Pestminster Gropers Dropping Like Ninepins

In today’s ‘Government Gropers’ Brexit mess distraction exposé edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding anti-authoritarian non-conformists, proto-nihilists and those career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg recusant bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Tory Nasty Party's Prime Munster, Terrible Terry Mayhem, has initiated a sideways promotional cabinet mini-reshuffle following Defencless Secretary Michael 'Flabby' Fallon's ritual seppuku resignation – he becoming the second Pestminster politico (so far) to shit kittens and quit in the wake of recently-revealed accusations of sexual harassment in the House of Conmans - following in the footsteps of Upper House of Frauds cross-dressing peer, Lord Manny Fatberg of Sewers End, who hung up his Vermin in Ermine red and white stoat coat last week and left Parliament in handcuffs, accompanied by Met Plod Squad detectives after being caught 'in flagrante delicto' buggering Baroness Boothroyd's pet Shih Tzu lapdog.

Fallon opined to one gutter press hack from the Groper's Gazette that what was never really acceptable even ten or fifteen years ago – (when women were regarded as underpaid second class citizens and the chauvinist alpha male mantra of the day regarding their collective existence was one of 'keep 'em well fucked an' poorly shod') - is clearly even less acceptable in today's climate of feminist egalitarianism and political correctness - where one is forbidden to say 'Booo!' to a goose - or call a spade 'a spade' (or a shovel) but rather refer to such as a HSE-approved digging utensil.

Of course this psy-op' scam not only takes the common herd public's eye off the Brexit negotiations fubar but also distracts from the Met Plod Squad's joke of a VIP (Very Important Paedophile) investigation who to date have 'sort of' pointed the fickle finger of fate at a couple of dead ex-politicos but with nary a single arrest of a living royal or House of Conmans / Frauds kiddie fiddling molester – or their establishment facilitator / apologist stooge brigade – or the named abusers complicit in the Dirty Dearman / Hampstead Satanist child sex coven.

So Fallon's gone the way of the iconic (and very tasty) Dodo – and can now join his second rate ex-cabinet political pariah onanist pals on the back benches - who were all slapped with a £67,505 nicker pay cut – and now struggle to survive on a mere £74,000 quid pittance MP's salary.

The gospel according to the Biased Broadcasting Corp's political hack, Laura Kuntsberg, claims that Nasty Party Chief Whip, Gavin 'Spider Boy' Williamson - (a toxic personage so reviled around Worstminster that MP's hide around corners and in cupboards to avoid the prick) - has been appointed to fill Flabby Fallon's size 5 Hush Puppies.

Williamson - a North Yorkshire nobody who came into Parliamentary prominence after scaring Labour MP, Little Miss Muffett, into a comatose state of anxiety by dangling a Pound Shop rubber tarantula on her shoulder during a House of Conmans debate and making sure she missed the vote - was appointed chief whip in July, after previously serving as ex-PM Posh Dave Scameron's personal pig sex pimp.

Que? WTF is going down? We've seen better organised riots, as this tosser's got even less idea on matters of defence than the flabby Fallon – (who at least did a stint of national service in the Army's 21st Armoured Segway Regiment) - having never served in the military or arms industry – and doesn't know one end of a BAE Systems kiddie-crippling cluster bomb from the other.

Yet Maybot's promoted the lackey scumbag to sign off on selling all manner of oppressive policing (sic) equipment to the despotic likes of Bahrain and Saudi Arabia to suppress and torture their own home ground brand of radical opposition political / sectarian activists – and indiscriminately bomb the hapless Arab Muslim non-combatant civilian population of Yemen back into a state of pre-Stone Age existence?

This Williamson creature is the type of dirty deviant who goes off for long night-time walks on the Yorkshire moors and comes back smelling of wet sheep – hence is ideal grist for the Parliamentary mill – plus being true blue flunky material and one of Terry Mayhem's trusted gopher favourites – plus a self-declared virulent anti Boris Johnson antagonist who led the faction-ridden Nasty Party's 'Let's Get Bonkers Boris' gang – a cabal of back-stabbing scumsters formed to highlight the ex-London Mayor's class act record of high jinx buffoonery and block any attempt by Boris to grab the Tory party leadership on the occasion of the useless Scameron resigning – and ensure the bid by his useless post-menopausal co-runner, Mrs Maybot, was a guaranteed success.

Posh Dave Scameron proposed 'Cronus' Williamson's name in his 2016 Prime Minister's Resignation Honours list, with 'Spidey' getting appointed a Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE) for exemplary political and pubic service – specifically his chief whip role of lashing recalcitrant MPs into line with his sjambok - or coercing them for their past sins (shirt-lifting / pederasty / necrophilia / felching) via the tried and tested Three B's method – Bribery, Blackmail and Bludgeons.

Yet another of Terry Maybot's sycophantic 'Yes Ma'am' arse-lickers slithers effortlessly into Williams' vacated post of Chief Enforcer - the smarmy bastard Nonceland-born, botox-deficient, shape-shifting 'Julian the Hooligan' Smith, incumbent Tory MP for Skipping Rope & Ripoffs – who displayed his best shit-eating grin for news media cameramen as he donned Williamson's cast-off Party Flaggelator coat and brandished the official cat of nine tails over the exposed buttocks of erring Tory MP's.

To complement the public record, the Klingon-featured Smith is an IQ-deficient Mensa reject moron and all-round dog wanker who, in a hysterical moment of egocentric angst, attempted to get the Met's Plod Squad to arrest the editor of the Guardian news rag on acts of treason, for - in Smith's unqualified opinion – the mishandling of criminal status intelligence materials leaked by super hero whistle-blower Eddie Snowden – a 'breaches national security protocols' brickbat the Guardian tossed straight back at the hypocrisy-ridden scrote for posting selfies of his toxic mug on his narcissistic website, posing like an utter twat alongside UK military personnel.

Hmmm, one cogitates on the nefarious actions of Williamson and Smith - for there's zero positive future career promotion prospects for either - hanging onto the useless Maybot's skirt tails - as she's well overdue for the not fit for purpose politico's scrapheap – with perhaps Bonkers Boris or the Magnificent Mogg destined to lead and restore confidence in the Tory Party and boost its flagging fortunes with some rare Earth element of credibility – starting with a 'fuck Brussels' no deal / hard case approach to the floundering EUSSR Brexit negotiations.

What a flucking shambles for a political party (sic). If this was a City business corporation headed by Terrible Terry Mayhem and the board of directors composed of duffers and wankers as per her cabinet crew, then the stock price would be minus fuck all and the company in the hands of the bankruptcy receiver.

Thought for the day. Okay, one for our global conspiracy theorists who were quick off the mark to spot the 'hypocrisy rules' aspect to this blog's content. Fallon unwisely sought the counsel of Terry Mayhem viz the media's vacuous 'knee-groping' accusations and she instructed him to have a chat with the party's whips – specifically Williams & Smith – viz the best course of damage control action - who recommended he do the 'right thing' - and resign (and make way for their promotions).

Yet for all intents and purposes regarding the likelihood of slander n libel suits being issued, the sordid Pestminster sex scandalabera tales are – as far as unsubstantiated rumours are concerned - true blue – with Ken 'Boy Groper' Clarke being questioned by the Met's Plods after being caught on CCTV fingering a guinea pig's bum in a Croydon pet shop – and an investigation underway that Lord Peter Scandalson of the Felchers behaved 'inappropriately' by grooming a 19-year old Serbian waiter in the House of Frauds Stranglers Bar, with the enticement of a free ticket to Hollywood and starring in the Sodomite Brothers latest gay sex snuff movie.

The Damoclean sword of potential Parliamentary suspension hangs over arch-Brexit Remainiac and Tory MP for Old Scrotum, Sir Dinsdale Figg-Newton, following the publication of gutter press red top tabloid reports that he sent a text to Brexit negotiations trouble-maker Gina Miller, requesting she 'come over' to his Chelsea flat one evening for a mutual session of 'water sports' – and give him a golden shower.

A friend of my cousin's Auntie - who can't be named for legal reasons (Chlamydia) - was a mere 13 year old Barnes care home orphan just starting to grow hair she could sit on when gang raped by a coterie of dirty deviant Magic Circle Freemasons comprised of MPs, Lecherous Lords and BBC DJ pervs - and their celebrity Hollywood pals Harvey Fatberger and Kevin Spaceship - at Dolphin Square - who collectively subjected she - and other star-crossed pre-pubescent kiddies of both sexes - to an all-night three hole bonking session while 30-stone Cyril 'The Cellulite Kid' Smith reclined on an industrial strength sofa with a schoolboy handcuffed to each wrist and bummed first one then the other into a screaming mess of hysterical jello – to be put out of their misery by the Liberal Party's child strangler–in-chief and canine assassin, Jeremy Gorpe - while a couple of 2nd degree Masonic Met Plod Squad thugs guarded the front door.

Yet WTF can we expect from the green bench rank and file when the Tory Nasty Party's ex-leader - PM Posh Dave Scameron - has a fetish for copping blow jobs off pigs rather than his coke-snorting missus, Snowy Sam – a dirty deviant perv' pleasure he picked up while at Oxford and a member of the Bullingdon Vandals Club.

Fer fuck's sake, we have a House of Conmans and Upper House of Frauds sexual abuse collective who jointly qualify as suitable cases for treatment. Chemical castration therapy perhaps – or go for the 'real deal' full emasculation job to keep their sticky paws off female staff – and visiting Parliament tours schoolkids?

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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(Unless one has the audacity to support the pro-Palestinian BDS campaign and criticise Zionist Israel's human rights abuses and war crimes – or dare mention the dirty dealings of the Met's PPU (Paedophile Protection Unit ) or expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Nottingham's Nasty Paedo Club or Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Cringemonogate / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services / Plod Squad sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).