Royal Vermin in Ermine 'Want More'

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

What started out life in the dubious crypto-confines of the Royal realm as a bit of a squall in a teacup between the Alpha Male King-in-Waiting, Prince Chazzer, and his mooching younger brother, Prince Andy-Pandy, has since morphed into a raging Force 12 Beaufort scale 'Hurricane' - slopping over the sanctified barriers of regal privacy, straight into the common herd public domain's red top gutter press tabloid media pages - with Andy spitting the proverbial dummy when he couldn't get his own way then threatening to ditch the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Windsor brand name and go it alone - following in the mendicant footsteps of his wastrel uncle, Prince Michael of Kunt, and advertise himself on eBay as 'Royal Prince for Hire – Influence Peddling a Speciality'.

The grapevine gospel according to Fuckingham Palace's snitch n grasser unit claims that 56 year-old spoiled brat Andy Pandy had dispatched one of his royal runner serfs with a forked stick bearing another begging letter to Queen Mummy, 'demanding' she either allocate official money-for-old-rope Sovereign Grant jobs in 'The Firm' - and thus up the ante of the tax-payer funded monthly handouts - to his moronic vulgarian daughters, the totally talentless Beatrice and Eugenie – (a skill they inherited from their 'totally talentless' deadbeat parents - Andy and the ginger-mingin Fergie - aka the freeloading Duchess of Pork) – plus insisting his 'blood princesses’ - seventh and eighth in line to the throne – no longer be sidelined and deserved more fitting – official - royal roles - plus be provided with an improved standard of accommodation at Kensington Palace instead of having to put up with shitty little ten room en suite apartments at St James’s Palace.

Apparently old QE2 Lizzie was wearing her 'not amused' face after receiving this demand - drafted by Andy's private secretary and gatekeeper, Fellattia Mingerot - complaining that the dyslexial princesses were in danger of being overshadowed by Prince Bald Willy, Kate Middleclass and Prince Harry Hewitt when Chazzer becomes king - and immediately passed along Andy's ultimatum to create some 'royal rank' position for his daughters to her acting co-Monarch and chief advisor, Prince Chazzer – now that her 99-year-old senile Greek hubby, Stavros, has totally lost the plot and spends all day being rude to the palace lackeys, while sucking hard boiled Werthers and dribbling down his cardigan.

Hence Andy's letter of demand ended up on the Royal Plant Whisperer's desk - and as de facto ‘chief executive’ of 'The Firm' since Queen Mummy's Diamond Jubilee in 2012, bent on slimming down and streamlining the anachronism the Royal Family represents into a cost effective / value for money tourist attraction enterprise, and axing the allocation of public duties for all but the most significant 'Magnificent Seven' members of the bloated Windsor clan – foremost himself and his chain-smoking consort Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole.

Such was clearly instanced when wielding his newly raised status as virtual co-monarch to implement the new order regimen at the 2012 Diamond Jubilee closing ceremony RAF flypast - ordaining it would not be performed by fuel-guzzling Red Arrow fighter jets - but rather the RAF's herring gull mascots, Kipper and Snots - towing a Union Jack banner with their beaks.

Thus with Chazzer being only too aware of Andy Pandy's record for personal abuse of royal status privilege and an exaggerated sense of entitlement to preferential treatment and First Class tickets on the parasitic Royal Gravy Train, he copped the very same response as Oliver Twist did when asking for 'More'.

Once Andy heard his piranha-fanged daughters were surplus to requirements the gloves were off and it was 'princes at war' – engaged in a Blackadder style internecine turf control shitfight and at each other's throats - trading all manner of nasty cat calls – with Chazzer referred to as a tight-fisted jug-eared Dobby look-alike whose BBC DJ best pal Savile was a raving paedo-necrophiliac – which prompted a riposte of 'Paedo? Don't you dare reproach me about my kiddie fiddling pals when you got a piccy snapped with your hand up the clouts of some 15-year old slapper at Epstein's Shag-a-Schoolgirl Club ranch!'

No sooner had Andy stormed out of Clarence House in a black rage fury than tittle-tattling royal equerry, Sir Jarvis Shatt, was posting news of the acrimonious exchange on Twitter, revealing that Chazzer's parting shot had been to suggest the IQ-deficient 'Gruesome Twosome' got jobs modelling for scary Halloween masks – or parts in a Christmas pantomime - as Cinderella's ugly sisters.

Replying to Jarvis Shatt's 'Royal Rumpus' posts on Twitter, Bev Titwank, a Croydon-based 17-year old mother of three, had this to say.
"Wot the fuck is Andy on about, I asks yer? That pair of gorpin' knobhead daughters of his bein' the only ‘blood princesses’. Fer fuck's sake, Andy's not even a full effin' Windsor himself cos his Dad woz Lord 'Porky' Porchester wot Queen Lizzie woz shaggin' after she kicked Stavros outa the bedroom fer givin' her a dose of the clap wot he'd caught off some slut at one of the Astor's Cliveden soirees – probably that three-holin' suck an' swaller skanger, Princess Alexandra."

"Same as that other wet dream on legs - Prince Edward – another useless thick-as-two-short-planks closet case twat prancing around in his Masonic tutu – whose Dad woz Baron Paddy Plonket. So there yer got a couple of real cuckoos in the royal nest – along wiv all the mental case royal sprogs - like Queen Lizzie's cousins Nerissa and Katherine Bowes-Lyon – wot they've shoved in loony bins ter hide the fact they're all a bunch of inbred mutant nutters."

Thought for the day. Fuck the lot of 'em - these wastrel parasitic scroungers that form the bone idle core element of Broken Britain's 'Royal' (sic) family. Millenniums of inbreeding has resulted in a eugenic catastrophe, both physical and mental, for when ego surpasses intellect and in their perennial state of unqualified arrogance, believe themselves to be a picture perfect Lipizanner pedigree breed - untouchable and beyond censure, to rule over the affairs of mankind and treat us – the common herd demographic – with utter contempt.

As an earlier Princess once said, and luckily history recorded the comment for reflective posterity: 'Let them eat cake'.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).