Wednesday, 26 April 2017

'Get Rich Quick' PPI Claims Bonanza

In today’s 'Quick Quid' compensation culture expose edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with 'ring of the anvil' dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding non-conformists, proto-nihilists and career radical pro-justice revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a report just published by the UK's prestigious Wilkins Micawber Institute for Economic Guessology reveals the true nature of the 'shit or bust' insolvency exposure facing Broken Britain's banks as the clock runs down towards the June 2019 cut-off date to file claims on mis-sold PLP / PPI insurance policies - force fed to bank and credit card customers – since every fucker and their proverbial dog have jumped on the compensation bandwagon

Herr Ja’akoff Greedstein, chairman of the Zurich-based Shylock Bank of International Usury, confided to media hacks that British moneylenders and credit card companies were now faced with a burgeoning reimbursement bill that could well run into mega-zillions of pounds – an amount dodgy bankster types refer to as 'lots and lots of money'.

"The finders fee-motivated PPI ambulance chasers - such as this dodgy company are fielding newspaper, radio and TV ad's to promote their PPI payments recovery service and this has initiated a veritable feeding frenzy since they announced punter claimant didn't require any relevant documentation related to their credit card bills or bank loan PPI policies as they would put the 'Chinese Burn' squeeze on the named bank to cough up whatever PPI charges had been debited against a customer's account."

Sir Jarvis Figg-Newton, deputy-chief under-spokesperson for the privately-owned Bank of England, speaking off the record with Financial Times hack Freddy Fagin, related that "this mis-sold PPI policy claim free-for-all has morphed into a Frankenstein monster knock-on effect – encumbering all manner of linked financial agencies with a crippling reimbursement burden that in no way carry underwritten liability cover to the extent required."

" Thanks to our fatally-flawed usury-based exploitive 'fractional reserve' banking system - that via immoral acts of thin air money creation - this will manifest in a devastating wave of the Rothshite dynasty crime syndicate's money lending division - and under-financed payday loan agencies - going down the drain."

"So regardless of the Vulture Fund financiers getting a boot where it hurts most – right in the wallet - expect to see the likes of the UK's High Street payday loan shark outfits - such as Gash Cash, Scotch Mist Money, Ripoff Readies, Thumbscrew Loans, Slick-Quid, Debt Genie and Pound of Flesh Finance all closing up shop and pleading Chapter Eleven penury."

Speaking to one gutter press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette, Fellattia McSkanger, a 17-year old mother of three from Greater Manchester's Stench Hill sink or swim council estate, had this astonishing – albeit fortuitous - story to relate.
"Well, I hears this effin' 'The.Claims.Blokes' advert on Radio Grotbox so I sends them a text wiv me name an' which bank I had a 'Young Spenders Constant Overdraft' account wiv an' all that good shit an' the next fuckin' thing a cheque fer £6,000 quid from the St Mammon’s Bank of Filthy Lucre comes through me letterbox - which woz a real gob-smacker as I never even had a loan or PPI policy wiv them. Now that's gotta be a real kick in the knackers first fer the Edomite Mafia moneylenders."

Have you had a PLP / PPI policy attached to a bank loan, credit card or payday loan agreement? Did you sign in blood when hocking your best Sunday pacemaker to the notorious Glaswegian pawnshop proprietors, Brickbat, Brokeback & Baccarat?

No problem if you can't remember – just send us your name and address and that of your local bank or loan shark and we'll do the rest – even if you've never had a PPI policy with them.

Carbon Credits Cap & Trade Offset Exchange (aka Global Warming / Climate Change Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration:
Disclaimer: While a hefty score of conscience-stifled greedy banksters and bent money-laundering lawyers might have become collateral 'fear and alarm' casualties and thrown into paranoid psychotic states of 'repayment hysteria' attacks - no innocent non-combatant women and kids - especially so Syrian refugee children – or trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees, small furry 'felcher friendly' sized mammals – ferrets and stoats, voles, moles, white mice, bum rats, chinchillas, hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, miniature coypus, dwarf beavers, etc – were harmed in posting this insurrectionist Truthsayer epistle.

Conversely, a large number of the NSA – GCHQ / Five Eyes Alliance’s Prism / Tempora / Carnivore / Echelon / X-Keyscore / SIG-INT I-Spy super snooper ‘Nosy Bastard’ wire-tap / IMSI catchers / eavesdropping / Eco-Giraffe data mining / TOR sniffing / JTRIG / Umbra Ultra-encrypted system’s nasty network electrons on Hubble Bubble Road in EMF smog-bound Cheltenham were shocked into high anxiety states and temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with measures of wild rumour 'and' decaffeinated public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness. An anti-authoritarian counter-culture news sheet and free radical alternative media source not owned by Raving Rupert Mudrock's News Corp and the ultra-racist ZioNazi Edomite Mafia 'Kosher Nostra' crime syndicate - and committed to the relay of open source information – plus 'hopefully' immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence - (unless one has the audacity to dare expose, name and shame the membership ranks of Scotland's Masonic Speculative Society 'Nonce Ponce' Magic Circle arse bandit / Violate BD/SM Club VIP (Very Important Pederast) kiddie fiddling Edinburgh / Balmoral / Glencoe / Aberdeen-based cabal – along with their Westminster and Holyrood Parliament / Crown Office / Secret Squirrel Security Services sodomite - paedo-enablers / cover-up protectors).

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