Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Yep, the banner headline says it all and if it wasn't for bad luck then Altrincham FC wouldn't have any. Since losing their ninety-fourth match in a row last week – against Henshaw's Blind School First XI - and duly relegated to the Cat in Hell's Chance Dregs League - then firing their latest star-crossed manager - the Moss Lane soccer club have now been hit with a shit-shower of historic Youth Team sexual abuse allegations.
This current 'black cloud' of toxic ignominy settled over Altrincham FC – (currently on the lookout for their 'tenth' replacement team manager in five years following a disastrous 'no-wins / no-draws' 2015-16 season) - earlier in the week after they terminated the contract of their most recent not-fit-for-purpose manager, Harvey Wallbanger, with immediate – if not sooner - effect. A snap decision that came exactly three months after he was appointed successor to the equally incompetent Norman 'Cross-Eyes' Useless.
Altrincham FC board chairman, Robin Redbreast - speaking to gutter press hacks outside the Moss Lane's 'Fat Jackie D Stadium' alongside assistant club manager, Matt 'Buckpasser' Doubtful - related that "Wallbanger's gone – along with first team captain, Ron 'Lefty' Sodall, and our myopic goalie, Biffo 'The Gimp' Dobber."
"It's the board's unanimous opinion that this trio of dog wankers are responsible for the season's catastrophic downturn – and have collectively even shagged up our chances of a place in the Vanarama Losers League - 120 points from safety – which might well result in Fat Jackie, our number one Broadheath scrap dealer sponsor, dropping us to back some promising stock car Rent-a-Wreck derby outfit instead."
So while the Robins are left to carefully consider a next move after sacking manager Harvey Wallbanger, the local gossip grapevine is firing out rabid, slanderous rumours at twice the speed of light since Dobber and Sodall were sacked – and them hitting back with a public defence that any burden of liability for the team's pathetic performance laid at their door reflects directly on both the physical and psychological sexual abuse traumas they suffered as youth players under the debauched aegis of former coach Stan 'Bummer' McScrote.
McScrote, affectionately known to family, friends and close associates alike as 'Sodomite Stan' – and a 'right pervy git' - is infamously remembered not only for his kinky volunteer 'nurse' works at the local hospital mortuary - (and boasts of 'necrophiliac conquests') – but also those long walks over the Macclesfield moors of a night-time - then calling in the Bonkers Arms pub for a 'last orders' pint, smelling of wet sheep.
Interviewed by the Pederast Gazette, Lefty Sodall revealed "Me an' Biff Dobber woz both orphans an' livin' at the Ted Heath Home fer Wayward Boys an' Girls in Hale an' we called McScrote the 'Moss Lane Molester' cos he used ter come in the showers after we'd bin trainin' an' make sure yer washed all yer cheeky bits an' then picks one of us out fer a special naughty naked body massage."
"One other time, after we won the youth team Jimmy Savile Memorial Cup match, then he plied us wiv bottles of Vimto spiked wiv Shite Lightning cider ter get us pissed an' sez 'Who wants ter see me one-eared elephant trick?' – before the club Chairman, Lord Dinsdale Brown-Hatter of the Felchers, an' all his Masonic sodomite pals from the Tory Catamite Club on Market Street arrived for a bum buggery session."
Hence the burning question of the day is: could the burgeoning soccer sexual abuse scandal currently consuming the red top tabloid pages of our once-sceptred isle - and thanks to the Tavistock Institute's mass media meddling - conspicuously serving as a stellar distraction from the stalled (blocked) Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse – herald the long overdue 'number's up' demise of Altrincham FC?
Disclaimer: While a hefty score of conscience-stifled rabid royals, noncing nobles, politico ponces, bent money-laundering lawyers, corruption-ridden porky plods 'and' kiddie fiddling soccer club trainers might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' casualties and thrown into paranoid psychosis states of 'Who Me?' scandalous exposure anxiety attacks - no innocent non-combatant women and kids - especially so Syrian refugee children – or trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry 'felcher friendly' sized mammals – ferrets and stoats, voles, moles, white mice, bum rats, chinchillas, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, miniature coypus, dwarf beavers, etc – were harmed in posting this insurrectionist Truthsayer epistle.
Conversely, a large number of the NSA - GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / JTRIG / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced.
So bollocks with a large capital B to political correctness - from here on in this is our legacy - to rip away the Veil of Venus blinkers and awaken people's vigilance against the corrupt establishment's totalitarian encroachment - using their eyes and ears - and brains - to say 'what if?' and make that 'consequences be damned' / 'harm's way' / 'who gives a flying fuck' quantum leap to start thinking for 'themselves' and become agents of their own destiny.
No longer accepting and believing the propaganda and lies our corrupt gutter press and biased goggle box telly spew out in a disingenuous politically correct format – or the ruling regime's sinister de facto belief that trans-national kiddie fiddling is a global 'common core' cultural value that should be accepted by a morally-misguided public - and the age of consent lowered to three years – to accommodate their perverted Satanic sexual fetishes.
To conclude, fuck the Devil's demonic Satanás and the crypto-Judahist sayanim scum – along with the Vatican-regime's flabby, maladjusted Masonic / Opus Dei / Jesuit Ninth Circle / Sovereign Order of the Shites of Malta secret handshake psycho-sodomite-felching-pederast-necrophiliac / parabiosis-addicted ruling elitist paedocide fraternity – plus their Crapitalist shifty Shylock bankster brethren and their shelf life expired fractional reserve fraudulent and usury-rigged system's zillion % APR mark-ups, toxic credit default swaps, sub-prime whatsit loans and 'bespoke tranche opportunities' (sneakily re-branded CDS).
And let's not forget to cast equal curses upon the tents of Big Brother and his Common Purpose Colombine sister – nor overlooking the 'by Divine Right' parasitic anachronisms referred to as the 'Royal Family' - nor the profit-motivated / money-grubbing Moloch / Mammon worshipping Agenda 21 architects of the Rothshite ZioNazi New World Order Globalisers - the Round Table dog wankers, and their Council on Foreign Relations and Trilateral Commission pondscum pals from the Carlyle Group and Kissasser Associates and military-industrial armaments cabal who comprise the elitist ranks of the annual Dildoberger cabal pow-wow – and spin the trans-dimensional reptilian conjured yarn that the tried and tested key to conflict resolution is via more bloody conflict.
Thought for the day. All the bullshit and political correctness brouhaha besides, in the majority of Third World nations – and include half of the EUSSR member states too .... nope make that an all-encompassing Global phenomenon - little girls - and more so little boys - are sold off for sexual abuse, and thus profit, to some scumbag pimp – often the parents – and frequently too with the kid agreeing as they know they – or the family - ain't gonna get fed otherwise.
Example – in such diverse geographical locations as the Republic of the Philippine Islands 'and' Panama – to name but a sample - girls can obtain a City Hall licence to work as a 'hostess' in beer halls and bars at 13 – which is all a charade for prostitution – and officially sanctioned by the hypocrites who endorse this trade for corrupt backhander revenue.
Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the uber-racist Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle / Violate BD/SM Club kiddie fiddling cabal – along with their Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office sodomite / paedo-enablers and cover-up protectors).
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