De News from Devolved 'Up North'

Nickerless Sturgeon this weekend experienced a divinely-inspired Damascene vision and has formulated a skewed personal opinion that the nonce-ponce infested ruling elite of Scotland must accelerate the progress of powering – and heating -  the country with some other source than fossil fuels – or peat - a personal ego project to be achieved by the proposed CopCon27, to be staged in Egypt's Sharm-el-Sheikh coastal resort - Red Sea 2027 water levels permitting.

Speaking to gutter press hacks at Butt Plug House, the Worst Minister’s Edinburgh residence, the wee ginger mingin Sturgeon pontificated that the CopScam26 Glassie Climate Pact was not everything it could have been, and she understands the frustration and disappointment on the part of many psychotic climate change activists – specifically the ultra-annoying Swedish mini-Karen gobshite, Greta Wankberg - (whom the publicity-hungry Sturgeon met personally for a photo-op' session) - for not being invited to address the official assembly's 'grown-ups' with another of her 'Shame on You!' pre-scripted (by Daddy) Doom n Gloom sermons.

The intellectually-inadequate Sturgeon babbled on moronically viz the prospect of using hydrogen – a highly explosive gas - to power bonny Scotland, boasting, as the cunt has a habit of doing, that 'her' Scottish Nonce Party government had researched and published 'The Sturgeon Hydrogen Plan' during the CopCon26 conference. 

Hydrogen. Too dangerous to use in kiddie's birthday party balloons anymore, since 3 year old twins, little Jill and Jack, got their hair n ears burned off when silly Daddy – not thinking too clearly after a bottle of cheap arsed Pestco Greedy Grocer Prosecco - decided to pop a balloon with his cigarette end – so now the balloons are filled with inert helium – a gas that makes balloons float, but does not go 'Bang!' and immolate children.

For further evidence that hydrogen is not safe for industrial scale – or household use - Google up 'What the Fuck Happened to the Hindenberg?'

On the grossly exaggerated, and false science distorted, subject of so-called climate change and a future – if ever – Sixth Great Extinction – and these Cop27 / Cop27 global gatherings to save the Earth – and our own sorry arses. Seriously, have we, the human race, grown so fucking arrogant and delusional viz our own non-importance in the greater Cosmic scheme of things, that we now believe and maintain the Planet Earth can't do without us?

So, in the wake of the Glassie-based CopScam26 conference, and by manipulating the science 'and statistics' to fit the evolving narrative, the Sturgeon is proposing that Nonceland's oil n gas industry goes the same way as the coal industry – like the Dodo, no more than a memory – yet forever fresh in the minds of the unemployed.

Well, shut down the oil n gas industry and that will sound an end for the thriving, prosperous economy in the Caledonian kiddie fiddling capital of Aberdeen – and sheep-shagging Shetland's Lerwick industrial base.

Doubtless the multi-national corporation oil n gas lobbyist brigade will be burning the midnight oil on behalf of their unscrupulous Seven Sisters masters – and pulling every trick in their 3 B's (Bribery, Blackmail & Bludgeons) game changer handbook to preserve their industrial interests – with Nickerless McKrankie topping the political change shit list.

Thus, to speculate, what shall their future economic base n tourist attractions manifest as? Trump golf courses, grouse moor avian genocides, fried Mars bars, and a steady supply of wee bonny special needs kiddies and assorted orphaned catamites for lascivious abuse by the kilted McTadger dynastic elite, and foreign paedophiles?

McKrankie leads a party committed to a 'Culloden 2' Mexican standoff and the partition of Britain. And in that she’s been thwarted – so far. But though as top dog (sic) of the Scottish Nonce Party since her fellow fish fiend – Salmond the Groper – (aka the Porky Pict) - was ousted – she's been hell bent on a failed campaign to break-up Broken Britain even more – and her term of office has coincided with the growth of Caledonian Cancel Culture.

Whatever Nickerless does next, the Sturgeon era will be remembered for making Scotland the UK’s capital of Woke – viz her political powerbase of Grotty Glassie making history when the city’s university became the first institution in Food Bank Britain to offer to pay reparations for the trans-Atlantic slave trade – a feat of self-loathing guilt that not even the ultra-Woke higher learning (sic) institutions of Cambridge or Oxford have had the irrational absurdity to initiate - yet. 

Sturgeon’s recent CopCon26 Glasgow Declaration speech proposes a novel route to governmental self-flagellation – by committing a one million £££ quid bonanza to assist developing countries deal with the damaging effects of climate change – initially supplying shiploads of taxpayer-funded sandbags to low lying tropical islands - to combat rising sea levels.

The key to Sturgeon's stream of enviro-verbiage was rooted in blaming Glassie for its past Industrial Revolution era contributions to atmospheric pollution and inherent blame for global warming and climate change – and the fact that Scotland owes the Third World a debt. Yeah right – for James Watt pioneering the steam engine.

"We need to pay our past enviro-crime dues to developing countries now living with the impact of climate change, and failure to do so will shame all of us when the Indian Ocean and Pacific islanders have to wear wellies."

Yep, the 'shame' narrative again. Obviously that comes from her up close n personal photo-op' meeting with grungy Greta. There again, it’s just rhetoric - more cant from a cunt.

Conversely, rumour has it the wee nippy Sturgeon harbours plans of moving to the good ole US of A, to take up an 'academic role'. Que – academic role? Got a job as a cleaner at Harvard, has she?

Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka the unpleasant Truth.

This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane unorthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references, 5G electrosmog radiation, and a chemtrail residue of genetically-modified nano-particle bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness.

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