Nasty Party Chutzpah Exceeds Safe Limits

In today’s ‘Enhanced Arrogance’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The creepy Conservative's Nasty Party annual conference in old 'grim up North' Manchester - (yet another social blight and just what we didn't need in the wake of the recent migrant zombie apocalypse getting dumped on us) - has thankfully reached its grand finale, with Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron closing speech - loaded with dishonesty, disinformation, double-dealing duplicity and a pick n mix of generalised platitudes – was applauded on cue by a contingent of 'handclaps for hire' audience rounded up from the Salford Quay's Immigrant Detention Centre and paid cash in hand.

So the disingenuous pledges and other assorted bullshit is over and done with for another twelve months, thank fuck. Yet the occasion provided a stellar opportunity for a bunch of self-opinionated, albeit talentless, Tory back benchers to get themselves heard by the media presstitutes and their faces pasted on a swathe of telly screens – regardless of how vacuous or stupid their socio-political notions were.

First up was the Tory's smarmy twat of a National Ill-Health Service Minister, Jeremy 'Privatisation' Kunt, sporting his customary shit-eating 'Joker' grin, who caused outrage on Monday by suggesting Britain’s lowest paid demographic should work as hard as their peers in the People's Utopia of China to make up for the cuts to their tax credits.

Spouting off at a conference fringe meeting in the G-Mex Convention Centre's unisex toilets to party acolytes and salivating gutter press hacks, the fanatical Sinophile Kunt once again failed to engage brain before opening his gob and had the ridiculous audacity to proclaim for the public record “My wife's Chink and she works harder than a gang of gyppos stealing kids for the Masons - and all these LIb-Dum and Labour voters and nutty leftist UKIP supporters have got to do the same and apply a bit of elbow grease if we want Britain to be as successful as China in 20 or 30 or 40 years’ time."

Que, Britain a global business / trading success? Er, it was, about a century ago (thanks to the gunboat diplomacy of an Empire on which the sun never set due the keystone freebooting culture - plus the rampant profit-spinning money-for-nothing Darkie4Sale.com slave trade) – until the Tory Paedo Party got back into power and made a fuck of everything they touched – like Slaggie Twatcher having a snot on with the unions and miners and de-industrialising our once-sceptred isle – thus replacing Britain's prefix of Great with the current 'Broken' and even outsourcing the manufacture of haemorrhoid-friendly bog rolls to India.

As to the Middle Kingdom being a model for economic success, the same repressive totalitarian control freak socio-political system is still in place since the time of the Cultural Revolution (sic) and Mao finally popped his clogs – and the 1.6 billion workers not in all reality being quite the smiley face well-fed denizens that Beijing – or Jeremy Kunt – would have us believe – especially so as they are mandated to clock up their 'Citizen Score' brownie points by being an obedient serf – and their factories are kitted out with suicide nets.

Now it doesn't take the likes of the Tory HQ's Professor Branestawm to latch onto the fact that's gotta be an indicator something's not quite right with workplace / job satisfaction and there's 'trouble brewin' at th' Mill. Mind you, handing your notice in at Wanking's People's Tractor Factory #251 could well constitute a criminal offence and any Bolshie worker having the audacity to dare saying 'fuck this' and quit could end up arrested for insurrection and slapped with a 5 year jail term in one of China's numerous Happy Cat Organ Donor Transplant prisons – sans a kidney, testicle or liver.
For the record, and perhaps Minister Kunt might take careful note, for noth he and his wife. An actual translation of the Beijing Politburo's 'hearts n minds' policy reads 'when you have them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow'.

Jumping onto the tail end of Kunt's bandwagon with his personal bonkers version of a better 'in our Tory image' Britain, Matthew 'Private Jet' Wankcock, the Nasty Party MP for the West Fuckups safe seat constituency – (home to the Hoorah Henry / Raving Rupert clique of privilege-abusing Masonic hedge fund / bankster belt sodomite / paedo Satanist contingent of Broken Britain's sick society) – applauded Kunt's concept of longer hours and a more dedicated Sino-orientated (no pun intended) work ethic to be drilled into the lazy arsed common herd.

Being so far detached from reality Wankcock then double-damned himself by cheering Chancellor George 'Spankies' Osborne's summer budget announcement that the national minimum wage will be boosted to a slightly increased pittance of £7.20 an hour next April - rising to £9 quid by 2050 – then attempted to justify the fact this won't apply to the under-25 youth worker sector of our sick society as they simply aren't as productive and hence ain't worth the money.

What a dog tosser. This is a dipshit excuse for a politician – a purported representative of the people – who gets his acne-ridden poxed face on the media pages while standing next to a protest poster emblazoned with the header 'Sack Scameron' – and spends his time on the Nasty Party back benches in the House of Conmans tweeting sicko poems claiming that New Labour is full of bumboy queers – not a very nice / politically correct thing to say - even if it is true and was taken as a personal affront by old vermin in ermine, Lord Peter Scandalson of the Felchers.

As an aside regarding his views on who qualifies for the minimum wage, as a Minister for the Cabinet Office and Paymaster General, hopefully he declares his conflict of interest 'back pocket' income from lobbying for the likes of the Global Warming Propaganda Foundation and the pro-fracking industry by the time HMRC get done dragging Lord 'Piggy-Gate' Gashcroft across the hot coals for being a money laundering non-dom spiteful twat and exposing PM Posh Dave Scameron's perverted taste for sex with grunting hogs – besides his coke-snorting missus, Snowy Sam – (aka 'schwein im schlüpfer').

Last but not least to put his foot in the crock of shite trough we have one of Nonceland's own inbred royals - Ian Richard Peregrine Liddell-Grainger - (great-great grandson 58 times removed of Falkirk's 11th century King Ethel the Cross-Dresser) - the Nasty Party MP for Bathwater & West Dumberset - known around Tory HQ as Farmer Jock – who used the Tory conference platform to take a spiteful swipe at the United Nations for dispatching the internationally celebrated Costa Rican human rights lawyer, Catalina Devandas Aguilar, to Britain, and as the UN's Special Rapporteur on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities, tasked with investigating claims that the Minister for Social Misery, Iain Dunkin Shit's DWP-administered welfare benefit 'reforms' (read 'savage cuts') constitute ‘grave and systematic violations’ of the rights of the disabled.

Fed up with being ignored by the Tory hierarchy, Liddell-Grainger got on his high horse before the conference media cameras, slamming the UN inquiry as ‘a heap of absurd and offensive nonsense’ - adding "We have a proud record in this country for the way we treat disabled people. Just look at how the Met Plod Squad cared for that crippled little Bolshie twat Jody McIntire after he hit a speed bump and toppled over in his wheelchair at the 2010 student tuition fee hike protest demo'."

"I am not an expert on disability rights in a Third World shithole like Costa Rica, but I suspect Miss Aguilar might be better off focusing her efforts much closer to home - and the busybody UN should keep their fucking noses out of Broken Britain's business as that's the job of the EUSSR mandarins in Brussels. The DWP's Minister for Social Misery, Iain Dunkin-Shit, is the one who decides is best for a bunch of ne'er do well, useless eating gimps with limps who put sod all back into our economy – and not some Latina bitch from the UN – even if she does have a super pair of knockers."

Arrogance personified from an e-mail faking dog wanker who pads House of Conmans expenses to the point of embezzlement and employs his entire family as Parliamentary assistants – including the cat, Mogg, in the role of chief mouse catcher, raking in a tax-payer funded salary of £35,00 per annum and all the Whiskers it can scoff.

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Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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