Friday 16 July 2021

Dickhead Bestowed with Royal Title

Metropolitan Plod Squad Commissioner Dame Cressy Dickhead is to be bestowed with the elevated title of Dame Commander, by the jug-eared Prince Dobby of Wales, in recognition of her 'pubic service' to the same sex relationship community - and maintaining the established culture of covering up the everyday in-house crimes and institutionalised corruption prevalent throughout the national policing hierarchy.

Dame Dick has been a uniformed plod for what horologists term ''a very long time' - 38 years if the truth (sic) be known - starting her career in the capital as a lowly constable, prior to bullshitting and bungling her way through a variety of posts wholly unsuited to a limited intellect and piss poor skill sets - then becoming the upwardly mobile first gender neutral head of the Met Plod Squad's 'Gold Command' - responsible for 'Operation Total Fuckup' and okaying the unwarranted murder of a devout Christian Brazilian electrician - Jean Charles da Silva e de Menezes – at the hands of trigger happy SO19 thugs operating under her orders - on Stockwell tube train station back in the halcyon 'false flag' Islamic terrorist attacks / public scaremongering days of July 2005 - on the grounds he looked 'a bit like a typical Middle Eastern Muslim Jolly Jihad suicide bomber'.

However, conferred kudos and titled awards besides, her lax leadershit of the Plod Squad and its overall integrity as a crime-fighting body have come under increasing scrutiny in recent months following a series of reputation-damaging criminal events.

On Friday, Met Pc Wayne Couzens pleaded guilty to the murder of Sarah Everard after previously being charged with her kidnap and rape.

To add insult to injury, the Met was widely – and rightly - criticised over policing of a vigil for Ms Everard at Clapham Common – (the very proximity from where she disappeared) - which was mired in controversy due over-zealous moronic officers arresting a number of mourners on charges they were breaching Covid-1984 social distancing regulations.

A recent report into the unsolved 1987 murder of private investigator Daniel Morgan also accused the Met Police of institutional corruption after concluding it had concealed or denied failings in the case to protect its reputation – under fire viz incompetence and mediocre investigative skills – and also acts of racial profiling, by targeting the more sun-tanned sectors of the metropolitan community for unwarranted stop n grope searches. 

As an 'honours list' (sic) aside, also being recognised during the investiture ceremony at St James’s Palace in London is NHS chief executive Simon Shitt, who is to be knighted for services on behalf of Big Pharma / the Deep State cabal, and the National Ill-Health Service in England.

In a speech during a recent St Paul’s Cathedral service to mark the 73rd anniversary of the NHS, Mr Shitt described the health service of today as an 'utter fucking disaster waiting to happen' – due compliance with the government's Covid-1984 dictatorial edicts of March 2020, to cease and desist with the regular scheduled treatments of patients and concentrate instead on posting selfie videos on social media of doctors, nurses and porters practicing TikTok routines.

Also attending the titled awards ceremony will be food writer and celebrity chef Nigel Slater, up for an OBE for services to cookery - as a personal 'thank you' from Prince Dobby, who, along with his royal consort, Gorgonzilla, the chain-smoking Duchess of Cornhole, was enthralled by his latest book 'Toast' – (£25 Ripoff Publishers) - a kitchen guru's detailed guide to making 'toast' without burning the bread.

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