Khomeini’s St. Valentine’s Day Fatwa Still Valid

Yes, it’s twenty years today since Iran's favourite revolutionary Ayatollah of Rock n Rolla, the Imam Mustavone Khomeini, (aka Mister Happy) issued his controversial St. Valentine’s Day ‘Fatwa’ against author Smoked Salmon Rushdie for writing the Satanic Nurses, a fictional literary work which laid bare the lascivious sexual escapades and human sacrifice practices of the Devil worshipping female medical staff at a Tehran hospital.

(A ‘Fatwa’ is an Islamic Mohammed Bond style 007 ‘Licence to Kill’, issued by a religious leader against some poor hapless sod who has supposedly offended Allah’s, or the Prophet’s, sensibilities, which earns the perpetrator carrying out said Fatwa lots of brownie points / extra virgins to shag when he gets to Paradise)

The novel's1988 launch led to widespread protests by Muslims, who regarded it as blasphemous, including the public burnings of several bookstores and screaming librarians that carried the work on their shelves.
Rushdie had to hide in a system of burrows dug in the grounds of his back garden for several years until the affair blew over, under special protection from the 22nd SAS Regiment’s Mole Patrol.
While he is now able to live a more public life, working as a school crossing Lollipop Man and going down the pub and Porkie’s Kebab Shop in an evening, he says the affair remains ‘an albatross around his neck’.

One Luton-based Muslim zealot who attempted to carry out the Ayatollah’s sentence of death on Rushdie the Heretic, after discovering his name and address in the ‘Michelin A to Z Guide to Fatwas’, only succeeded in blowing up Rushdie’s garden shed and rabbit hutch when his Semtex suicide vest detonated prematurely while he was climbing over the patio fence.

Some British Muslims today consider the Fatwa protest tactics damaged the missionary aims of the International Moslamics movement, while others maintain they helped prevent greater insults to Islam, apart from the hilarious Muhammad cartoons controversy which began after twelve editorial cartoons, one of which depicted the Prophet Muhammad with his turban styled to represent a smoking bomb, were published in the Danish ‘Shitt-Stirrers Gazette’ newspaper in September 2005.

This led to protests across the Muslim world, some of which escalated into violence with police pissing on the crowds from a dizzy height (resulting in more than a thousand urinary baptisms).
Further protests included setting fire to the Danish Embassies in Syria, Lebanon and Iran, storming a Danish bacon processing plant in Mecca, and Al Fatah’s Gaza Gangsters desecrating scores of Danish flags by repeated projectile diarrhoea splatterings and arse-wipings.

With the enforcement of the Fatwa being downplayed by the Iranian clergy some years ago for diplomatic reasons, Rusdie emerged from his subterranean warren into the light of day once again and became ‘Sir Salmon’ with a dub on each shoulder from Queen Elizabeth in the Monarch's Birthday Honours list in June of 2008: a mark of distinction condemned by die-hard fundamentalist Muslims around the world when the award was announced.

Sir Salmon, 94, wrote a number of acclaimed books during his many years of hiding under the garden turf after the publication of The Satanic Nurses, which won a Booker Prize in 1993. The Literary Review described the book as a “brilliant work of sexual fantasy, and jolly good wanking material.”

Jews Claim Patent Rights to Anti-Semitism

The BBC News this morning displays a headline banner “British Jews tell how they live under the threat of violence.”

A pity the Zionist-biased BBC don’t broadcast donation appeals for Gaza or carry headlines pronouncing “Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza tell how they live under the threat of violence.”

Recently quoted figures by Rabbi Sheldon Scrunt of the Smegmadale Synagogue Trust suggest 2009 is on course to become the worst year for anti-Semitic abuse in the UK since the last worse year.

Anti-What? Anti-Semitism? Anti-Semitic abuse?

Why do people deliberately confuse Semites / Semitism / anti-Semitism with religion? Semitism isn’t a religion, it originally referred to linguistic / racial types before the Jews adopted the phrase for their own nefarious uses.

The term Semite means a member of any of various ancient and modern people originating in southwestern Asia, including Akkadians, Canaanites, Phoenicians, Hebrews, Arabs and Ethiopians.
Semites: easily recognised as being hawk-nosed and able to grow a full beard in less than a week.

So, what is anti-Semitism? That suffered on a daily basis by the Semitic Palestinian populations of the West Bank and Gaza settlements, or do the Jews consider they have a monopoly on it?

Next, who’s complaining about anti-Semitic abuse in the UK?
Aha! The Jews!
The Jews: renown for their tradition of whingeing and complaining about anything and everything, especially anti-Semitism and the Holohoax. (and Iran)

The Jews Inc. / The Jews.com, an absolute industry built on their misinterpreted religion and the numerous lost tribes of Israel.
A people who established themselves in Europe, then globally, through their historic tradition of money-lending and usury, then wonder why they’re disliked and not invited to join golf clubs.

Next, the Holocaust ! What Holocaust? The Holocaust recently inflicted on the civilian Palestinian population of Gaza by the Israeli Khazar terrorists, with white phosphorous, depleted uranium, and the US-gifted DIME weapons slicing pre-schoolers to death?

Or the other Holocaust? The one that the Jews keep harping on about : the one Hitler’s Nazis are supposed to have inflicted by snuffing six million of their number?

But to take the Jewish point of view for a moment, it isn’t very nice when some superior military force decides a spot of genocide is in order. Any Palestinian will agree with this fact too.
Bet they’ll also agree that being kicked off the land farmed by your family and ancestors for generations by some clunt called Iceberg or Frankenstein isn’t very nice either.

So sad, while the Jews practice dysgenics against the Palestinians, any mention of Jewish racism goes ignored by the Zionist-controlled Western media.

A question may be posed at this point as to why the Khazar Zionists wanted the Palestinian’s homeland as their own when one had already been successfully established decades previously : the Jewish Autonomous Region of Zion in Birobidjan, in Russia’s Far East.
This homeland meant no displacement of any indigenous people at its peaceful creation in 1928, or ever since, and has been a continuing safe haven for its population of real flesh and blood Jews – unlike the Zionist ‘Jewish’ imposters living in apartheid Israel.

But Israel has long ago exhausted their moral franchise as far as the Palestinians and the stolen land of Palestine are concerned. They are morally-bankrupt.

Let’s just readdress the main historical Jewish whinges once again. Sectarian hatred and the Holocaust genocide. Their rallying points for the call of “Poor us - Help!”

What are non-Jews referred to as? Goyim and Gentiles – that’s us. The blokes with foreskins and so on. The bacon butty eaters.
And what does the Jewish Talmud state? What do their radical Rabbi’s preach? That it’s okay to snuff the Gentiles. That it’s permissible to rob, cheat, abuse, rape, ruin, and snuff anyone who is not Jewish. Well, it’s in their holy book so it must be okay. Jehovah approves. Amen.

To reflect on the words of the future prime minister of Israel, David Ben Gurion in 1937: "We must expel the Palestinian Arabs and take their places."

Or perhaps the Zionist / Jewish master race credo of ex-Irgun terrorist leader and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin in a speech to the Knesset which appears to have been borrowed from the pages of Hitler’s Nazi Aryan super-race philosophy handbook.

“Our race is a Master Race. We Jews are divine gods on this planet. We are as different from the inferior races as they are from insects. In fact, compared to our race, other races are beasts and animals, cattle at best.
Other races are considered as human excrement. Our destiny is to rule over the inferior races. Our earthly kingdom will be ruled by our leader with rod of iron. The masses will lick our feet and serve us as our slaves.”

Hmmm, thank you, Menachem.

Perhaps one day soon their Rabbis might reflect upon the imminent coming of the Middle East’s Armageddon, and the destruction of Jerusalem, and read well the words of their own holy books.

Hosea 8:7- “For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind.”

Jeremiah 7:32 – “I shall bury them in Topheth until there is no place left to bury.”

Satellite Collision Highlights Growing Threat

The fault for a collision between a pair of Russian and US satellites has kick-started a controversy not only over which is the correct orbital direction (clockwise or anti-clockwise) but also who was on the wrong side of the galactic highway.

While space travel vehicles are supposed to comply with international / EU road standards, the Russians still drive on the left while the Americans drive on the right, or the left, depending on which of the 50 States they’re in and their level of intoxication.

The spacecraft were travelling towards each other at speeds far exceeding the recommended T<2>G*1 /+/- 186,000 mph limit for congested areas when they crashed into one another. A NASA spokesman told the media that this type of orbital velocity is what is termed as “very very fast.”

There are about 17,000 man-made objects above the size of a normal household toilet that orbit Earth - and the tally is constantly increasing. This in turn raises the risk of collisions between objects the size of a bog bowl and up to a garden shed, to levels of underwriting that no Earth-bound insurer wishes to consider.

Many of the old-style Low Earth orbit satellites are approximately the size of a Mini Cooper, while several actually are Mini Coopers, (or garden sheds) converted for space use due their light weight and aerodynamic shapes being easy to stuff with senseless electronic ‘see what the Russians are doing’ spy gear and Gaffer tape the entire caboodle to the top of a booster rocket for launch.

In this latest orbital disaster, apparently the US “NosyCunt” spy satellite hit a Russian “SeeYou” spy satellite at an altitude of 800 km over space’s equivalent of “No Man’s Land” on Tuesday, NASA told a reporter from the science section of the Duck Stretchers Weekly News.
As both spacecraft had plutonium fuel core cells there will doubtless be a rise in the incidence of cancer-related diseases in Europe (including impotence, infertility and patent baldness) where the majority of the radioactive debris from the disintegrated satellites is calculated to fall.

Blame for the collision is being pointed at both sides, and by both sides. Russian satellites, since the days of the original Sputnik 1, have traditionally been piloted by Huskies, while American satellites have been manned by Chimps.
So the core question now lies with : who is better at piloting satellites and avoiding collisions : the sled-puller or the banana-eater?

Here the story takes on a scent of the unique.

The US Iridium 17 “NosyCunt” satellite’s ‘Monkeynaut’ had docked earlier that day with the International Space Station, where he stocked up with toilet tissue (edible type), mangoes, bananas and monkey nuts (ready-salted variety), then spent two hours in the space station’s duty-free bar debating the dubious virtues of electing a black Kenyan as the new US President.
After consuming six beers and a bottle of tequila he then staggered off to pick up his freshly-serviced satellite (oil and filter change plus a new fan belt).

The Russian craft, piloted by their latest robotic Huskienaut, Bow-wow-ski, was on its normal orbital trajectory, with the canine automaton pilot gnawing on a virtual reality yak bone, when the Iridium 17 satellite came across an intersection faster than a speeding meteor and struck the oncoming Russian satellite broadside, which resulted in both spacecraft going into terminal burn-up re-entry modes. Insha-Allah and / or Amen.

The UN’s Space Highways arm are planning on authorising orbital traffic lights once they have eventually succeeded in enforcing war crimes sanctions against Israel.

In the immortal words of broadcaster Ed’ Morrow : “Goodnight, and good luck” (and watch your heads).

UK Public Want ‘Banksters’ Crucified

Public anger continues to rage over huge bonuses being paid to bankers at a time when the same banks have received mega-billion pound bailouts of tax-payers money to keep afloat after they’ve screwed up the UK financial system, caused a recession and have now become the most hated of institutions since the Spanish Inquisition and the Thatcher government.

While the economy itself suffers an extinction-level event, with the number of job losses and house repossessions increasing at a geometric rate, top bankers are still calculating their annual bonuses and 2009 salary increases.

Hence, in an effort to avert a full scale Revolution and class war slaughter of Biblical proportions the Treasury has formed a committee to conduct a sham two day hearing into the banking crisis and issue of bonuses.
This charade will be implemented under the guise of an official reprimand to appease the infuriated public, smack a couple of offender’s wrists and say “Naughty boy, your name’s been crossed off the honour’s list.”

Just as the hearing got underway former deputy prime minister John ‘Two Jags’ Prescott paused halfway through scoffing of a meat and potato pie to present a gravy-stained petition, with some 23,000.000 signatures, to the House of Commons Treasury Committee Chairwoman, Candida Twatrot, demanding the bailed-out banks pay no million-pound bonuses to their senior scam artists.

The offending salvaged bank heads appearing before the committee included the CEO of the RBGB (Royal Bank of Grasping Bastards) Steven Hustler who joined the bank in 2007 after answering a JobCentre Plus advertisement for someone who could count to ten without using their fingers. His salary, expenses and bonus for 2008 were slightly higher than Nepal’s GNP of £5,000,000.

Chief Monk at the Abbey Bank, Antonio Whoreta Arsolio, was appointed head of the bank in 2006 after a career of watching paint dry at B & Q’s decorating division. His bonus for 2008 alone exceeded Cambodia’s national debt.

Baron Hymie Wankenstein, Head of Financial Guessology for the IBGG, (International Bank Of Greed and Gluttony) who were recently awarded a £65 billion rescue package by the government, pocketed a salary, expenses and bonus package in 2008 that exceeded the cost of NASA’s last Mars Rover probe, including rocket fuel.
Wankenstein told the Treasury Committee hearing that the IBGG’s collapse due bad investments in the US sub prime loans market wasn’t really his fault as he had never been much good at arithmetic when at school, but did quite well in woodwork classes.

The conjoined Siamese twin brother CEO’s of Northern Cock-up & Avarice Investments, Sheldon and Seymour Fuctifino, both former money laundering consultants for Pound Stretcher, declined to reveal their 2008 salary and bonus packages, which media reporters estimated to, individually, exceed a “King’s Ransom”.

The hearing was adjourned for two hours on Wednesday when the Japanese CEO of the First Bank of Wankahama, Turbo Titsupjii apologised for the collapse of his bank then committed ritual seppuku with a can opener as an act of penitence for accepting a bonus of Yen 85,000,000,000 ( £200,000). The hearing continued after Mr. Titsupjii’s blood and entrails were mopped up.

Sir Victor Sleaze, Chairman of HBOS, (Haiitian Bank of Septicemia) informed the Treasury hearing he wasn’t even aware his bank had gone into receivership until reading about it in the business section of the Tortoise Polisher’s Weekly News while taking his annual 49 week holiday in the Bahamas.

Lord Scumbag of Shitcreek, Head of Bradford & Bungley’s Channel Islands-based Tax Evasion unit, complained that if his 2008 bonus was withheld he would no longer be able to afford both his private jets and the 200 foot family yacht.

Also targeted by the committee for their moment of scorn in the public pillory were the heads of Skunks et Cie Investment, Lizard & Graspers Bank, Shitbag Brothers, Merrill-Lynched and Goldberg-Snatch.
Former Royal Bank of Sleazeland chief executive Lord Victor Scrunt told MPs on the Treasury Committee he "could not be more sorry for himself" for what had happened.

The Margrave of Rockall, Sir Hector McTwat, and CEO of High Street pariah, Lloyds MSRA, arrogantly informed the hearing that while the British working classes were able to cope with mass unemployment and poverty, the upper echelons of society, such as himself, had no experience of penury or privation, and thus deserved their bonuses to maintain the style of living to which they were accustomed.

Appearing before the Treasury Committee in sackcloth and ashes, and rubbing an onion into his eyes, Morgan Stanley Investments Audit Chief Oliver Hardy, referring to the US sub-prime loans crisis, claims he told CEO Stan Laurel : “Another fine mess you’ve got us into Stanley”.

The committee head Ms. Twatrot informed the hearing assembly she had received thousands of e-mails and letters on the issue of why such inflated salaries and bonuses were paid to total incompetents.
She opined that many wished to see the Darwinian principle of survival of the fittest apply and let the failing banks go to the wall and start again from scratch.

Ms. Twatrot, formerly Keeper of the Royal Piggy Bank, then asked the assembled bank chiefs if it had ever occurred to them that their sub-prime and financial derivatives speculations, based on a fractional reserve banking system, might one day reach critical mass and cause a massive chain reaction, throwing the entire global economy into recession: as had recently occurred.

While the CEO of Scumbank International requested Ms. Twatrot to repeat the question, the Head of Bean Counting and Number Juggling for Lizard and Graspers Bank suggested they ask the audience, and the Chairman of the Credit Sleaze Bank asked if he could phone a friend.

Shaking her head at their collective bungling and incompetence Ms. Twatrot then asked "Hence, as the overpaid heads of failed financial institutions, why do you think you are hated and derided so much by the public?"

Answers there were none.

But on the issue of salary increases and bonuses, Ms. Twatrot said if bankers felt they were not paid enough, they could leave and get jobs in the real world, which might prove a fatal shock when they discovered what the actual minimum wage really is and that the common working man actually survives on a lot less than five thousand pounds per week.

Many people in the public gallery of the Treasury Committee hearing thought the Roman punishment of being stitched into a leather sack with a savage wild animal and then thrown into a rushing river was a fitting punishment for the erring bankers, but it was collectively considered inhumane to do that to an innocent wild animal.

Athletes Compete to Set Weirdest World Records

Some say the motive lies in the human competitive spirit, others put it down to global warming. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster say the recession’s to blame, while the media’s psychology pundits pronounce “the world’s gone mad : yet again!”

A 56-year-old American athlete has become the first woman on record to follow in the watery footsteps of Magellan and swim around the world non-stop. However, it must be remembered that Magellan, being a non-swimmer, circumcised the world with a three-masted cutter.

Jennifer Frigge had planned to swim from the Cape Verde islands off Africa to Trinidad but with a strong seasonal current behind her she plodded on, rounding Cape Horn just twenty days later. From there it was a quick six weeks dash across the Southern Pacific, through the Torres Straits, across the Indian Ocean, round the Cape of Good Hope and a freestyle sprint up the west coast of Africa, and back to the Cape Verde capital of Praia.

Ms. Frigge, interviewed by a fascinated, gob-smacked media, was asked what she had missed most during her marathon swim, replying “Pizza, Bacardi Breezers, and a good shag : not necessarily in that order.”
Doctors examining Ms. Frigge reported she was in splendid physical condition, apart from developing a set of gills and webbed feet due her singular diet of raw fish.

Scandanavian explorer and radical outdoors survivalist Anders Bonkersonn recently attempted to set a record with his non-stop snowboard run from the Antarctica’s Ross Ice Shelf to the South Pole and back wearing only a pair of socks and a jock strap.
The attempt failed when Bonkersonn suffered extreme hypothermia, lost his genitals to frostbite and became delusional, suffering hallucinations that the penguins were laughing at him.

At the opposite end of the Earth, Greenlander Gunther Nogg, an unemployed hedgehog sharpener, surpassed predicted expectations in his attempt to travel in a series of leaps and bounds, non-stop, from the capital of Nuuk to the North Pole on his custom-built SnowMaster pogo stick.

Nogg planted his celebratory flag at the magnetic pole well within the schedule for the outgoing leg of his journey but suffered a severe bout of PSF (Pogo Stick Fatigue) and whiteout dementia on the return leg after his GPS satnav croaked and he crossed Ellesmere Island and Baffin Bay by mistake, arriving back in Nuuk to claim his Guinness World Record in a state of exhaustion and with only hours to spare.
Asked by reporters what he wanted most now he was safely home in Nuuk, the reply was “Plenty of Nuukie.”

In Dubai the Muslim mystic Achmed the Unbreakable, who publicly boasts to have survived all fourteen of his Semtex vest suicide bombings, last week failed in his attempt to set a record for the highest freefall dive from a tall building into a thousand gallon jeroboam of festering guacamole.

Standing on the North face edge of Dubai’s new 2,500 foot Burj stratosphere scraper, Achmed dived off head first, was caught in mid-descent by a strong cross wind, missed his intended soft landing guacamole target by fifty meters and crashed into a nearby camel shit midden.
Doctors hope Achmed will make a full recovery after they manage to get his head from up his arse.

While the much-promoted scheduled team efforts to set a new Tomcat Peeling record have been cancelled due an injunction filed by the RSPCA, the latest news reports from the Guinness World Record adjudicators covering the Raid Gauloises Trans-Saharan egg and spoon race are expected later this evening.

Israeli Double-Agent is White House Chief of Sleaze

Rahamim Emanuel, an Israeli Mossad agent, appointed as Bar-rat O’Barmy’s Yiddishkeit Chief of Staff, will fail to squash the Second Amendment outright.
However, he may yet achieve his real Satanic Masters’ objective by the old tried and trusted tip-toe / step by step approach : starting with citizens who’s names are on the No-Fly terrorist suspect list being banned from owning hand guns.
(The US FBI asinine ‘No-Fly’ list : how pitifully clichéd and Orwellian / Kafkaesque that term sounds)

Remember, remember the 6th of November (2008)? When the newly-elected President O’Barmy appointed Rahm Emanuel as his Chief of Staff and everyone thought he was a Mexican.
Emanuel. It even sounds Mexican until you view his name in entirety : Rahamim ‘Israel’ Emanuel. Emanuel means ‘God is with us’ in Hebrew, and Rahamim literally translates as ‘rain’ or colloquially means ‘shower of shit’.

Although you probably got it right first time: - his middle name says it all : Israel. They do adore rubbing our noses in their blatant Zionist scat, do they not. Really, you couldn’t make this stuff up : a White House run out of Tel Aviv.

So, we pose the question : does he work for the O’Barmy administration or the Israeli Knesset? A question many US citizens and interested political watchdogs around the world are now asking too.
An ‘Israel First’ White House Chief of Sleaze : and reputedly the kind of mamzer who makes you want to count your fingers after shaking hands with him.
Oh yes, reputation proceeds him by a full city block. Not so much a problem solver but the man who makes problems go away : normally inside a body bag.

Is he untouchable? CIA boss George Tenet was after nailing his Israeli double-agent spying arse to the Justice Department’s door during the Clinton administration but the Lewinsky fellatio impeachment crisis sort of upset the apple cart and diverted critical attentions.

His father, Benjamin M. Emanuel, a Jerusalem-born director of the Sahara Forest Timber Company, was a member of the jewish terrorist organisation Irgun.
The Jewish mother, Martha Smegmaslut, was the daughter of a Chicago union enforcer. She worked as a speakeasy bouncer and owned a local Rub and Tug massage parlour before going on to be a celebrity head-banger psychiatric case.

Rumours abound that Emanuel is a closet gay posing as a married hetrosexual family man type to maintain his political edge and clout. Maybe, and there again, maybe not.
However, as a boy he took ballet lessons and is a summa cum laude graduate of the Freddie Faggot School of Poofy Dancing. Say no more.

Emanuel is a close friend and associate of fellow Chicagoans Hot Rod (wanna buy a Senate seat?) Blagojevich and David Axelrod.
The latter was chief strategist for the 2008 Barack Obama presidential campaign and signed the ketuba, a marriage contract, at Emanuel's wedding, (Marriage contract? How typically jewish)

Emanuel once told reporters that his proudest political moment was the 1993 Rose Garden signing ceremony, after the Oslo Accords, between Israel and the Palestine Liberation Organization Emanuel directed the details of the ceremony, down to the choreography of the famous Masonic handshake between israeli Slime Minister, shitbag rabin and PLO leader Yes-sir Marafat, the PLO’s leader until he was poisoned by mossad in 2004 with radioactive elements a la Alexander Litvinenko.

Known by political insiders as a sore loser and hysterical screamer, he is renown for making a noise like someone peeling a tomcat when he can’t get his own way.
Emanuel is known for his "take-no-prisoners attitude" that has earned him the nickname "Rahm-bo”. He is said to have mailed a not-too-kosher rotting piglet to a former coworker after the two parted ways.

On the night after the 1996 election, Emanuel was so angry at the president's enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting 'Dead! ... Dead! ... Dead!' and plunging the knife into a halal blancmange after every name.

Prior to Tony Bliar giving an arse-kissing pro-Clinton speech during the “Monica doesn’t swallow” blowjob impeachment hearings, Emanuel reportedly screamed in Bliar's face "Don't fuck this up!”

Some of the world’s finest and accomplished rock climbers attempted to scale Emanuel’s massive ego in 2007 but the endeavour was called off at 28,00 feet after one climber fell to his death through a lack of common sense.

Though executive producer Lawrence O’Dildo has denied it, the mad scheming psychotic character Hymie Slimeberg in Warner Bros. The West Wing television political soap is said to be based on Rahm Emanuel.

So, we have Rahm Emanuel as White House Chief of Sleaze, Hilarious Rodent Clinton appointed as Secretary of State and notorious Russia-hater Zbigniew Brzezinski as the administration’s foreign policy guru, and this constitutes O’Barmy’s promised policy of Change? Gimmee a break. More like a line up of the “Usual Suspects”.

Teakozy Attacks Brownie’s VAT Cut

France’s posturing poison dwarf President, Nicolas Teakozy, has lambasted Prime Minister Gordon Brown's economic stimulus plan.

In a debate on the French TV political programme Merde, Mr. Teakozy, who’s mishandling of France's economy has prompted violent protests and assassination threats, said the UK's VAT cut had "absolutely not worked".

"Britain is cutting taxes! That will bring them nothing! Consumption continues to decrease! They must drop the pound and take up the Euro right now!" he proclaimed in a hysteria-ridden diatribe.

Downing Street spokeswoman Candida Twatitch told the media that “President Teakozy’s spiteful critique of Labour’s fiscal policy is a result of his resentment that our Dear Leader’s a lot taller than he is.”
“In fact”, she further ventured “Most of Europe’s population are taller than Mr. Teakozy : schoolchildren included.”

But the Conservatives said Mini-Me look-alike President Teakozy was just the latest short-arsed foreign leader to criticise Gordon Brown's policies.

Conservative ‘nine o’clock shadow’ chancellor George Osborne told the press "We knew at the time that Brown's flagship VAT cut would be an expensive failure. That view is now echoed not just by Big Issue vendors and street people but by foreign governments too, including Mongolia, Somalia, North Korea and Iceland.”
"While Gordon claims to have saved the world it would appear that global leaders increasingly disagree."

President Teakozy, a former Punch and Judy puppet, made his cutting remarks during a 90 minute interview in which he defended his plans to revive the French economy by selling the entire country to Germany, who have had grand designs on ownership since 1914.

Million of French workers downed tools this week to protest against the diminutive size of their current President, and urged the government to elect one who wasn’t so vertically-challenged.

Jean-Claude Se Branler, leader of the “Va te Faire Enculer” Union, told the press “Before it was okay, when we had Charles de Gaulle in charge. He was very tall and France was happy and a world power, setting off nuclear bombs in the Pacific. Now we have this little Zionist apologist midget shit Teakozy as a leader and everything goes wrong for us.”

BBC political correspondent Carole Wanker said there appeared to be some irritation at Downing Street about the comments and their Teakozy voodoo doll was chock full of nasty fresh sharps.
She added it was rumoured, in the run-up to the G20 summit, that President Teakozy was practicing walking on a pair of custom-made stilts so other leaders would stop looking down on him and patting his pointy little head.

While both the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats have criticised and back-stabbed the inept Brown for his VAT cut, neither party has come up with any better ideas, while Gordon’s action has actually saved an average unemployed family of four about twenty pence a month.

So, how do we, the People, solve the problem?

Economic boost :

Kick the Zionist usurers out of the Bank of England and put its rightful ownership back in hands of the voting / taxpaying public for the first time since 1694.

Nationalise central banks world-wide.

Our National publicly-owned treasury prints its own money.

An end to fractional reserve banking.

Restructure and expand industry and agriculture to self-sustaining levels.

An end to Neo-Imperialism.

Fuck America : an end to meddling in other people's Neo-Colonial foreign wars and supporting the propaganda-fuelled false war on terror.

Pull out of the European Union. Fuck Peter Mandelson – Protectionism works.

Ole! Problems solved? Not quite, but a few good first steps on the road to recovery.

Allergy warning: This article may contain traces of squirrel as it was written in a nut-infested environment.