Royal Sprog Certified a ‘True Blue’

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

While this week continues to provide a stream of bona fide distractions from the pathetic state of our once-sceptred isle - the flatline economy, a job-seeking wilderness and the levels of graft and corruption burgeoning in both the political and commercial arenas - Britain’s addled-brained red top tabloids have today shifted their gutter press gears from declaring to a baited-breath public that “Yes, it’s a Prince!” to ‘”What’s-his-Name Certified a True Blue!”

This follows a now-mandatory DNA test to make sure the wicked Windsor clan didn’t have another royal cuckoo slip through the net due Cinderella Mk II screwing some Muslim costermonger’s son or another ginger-mingin household cavalry scoundrel like Jimbo Hewitt – or a fresh-faced Welsh shepherd lad on the cerrigs and mawrs - or twix the dunes of Cymyran - around Anglesey’s RAF Valley while Wills has been off playing helicopter pilots.

So Prince What’s-his-Name has been officially certified as a true blue-gene royal with the mongrel bloodline of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Schleswig-Holstein-Sunscreen-Dücksburg inbred monarchial Babylonian Brotherhood of the Snake pulsing through his reptilian veins.

Mummy Kate and the newly-hatched Prince What’s-his-Name left the private Lizard Wing of St Iguana’s Hospital in west London on Tuesday evening to the applause and felicitations of the zillions of drooling common herd sheeple loitering outside – and were greeted by a veritable legion of creepy arse-kissing political wannabe sycophants pulling at their forelocks as they knelt in a queue to pay homage and present tributes (Premium bonds, Lynx aftershave and a lifetime Sky Sports subscription) to their future ‘three generations hence’ monarch, King Whatsit - the first of his name.

Next on the gutter press’s burning questions of the day is doubtless “Will royal brood mare Katie Middleclass be breast-feeding little Prince Whatsit - or is he to be bottle-reared or farmed out to some big boobed minimum wage Polack wet nurse?

The comely Kate - since entering the public arena and under the scrutinising adoration of the celebrity-obsessed common herd as the amour of Prince Wills – has assumed the ‘People’s Princess’ mantle of her predecessor Diana - and hence the masturbation fantasy of millions of testosterone-fuelled horny males - and lesbian rug-munchers – around the globe – especially so after her perky tits and neatly coiffured merkin appeared on Page 3 of France’s ‘Le Wanker’ gutter press onanist magazine last year.

But while Katie might be the apple of the public’s eye, for the royal reptile tribe she’ll be expected to do the customary duty of producing ‘an heir and a spare’ – same as the late, murdered Princess Diana – a back-up lizard – and preferably not another ranga.

The bat-eared Grandpa Prince Dobby of Wales, accompanied by his botox-deficient consort, the Duchess of Cornhole, visited Kensington Palace to inspect the new arrival last night – prompting speculation from press hacks that at a mere 64 years old, Chazzer looks like a total burned-out case (same as His Royal Rudeness, Prince Stavros of Edinburgh) – which they put down to all those exotic and high-priced organic Duchy Originals taking their toll – unless it’s due inhaling the plumes of passive carbon monoxide from the chain-smoking Gorgonzilla’s Capstan Navy Cut full strength ciggies.

Doubtless Prince Chazzer – himself a private Jew (the title of Fidei Defensor be fucked) – and who attends the inauguration ceremonies of more synagogues than Israeli PM Bobo Nuttyahoo – will be summoning his pal, London’s Chief Moel, the rabid Rabbi Shylock Snipcock, to a covert assignation and do the ‘Covenant’ business on Prince Whatsit’s little willy so he qualifies for his place in the House of David bloodline.

Not usually one to put a deliberate damper on a joyful occasion, Fellattia McSkanger of the international Sprog-Watch charity had this to say to a press hack from the Sycophants Gazette.

“In my humble opinion the entire shebang’s bin blown outa all fuckin’ proportion. Fer fuck’s sake, how many effin’ kids woz born in the Third World yesterday as well – an’ no crowds ter greet their entry inter this cruel world – an no effin’ hospital beds available either – just like our National Ill-Health Service if yer can’t afford ter go private.”

“An’ wot’s more ter the fuckin’ point is how many Third World kids died of malnutrition, or the screamin’ shits yesterday cos they’ve got no decent potable water supply – or fell a fatal victim ter Bill an’ Melinda Gates toxic vaccine programme – or ended up eatin’ crops saturated wiv Monsanto’s carcinogenic Roundup glyphosate pesticides – or their equally-noxious genetically-modified Frankenfood corn or soya beans - or the golden rice crap that’ll fuck yer up faster than a Plutonium enema?”

“How many kids woz sold inter slavery yesterday? How many Palestinian sprogs got snatched by the IDF an’ woz sent home buggered an’ wiv a kidney missin’? How many disabled an’ special needs kiddies got sexually abused an’ fell victim ter a serial rape session at the hands of the Masonic secret handshake club’s pederast ring up in Scotland’s Aberdeen Nonce Central yesterday?”
“It’s all fuckin’ relative an’ the Zionist pondscum media need ter be concentratin’ on this an’ not the birth of another royal parasite wot’s gonna suck the life’s blood outa the public purse.”

“Well, let’s hope Katie’s up ter lookin’ after Prince What’s-his-fuckin’-name an’ doesn’t confide ter some royal palace whistle-blowin’ snitcher that she’s depressed cos Willy’s always off shaggin’ around in his helicopter - or the crooked social services Gestapo will be round like Jack Flash on ampthets an’ snatch little Prince Charmin’ an’ she’ll be up before one of the secret Family Courts an’ slapped wiv a gaggin’ cum custody order while her regal rug rat gets fostered out ter some dodgy dysfunctional paedo’ wot makes a career outa collecting £500 quid a month fer lookin’ after other people’s sprogs.”

Thought for the day. Not one to do things by halves when it came to providing ‘an heir and a spare’, Royal Dwarf Queen Victoria spat out a round robin of nine ugly specimens of progeny – all of which were mentally-retarded, self-indulgent frogs who dreamed of becoming toads – with the future King Teddy’s offspring Prince Albert Victor, the Duke of Clarence, being the de facto cause responsible for the Shitechapel’s Jack de Rippa murders as he couldn’t keep his cock in his pants.

Nice family eh? Pont de l’Alma tunnel incident – etcetera et al? We think not!

To close – how about a sign of the times 21st Century name for this latest addition to the Wicked Windsor line? A Chav moniker perhaps - Prince Connor or Jenson?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.