Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Peppa Pig Named in Pork-Gate Scandal

In today’s 'Tory Pig Fucking' expose edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Billy the Boar, manning the Poxford University editorial desk for Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill, with hot off the anvil dispatches – (transmitted directly via the Payback Non-Dom satellite system from Fort Ashcroft in the tax-dodging Turks & Caicos Islands) – hand forged and crafted into revelatory bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial – and run a thirst to see the corrupt, shelf-life expired 'vested interests' Ruling Order overthrown and Broken Britain's common herd affairs run for the benefit of the common herd – and not a bunch of scrounging Kraut royals, usurious shifty shylock banksters and their pederast-infested Houses of Conmans & the tosspot Lords – a cabal of 'vermin in ermine' sock puppet stooges sat around like cormorants in their stoat coats, falsifying expense claims and feigning dementia so they won't be prosecuted for molesting children.

Geriatric political manipulator Lord Michael Gashcroft took time off from his extensive global money laundering activities to speak to lithesome gutter press columnist, Candida Mingerot, of the Flibbertigibbets Gazette at the prestigious Belongers' Club in the Turks & Caicos 'Cockburn' capital, and put the record straight viz the reasons for penning his new unauthorised shit-raking biography of Broken Britain's incumbent Nasty Party PM, Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron.

While disingenuously informing hackette Mingerot that the scandal-mongering biographical expose of Pelindaba Dave's dirty little secrets and bad habits – past and present - had nothing to do with achieving some modicum of personal revenge for previous slights to his sensibilities and uber-generous donorship, but rather constituted an act of 'whistle-blowing' public duty, serving to inform the British public what a right nasty cunt their Prime Minister really is.

The back-stabbing bio' – actually co-authored and scribed by lowlife Spews Corp journalist Isabel Oakeshitt, with Slashcroft simply supplying 'the dirt' – would be seized upon by money-grubbing lawyers as a perfect mega-bucks slander cum libel 'sue and be damned' case – if not for the fact it's all true.

Described by friends and family alike as the type of person who inspires people to count their fingers if they've been unfortunately coerced into shaking hands with him, Slashcroft's damning bio of Scameron kick starts with his playing fields of Eton days, and the hours of darkness dormitory game of Bumboy's Delight; onto drugs and booze-fuelled rampages at Oxford with the Bullingdon Vandals Club - and debagged public buggery sessions with the Piers Gaveston Sodomite Society.
This is to say nothing of the more recent political sins – such as orchestrating the cover up of Michael Howard's congenital vampirish habits of blood sucking the life out of Barnes Common rent boys – and protecting his kiddie fiddling Tory Masonic pals from the Plod Squad's clutches with 'in the interests of national security' D-notice block excuses.

But no, Gashcroft's double-whammy dynamite Oxford 'Pig-Gate' scandal revelations concern a bizarre Piers Gavistone initiation ritual – the Porky Polka – for Dave to become 'one of the lads' or remain just another dog-wanking oick – which involved poor Peppa Pig veritably 'hogtied' – trotters bound with Scameron's Eton issue 'old school tie' – and sticking his tosser into her gaping maw for a spot of porcine fellatio – then having to give Peppa one 'piggy style' as his pervy peers stood round jeering and jacking off.

Now reading that chapter - serialised in the Daily Shitraker this week - should wipe the telegenic shit-eating smirk off Scameron's flabby face.
Regardless of dismissive statements from Tory insiders that 1) no such incident ever occurred – and 2) that the pig was already dead - zoophilia is a crime of severe magnitude, even if committed in the wild, drug-enthused halcyon days of university life – especially so one involving a possible case of 'necro-bestiality' - fucking a dead pig as they couldn't get a live one to keep still while the initiation 'prospects' bonked it.

Nasty Party insiders claim Slashcroft has 'had it in' (sic) for Posh Dave since the 2010 election semi-win and the formation of the fatally-flawed Tory / Librarian-Dummercrats 'Con-Dem Coalition' due some imagined slight.

However, Gashcroft has stated for the public record that he had a personal 'beef' – (or is a personal 'pork' now the more apt terminology?) with Scameron – for after donating 'zillions' of pounds' to the Nasty Party re-election coffers – what bankster types refer to as 'lots and lots of money' – Posh Dave only offered him some lowly position on the Con-Dem Coalition's Downing Street window cleaning crew – and not the vaunted Minister for Tax Evasion cabinet slot the money-laundering non-dom scumbag had a veritable Viagra hard-on for.

Gashcroft wrote: “After putting my neck on the line for 10 fucking years – both as party treasurer under Willy Vague and as deputy chairman – and after ploughing £10 zillion nicker into the party, I regarded the job as a window cleaner to be a declinable offer – which Scameron was told to stick up his arse."

The cringe-worthy Gashcroft, a former Tory donor and Nasty Party chairman - and founder of Chichester's Lord Slashcroft Appreciation Society, - 'and notorious for his absurd sense of entitlement - was nominated for a life peerage title in 2000 by the-then closet case party leader Willy 'Fudger' Vague, and outraged Tory mandarins when he was gazetted later that year due his blatant influence-peddling - and assuming to adopt the title Baron Gashcroft of the Tax Dodgers - but under intense pressure from the Upper House later settled for the less controversial Baron Gashcroft of Greenmail.

Regardless of refusing to dignify Slashcroft's scandalous expose with any form of response – and most conspicuously a libel suit - while projecting the Call me Dave / Sebastian Shyte persona, the Nasty Party leader comes across as actually that – a right nasty twat – into all manner of bizarre Masonic / Satanist rituals and sexual excess.

Little wonder his Columbian snow-snorting missus, Sammy, expressed little surprise when confronted by press hacks with the fact that her husband had fucked a pig.

For the official record, the gospel according to the Old Etonians rumour grapevine, London Mayor Bonkers Boris de Piffle Nonsense (aka BoJo Ali Bey) and the train fare dodging / coke addict Chancellor George 'Spankies' Osborne, as part of their Bullingdon Vandals Club initiation rite, are rumoured to have gone totally 'ginger' and buggered the infamous Tamworth Two.

But for this empathy-deficient 'Man of the People' Slime Minister - (Great Unwashed Common Herd [Poor] variety) – he, yet another Rothshite Kosher Nostra bankster crime syndicate sock puppet - has a hybrid socio-political disconnect of Biblical proportions that no amount of hoodie-hugging slumming it – or lies - will ever cure - or save his bacon.

Posh Dave's Destiny Run as the Nasty Party PM x 2 terms will be akin to his New Labour con artist / war criminal / perjurer Tony 'Miranda' Bliar contemporary – blighted by Karma's curse – and History will not treat him kindly – more so if this pro-ZioNazi contrived illegal war of aggression against the established Assad government of Syria goes forth under the guise of fighting the ISIS Caliphate.

Alas and begorrah, Anthony Charles Lynton Bliar only gave a false name and address when appearing in court for soliciting in a public toilet for pubic playmates – and war crimes besides, has never fucked a pig – albeit the slack-jawed Cherie Bliar QC comes pretty close.

Ex-Etonian and Bullingdon Vandalism Club member Sir Buffy Brown-Hatter, the Tory MP for Gone South, had this opinion for the Shit List Review.
"Gashcroft's off his fucking rocker dropping Scameron in the shit like this. Forget the Polonium 210 in the morning cuppa trick - he's going to end up an 'extreme prejudice' target for Downing Street's Tonton Macoutes – topping the Force Recon hit list and propped against a tree in the David Kelly Memorial Woods with a belly full of Co-proxamol tablets and his wrists slashed – or padlocked inside one of the MI5 Increment Squad's big black North Face holdalls and dumped under the bushes at Grassy Knoll Park."

Editorial note: So, to re-assess the psychotic Gashcroft's earlier statement that his bio' is not about settling scores' – payback is a bitch and revenge a meal that tastes much spicier when eaten cold.

Have you ever fucked a pig – or had a quick gobble from one? Did you join any rich kids / elitist 'dining / vandalism'' clubs while at Uni' and get gang banged up the arse as part of your initiation – or subjected to a felching 'anal intruder' session involving a stray cat?

Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win a free AIDS test 'and' a visit to our BUPA-run Harley Street sphincter repair clinic.

A selection of your comments may be published, displaying your name and location so the likes of Gay Pride, Stonewall and Fudgers magazine can add you to their mailing lists and send you all manner of disgusting literature and kinky 'special offers'.

Thought for the day. So collective arrogance and contempt for the rules of polite society and the common herd 'poor' finally comes home to roost.
But there's nothing new here - inasmuch Tory (and Labour) PMs and cabinet ministers are concerned.
Ted Heath now branded as a homicidal kiddie fiddling sodomite and Slaggie Twatcher a paedo protector – with Scameron and his Vested Interests Party's Decepticon cabinet composed of pubic school zillionaire pederasts/ sodomites and assorted cross-dressing cunts – including the transvestite Home Sec' Terry 'Viagra' May.

Now the shit has hit the proverbial fan, and apparently it is an acceptable rite of passage – and mandatory requirement for acceptance into the Masonic Brotherhood - for Tory Party MPs to have been buggered while attending the Etonian den of sodomy –'and' played 'suck n fuck' with a dead pig as an initiation rite to gain membership of Oxford University's Bullingdon Vandals Club – 'and' attended a VIP (Very Important Paedo) Night at Dolphin Square or Barnes Elm Guest House to bum and strangle a couple of drugged up orphan catamites to qualify for a lucrative Downing Street Cabinet post – or become head of NATO – or an EUSSR Commissioner.

Disclaimer: While a hefty score of conscience-stifled politicos, civil service diplomatic personnel, bent nonce-ponce legal beagle QCs and crooked Plod Squad crim's might have been stricken down as collateral anxiety attack / fear and alarm damage casualties due being named and shamed via the posting of this insurrectionist epistle - no underage pigs, ducks or cormorants – or small 'felching-sized' furry critters (gerbils, hamsters, voles, guinea pigs, otters or bunny rabbits) – were publicly exposed, in a bid to preserve some modicum of their offended dignity and privacy.

Allergy warning: This article was composed in a known propaganda-infested area - and whilst purposely blending high octane irreverence, slanderous allegations and unbridled conjecture with wild rumour 'and' hard public interest factoids - may also contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies (sic / no pun intended), misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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