsubstantiated.
Thought for the day: Is it worth holding the dead donkey while waiting to receive dubious confirmation the twins have accepted an invitation to appear on the Beeb’s ‘Desert Island Dorks’ programme?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of feudal lunacy, plutocratic parody and piss-taking porkies.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the paranoid and super-litigative zillionaire Barclay twins – born conjoined at the wallet, are set to celebrate their 99th birthdays on October 27th this year by staging a battle-themed extravaganza replay of the 9th Century genocidal Viking invasion of Sark – with a couple of slight variations. The marauders will be launching their attack from the twin’s private island of Cuckqhou in the English Channel to storm the shores of the neighbouring island, with the primary intent of abolishing Sark’s elected government – the Chief Pleas – then turn the entire ‘euthanized’ estate into an RSPCA-subsidised Killiwacky bird sanctuary and hedgehog refuge.
While Viking chief Vigpiss the Ranga and his rampaging horde of ginger mingin’ Berserkers gave a wholly new definition to the phrase “rape and pillage” during the 872 AD attack, for their planned assault on Sark, the twins will be foregoing the traditional Viking dragon-figurehead longboats for a squadron of Slackwater XE’s Apache helicopter gunships when they raise Sark to the ground and exterminate the contrary peasant population with extreme prejudice.
The numpty brothers bought the remote and desolate island of Cuckqhou, located a few miles west of Sark, in 1993. Originally used as a lunatic asylum in Victorian times – a purpose restored when the bonkers Barclay twins took over the dump - here they’re at liberty to play the Mad Hatters – without fear of being sectioned under the Mental Health Act - in very own Alice in Wonderland castle.
This mock-Gothic monstrosity - designed and purpose-built for them by Lego, sculptor Anthony Gormless, and decorated throughout by celebrity graffiti artist Banksie – it stands prominent and defiant on heights of the sea-lashed cliffs of Cormorant Crag, overlooking the pictureque Periwinkle Point.
Cuckqhou Castle features blizkreig-proofed Chobham triple-ply plasterboard walls, crenellated battlements, a croc’-infested moat, a drawbridge and B & Q-supplied portcullis – plus an open fireplace the size of Trafalgar Square, rigged to burn Giant Sequoia trunks. The castle is further equipped with a swimming pool for each twin, a pair of ‘his’ and ‘his’ helicopter pads - and hot and cold running chambermaids in every room –all recruited from the West End’s Bangkok Ladyboys troupe.
The ultra-reclusive zillionaire twins – renown as cantankerous curmudgeons due their congenital dour Scots nature – a factor further aggravated by a chronic ingrowing foreskin condition - founded their fortune by converting London hovels into slums during the early 1960’s – quickly evolving to investments in doss houses and one-star hotels – before becoming press barons and buying up several red top gutter press tabloids from convicted felons and generalised scallies.
After establishing themselves as feudal squires on the Channel Island of Cuckqhou the capricious brothers quickly gave the UK’s Inland Revenue wallahs the finger and declared themselves tax exiles, thereafter announcing their official address as Le Montaigne, 7 Avenue de Matelots, 98000, Monaco.
The eccentric recluses are rarely seen in public, and even then only when wearing Stig-type disguises as they have a paranoid obsession of being kidnapped by Scottish nationalists and tortured by being forced to wear kilts and eat haggis.
The duo of septic sociopaths made front page headlines with their 2004 purchase of the Smellygraph News Group from convicted Canuck fraudster Conrad Slack – where they adore playing their favourite game of ‘musical chairs’ with the Sunday Smellygraph’s editors – firing and hiring on a weekly basis when editors with a mind of their own refuse to bend alike servile flunkies to the Barclay’s whimsical dictates regarding news publishing policy.
The Barclay’s received lashings of unsolicited media attention in January this year when whistleblowers working for Ox-Rat, the international anarchy snitch and grassers charity, leaked details that the twins had bid a seven-figure sum to secure ownership of a priceless collection of pre-Columbian Tupperware - once the property of the Sapa Inca Emperor Atahualpa - purchased anonymously in an auction at London’s prestigious New Bond Street –based Pound Stretcher art dealers.
This massive faux pas was followed in March by their proposed take-over of Sir Gerald Plumrose’s luncheon meat empire after receiving faulty ‘planted’ intelligence that the Spam tycoon had genetically-engineered a cross between a pig and an elephant – the ‘Spammoth’.
Lampooned by the gutter press’ satirical publications on every opportunity available for their ‘utter numptyness’, the terrible twins have their personal barrister on 24/7 standby alert – Ms. Sue Fleecem QC of Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot – ready and game to drag all and sundry over the litigative coals for apologies and compensation.
Rumours that the Barclays have petitioned the British government to sell them the North Atlantic’s sacred islet of Rockall – beloved of all marine weather shipping forecast aficionados – as a weekend getaway destination, are so far unsubstantiated.
Thought for the day: Is it worth holding the dead donkey while waiting to receive dubious confirmation the twins have accepted an invitation to appear on the Beeb’s ‘Desert Island Dorks’ programme?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of feudal lunacy, plutocratic parody and piss-taking porkies.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
UK Cop Breaks Prisoner-Throwing Record
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A Plod Squad Sergeant is facing a good telling off and a slap on the wrist from his Chief Constable after he was caught on CCTV throwing a woman into a cell, resulting in head and facial injuries and profuse bleeding from her sustained wounds.
The action-packed Cannes Film Festival entry clip from YouTube starts off at the front duty desk of Thugborough Police Station in Scumdale, where CCTV camera footage shows the burly 6ft 3in Sergeant Ghengis McTwatt dragging 59-year old x 5ft 2in x 112 lbs Mrs Pamela Somerville along the floor by her emaciated arthritic left arm.
A cell-sited camera then takes over and recorded McTwatt picking the woman up bodily and tossing her into the cell, where she impacts the concrete floor face-first. The CCTV clock shows she is down and out for the count for well over a minute before staggering to her feet, with blood running from her face and head wounds, creating a series of neo-classical artistic sanguinary patterns on the cell floor as she careens around in a semi-conscious state, screaming her head off for a paramedic and a personal injury lawyer.
Mrs Somerville, a retired school-teacher and devout church-going Methodist, was driving through Scumdale on route to visit her daughter when the car, a Mercedes estate, was stricken with a nearside rear wheel puncture. She was fortunate enough to reach a lay-by and park then phoned the RAC for assistance, and while awaiting their arrival fell asleep in the car.
Two passing mobile patrol traffic plods pulled over to investigate and, so typical of the morons now kitted out with blue uniforms, Kevlar vests and Batman utility belts, assumed without recourse to their powers of deduction or further ado that she had been drinking – and thus arrested her.
Mrs Somerville admits she became angry and abusive when the two officers repeatedly refused to explain why they wanted to handcuff her and take her to the police station. “I came out with a few choice expletives when they kept grabbing me and shouting “Shut the fuck up yer stupid slag!”
She was confined to a cell until an hour later was visited by a police doctor, relating “I was relieved to see him when he introduced himself because I thought he’d have more intelligence than the shit-for-brains plods who had arrested me claiming I was drunk when I’m a tee-totaller. However, when he started putting on a pair of disposable gloves and told me to drop my draws and bend over I thought ‘Fuck this” and ran out of the cell.”
“That was when old nasty-bollocks Sergeant McTwatt physically grabbed me, picked me up like some rag doll, told the ‘doctor’ to “Piss off!” and threw me head-first into the cell – where I ended up kissing the concrete floor.”
The CCTV footage confirms the victim’s statement and readily takes up the story from that point in graphic blood-lust detail as Sgt McTwatt hurls the prisoner’s body across the cell, sticks the boot in her guts, then slammed the door shut and left her unconscious and bleeding on the floor.
After being released from hospital Mrs Somerville told a reporter from the Police State Gazette “This is the kind of thing we read about happening in tin-pot Third World shithole dictatorships in Africa or Latin America, maybe, but not in rural England.”
The incident will inevitably stoke the ongoing debate about the deteriorating relationship between the public and the police following the death of newspaper vendor Ian Tomlinson, attacked with a steel baton and shoved violently to the ground by a Plod Squad thug during last year’s G20 protests. Tomlinson dragged himself to his feet, staggered off then collapsed and died a few minutes later.
This criminal travesty was succeeded the very next day by Police Sergeant Delboy Stinkie losing his cool at the self-same G20 rally and revealing the brutal side of police training when he bitch slapped and beat the shit out of female protester Nicola Fisher with an Asp type telescopic steel baton for no better reason than he mistook her orange juice carton for a weapon of mass destruction.
Thought for the day: No Plod Squad psycho has ever been charged, let alone tried and convicted, for the murder of Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes – mistaken for a Muslim suicide bomber by ther Met’s elite ‘Shoot First Squad’. The same applies with Sgt Delboy Stinkie – exhonerated in court for his assault on lightweight protester Nicky Fisher. The same with PC Simon Harwood, the uniformed thug whose unprovoked vicious attack on innocent passer-by cum news vendor Ian Tomlinson resulted in his untimely death – an act normally classed as murder but until now one suffering from justice denied.
So, we dare to speculate, what for Mrs Somerville and her brutal assailant – Sgt Ghengis McTwatt? Yet another case of ‘justice denied’?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a thug-infested area and may contain traces of tampered evidence, police whitewash and blatant cover-ups.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdniWdHCPPw
A Plod Squad Sergeant is facing a good telling off and a slap on the wrist from his Chief Constable after he was caught on CCTV throwing a woman into a cell, resulting in head and facial injuries and profuse bleeding from her sustained wounds.
The action-packed Cannes Film Festival entry clip from YouTube starts off at the front duty desk of Thugborough Police Station in Scumdale, where CCTV camera footage shows the burly 6ft 3in Sergeant Ghengis McTwatt dragging 59-year old x 5ft 2in x 112 lbs Mrs Pamela Somerville along the floor by her emaciated arthritic left arm.
A cell-sited camera then takes over and recorded McTwatt picking the woman up bodily and tossing her into the cell, where she impacts the concrete floor face-first. The CCTV clock shows she is down and out for the count for well over a minute before staggering to her feet, with blood running from her face and head wounds, creating a series of neo-classical artistic sanguinary patterns on the cell floor as she careens around in a semi-conscious state, screaming her head off for a paramedic and a personal injury lawyer.
Mrs Somerville, a retired school-teacher and devout church-going Methodist, was driving through Scumdale on route to visit her daughter when the car, a Mercedes estate, was stricken with a nearside rear wheel puncture. She was fortunate enough to reach a lay-by and park then phoned the RAC for assistance, and while awaiting their arrival fell asleep in the car.
Two passing mobile patrol traffic plods pulled over to investigate and, so typical of the morons now kitted out with blue uniforms, Kevlar vests and Batman utility belts, assumed without recourse to their powers of deduction or further ado that she had been drinking – and thus arrested her.
Mrs Somerville admits she became angry and abusive when the two officers repeatedly refused to explain why they wanted to handcuff her and take her to the police station. “I came out with a few choice expletives when they kept grabbing me and shouting “Shut the fuck up yer stupid slag!”
She was confined to a cell until an hour later was visited by a police doctor, relating “I was relieved to see him when he introduced himself because I thought he’d have more intelligence than the shit-for-brains plods who had arrested me claiming I was drunk when I’m a tee-totaller. However, when he started putting on a pair of disposable gloves and told me to drop my draws and bend over I thought ‘Fuck this” and ran out of the cell.”
“That was when old nasty-bollocks Sergeant McTwatt physically grabbed me, picked me up like some rag doll, told the ‘doctor’ to “Piss off!” and threw me head-first into the cell – where I ended up kissing the concrete floor.”
The CCTV footage confirms the victim’s statement and readily takes up the story from that point in graphic blood-lust detail as Sgt McTwatt hurls the prisoner’s body across the cell, sticks the boot in her guts, then slammed the door shut and left her unconscious and bleeding on the floor.
After being released from hospital Mrs Somerville told a reporter from the Police State Gazette “This is the kind of thing we read about happening in tin-pot Third World shithole dictatorships in Africa or Latin America, maybe, but not in rural England.”
The incident will inevitably stoke the ongoing debate about the deteriorating relationship between the public and the police following the death of newspaper vendor Ian Tomlinson, attacked with a steel baton and shoved violently to the ground by a Plod Squad thug during last year’s G20 protests. Tomlinson dragged himself to his feet, staggered off then collapsed and died a few minutes later.
This criminal travesty was succeeded the very next day by Police Sergeant Delboy Stinkie losing his cool at the self-same G20 rally and revealing the brutal side of police training when he bitch slapped and beat the shit out of female protester Nicola Fisher with an Asp type telescopic steel baton for no better reason than he mistook her orange juice carton for a weapon of mass destruction.
Thought for the day: No Plod Squad psycho has ever been charged, let alone tried and convicted, for the murder of Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes – mistaken for a Muslim suicide bomber by ther Met’s elite ‘Shoot First Squad’. The same applies with Sgt Delboy Stinkie – exhonerated in court for his assault on lightweight protester Nicky Fisher. The same with PC Simon Harwood, the uniformed thug whose unprovoked vicious attack on innocent passer-by cum news vendor Ian Tomlinson resulted in his untimely death – an act normally classed as murder but until now one suffering from justice denied.
So, we dare to speculate, what for Mrs Somerville and her brutal assailant – Sgt Ghengis McTwatt? Yet another case of ‘justice denied’?
Allergy warning: This article was written in a thug-infested area and may contain traces of tampered evidence, police whitewash and blatant cover-ups.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdniWdHCPPw
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Rooney Bilks Preggers Coleen with Hookers
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
While childhood sweetheart Mrs Coleen Rooney might not be up for sessions of rampant sex during her current pregnant situation and carrying their next Scouse sprog (kiddie number one is called Koi – named after Wayne’s pet Chinese carp) her erring Shrek look-alike hubby has missed no opportunity in emptying his sack into a variety of local sluts-for-hire.
The Sunday Scandalmonger’s front and inside pages are plastered with photos of whore-for-hire Jenny McSkank, a 24-year old Bolton bitch who holds a bachelor’s degree in Slapperology and claims to have bedded Rooney for £1,000 cash-in-hand per session – rising to £1,200 if she had to play the three hole slut - and suck and swallow too.
“Shrekkie wanted me and me mate Fellattia together – not fer a lesbo scene but the two of us ter fuck him. Really, after havin’ sex wiv the useless pissy-arsed twat yer can see why he couldn’t get it up an’ slam one inter the back of the net at the World Cup thingy in Woga-Woga Land."
McSkank’s revelations may well moralise that when she visited Rooney’s home in Prestbury’s prestigious Vulgarians Village she refused to sleep in his matrimonial bed while shopaholic Coleen was away having a botox booster – yet seems to miss the irony and hypocrisy of selling and publicising her sordid concoction of a story to a gutter press tabloid for several thousand pieces of silver – and potentially making a total bollocks of Rooney’s fubar marriage – and reputation - at the same time.
However revelations concerning the £1,000,000 quid per week Man’ U’ striker bonking crack whore Jenny McSkank are just the rumblings of a sordid and immoral volcanic scandal about to erupt on a Biblical scale as the Daily Shitraker gets set to publish details that Wayne the Wanker has been flaunting members of the Bangkok Ladyboys troupe on his arm around Manchester’s city centre night spots and the notorious 69-69 Casino.
Chi-Chi, (formerly Frank) a Thai pre-op’ trans-sexual front line chorus ‘girl’ with the ‘Ladyboys’ extravaganza, currently performing at Salford Quays Lowry Centre, told a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “Wayne’s simply trying to connect with the feminine side of his psyche – and he adores getting banged up the arse just as much as I do. Plus he says I’m a lot gentler than when Alex Ferguson and Flabbio Capello give him a good fucking.”
Thought for the day: Well, at least Rooney’s moved on from bonking pension-age grannies at Toxteth’s notorious Happy Ending rub n tug massage parlour for £45 nicker a toss (sic) – even if the shift’s to younger hookers and erotic Thai blokes dressed as women – and equipped with a cock as big as your own.
Do you resemble Cro-Magnon Man or Shrek? Can you kick a football into a 24 x 8 foot goalmouth without missing it? Would you pay £1,200 quid to shag some dodgy slut from Canal Street? Did McSkank declare those cash-in-hand immoral earnings on her last tax return? Do you ever fantasise about having clusterfuck sex with a couple of exotic Thai ladyboys?
Send your comments in complete confidence of anonymity using the online reply form below and you could win a front row High Court seat at the Rooney divorce proceedings – date, time and place yet to be announced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
While childhood sweetheart Mrs Coleen Rooney might not be up for sessions of rampant sex during her current pregnant situation and carrying their next Scouse sprog (kiddie number one is called Koi – named after Wayne’s pet Chinese carp) her erring Shrek look-alike hubby has missed no opportunity in emptying his sack into a variety of local sluts-for-hire.
The Sunday Scandalmonger’s front and inside pages are plastered with photos of whore-for-hire Jenny McSkank, a 24-year old Bolton bitch who holds a bachelor’s degree in Slapperology and claims to have bedded Rooney for £1,000 cash-in-hand per session – rising to £1,200 if she had to play the three hole slut - and suck and swallow too.
“Shrekkie wanted me and me mate Fellattia together – not fer a lesbo scene but the two of us ter fuck him. Really, after havin’ sex wiv the useless pissy-arsed twat yer can see why he couldn’t get it up an’ slam one inter the back of the net at the World Cup thingy in Woga-Woga Land."
McSkank’s revelations may well moralise that when she visited Rooney’s home in Prestbury’s prestigious Vulgarians Village she refused to sleep in his matrimonial bed while shopaholic Coleen was away having a botox booster – yet seems to miss the irony and hypocrisy of selling and publicising her sordid concoction of a story to a gutter press tabloid for several thousand pieces of silver – and potentially making a total bollocks of Rooney’s fubar marriage – and reputation - at the same time.
However revelations concerning the £1,000,000 quid per week Man’ U’ striker bonking crack whore Jenny McSkank are just the rumblings of a sordid and immoral volcanic scandal about to erupt on a Biblical scale as the Daily Shitraker gets set to publish details that Wayne the Wanker has been flaunting members of the Bangkok Ladyboys troupe on his arm around Manchester’s city centre night spots and the notorious 69-69 Casino.
Chi-Chi, (formerly Frank) a Thai pre-op’ trans-sexual front line chorus ‘girl’ with the ‘Ladyboys’ extravaganza, currently performing at Salford Quays Lowry Centre, told a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “Wayne’s simply trying to connect with the feminine side of his psyche – and he adores getting banged up the arse just as much as I do. Plus he says I’m a lot gentler than when Alex Ferguson and Flabbio Capello give him a good fucking.”
Thought for the day: Well, at least Rooney’s moved on from bonking pension-age grannies at Toxteth’s notorious Happy Ending rub n tug massage parlour for £45 nicker a toss (sic) – even if the shift’s to younger hookers and erotic Thai blokes dressed as women – and equipped with a cock as big as your own.
Do you resemble Cro-Magnon Man or Shrek? Can you kick a football into a 24 x 8 foot goalmouth without missing it? Would you pay £1,200 quid to shag some dodgy slut from Canal Street? Did McSkank declare those cash-in-hand immoral earnings on her last tax return? Do you ever fantasise about having clusterfuck sex with a couple of exotic Thai ladyboys?
Send your comments in complete confidence of anonymity using the online reply form below and you could win a front row High Court seat at the Rooney divorce proceedings – date, time and place yet to be announced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
Pensioner Couple Fined for Painting Fence
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A Smegmadale-on-Sea couple who painted their side of a garden fence have been fined a numpty-dumpty £80 quid for causing a breach of Section 4A of the Public Order Act 1986 - plus criminal damages.
The hapless couple were arbitrarily slapped with the fine after their next-door neighbour, a certain Mrs Hilda McSlagg - who owns and runs the adjacent Pikeyrama Car Boot Emporium - complained to the police that it was actually her fence, and flecks of brown paint had splashed and migrated onto the other side - which she had painted a delicate shade of fluorescent Barbie Doll pink - with a vomit-green border.
PCSO officers from the town’s Renta-Thug security agency, assigned to the local Plod Squad, visited the 96-year old Mrs Bev Titwank and her husband Wilf to investigate the complaint - who were threatened with a good kicking plus a court prosecution if they refused to accept the £80 nicker on-the-spot fine.
Their whingeing neighbour had filed complaints with the local council offices and the police that the paint job - in a shade described by Mr Titwank as Diarrocha Brown - had ruined the art nouveau finish on her side of the six foot high fence.
When the couple told the PCSO’s to stick the fine up their proverbial jacksy, the following morning their front door was booted in at 5.00am, with Sergeant Bazzer Moronsky of the Smegmashire SWAT Squad, leading a team of armed Cro-Magnons in uniform, who arrested husband Wilf as he was the one responsible for the dodgy paint job.
Mrs Titwank told a reporter from the Gung Ho Gazette “When the effin’ plods kicked the door in I shit meself cos I sees this red spot in the middle of me chest – then they tasered poor Wilfie for sweet fuck all an’ dragged him off in handcuffs - an’ one of the bastard plods booted me pet tortoise off the lawn an’ over the garden hedge fer nowt - apart from the fact he’s a scally twat.”
“The fence was gettin’ all dried out an’ flaky an’ startin’ ter warp – a bit like me an’ Wilf - so we thought we'd paint it a shitty brown colour ter match the rest of the fences down our road. Wilf was very careful an’ used a brush rather than a sprayer, but a wee bit must have got through the fence when he started paintin’ again after he came back from the pub in the afternoon – pissed as a rat as usual.”
“Then that old bat of a slapper from next door – Mrs McSlagg - comes around an’ starts bangin’ like hell on the effin’ gate an’ carryin’ on an’ creatin’ an’ effin’ scene over a few spots of brown paint.”
“So then Wilfie gets all pissed off like an’ wang goes his blood pressure an’ he sez her garden an’ yard’s like a shithole cos of all the gyppo car boot crap she’s got lyin’ around an’ if she’s not careful he’ll report her ter the council sanitation department fer all the rats wot’s infestin’ her place. Then she gobs off back an’ sez “Me nephew Kostas is a PCSO an’ I’m gonna get him an’ his mates ter stitch you two up.”
PC Fellattia Gammer, spokeswoman for the local police authority, informed the gutter press “The officers involved gave this situation as much consideration as their limited IQ’s could manage, and decided that was the best way to deal with the situation at the time. However, we have now reviewed the case and the fine will be rescinded and refunded before the newspapers and TV media make the Smegmadale-on-Sea police force out to be a thicker set of stupid morons than they already have.”
Do you live in the area? Have you had your fence painted recently? Do pikey PCSO’s come round harassing you? Would you paint anything Barbie Doll pink? Have you ever watch paint dry? Do you find it more entertaining than watching Sky TV?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a gallon tin of all-weather enamel gloss Diarrocha Brown paint.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
A Smegmadale-on-Sea couple who painted their side of a garden fence have been fined a numpty-dumpty £80 quid for causing a breach of Section 4A of the Public Order Act 1986 - plus criminal damages.
The hapless couple were arbitrarily slapped with the fine after their next-door neighbour, a certain Mrs Hilda McSlagg - who owns and runs the adjacent Pikeyrama Car Boot Emporium - complained to the police that it was actually her fence, and flecks of brown paint had splashed and migrated onto the other side - which she had painted a delicate shade of fluorescent Barbie Doll pink - with a vomit-green border.
PCSO officers from the town’s Renta-Thug security agency, assigned to the local Plod Squad, visited the 96-year old Mrs Bev Titwank and her husband Wilf to investigate the complaint - who were threatened with a good kicking plus a court prosecution if they refused to accept the £80 nicker on-the-spot fine.
Their whingeing neighbour had filed complaints with the local council offices and the police that the paint job - in a shade described by Mr Titwank as Diarrocha Brown - had ruined the art nouveau finish on her side of the six foot high fence.
When the couple told the PCSO’s to stick the fine up their proverbial jacksy, the following morning their front door was booted in at 5.00am, with Sergeant Bazzer Moronsky of the Smegmashire SWAT Squad, leading a team of armed Cro-Magnons in uniform, who arrested husband Wilf as he was the one responsible for the dodgy paint job.
Mrs Titwank told a reporter from the Gung Ho Gazette “When the effin’ plods kicked the door in I shit meself cos I sees this red spot in the middle of me chest – then they tasered poor Wilfie for sweet fuck all an’ dragged him off in handcuffs - an’ one of the bastard plods booted me pet tortoise off the lawn an’ over the garden hedge fer nowt - apart from the fact he’s a scally twat.”
“The fence was gettin’ all dried out an’ flaky an’ startin’ ter warp – a bit like me an’ Wilf - so we thought we'd paint it a shitty brown colour ter match the rest of the fences down our road. Wilf was very careful an’ used a brush rather than a sprayer, but a wee bit must have got through the fence when he started paintin’ again after he came back from the pub in the afternoon – pissed as a rat as usual.”
“Then that old bat of a slapper from next door – Mrs McSlagg - comes around an’ starts bangin’ like hell on the effin’ gate an’ carryin’ on an’ creatin’ an’ effin’ scene over a few spots of brown paint.”
“So then Wilfie gets all pissed off like an’ wang goes his blood pressure an’ he sez her garden an’ yard’s like a shithole cos of all the gyppo car boot crap she’s got lyin’ around an’ if she’s not careful he’ll report her ter the council sanitation department fer all the rats wot’s infestin’ her place. Then she gobs off back an’ sez “Me nephew Kostas is a PCSO an’ I’m gonna get him an’ his mates ter stitch you two up.”
PC Fellattia Gammer, spokeswoman for the local police authority, informed the gutter press “The officers involved gave this situation as much consideration as their limited IQ’s could manage, and decided that was the best way to deal with the situation at the time. However, we have now reviewed the case and the fine will be rescinded and refunded before the newspapers and TV media make the Smegmadale-on-Sea police force out to be a thicker set of stupid morons than they already have.”
Do you live in the area? Have you had your fence painted recently? Do pikey PCSO’s come round harassing you? Would you paint anything Barbie Doll pink? Have you ever watch paint dry? Do you find it more entertaining than watching Sky TV?
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a gallon tin of all-weather enamel gloss Diarrocha Brown paint.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
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