Labour Launch Election Campaign

New Labour’s 2024 election manifesto has been hyped up even further this past week, now pushing the boundaries of credibility to rupture point, with party leader, ‘Call me Sir’ Keir Stammerer, announcing his personal ‘five impossible missions’ vision to make Food Bank Britain ‘Great’ again – conjured up by his ‘Wonderland’ election campaign team – comprised of the incompetent Mangela Raindance – Labour’s notorious ginger-mingin, snatch-flashing deputy leader - she with the smug, shit-eating Cheshire Cat grin (when not sporting its perpetual ‘disapproving frown’ mode) - and the Labour Party’s ‘Mad Hatter’ National Campaign Coordinator, Shagbag Mahmood, the incumbent Labour MP for Brummy’s Lady & the Tramp conshituency.

Oh yes, Sir Keir is on the ball with his Five Impossible Missions election campaign propaganda promises – focusing on the climate change crisis, and that troubling issue will be the numero uno item on his ‘five impossible things to do after breakfast’ priority list during the first week he’s sat behind the Prime Minister’s desk in Downing Street – by ordering the RAF to bomb the northern jet stream, and put a stop to its wandering around unhealthy latitudes, thus ushering in a year-round sub-tropical climate to settle over our troubled food bank-dependent island nation.

Next on the agenda is Point 2 - Solve the illegal immigration crisis - by sticking the hands-out, welfare-scrounging asylum seekers in council housing – and Broken Britain’s bona fide unemployed / homeless citizenry on floating prison style barges – or in derelict WW2 era military camps - located in the arseholes of beyond.

Labour’s ‘5-Point Plan’ of impossible things - to solve our nation’s ills - (and make Brexit work)

Point 1  Solve climate change – (see above).

Point 2  Solve the illegal immigration crisis – by legalising it.

Point 3  Solve unemployment – by putting everyone on social credit.

Point 4  Solve Labour credibility problems – by running a We Love Sir Keir publicity campaign.

Point 5  Solve Angela Rayner ranga snatch-flashing complaints – by requiring she wears knickers and tights in the House of Conmans – and keeps her bony legs crossed when sat in front of the Despatch Box.

https://labour.org.uk/missions/

Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka the Truth.

This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane unorthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids with socio-political satire - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references, 5G electrosmog radiation, and a chemtrail residue of genetically-modified nano-particle bush telegraph innuendo.