Tories Flogging a ‘Canard à Moitié’ Scam

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Prime Minister ‘Austerity Dave’ Scameron (formerly ‘Posh Dave’) - following the Tory Party conference in manky Manchester earlier this month where he received rounds of applause and a standing ovation from the party faithful sycophants for his pantomime impression of some messianic religious cult demagogue bent on whipping up the emotions of the audience to fever pitch with a stream of skewed rhetoric cobbled together by the Nudge Unit spin doctors – all delivered via the vehicle of impassioned oratory after snorting a couple of tracks of Snowy Sam’s finest Columbian nose candy – comes across today as being freshly recharged with brazen hubris and contempt for the 99% common herd.

While the rhetoric is basically sound that after a triple dose of New Labour and the war-mongering Tony ‘Miranda’ Bliar, followed by the incompetent Gordon ‘Bigot’ Broon then any fucking thing has got to be an improvement, Scameron has started believing his own ‘We’re all in this together’ sound bite slogans and convinced himself the voting public think he’s the dog’s bollocks.

Hence as a result of this personality / confidence boost, the pretentious tosser is on yet another chutzpah-fuelled power trip and labouring (sic) under a deranged self-righteousness delusion that he’s popular as Simon Smith and his amazing dancing bear, when the truth lies more in the fact the public regard him with the same level of loathing as they would a course of chemo’ following prostate cancer surgery at Christies.

Further the pompous twat conveniently overlooks the fact that the dream of any return to Thatcherite era Tory hegemony is a sick joke and he was never voted into the top dog slot at Downing Street – and rather got there by wheeler-dealing with Mick Clogg and his Lib-Dum ‘Losers Party’ to form a fatally-flawed backbiting Coalition catastrophe.

Thus, while in his customary ‘opening mouth before engaging brain’ mode, Der Kameron, on being informed that Shitty Gas and Greed Power SA were hiking their tariffs by 25%, issued the usual ‘one size fits all approach to every fucking thing’ response – a moronic knee jerk statement that Broken Britain’s hapless energy consumers should simply shop around, find the cheapest vendor and change supplier.
Hmmm, obviously when the only diplomatic tool left in the box is a hammer then all problems start to look like nails.

How about this for an off-the-cuff radical solution and the government calling the shots for once to belay corporate blackmail threats? Put these money-grubbing extortionist ‘price-fixing’ multi-national monopolies on the spot – and return all the UK’s (aka Airstrip One) utilities back to public ownership: electricity, gas and water. And while we’re at it, re-establish British Rail and get shut of the likes of Crapita Connect, Rattle Track and Worst Group, Ripoff Rail, First Derailment, Inter-Shitty and Caledonian Creeper – along with Virgin Trains and Whore Lines – all amateurs posing as professionals and let’s get our train service back up to Mussolini standard ‘on time’ scratch.

Oh no, that’s never going to happen, as this Con-Dem Coalition’s Tory zillionaire-dominated cabinet – along with the Lib-Dum’s leader, the closet case Tory blue Mick Clogg – are an unmitigated disaster of the Nth Magnitude – and all lobby for and promote the best interests of their Fortune 500 index donors before those of their taxpaying-voter constituents.

To distract the common herd from reflecting too intensely on their moment of discontent and being faced with a cold winter’s financial dilemma of ‘heat or eat’, our IQ-deficient Hug-a-Hoodie tosspot of a Prime Minister has announced his latest spiffing wheeze to join the reviled wind farm and fracking energy-generating scams – ‘Go Nuclear’ - one which likely as not qualifies as the worst idea this cabinet of dog wanker toff ministers have come up with since their last worst idea.

Whitehall mandarins Sir Dinsdale Figg-Newton and Lord Cyril Armitage-Shanks, both victims of narcissistic personality disorders and fielding egos the size of the national debt – working in conjunction with the Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next - have brokered a secret deal with our historical enemies, the foul and foreign French, to undertake the construction of the first nuclear power plant to be built in the UK since Suffolk’s Shitewell B was completed in 1995 – and for which the Tory’s train fare dodging Chancellor, George ‘Mollie’ Osborne, recently secured full investment funding from the People’s Marxist Utopia of China while on a begging bowl mission to Beijing with his Oxford Bullingdon Vandals Club pal, London Mayor, Bonkers Boris Nonsense.

Thus Scameron’s ‘change supplier’ dynamic solution to solving extortionate power supply tariffs is more at scent than substance where cost cutting is concerned – and a distraction from this latest economic outrage, with both he and Energy Minister Ed ‘Porky Pie’ Davey (neither hardly representative models of moral rectitude) lying through their teeth and stating – for the public record – that when Hinkley Point’s all-new ‘Chin-Frog 1’ nuke power station goes online in 2025 (Que? WTF?) consumer’s electricity bills will be halved – then after a quick rethink, modified the lie that customers should ultimately save up to a massive £7 quid a year.
Whereas the opposite is nearer to the truth with Chancellor ‘Jeff’ Osborne (graduate of the Wilkins Micawber Institute of Economic Guessology) cutting a deal with the foreign investor-operators that guarantees a doubling of the current rate of tariff to meet their costs for ‘fifty years’.

Here we are faced with the same piece of disingenuous advertising propaganda being circulated to gain acceptance of the toxic fracking projects that are destined to poison the water table and much else of our once-sceptred isle’s pristine environment – that gas will be cheaper – another ‘vendre un canard à moitié’ – (selling a half-duck) – scam, just the same as ‘it wasn’t’ after North Sea gas came on stream.

Such is the nature and character of our politicians, marked by the contradictions, lies, and inconsistencies in their narratives. Anyone remember that pledge from the government of the day? Sworn on the body of a dead heron, in the presence of three bishops and a magistrate, that North Sea gas would be supplied at a give-away price when it came on stream – and never dropped a single cent.

So that’s the dirty deal Osborne and Co have cut under the table with French energy conglomerate EDF and China’s Wanking Nuclear Solutions for this £16 zillion nicker power plant in Slumerset – (and 50 years down the road will cost the hapless British taxpayer ten times that figure to decommission and pay the likes of rogue recyclers Trafigura to dump all the 90,000 year half-life radioactive nasties on some West African landfill site).
When finally complete in 2025 – or thereabouts – and nuclear accident / core meltdowns permitting – the Hinkley Point facility will power one in six homes – while the remaining five will suffer brownouts.

For fuck’s sake, can’t we build a nuclear power station ourselves - the self-same nation whose innovative mechanical engineers led the Industrial Revolution at a soot-splattered full gallop that mesmerised the entire world and powered the Empire on which the sun never set? Now we have to farm out the task to a Communist state - the People’s Marxist Utopia of China – and their joint venture partners in this ill-fated enterprise – our historic enemies, the Frogs.

Really, after Chernobyl ‘and’ Japan’s on-going Fuckupshima nuclear calamities, the very mention of anything that involves radioactive fuel power plants must inspire any canny member of the common herd demographic to reconsider the true definition of the acronym FEAR – ‘Fuck Everything And Run’.

In their contemptible arrogance these political clowns conspire to design our futures but are ill-fitted to predict the knock-on effects of the unseen elements of chance that plague such grand, albeit flawed, designs – all fraught with the spectre of unintended consequences.
Alas, while there is not such thing as ‘conventional political wisdom’ there does exist ‘conventional political stupidity’. But it all comes down to rhetoric versus reality, and the miasma of failure is woven like some toxic thread throughout the entire fabric of this Con-Dem pantomime coalition enterprise – and the Lib-Dum partner’s stated opposition to any new nuclear construction. Some joke.

Hence public opinion will once again cop for a measure of short shrift consideration – for along with the geometric rate increase of subsidised bird-chopping wind farms giving flocks of sheep insomnia - plus polluting the groundwater table and entire environment with bullshit fracking operations – this government now plan to build further nuclear power plants regardless of the harsh 20/20 hindsight lessons to be learned from Japan’s Fuckupshima Daiichi disaster initiated by a HAARP-generated non-event earthquake that caused a tidal wave (aka ‘false flag’ tsunami).

Hopefully the proposed Hinkley Point plant will be ‘tsunami-proofed’ and they don’t let the Israeli Ka-Boom Nuclear Engineering SA group (read Mossad Kidon squad) install any dial-a-yield nuke bomb ‘monitoring cameras’ on this facility either as the Jap’s did at the Tepco’s ill-fated Fuckupshima nuke plant.

Do you live in the Somerset area? Thought of moving before house prices drop to zero? Oh my, just what the yokel county needs to sweeten up those iconic cider apples – a Fuckupshima type nuclear power plant built right next door to the orchards.

Thought for the day. Tossed off all round with the pathetic antics of the Con-Dem Coalition ‘circus without a tent’? No problems, take a stress break, fire up your home computer, log onto Facebook and watch an uncensored video clip of some hapless infidel twat getting beheaded by bonkers Islamic radicals of the Syrian opposition’s Jolly Jihad Brigade.

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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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