Tory Fire Sale of Public Assets

In today’s ‘Dumbed Down Education’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Bev Titwank - our 'fly-on-the-wall' mole inside the House of Conmans Public Assets 'Buy One - Get One Free' Discount Sale Department - and reporting live for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Tory Nasty Party's Education Secretary 'Nicky the Thicky' Moron - an ex-solicitor with zero formal academic training in the fields of schooling or teaching - was met with shouts of 'rubbish' / 'bollocks' and 'horse crap' from protesters and a generalised gaggle of Bolshie non-conformist types - on loan from Hecklers-R-Us - when she informed gob-smacked teachers of her department's recently-published Government Shite Paper plans to re-brand the status of all schools in England into a gulag of numb cunt academies – notorious for their shithouse reputation of turning out educationally sub-normal, thick cunt chavs, scrotes, slappers, scallies and skangers – aka the next generation of welfare benefit scroungers and petty criminals.

Addressing the NASTWAT teachers' conference at Smegmadale-on-Sea, Ms Moron, carelessly enthused with her own sense of importance in the matters of state, gave way to ego and in her unqualified arrogance foolishly opened her big mouth before engaging brain - and thus provided future grounds to be impaled on her own boasts – by declaring for the public record she would never back down on plans to turn every school across the length and breadth of our once green and pleasant land into privately-owned 'for profit' run Asbo Central Academies.

Oh yes, you gottit – more monopoly privatised foreign entities sponging off government (read 'taxpayer') subsidies – same as national bus services and trains - Rattle Track and Notwork Rail. The Tory government selling things off that don’t belong to them - (and to add insult to injury - at rat-arsed fire sale prices).

Schools, British Rail, motorways, our entire utilities system – gas/electric/water – to foreign enterprises – with court services and HM prisons run by the not fit for purpose likes of G4S, Sodexo and Serco - along with the national steel mills peddled to a bunch of sub-continent Desi Dacoits – with such rudimentary local authority public services as emptying the fucking dustbins and street sweeping contracted out to crap crony contractors.
Plus let's not to overlook the current corrupt strategy to flog off our iconic National Ill-Health Service (if the bastards get their way) etcetera, et al – and don't forget they tried (and failed) to sell our beloved woodlands to the Sahara Forest trading Corp.

All bought and paid for with public money and are hence public assets – 'Ours!' Vital public services – none of which was ever intended to make a profit but simply break even - and if run at a loss, then the financial burden fell on the taxpayer - no fucker else.

Thus we have had this problem since Mad Maggie Twatcher's days of wielding political power – waging war on the unions and miners, de-industrialising an industrialised nation – thus replacing Britain's prefix of 'Great' with that of 'Broken' – and the Conservative Nasty Party then selling off publicly-owned commodities to their private 'for profit' self-interest secret handshake Crony Club – today manifested in the form of the TTIP greedster hierarchy who comprise the Multi-National Corporate New World Order – while the common herd demographic are brainwashed with the 'Austerity Doctrine' and get slammed by arbitrary cuts to public services.

The vacuous ginger mingin 'Thick Nick' Moron – easily picked out in a crowd by her pugilist features and unshaved Desperate Dan chin – was unwisely chosen by PM Posh Dave Scameron to replace the Pob (the slack-jawed Michael 'Fly Catcher' Gove) as Education Minister – a factor that will surely kick the smug tosspot squarely in the arse before this fatally-flawed academy deal is done n dusted.

As to her qualifications to assume the mantle of Pob's post, the Moron started her career as a trainee Broomstick Pilot (rejected) with the Bene Gesserit Witch Sisterhood Academy – then tried her incompetent hand at law before morphing into an equally incompetent reincarnation as a Nasty Party politico – and is regarded with a certain 'sideways glance' disdain around Westminster as the type of twat dogs bark at and piss up her leg as she walks down the street. Someone you can take anywhere twice – the second time to apologise for her first time indiscretions and fuck-ups.

Ms Chrissy Blowfish, general secretary of the National Union of Teachers, went totally ballistic and spit the political correctness dummy when Moron announced that parent governors will be dropped from all school regulatory bodies in England - as this change marks the removal of children’s voices, through the mouths of their parents, from the education system – to replace them with the voice of free school bureaucrats - 'professionals with the right skills' (who they then?) - such as asset stripping banksters from the corporate business and finance sectors – hot on the hoof to achieve their greed-motivated bigger profits agenda.

"Really, what the fuck is Ms Moron playing at? She's also announced the scrapping of qualified teacher status (QTS) – our iconic accreditation system for teacher training to be approved by head teachers."

Fellattia van der Gamm, the general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers, backed up Ms Blowjob's argument, revealing that it was a snide move to keep new teachers at the academy schools on a training wage, rather than the qualified rate - and all in aid to hire wholly unqualified personnel to fill teaching roles on piss poor minimum pay – specifically the Army's redundant battle fatigued psycho squaddies – retrenched to Broken Britain's classrooms as the paragons of iron discipline.

Conversely, while Ms Van der Gamm and Ms Blowpipe's opinions are qualified and correct, the intellectually-challenged Moron’s conjuring of the education system isn't going to prove a panacea for all ills – but rather pass the buck – shifting the burden of liability from Westminster to a corporate institutional one - with responsibilities for national education levels of achievement onto the shoulders of profit-motivated private enterprise. Ergo, such worries are no longer the government’s problem.

As Ron McScrote, a renown University of London professor, street poet and South Embankment busker, opined to one gutter press hack from the red top Daily Shitraker, "Wot the Moron is proposin' is nowt but fuckin' theft an' we shouldn’t stand for it. So get involved an' sign the petition ter hold a public referendum on the government’s academy policy."
"Further yer can all attend the Hands Off Our Effin' Schools protest next week – an' bring yer own cobbles, bricks an' Molotov cocktails – an' that's gonna be followed by protest campaigns fer 'Hands Off Disability Allowances', an' the 'Unemployment Benefits' – and 'Stuff the Bedroom Tax Up Yer Blue Ribbon Tory Nasty Party Arses."

Nice one, Ron.

Carbon Credits Cap & Trade Offset Exchange (aka Global Warming / Climate Change Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration:
While a hefty score of conscience-stifled rabid royals, noncing nobles, politico ponces, bent money-laundering lawyers and corruption-ridden porky plods might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' casualties and thrown into paranoid psychosis states of scandalous TTIP / Anti-Brexit exposure anxiety attacks, no innocent non-combatant women and kids - and especially so Syrian refugee children – or trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry 'felcher friendly' sized mammals – ferrets and stoats, voles, moles, white mice, bum rats, chinchillas, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, miniature coypus, dwarf beavers, etc – were harmed in posting this insurrectionist Truthsayer epistle.

Conversely, a large number of the NSA - GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / JTRIG / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).