Skewed News Views Roundup

Lucky, the search dog that sniffed out bombs in Afghanistan, is to be honoured with the bow-wow version of the Victoria Cross.

Princess Alexandra will award the horny leg-humping black Scrunthound the Woof Chunks Medal - and bar - at the Imperial Wardogs Museum in London on April Fool’s Day.

The now-retired dog, previously a sergeant in the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment, who now lives in the North Barking Barracks Kennels at Smegmadale-on-Sea, made a regular task of sniffing out bombs hidden beneath Afghani women’s burkahs at NATO checkpoints across the battle-torn Bellend Province.

Lucky was trained to sniff out concealed IED’s by using a mix of C4 and rotting kippers – and will be the 63rd animal to receive the medal created by veterinary charity PDSA to honour pet gallantry in war.

A total of 26 other dogs, 32 World War Two messenger pigeons, three horses and one cat have won the award, introduced by PDSA founder Candida Muffitch in 1943 – not to forget Winston Churchill’s pet - the famous Charlie - a multi-lingual Koi Carp who swam up and down the Rhine gathering intelligence for the Allied war effort – and Cyril the MI6 hamster who spied on Kremlin mice throughout the Berlin airlift crisis.
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The Kuwaiti ambassador to Dubai, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, has had his marriage contract annulled after discovering the bride was cross-eyed and had facial hair.

According to the Sharia court record the woman had worn an Islamic veil, known as the niqab, on the two previous occasions the couple had met prior to getting hitched in Dubai’s infamous Cyclone Club at the Al Nasser Leisureland – also known as the United Nations of Prostitution.

One report in the Scandal Mongers Gazette states the hoodwinked Kuwaiti diplomat told the court the bride’s mother had tricked him into parting with the mega-shekels dowry by enrapturing him with pictures of the bride's virgin sister, who was clean shaven - and only discovered the deception when he lifted the woman's veil to kiss her following the marriage ceremony.

An even more disturbing fact came to light on their wedding night when the groom sneaked his hand up the blushing bride’s chador and he encountered a pair of hairy bollocks – and a cock bigger than his own.
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The Endeavour space shuttle is finally set to launch after its recent overhaul at a Florida Kwik-Fit service station and will be loaded with the International Space Station’s long-awaited conservatory – a hi-tech’ UPVC double-glazed and triple-tinted affair that will fit over the back door air lock and provide a ‘play area’ for the astronauts to unwind and enjoy a barbeque, a few cold beers and a smoko after a hard day’s work floating around and bumping into things.

The actual conservatory unit has been assembled, tested, then disassembled by NASA and ready for shipping for some months but lack of cargo space prevented an earlier delivery – now prompted by the ISS astronauts threatening to go on strike if their ‘chill-out room’ and a new flush toilet aren’t delivered on the next shuttle.

To this end NASA engineers have fitted a modified Chevvy SUV roof rack to the Endeavour space shuttle to facilitate the loading and shipping of the new ‘Celestial Orbiter’ model conservatory.

A further delay affecting Endeavour’s night-time launch elicited streams of abuse from the stressed-out ISS team who, upon being informed that heavy clouds at Cape Canaveral were the cause, berated Mission Control in Houston with the argument “For fuck’s sake – you’re firing the effing thing straight up in the air and it’s dark anyways – so bollocks to the clouds, just light the fuse and get it off the ground and up here to dock with us pronto as we’ve run out of Becks, peanut butter, Spam and toilet rolls.”
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A prosthetic limbs specialist who allegedly fitted a false left foot to a blind pensioner's right leg is due to appear before a disciplinary committee.

The Health Professions Council will consider complaints against Dr. Frank McTwat relating to his work at Smegmadale’s Hopscotch Rehabilitation Clinic for Gimps.

One of the claims is that he fitted a left foot to the ankle stump of Mr Morton Slugg, a 96-year old army veteran who lost his right foot while working as a mine clearance detector in Afghanistan.

This resulted in Mr Slugg being unable to maintain a straight line of step and walking round in ever decreasing circles – much to the chagrin and confusion of his seeing-eye guide dog Blinkie.

Bogbrush faces a string of complaints arising from what regulators have termed either shoddy workmanship or extreme bloody mindedness while employed at the Hopscotch Rehab’ Clinic – which include fabricating artificial legs that had a reverse-bending knee joint – similar to that of a horse - which would allow users to jump over fences with relative ease – and enter steeplechase races.
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Thirty Fuckbook pages have been removed from the website by company regulators due hard core criminals in UK prisons using them to taunt their victims and the witnesses who gave evidence against them in court, according to Justice Secretary ‘Slack Jack’ Straw.

Straw was speaking after a meeting with victim campaigners to discuss criminals at liberty and their prison-bound cohorts using social networking sites such as Fuckbook to taunt families.

The group are discussing methods to prevent inmates obtaining and utilising smuggled mobile phones to access web pages and threaten witnesses.

Straw informed one reporter from the Grassy Knoll Gazette "These are horrible and profoundly disturbing acts committed by devious, manipulative people – and deeply offensive to public morality.”
"I'm afraid we're dealing with crooks – and as their actions have caused harassment and distress to members of society then this constitutes criminal activity.”

This elicited a string of smiles and guffaws from the gutter press hacks as Straw could well have been referring to the recent revelations of the Chilcot Inquiry – or this morning’s media reports of the disclosure of the UK’s dirty little secrets that military and intelligence services are guilty of colluding with their US psychopath contemporaries in the systematic torture of Muslim patsy terrorist suspects.
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The Scottish Labour party has called for legal limits on the amount of caffeine in alcoholic drinks such as Buckfast’s ‘Shitfaced Juice’.

The party's call came ahead of the launch of its Alcohol Commission, which aims to divine some way or the other of tackling Scotland's Guinness world record of drink-related violence around its chain of Troublespot Taverns pubs.

The Alcohol Commission, chaired by ex-pisshead Dr Frank McBogbrush, will be asked to consider how much caffeine -a psychoactive stimulant that keeps boozers awake - should be allowed in drinks.

Strathclyde Police recently told the BBC’s Porridge Wog Review that Buckfast, a fortified wine with a high caffeine content, was mentioned in 5,000 crime reports over a two year period – not so much due its consumption but from drunks beating each other senseless with the synergic heavyweight glass bottles.

Buckfast contains 281 mg of caffeine per 750ml bottle - as much as eight cans of Cola, while the popular Catpiss Reloaded contains only 420 mg per litre.

Scottish Labour health spokeswoman Fellattia Gammer informed Pox News “We believe that if there’s less caffeine in the grog then the drinkers will pass out sooner and not do as much
damage to each other.”

Hmmm, not a bad idea as far as logical approaches go – but did anyone consider actually cutting down the alcohol content of the drinks instead?
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In accordance with their sub-continent’s history of cultural non-conformity and mule-like stubbornness, Sir Ramjam Jaffacake QC - Britain's first Indian Sikh judge – has taken to wearing a turban in court instead of the traditional British Law Courts crepe wig.

Not content with this primary deliberate display of heterodoxy, Jaffacake has now declared that Sikhs should be allowed to wear their ceremonial daggers - known as kirpans - to UK schools and other public places – even though British law has banned the carrying of any and all knives that might be classified as offensive weapons.

Well, retorts the obstinate Judge in a typical display of brazen hubris - that might be okay for the white British savages comprising the rank and file of the chav and hoodie yob clans, but Sikhs have a religious right to carry razor sharp, pointed weapons.

Personally I think I’m going to agree with the stupid old twat – but only on the condition he concedes that what’s sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander.

As all these permanently sun-tanned types gained British citizenship through their reluctant memberships of the British Empire (and enjoy the benefits of a welfare state) Judge Jaffacake’s ruling should also apply to Ghurkas and their ceremonial Kukri knives, the Ugandan’s Assegai, the Zimbabwean’s Panga, and not forgetting our neighbourly porridge wogs – the Scots in skirts and their iconic Skean Dhu boot knives.

No doubt when the legislation is thrashed out across the breadth of the Parliament’s virescent leather benches it shall be discovered that provision must be accorded to British Muslims and their ceremonial 'hijacking' boxcutters - plus other marginalised minority groups from around the spread of the Commonwealth to bear their bows and arrows, tomahawks, bolas, boomerangs and blowpipes.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

Saudi Royal Barbarian Murders Servant

A Saudi Arabian prince has appeared in court charged with murdering one of his servants (the butler) during a stay at a five-star hotel in central London.

Prince Abdulla bin Scumbag al Nastygit, 33, spoke only to declare he was a member of the Saudi Arabian royal family - and therefore above the law - during this morning’s hearing at the City of Westminster Magistrates' Court.

The prince stands accused of killing Mustapha Bandar al Patsy, 96, who was found to be suffering from what police forensic investigators termed ‘an advanced state of deadness’ in a utility cupboard of Prince Nastygit’s deluxe Garrotter’s Suite in the Landmark Hotel at Marylebone on Monday.

An autopsy showed he died of ‘manual compression of the neck’ and head injuries – believed to have possibly been caused by the piano wire wrapped around his neck – and the claw hammer embedded in his skull.

Prince Nastygit was remanded in custody to appear at the Old Bailey on the 28th May – with a bail hearing set for this coming week.

Sir Armitage Shanks QC, counsel for al Nastygit, referred to his client as "the Prince" throughout this morning’s hearing, and later told one reporter from the Scot Free Gazette "We look forward to a trial where I shall expose a prosecution case which has turned a genuine and simple case of ‘anger management failure’ into a foul murder conspiracy.”

The Prince was assisted by a court-appointed interpreter after it was erroneously estimated his English was limited to the phrases “How much?” and “Diplomatic immunity!”

Prince Nastygit had been in London on a four-week sightseeing trip of casinos, night clubs and upper class male brothels - gambling and whoring his way around the Metropolis in the company of off-duty Coldstream Guardsmen and burly Beefeaters.

Unbeknown to the court, in his formative years to becoming a sadistic psychopath, Prince al Nastygit attended Harrow’s prestigious St. Sodom on the Hill Preparatory School for Spoiled Brats before going onto Cambridge to major in Ostentatious Waste; Hedonistic Squandering and Indolence.

The prince is in his 30's and a great nephew of King Abdullah – 182 times removed. He has only been in the City for two weeks and was travelling alone - apart from his murdered butler – and a harem of twenty-five adolescent male Nubian catamites.

The Royal House of Saud is descended from a tribe of nomadic goat buggerers and now has more than 6,000 members – all of whom claim to be Jack Shit’s best mate and have direct 24/7 cellphone access to King Abdullah and his dog.

Under the 1961 Vienna Convention, senior royals and diplomats can escape prosecutions in foreign lands. A suspect's government can waive immunity - however it is understood that the Saudis want an example making of Prince Nastygit, whom their foregn office referred to as a ‘fucking nusiance’.

Further, as a minor royal who doesn’t own any oil wells or even his own oasis, al Nastygit failes to qualify for diplomatic immunity from being tried for first degree murder.

The Met’s CID plods from the elite Numpty Squad - who watch CSI-Live each week on the telly - have been hot to trot on the case, running down motives for the crime and informed one reporter from the Headbanger’s Gazette that the murder weapons have been recovered and now labelled as prosecution evidence.

Records show that Prince Nastygit had purchased from Twatford & Khuntt of Upper Bond St. (By Appointment - Purveyors of Bespoke Flagellation Devices & Bondage Restraints since 1735) several of their finest ‘Peasant Floggers’ and Blackthorn skull-smashing cudgels – a selection of which were employed, in part, to bring about the mortal demise of his butler.

In his statement to police Prince Nastygit related “Mustapha made a right balls up of pressing me new Jimmy Choo Choo shirt with the steam iron so I lost me rag and gave him a good going-over.”
“Listen, I’m a Royal Prince and can strangle who the fuck I like – and if you fuck around with me I’ll have me Uncle Abdullah cut off yer oil supplies!”

Mr. Wotde Fucinelli, the hotel’s general manager, confirmed the death of a guest for Pox News, explaining “The police were informed immediately after we discovered the dead body.”

“However, for the comfort of our other guests – who haven’t already checked out and fled in panic - this is an isolated incident – apart from the two Columbian drug lords who got snuffed in the Penthouse Suite last week – and the Palestinian bloke from Hamas who was found sort of nailed upside down to his bathroom door.”

However, the Metropolitan police investigation to date indicates that this latest homicidal incident in a current world-wide spree of hotel murders is one that the Israeli Mossad are not suspected of being involved with.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

MP’s First Class Travel Kiboshed

Sir Nicholas Winterton, the Conservative MP for Macclesfield’s Upper Snobford constituency, has angrily denounced plans to reduce first-class travel by MPs - telling one reporter from the Vulgarians Gazette he requires quiet and privacy to work when shuttling around the world by air - or on the UK’s dodgy RattleTrack train service.

The 96-year old veteran Tory MP proclaimed there were a "totally different type of people" who used standard-class train carriages and flew ‘Economy’ – whom he and his MP wife, the Lady Ann, were not disposed to mix with.

Hmmmm, yes Sir Nicholas – this ‘rabble’ you refer to are called the “Voting Public” – and while they come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, races, religions and colours – born and bred residents of Anglo-Saxon descent - plus immigrants and refugees – they are also available washed and unwashed, homeless, malnourished, scantily educated - and probably unemployed – but who the phuck do we have to blame for the latter?

Sir Nicholas then went into total dummy-spitting mode and a protracted histrionics and whingeing session, claiming “I use my laptop pc to work when I’m commuting by rail and wish to have the privacy to conduct conferencing forums with political colleagues – or the occasional intimate live webcam botty smacking session with my personal online Dominatrix at Spankers.com.”

“Now how can I do that when I surrounded by damn commoners all looking over my shoulder and blathering on about some mundane crap like football, East Enders and their visits to the Jobcentre.”

However, such is typical of the ‘ruling classes’ and Sir Nicholas’ outburst and protest yet another example of their brazen hubris and the open contempt they hold for 'us' - the common herd.

His diatribe is idiomatic of that minor percentage of the world to whom he ranks himself alongside - the elitist fraternity and their absurd sense of entitlement - that uses far more than it needs to live at a higher standard than those they are stealing from.

Norman Bunker, the Liberal Democrat MP for Old Scrotum, told Pox News that Winterton’s comments showed how out of the touch the Conservatives were.
"Have a good root around in the Conservative Party and you’ll discover they’ve never changed in decades. Seriously, like the dinosaur they’re all due for a mass extinction level event - probably during this next election.”

"They still think they’re a class apart, they still think they are divinely privileged, and they absolutely resent the idea they should be subject to the same controls and laws as everybody else."

“Just take the current Tory ruling elite’s socially exclusive student dining society they maintained at Oxford University – the silver spoon spoiled brats Bullingdon Club. What a bunch of hedonistic wastrels.”

However Bunker’s remarks elicited a mix of condemnation and approval from other MPs.
Lemonpip Polkadot, Labour's MP for Slutford-on-Rye, maintained "Second class seats are just as good as first class seats – even if you can’t get to sit yer arse down cos some Somalian refugee wot’s just escaped from Bellmarsh copped for the last one and you have to stand up from Euston to Edinburgh – chilblains an’ haemorrhoids permittin’.”

Conversely Sir Isaac Bogbrush, the Tory MP for East Diddling, informed Fux News “Sir Nicholas' remarks were "the out-of-touch views of a soon-to-retire backbench MP who is well past his sell-by date.”
"They do not in any way represent the sentiments or opinions of our Fuhrer - Posh Dave Cameron - or that of the Conservative Party in general - and should be treated as sour grapes from a disaffected old grouch.”

Sir Nicholas and his wife Ann, the Tory MP for the neighbouring constituency of Conger Eel, were investigated by the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner last year, who concluded that they misused their MPs' expenses to pay rent for an apartment that already belonged to them – thus defrauding the public taxpayer they hold in such low esteem.

Apparently once the mortgage on the apartment had been fully repaid, the money-grasping couple transferred the ownership of the property into an offshore blind trust owned by their cat Tiddles.
Since 2002 they had paid the rent to the trust for living in the apartment from their individual MPs' ‘second homes’ expenses by way of a ‘double fiddle’ – with each party claiming the costs.

On 25 May 2009 it was announced that both the crooked Wintertons would stand down as MPs at the next General Election – with Posh Dave Cameron branding their felonious expenses as "indefensible” – and termed the couple as “a pair of greedy sleazebags".

But neither party is a stranger to personal nor political controversy. Sir Nicholas came in for harsh criticism when he was accused of slapping Labour MP Fellattia van der Gammer’s bottom while inside the House of Conmans canteen.
When asked if the accusation was true, he replied: "I'm quite a normal public school chap, you know. Would I slap a colleague’s sexy buns – male or female? The answer is – it's certainly possible."

In May 2002 his wife Ann was sacked from her position as Shadow Minister for Propaganda & Public Scaremongering for telling a racist joke during an after dinner speech at her Conger Eel constituency’s Rugby Club involving tossing Paki’ immigrants out of a (standard class) train window.

Once again in February 2004 she was suspended from the Tory Party for telling further rabid bad taste racist jokes – with a particularly offensive one alluding to the recent drowning deaths of twenty-three illegal immigrant Chinese cockle-pickers working on the mudflats in Morecambe Bay.
Apparently one shark declared he was fed up chasing tuna and another replied, 'Why don't we swim across to Morecambe Bay and get some Chinese instead?'

Doubly condemning was the fact this disgusting incident occured at a Whitehall government dinner party to improve Anglo-Chinese relations – after which the xenophobic Lady Ann refused to apologise – blaming the ‘misunderstanding’ on the ‘slanty gooks’ having no sense of humour.

UK U-Turn on Israeli Relations

The use of six counterfeit British passports by the alleged killers of a Hamas commander is an outrage, according to Rothshite stooge and career Israeli / Jewish / Zionist apologist David Millipede.

The UK Foreign Secretary who last week vowed to get the law changed so Israeli war criminal politicians could visit Britain to negotiate their arms shopping lists with BAE Systems - and help MI5 bomb the London Underground and double deckers buses at will – yet not fear arrest under the statutes of Universal Jurisprudence - has today vowed to get to the bottom of the scandalous assassination in Dubai’s luxury 7-star Jolly Jihad Hotel, no matter who is responsible – as long as it’s not his good mates in Tel Aviv.

Dubai's police chief, Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer, told a reporter from the Psychopaths Gazette he is 99% certain of the involvement of Israeli Mossad agents in the torture and subsequent murder of Hamas military commander Mahmoud al-Mabhouh.

The international police agency Interpol has issued arrest notices for all eleven suspects, although it admitted their true identities remained obscure – even though the Dubai police department’s collated eye witness reports and CCTV camera footage clearly indicate all eleven suspects looked very ‘Jewish’ – a statement the Shylock Chronicle was quick to castigate as wholly unacceptable and being fraught with anti-Semitic racist sentiments.

British Tory party leader Posh Dave Cameron called for Israel's ambassador to the UK to be asked "some pretty tough questions" – such as “Whodunnit?” - and perhaps be poked with sharp sticks and tormented with a bag of pork scratchings.

Meanwhile, shadow foreign secretary William Vague told Pox News that Israel should issue a "robust statement" announcing its government would never sanction the cloning of British passports – regardless of it having a long and chequered history of sanctioning the extra-judicial killing of political opponents anywhere in the world – especially Bolshie Palestinians complaining about the theft of their country by a bunch of greedy Zionists.

Mr Millipede informed Fux News he "hoped and expected" Tel Aviv would co-operate fully with the investigation announced by ailing Prime Minister Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon.

The inquiry will be headed by New Labour favourite Lord Mutton of Whitewash and be tasked with seeking to explain how UK passports bearing the names of six British citizens who are not the persons pictured, came to be used by the assassins.

Further to be investigated and established is the truth of why all six were subsequently found dead in the woods the following day – apparently having committed a joint suicide pact with a shared blunt penknife and a bag of pick n mix Co-proxamol tablets – apparently to hide ‘someone’s’ guilt.

While Mossad’s porcine chief Meir Dagan has been accused of organising the torture and murder of Mahmoud al-Mabhouh in his Dubai hotel room, FS Millipede refused to reveal what was discussed – admitted or denied - at the four hour meeting between Israeli Ambassador to Britain Hymie Scumstein and Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the head of the UK's diplomatic service – at Whitehall’s Pit Bull & Pikey Arms pub on Wednesday evening.

However speculation is rife that Sir Irwin has been promised the Chairmanship of the Tesco Greedy Grocer chain - or Mamon & Snobfords Supermarket – if the Mutton Inquiry acts with its customary sloth-like approach to diligence and prudence during the investigation and enforces a 100 year ban on publication of the inquiry's report.

Rispect Party MP George Galloway – anxious to get his personal two-pennyworth in - opined to the Beruit-based Genocide Gazette that assurances of complete innocence from Israel could not be trusted as the "rogue state" had been proven to be run by a bunch of career liars and psycho’s in the past.

“These Zionist gits are rubbing the goyim’s noses in it yet again – displaying their customary brazen arrogance that they can get away with anything - and when the fickle finger of fate points at them they turn on their accusers and label them anti-Semites and Holohoax deniers.”

“They have a long history of knocking off dissidents and rebels that dates back to them murdering Jesus Christ when he got a bit too close to the truth and called the Sanhedrin a bunch of scally twats.”

Conversely, the gospel according to Tipzi Livid – the Israeli ex-Foreign Minister wanted in the UK for war crimes against the Palestinian population of Gaza during the IDF's 2008 Operation Ethnic Cleansing military campaign – told the Jerusalem-based Pogrom Review “The murder was most probably carried out by the Iranian’s Revolutionary Guard – just stirring up trouble for Israel as usual – bumping off Hamas leaders and sticking the blame on us by wearing Jewish disguises – then spreading nasty rumours that we have nuclear weapons.”

The latest news from Al Jazeera reports that one of the suspected Israeli Mossad agents travelling on a forged British passport was arrested by police last night for acting suspiciously while sniffing at - and masturbating over - ATM cash machines in the Abu Dhabi Airport – and has since been flown to Dubai for questioning.

The latest news from Al Jazeera reports that one of the suspected Israeli Mossad agents travelling on a forged British passport was arrested by UAE police last night for acting suspiciously while loitering and sniffing around - then masturbating over – a row of ATM cash machines in the Abu Dhabi International Airport and has since been transferred under heavy guard to Dubai for questioning.

The suspect, Fred Smith of Wigan, confronted with his original immigration entry visa form when coming into Dubai the day prior to Mahmoud al-Mabhouh’s murder - plus CCTV footage of he and his ‘accomplices’ enjoying a celebratory round of drinks and hi-fiving each other in the Jolly Jihad Hotel’s ‘Assassins Bar’ after snuffing the Hamas leader – claimed they were all on a group tour which consisted of ‘art students’ and vacationing furniture shifters who worked for the Jerusalem-based Urban Moving Systems.

However, following a fun Wii ‘water sports’ gaming session in the Dubai police interrogation facility, ‘Smith’ confessed to his ATM cash machine fetish and further admitted his name was actually Seymour Weaselberg and his companions all Mossad agents - but they were only there to witness and record an Iranian Revolutionary Guard death squad snuff the Hamas commander – just as they did with the al Qaeda / WTC terrorist attacks in New York on 9/11.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

McItaly ‘Chew n Spew’ Burger Gaffe

When Italy’s Agriculture Minister, Luca Corruptioni donned an apron at the new McDonald’s Chew n Spew outlet in Rome to promote their ‘McItaly Burger’ he probably thought he was doing his country’s food producers a good turn.

Sold under the slogan “McDonald’s speaks Italian”, the McItaly was made “completely from ingredients sourced in the country," according to Corruptioni.
A greasy blob of meat plopped onto a square bun and layered with sliced tomato, a Vomitelli asparagus sauce and Asiago ‘old sock’ cheese (cunningly red, white and green ingredients to reflect the national flag) the burger was supposed to “promote the taste of Italy”.

Instead it has cooked up a furious argument, with Signore Wotde Fuccinelli, the founder of the Slow Food Movement, berating the concoction as a ‘pile of Yankee shit’ and accused the Berlusconi government of undermining Italian cuisine and a thousand years of culinary tradition in the name of commercial profit.
“You know, this thing tastes like a Neapolitan grogger – a bucket of shit with a crust on top,” Fuccineli told a reporter from the Chuck Up & Chunder Review.

McDonald’s founded its supposedly-innovative Hong Kong-based sweatshop Food Studio in 2006 to devise dishes suited to local tastes at its 31,000 Chew n Spew restaurants in 119 countries around the world.

• In France McDonald-goers can indulge in the Escargo McDo (snail) or the spicy Grenouille Burger (frog on a bun).
• Visitors to Malaysian McDonald’s can treat themselves to a Goat Satay Prosperity Burger during the coming Chinese New Year’s Kung Hee Fat Choy festive season.
• In Japan, the Ebi Filet-O consists of breaded, deep-fried seaweed, while the standard bun is steamed rather than toasted – with its pink paper wrapping intended to appeal to Japanese women and salary men faggots.
• Top of the pops in Tel Aviv is the Orla Guerin Burger – a Gaza Pogrom Patty made from deep fried kosher foreskins – and a steady favourite with the manky Mohels and rabid Rabbi’s.
• The savory McCamel Burger has proved to be a nonpareil fast food favourite with Egyptian pimps and taxi drivers.
• The You-Yu Burger - a jaw-aching crunchy dried squid patty - is a top item on the McD’s menu in Hong Kong.
• The McCurry Yummie - a pig’s ear filled with a disgusting spicy concoction that resembles diarrhoea is available at any McD’s outlet across India.
• The McKimchi Bun, available in South Korean branches of McD’s, consists of layers of red hot chillied cabbage that will leave the diner’s arsehole looking – and feeling - like a bright red tulip.
• In Canada fast-food eaters can choose to go upmarket with the McMoose Burger bun – and even request a staff member to help them chew it.
• Last but not least, let’s raise a toast to McD’s Iraq where the speciality is the McMutant Burger - made from 100% Monsanto corn-fed goatmeat patties irradiated with the wholesome goodness of genuine depleted uranium.

Lib-Dem’s Now Zionist Stooges

Baroness Jenny Tonk has been sacked as the Liberal Democrat spokeswoman for health in Britain's House of Lords after urging an inquiry into charges that Israeli military forces in Haiti were carrying out Swiss style ‘assisted suicides’ on injured earthquake victims then harvesting their organs to feed Mossad’s illicit mega-bucks transplant trade.

The firing came after Baroness Tonk told the Pound of Flesh Gazette there should be an inquiry into eye-witness reports that Israeli forces harvested the organs of injured victims of the recent earthquake in Haiti.

"To prevent allegations such as these, which have already been posted on You Tube, going any further, the IDF and the Israeli Medical Association teams operating in Haiti should demand an independent UN inquiry immediately to clear the names – and perhaps explain why the ‘eye witnesses’ to these crimes no longer have any corneas.”

In response to the good Baroness daring to suggest Israeli complicity in such an inhuman crime, Lib-Dem party leader Nick Clogg has summarily sacked Tonk and dismissed her comments as those of a deranged, menopausal neo-Nazi anti-Semite - and latent Holohoax denier.

Clogg told one reporter from the Scandalmonger’s Gazette “I had Lord Rothshite on the phone at effin’ midnight whingeing about the Baroness’ innuendo being wholly unacceptable, provocative, and distasteful – which he and his Zionist kike mates in Israel found came a little too close to the truth and made them sound like the Beijing government and their Smiley Face Organ Transplant Prisons.”

At a later press conference held in the Pit Bull & Pikey Arms pub next door to their Cowley Street HQ, Clogg informed the half-drunk hacks "Following discussions with the Leader of the Liberal Democrats in the House of Lords, Baron Sheldon Weaselberger, we have decided that Jenny Tonk will stand down as Lib-Dem health spokeswoman following her unacceptable comments demanding an inquiry into highly offensive criminal allegations against our Jewish friends from Urban Rubble Moving Systems and all those kind-hearted Israeli art students from the ‘Hi-Fivers Club’ who are helping the IDF medical teams out in Haiti."

Lib-Dem solicitors Upshot, Shitpot & Phukrot have issued writs to prevent further media speculation into the case and that former Lib-Dem party leader ‘Ming the Merciless’ Campbell had his internal organs harvested while still in office – or Charles Kennedy’s liver was considered too inflammable for donor use.

Thus it’s sadly ‘bye bye’ to the good Baroness and so much for Democracy being all about free speech and having the conscience and ability to say what is morally or ethically wrong.

This is especially so when confronted with the fact that a horror story of Gothic proportions concerning an international Israeli conspiracy to kidnap children and harvest their vital organs is gathering momentum as another piece of timely whistleblowing divulges Tel Aviv's plot to import Ukrainian children and nick their internal bits and pieces.

The story brings to light the fact that Israel has brought some 25,000 Ukrainian children into the illegal state over the past two years in order to harvest their youthful organs for transplanting into worn-out fat kikes well past their shelf life.

It cites a Ukrainian team’s fruitless search for a mere 15 children out of the 25,000 who had been ‘adopted’ in Israel like so much slaughterhouse offal.
The kiddies had been drugged and shipped to Israeli medical centres where they were used for 'spare part surgery'.

Yet another news scoop, published in the Arabic-language ‘Orla Guerin Gazette’ recently reported that Interpol had uncovered the existence of a gang of shady Shylocks who were involved in the abduction of children from Algeria and trafficking of their organs.

Bands of Moroccan and Algerian scallies in their pay had been roaming the streets of Algerian cities kidnapping young children. They then trafficked the kids across the border into the neighbouring Morocco.

The children were then sold to Israeli and American 'yiddle-men' in Oujda, the capital of eastern Morocco, for the purpose of transplant organ harvest in Israel and the United States.

This becomes directly linked to arrests made in New York and New Jersey last year when a dodgy bunch of rabid Jewish Rabbis and other manky heathen miscreants were among the two score of criminal types arrested in connection with an investigation into illegal organ trafficking and political corruption.

That story aligns with the article published last month in Aftonbladet, Sweden's largest circulation daily, exposing the war crimes – and too – crimes against humanity - of the Israeli army who have an agenda of kidnapping and killing young Palestinians from the West Bank - and especially Gaza - to harvest their organs.

Ah well, when you’re a Jewish Israeli and one of God’s Chosen People, then the human herd is there for your personal use - and even the internal organs of the trefah goyim are suddenly ‘kosher’. It’s all written down in black and white in the Torah – and the Protocols of Zion.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic : a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

What the Scottish Papers (Didn’t) Say

When we consider the fact it is historically proven that scandals and bad news sell gutter press journals like hotcakes, it appears illogical that the Scottish media would ignore a prime commercial opportunity to cash in on the recent reincarnation of interest and focus on the Aberdeen Ferryhill paedophile ring criminally responsible for the sexual abuses in the Hollie Greig - et al - case.

Further proof of them working against their own best business interests is wholly ignoring the coincidental, linked incidence of the Kafraesque style arrest of English journalist / broadcaster – and Holyrood Parliamentary candidate - Robert Green - by Grampian's 'Thought Police' at his Aberdeen B & B on Friday - just before he could attend a meeting to publicise the case – on a concocted ‘intended breach of the peace’ charge to prevent him campaigning for a full investigation into the Scottish government’s Ministry for Muzzling, Whitewash & Coverup tactics regarding this festering leprous sore blighting the very name of Justice north of the border.

So Holyrood’s Department of Graft & Corruption directed the Stonehaven Sheriff’s Court to enact the ‘Sore Thumb’ legal statute and hold its novel 'intended' breach of the peace charge hearing ‘in camera’ – and have now bailed this honest man of social and moral conscience until further charges can be concocted against him – while gagging him with draconian bail conditions to further silence his campaign for Justice for Hollie Greig.

Thus, the gospel according to Nonceland’s Fourth Estate for Tuesday 16th February 2010 concerning their intrepid and diligent coverage of the Hollie Greig case and Robert Green’s hushed and secretive appearance before the corrupt Speculative Society Freemason Sheriff Principal, Fast Eddie Bowen, at Kinkcardineshire’s bog-standard Stonehaven rural courtroom some 18-odd miles south of Scaberdeen reads as follows:

The Press and Journal showed no fear of censorship by reporting the first stage of a fierce ‘Shock n Awe’ onslaught against Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadist beardies by NATO forces in Afghanistan’s Bellend Province was hailed a total balls-up.

The Courier also went with the Afghan offensive and reported that an "utterly dedicated" soldier who was killed while ironing his body armour during the launch of this week’s Operation Fuckup has been named as Private Bodybag of the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment.

The Daily Record reported that Gorbals Willie McTwat, a vicious drunken bottle thug who beat a murder rap after a series of bottle attacks on the general public had been given a 50 hour community service order – picking up empty bottles around Glasgow’s Govan ‘sink or swim’ criminal breeding ground council estate.

The Daily Shitraker barely scrapes close to the truth, stating radical plans by an SNP-led council to install metal detectors at school entrances to prevent further Dunblane-style fish-in-a-barrel massacres by bonkers Masonic kiddie fiddlers with licensed handguns like Thomas Watt Hamilton were being considered – budgets permitting.

The Scottish Sun runs with a story about Chelsea footballer Ashley Scrunt undergoing emergency cosmetic surgery to treat a broken fingernail following an injury sustained during Sunday’s Premier League match against Twatford Wanderers.

The Porridge Wogs Weekly writes that Scallyshire - Scotland's largest local authority - is to pay out £100 zilion in redundancy packages after more than 20,000 people applied – and volunteered to quit under proposed cutbacks and relocate south of the border in Sassenachland.

The Scottish Daily Mail reports that a pre-op’ transvestite couple from Middlesex has won the Lottery's Euro Zillions draw – and are planning to open a haggis farm on the shores of Loch McKuntt - adjacent to Donald Trump's planned Eco-Disaster Golf Course and the planned capercaillie-chopping Alex Salmond Memorial Wind Farm.

The Scottish Daily Express claims a key Edinburgh University ‘Climategate’ scientist has admitted there has been no global warming for 15 years and has rescinded his monthly standing order donation of £5 to the Nigerian-based ‘419 Save the Polar Bears Fund’.

The Scottish Mirror reports that two Dundee boys of 14 had gastric band surgery on the NHS to prevent them drinking more than six pints of ‘Old Headbanger’ lager or ‘See You Jimmy’ tartan keg in any one boozing session – in a bid to stop them getting shit-faced during school lunch breaks and picking fights with passing lamp posts.

The Caber Tossers Review writes that Holyrood Ministers are urging Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown to brave the wrath of voters in person during the forthcoming general election campaign to help disprove rumours that he’s actually dead and Lord Peter Scandalson took over running Downing Street in October of 2007.

So, what from the iconic news flagship of the UK – the one that only exists on the tithes of the peasant classes - the BBC?
Well, the website's banner headline reads ‘Barklays bankster profits have ‘jumped’ to £11:6 zillion quid’ – with any mention of the Grampian Gangsters / Rob’ Green or the Hollie Greig case most conspicuous by their absence.

Even the crusading anti-establishment (sic / shill mag) satirical rag Private Eye had been suspiciously reserved and silent on an issue that would normally tempt those possessed with the spirit of Paul Foot to dive in head first – to expose and be damned - regardless of intimidating letters from Levy & McRae's Peter 'Wicked' Watson - the Rasputin of the Glens.

No stranger to legal threats the mag’s traditional reply to such is to refer would-be offended parties to Arkell vs Pressdram 1971 – and have been the nemesis of many an offending establishment figure who was brought to book before Lady Justice’s scales.

Conversely now they are curiously silent on what irks them the most – a clear-cut conspiratorial criminal abuse of official power.

As to caustic references of the Aberdeen / Ferryhill kiddie fiddling scandal from the hallowed ‘brimstone and fire’ pulpits of the ‘Kirk’ – the Scottish Presbyterian or Episcopal churches - nary a single peep, never mind a vocalising of those long overdue diatribes of outright fulmination and revilement at the blatant instances of establishment abuse in concealing the very worst of criminal offences – child sexual abuse.

Such unfortunately applies to the UK press and media – and establishment officialdom throughout - and this is the kicker.
A once independent and vociferously rabid Fourth Estate baying at the moon and lusting the blood of offending authority – that brought down governments past in a blaze of ignominious scandal - is now owned and controlled by a tight cabal of wealthy ruling class Masonic elitists that scratch each others backs – and other anatomical parts – and utilise said media to control the public perceptions of reality and fiction.

Fortunately we have the independent intrepid alternative cyber news websites and blogs – and the valiant, unique ilk of Robert Green – whom would martyr themselves for the cause of Truth and Justice in bringing down the criminal elitist fraternity of this world and censoring their absurd sense of entitlement - the Ferryhill pederasts and their establishment protectors.

This so-called ‘elite’ should never forget the Truth itself doesn't fear investigation nor the light of day. The Truth is feared only by those who would obscure its manifestation to conceal their own crimes and inherent guilt.

Like Agents Mulder and Scully always say – the Truth is out there – but in the case of Hollie Greig it’s just that Scottish officialdom doesn't want its damning revelations to see the light of day.
Unfortunately for them the Truth’s ‘day’ is coming – and to mis-quote Sam Clements: ‘Bad news can get its proverbial arse around the world and back while good news is pulling on its boots’.

Hollie Greig and the other disabled Ferryhill / Beechwood ‘Special’ School victims in Scaberdeen have had justice denied for too long - but their day of reckoning cometh – and the sinister, contrived arrest of Robert Green and ‘breach of the peace’ gagging of the independent candidate for the Aberdeen South Parliamentary seat – might just be the fortuitous catalyst to trigger the necessary tsunami of public outrage and reaction required to flush out Scotland’s Augean stables.

The clock is ticking towards ‘Comeuppance Day’ and ‘WE’ - the common peasant class - can apply our numerical advantage to force the issue to a critical mass state and invoke a massive chain reaction – and compel some bugger and their dog running this nation of ours to order an official investigation into the criminal issues at hand – and not one involving dodgy House of Lords apologist peers such as Harry Hutton or Charlie Chilcot.

Let this be to the shame of every Parliamentary MP who did not stand up in Holyrood or Westminster of his own volition and sense of duty and ask – “WTF is going on?” – cos something stinks in Denmark and it isn’t Hamlet’s socks?

So, if you ever wondered why Hadrian and his lads built a wall across the Scottish border – now you know – to keep the tartan-skirted kiddie fiddlers out of England’s green and pleasant land - because we have more than our fill of the scum already permeating the Westminster / Whitehall establishment’s ranks.

Luke 8:17 - ‘For there is nothing secret that shall not be made known’

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles – or Palestinian refugees - were harmed in posting this insurrectionist epistle. However, a large number of Scaberdeen-based paedo ring hoaxters, Magic Circle Speculative Society sodomites and kiddie fiddling Satanist members of the vile Violate BD/SM Noncers Club were suitably cyber-harassed and caused fear and alarm by the TRUTH being publicly broadcast across the global ethernet.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not beholden to Nonceland's Masonic Speculative Society or Scaberdeen-based Devil-worshipping paedo-scum - nor owned by Rupert Murdoch and the ZioNazi kikester lobby - but committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

This post is tagged hollie greig, kiddie-napping, paedophilia, police state, robert green.