Tube Strike Chaos Cops Commuter Backlash

In today’s ‘Greedy Bastard Train Drivers’ special 'rip-offs' edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering gossip from Mollie McScrote on the editorial desk at Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with hot off the anvil dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Regardless of being described by first responder units of police and paramedics - and too the CPS - as a 'veritable baying lynch mob', a baker's dozen of thirteen London tube train commuters who appeared before Thames Magistrates' Court on Monday charged with a variety of criminal offences under the statutes of the Public Order Act - ranging from disturbing the peace to violent affray - and murder – appear to have the full support of the common herd 'and' the tabloid media – with the red top gutter press Daily Shitraker's banner headline reference to the incident reading: 'Tube Train Drivers Behaving Badly'.

The court heard that last Thursday morning, with all train stations closed and the four main Tube workers' unions wholeheartedly supporting the disruptive industrial action, irate commuters outside the Central Line's Bell End station, serving east London's expansive Skidrow Hamlets sink or swim housing estate, collectively lost it, spit the dummy, and reacted to the travel chaos in fine mobocracy fashion by using their furled umbrellas to beat to a bloodied pulp a group of tube train drivers comprising a picket line who chanted at the stranded passengers 'We've got the Power'.

A swathe of evidence providing justification for the commuter rage attack was submitted by defence attorneys - that not satisfied by purposely and with malicious intent, causing the maximum inconvenience - to the point of generating anxiety, fear and alarm by leaving zillions of metropolitan commuters stranded – at home or at work - with their previous selfish industrial action - yet a further 24-hour transport chaos Tube strike kick started from 18:30 hours last Wednesday following the failure of talks to resolve a money-grubbing dispute between greedy twat train drivers, their egocentric union leaders and intransigent London Underground bosses.

Due the fact bolshie drivers are less than overjoyed with the pay and conditions offered for working on the new night service (an extra £200 quid per 'Night Tube' shift plus a £500 nicker bonus for Night Tube staff when the service is introduced in September – topped off with a 2% salary increase this year - £42k+ rising to £52k) they decided to make the hapless commuting public suffer yet again - and pull an Oliver Twist stunt by asking for MORE! – (including a 32 hour, four day week) - and to add some weft to their demands, brought the tube train service to a full stop at all 270 stations on the 11 line / 400 kilometre network.

To rub commuters' noses in the shit even further and add insult to injury, tosspot tube drivers can also 'earn' (sic) a 'customer service bonus' of £250, which is paid to all staff depending on passenger satisfaction levels (some fucking chance) and are entitled to free travel, including a spouse or partner, worth more than £4,000 quid a year for an annual zone six season ticket.

A further kick in the ribs for the inconvenienced and abused common herd travellers is the fact the highest paid Tube driver takes home an annual platinum-plated pay n benefits package of £61,218 nicker a year – (almost on a [pre-10% pay raise] par with the 650 House of Conmans MPs) - whereas other public sector workers, whose training and jobs gauged as high stress level, (teachers at £32k / nurses at £31k / plods at £42k and firemen at £32k) get paid an insulting pittance by comparison.

In response, Ron Scally, spokesman for the Rail, Maritime and Transport union (RMT), told one gutter press hack from the Greedy Gits Gazette that if Westminster MPs qualified for a 10% pay raise for doing fuck all - apart from covering up kiddie fiddling crimes to protect their Parliamentary paedophile colleagues - then RTM's train driving union members were justified in demanding the same.

From the commuting public's perspective, speaking to media hacks outside Thames Magistrates' Court, Fellatia McSkanger, a 16-year old mother of three and resident of Skidrow Hamlets - who faced charges of GBH for disembowelling one placard-wielding tube driver, picketing outside Bell End station, with the razor-sharp edge of her Universal Credits claim card, gave her version of events.
"Last Thursday mornin' it woz utter effin' chaos an' yer got these tube driver twats takin' the piss by chantin' 'We've got the Power' an' their 'screw the common herd commuting demographic around' attitude – so they deserves all they get."
"An' if they're after public support, they can fuck off, eat crap an' die – cos 'sympathy's in the dictionary – right between 'shite' and 'syphilis'."

"As far as I'm concerned, fuck the union wankers an' kneecap the greedy bastard tosspot drivers. Wot an' effin' balls-up last Thursday mornin' woz. I had ter get ter Rochford ter attend a secret family court hearin' cos the criminally corrupt Essex social care services scum woz tryin' ter steal me kids when I lived down there an' they're still tryin' ter flog em off ter foster care an' adoption ter the highest kiddie fiddlin' paedo bidder."

London Underground (LU) bosses at least had the common courtesy and naunce to apologise for the disruption, proffering the cryptic excuse that their latest pay offer aimed at 'improving work-life-profit balance' – whereas the truth be known LU are of a single mind with London Mayor, Pasha Bonkers Boris de Spiffle Nonsense who has stated for the record that he will not authorise any further pay raises for grasping tube staff - and opined that he was not fussed about the night service starting on 12th September as planned, as long as it was up and running sometime in the next year or so.

Thought for the day. Personally, like Ms McSkanger, we are of a mind that these tossers dutifully choke on their own intransigent greed – as did the deadleg dockers and coal miners of decades past. Held the country to ransom and became extinction level event casualties.

One simple solution is for TfL to field an online petition for inconvenienced commuters to sign – and generate the support to fire the fucking lot outright – then trot across to Calais, stand on top of the EuroTunnel entrance with a bullhorn and announce "Can anyone here drive a tube train?" – and the betting's on that a thousand hands will go up – whether they can or not. Now that, with basic training thrown in (drive train / speak English), has gotta be a cheaper option than kiss-arse kowtowing (£50,000 quid plus) to these RTM / TSSA / Aslef union-backed grasping scumsters.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.