Thursday 23 March 2023

Chazzer’s Coronation - or Archie’s Birthday?

Meghan Mongoose and Prince Harry have been warned by veteran royal commentator - and King Chazzer's most trusted royal equerry - Sir Dinsdale Scrotestrangler - that they are on a downhill path to becoming very unhappy – a chronic condition of being socially shunned - and viewed as even more insignificant in the greater scheme of global acclaim - versus mortal folly and shame - than they are right now.

Sir Dinsdale, the 23rd hereditary Earl of Scrotestrangler Castle and adjoining vast estate lands, opined to a gathering of his fellow Masonic Knights in attendance for their regular weekly  ‘fish n chips’ nosh-up supper night at his Warwickshire-based seat, that the Duke and Slutchess of Sussex could be set to face a similar 'shunning' situation which Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson experienced back in the miserable ‘between the wars’ days of the 1930’s.

“Good grief, young Harry was lucky the Boss didn’t have him strangled at birth, as the Plantagenet dynasty visited on the bastard breed cuckoos that got laid in their royal nests.”

“He should simply have kept his ginger-mingin Hewitt head low and lived out the cosy life of being the Spare – expected to do fuck all of any significance – play soldiers and fly around in choppers with a couple of 22 SAS troopers guarding his ranga arse - just snorting coke, playing polo, and gargling cocktails all day long – when not otherwise pre-occupied groping the domestic staff.”

The analogy between King Eddy 8-Ball, and Prince Harry, first of his name, of House Hewitt, Duke of Self-Delusion, is one of both wanting to be popular with the public – lots of little flag-waving admirers and cheers – while at the same time sporting an air of withdrawal and mystery, and embracing their delusionary need for privacy - yet to all intents and purposes, acting in the manner of a pair of rip-off, money-grubbing grifters.

Conversely, Eddy Baby was given the choice of stepping down as the UK's head of state in December 1936 - to marry divorcee playgirl Wallis Simpson, when he was asked to pick between commitment to ruling from the Throne of Albion – and this floozy American slut who enticed men round to her will by performing the erotic art of fellatio on them – with a mouthful of ice cubes - while sticking her fingers up the back passage and stimulating their prostate.

This ‘addiction-forming’ sexual fetish game - was rumoured to be the cause of Eddy 8 affecting a tip-toe posture condition, appearing to walk on hot coals.

As to burgeoning speculation, driven by the vampire mass media and gutter press gossip, viz the ‘spoiled brat dynamic duo’ - Harry and Meghan - attending King Chazzer’s coronation in May – their son Archibald Hewitt’s birthday coincidentally falls on the same day, and they are rumoured to be demanding front line seats in Worstmonster Abbey – and the thirty-strong castrato boy choir to perform ‘Happy Birthday, Prince Archie’ – to the accompaniment of flashing disco lights, and a rip-roaring Busby Berkeley display of bare leg-kicking dancing girls – plus balloons ‘and’ fireworks - before their rendition of ‘God Save the King’.

The Sussex camp’s publicity agents are locked in negotiations over the terms of their attendance - as typical of past instances of abuse of privilege and their anomalous exaggerated sense of entitlement - the pair want assurances on their various demands and pre-mentioned requests – specifically how prominent a role they will play – and their Shitflix film crews able to dominate all areas of the Cathedral - to catch the best shots of an egocentric Meghan – and Harry in his new Nazi Reichsführer uniform - and son Archie’s birthday being treated with the same element of conspicuous prominence and respect - as King Dobby’s coronation.

Per contra, it is unclear whether the Royal Family inner circle and their advisors – specifically the official oversight likes of Sir Dinsdale Scrotestrangler - will agree to the Sussexes' demands.

Thus the monarchy is drawing up two versions of the Coronation plan – one that does not include Meghan and Harry’s presence – or that of birthday boy Archie - and a second where they do attend – sit in the back row – sans Shitflix camera crews - and simply shut the fuck up.

Oh my, here we have a perfect example of what their exaggerated sense of entitlement and abuse of privilege manifests as, when ego surpasses intellect.

Allergy warning: for readers suffering from HSS (Hypersensitive Snowflake Syndrome) – there is no known EpiPen medication remedy for adverse reactions to the 'politically incorrect' – aka the Truth.

This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane unorthodox irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour and caffeine-boosted public interest factoids with socio-political satire - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references, 5G electrosmog radiation, and a chemtrail residue of genetically-modified nano-particle bush telegraph innuendo.

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