Tuesday, 12 September 2017

Nazi Regime Schooling the New Norm?

In today’s ‘Neo-Fascist Academy' exposé counter-culture edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from our frontline cross-dressing media correspondent, Ron 'Call Me Sally' Scrote, reporting from the pinnacle of her 145 foot tall Norfolk Naval Pillar monument elevated vantage point – standing alongside the inland-facing Admiral Nelson with a live news cellphone hotline in one hand and telescopic lens in the other as she scans the totalitarian ground level goings-on at Great Yarmouth's all-new Control Freak Charter Academy for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into razor-edged bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding anti-authoritarian non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal genetic Rh-Neg bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The burning question of the day circulating school teacher's fortified, 'pupil-proof' common rooms across the length and breadth of our once-sceptred isle is this: are totalitarian 'Conform – or Else' academy style schools – (run by control freak martinets and clinically insane sadists – all mutually set on raking in maximum 'performance bonuses') - the future of Broken Britain's not-fit-for-purpose education system – or yet another slapstick, government-approved 'step in the wrong direction'?

While the considered national collective opinion of traditional teaching method educators is still out on this issue, Norfolk's purportedly failing Great Yarmouth Asbo Central School has been selected as a test case guinea pig and taken over by the for-profit Purgatory Trust - who intend to impose a hardline discipline regime now the troubled school has been further blighted with a 'charter academy' status.

A new principal was drafted in after the failing school received the worst GCSE results in the known Universe this summer - with just 3% of pupils achieving a pass in English – a result under question as all stand accused of cheating.

Headmaster Harry 'Pitbull' McGnasher, who's taking over from Ms Louise 'Moron Features' Numpty, has been seconded from his recent post as Warder at Iraq's Abu Ghraib Prison to sort the school – (staff 'and' pupils) – out and get it back on track.
(A bit like Dr Beeching did with British Rail in the good ole days when Britain had the prefix of Great – before the Nasty Party Prime Monster Slaggie Twatcher de-industrialised the UK and exchanged the 'Great' for 'Broken'.)

Principal McGnasher was co-founder, and former deputy principal, at the Vatican-funded (and notoriously strict) St Sodom's School for Latter Day Catamites in Smegmadale-on-Sea – which has built up a reputation for being one of the toughest schools in the Northern hemisphere – where teachers are the 'unquestioned authority' – with graduating pupils eyed by the Ministry of Defence and private military contractors such as Slackwater for immediate employment in their special forces units.

Great Yarmouth's freshly re-named Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy has circulated a no-holds-barred / take no prisoners letter to both school staff and parents, setting out Principal McGnasher's high expectations and standards - plus a series of behaviour rules which the 1,000 pupils labouring under his 'reward versus punishment' Spartan regime must obey.

McGnasher informed one gutter press hack from the Despot's Gazette that "Since I accepted the post of Principal in July I've decreed that the teaching staff undergo a week's indoctrination study program at Julia Muddleton's *** Common Purpose NLP brainwashing institute – followed up by a further refresher course in class control techniques at the prestigious Iron Fist Teachers Training College in Pyongyang."

Furious mothers and fathers have already set up a group on Facebook aptly titled 'Yarmouth High School Parents Shitting Kittens' after being outraged by the new get-tough crusade which they claim is a duplicate style of discipline cloned from the Nazi's Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp model.

Elsewhere, McGnasher's internal school memo informs pupils they must 'only look at your teacher - or where your teacher has directed you to look' and that they must 'never get out of their chair without permission'. Likewise, retractable pens are no longer allowed in the school as the clicking is a distraction.

Students are further warned to not make excuses to get out of learning. 'You never lie and make excuses such as 'I just wanted to put something in the bin'.
'We all know children say things like that to sneak off to the bogs for a bifter or a snort of coke – or a quick wank.'

'You never pretend to be ill to get out of work because we expect you to slog through it. If you feel sick after eating the pigswill crap served up for lunch by our Chew n Spew Catering Service in the academy canteen we will give you a bucket. If you vomit - no problem! You've got your bucket. But if you are really ill we will make sure you get all the attention you need from our school nurse, Frau Mengele.'

Ex-student Chantelle McSkanger, a 16-year old single mother of three and resident of Yarmouth's notorious Landfill Hamlets sink or swim council housing estate, told media hacks "I woz effin' gob-smacked when I heard wot the fuck this new head teacher is plannin'. I woz thinkin' of stayin' on an' studyin' fer me A-level in Welfare Benefit Fraud, but fuck it – I ain't goin' back now."

"Just look at wot this tosser's done wiv the place – electrified fences wiv razor wire on top – an' metal detectors an' drug sniffin' dogs an' pat-down gropes by G4S Renta-Thug security agency scumsters – an' yer classroom teachers kitted out with X26C Tasers an' cattle prods an' them Asp telescopic steel batons – the same type the Met's TSG Goon Squad use ter beat innocent passers-by wiv before slammin' 'em face first inter the pavement – an' killin' 'em."

"No shit, there's gonna be a load of self-harmin' goin' on this next term – up ter an' includin' a lemmin' style mass suicide event off the cliffs at Hunstanton – unless some of the Stage 5 / Year 11 kids pull an online crowd-sourcin' stunt an' get enough cash ter hire a hitman an' put a contract out on that prick McGnasher."

Principal McGnasher's letter sent to parents:

Dear families,

Great Yarmouth Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy opened its doors to students on Wednesday, September 6th.

Our Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy is no longer Great Yarmouth High School. This was a failing school where, too often, the lack of pupil discipline was commonplace and many parents simply did not support the school. In 2017 Great Yarmouth High School pupils had the worst GCSE results ever recorded in Britain.

In a typical class of 30 pupils, 29 pupils left the school without even being able to write their own name or read a Jobseekers charter agreement.
Yarmouth Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy is a member of the New World Order's Purgatory Trust and, as such, has huge child sex trafficking financial resources and military expertise behind it.

As the Headmaster of the Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy I cannot and will not allow this lack of discipline, disrespect, failure, bullying, truancy and absence of parental support, that were all a part and parcel of the accepted 'who gives a flying fuck' culture at the former High School, to continue.

Parents let down their children when they fail to support their education. As a Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy parent you must support the school 100% - and that's including the 99% of slack-arsed Mummy's and Daddy's - or live-in 'partners' - who haven't done so to date. Failure to support the academy will see our Compliance Officers coming round in the middle of the night and knocking on your door.

At times you may think our approach inflexible, too strict, or unreasonable. But that's your own delusional problem from watching too much telly.

My job, as Headmaster of the Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy, is to ensure that teachers and pupils have a safe environment - free from knife and gun fights, in which they can excel.

Your children's job is to get their bony arses into bed every night at 21:00 hours – and out at 06:30 – into a cold shower followed by a breakfast of porridge and salt – then attend the academy every day on time; follow all instructions without question, treat everyone they meet politely, and achieve top grades – or else the shit hits the fan.

This could be the beginning of a whole new life full of possibilities for your children - so they don't all end up as unemployable wankers on benefits, addicted to drugs and booze and breeding more useless eating sprogs. To make that happen we need your 100% support.

Below you will find a list of the most basic expectations of the Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy. This is just the start.

A lot more detail will follow.

1. Traditional school shoes are out – even on wet and frosty days. A bare feet regime breeds character and gets children ready for the hardships of the real world – when their toes get trodden on.
Children who do not meet our expectations regarding uniform and appearance will be placed in the academy's all-new Isolation Tank.

2. No mobile phones on the school site. If a phone is seen or heard it will be confiscated – but if the kids are quick they can buy it back at a 50% discount at our Sunday morning car boot sales.

3. Jewellery. Girls may wear one small plain gold stud in each nipple only. No other genital piercings – and Prince Albert cock studs are right out.

4. No chewing gum on site. If found chewing gum on school premises, pupils will be water-boarded by our Compliance Officer, Mrs Scatt – and repeat offenders garrotted with piano wire.

5. Regarding the current wave of gender dysphoria hysteria sweeping the country – if children have a cock between their legs – they're a boy – and if not – then they're a girl – and will use the appropriate toilet facilities. Cross dressing offences will be met with severe disciplinary measures.

6. This is now a non-sectarian scholastic academy and religious wear is henceforth prohibited – with the wearing of full length habits, apostolniks, cornettes, scapulars, coifs and wimples - or full face burkas, hijabs, niqabs and / or dib-dabs banned. This mandate further includes rosaries and orthodox Jedi sect fidget spinners.

To conclude, your children will avoid detentions, isolations, confiscations and beatings if you are a supportive parent, cut down on their out-of-school booze and drug use; and give them the occasional slap round the head – or a good kicking when they get gobby and answer back.

The responsibility lies with you. We have a huge task ahead of us to educate the little twats to the extent they can wipe their own arses, write their names – and know how to put an X in the 'right box' on election day ballot sheets.

Clarification: *** Julia Muddleton's Common Purpose neuro-linguistic programming (brainwashing) institute is not to be confused with the 'Common Porpoise' charity – a no-profit organisation catering to the needs of distressed pelagic mammals.

Do you live in sea-level Great Yarmouth? Would you send your child to Principal McGnasher's Stalag Luft XVI Charter Academy to suffer a fate worse than 22nd SAS Regiment wanabee recruits go through at the Brecons-based Sennybridge camp?

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.


Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness.
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1 comment:

Tym R said...


For fuck's sake - now the kindergarten mafia are at it as well. WTF next?