Well, the May 17th Covid-1984 crisis regulations easing date fast approaches, and even the official lying scumsters, Chris Shitty, Neil 'Wrong Again' Ferguson, and Sir Paddy Unbalanced, are failing miserably to conjure up some even more fatal 'variant' of this coronavirus and convince Bonkers Boris to extend the loopy lockdown until Christmas – cos the Boris Beast has let slip he couldn't give a flying fuck if there's a zillion dead Covid casualties littering the streets of our once sceptred isle – as he ain't ordering another lockdown.
Cabinet Office Minister Michael 'Pob' Gove, asked by one press hack whether a ban on hugging people would be lifted, replied that "friendly contact" was something the government wanted to see – with Sir Buffy Brown-Hatter, Tory MP for the Old Fudgers constituency adding "and that includes secret Masonic handshakes, an intimate 'happy ending' at one's local Rub n Tug massage parlour - or a big cuddle for Granny in her HMP standard care home – or muff diving on the MILF next door without a condom on your tongue – or the resident Worstminster civil service sodomite clique playing the beast with two backs."
And when it comes down to up close n personal hugs and cuddles, Prince Michael of Kunt – the 98-year old cousin of QE2 and 127th in line to the throne - (and yet another big-eared Guelph inbred mutant throwback) – is once again in the shit as Food Bank Britain's nasty gutter press tabloids focus on exposing his corruption-ridden scams and current 'harlot for hire' status as the official 'patron' of the Russo-British Chamber of Commerce – along with his board member directorship of the Shylock Bank of International Usury – and always ready to abuse his royal position for personal profit – offering insider access to the Kremlin and a guaranteed kiss on either cheek – plus a big hug – from none other than Russian President Vladimir Putrid.
So, any venturous business carpet bagger wanting to cash in on a slice of the ex-Soviet state's remaining mega-earning potential assets that the exiled oligarchs didn't gobble up for kopecks on the rouble while Yeltsin was in one of his 'happy' (pissed as a rat) moods – (Wankprom Oil, Gulag Gaz, Russtheft Energy) - then give Prince Michael a bell and for a mere £50,000 'starter fee' (cash in hand – and up front) he'll arrange a 'working lunch' with Vlad and his trusted team of Edomite Mafia 'financial advisors' from Tel Aviv's prestigious Wilkins Micawber Institute of Economics.
The official word from
Meanwhile, in the wake of last week's local council elections, Labour's Woke insiders claim the party copped a catastrophic 'no confidence' result due the fact it has a credibility gap.
No shit Sherlock, and why
are they surprised, after years of having that lying closet case cunt of a war
criminal, Anthony 'Charles Lynton' Bliar, as Leader – followed on by the equally repulsive paedo dog wanker Gordon 'Cyclops' Broon
- and with the treacherous scumbag likes of Alistair Campbell and Lord
Scandalson of the Felchers as top cabinet office advisors.
Plus voters don't know WTF the party is named today –New Labour / Old Labour – or Labour with a Cherry on the Top – or simply the 'Infighting Party'.
The new 'pick n mix' reshuffled shadow cabinet gathered in an 'ideas kick-around' coven today in the dark cellars of the House of Conmans after a tumultuous weekend for the party in the wake of crap election results – with the IQ-deficient land whale toady, Dianne Abbopottamus – MP for Hackney's Skidrow Hamlets – demoted to the post of shadow Minister for Stupid Suggestions after proposing they merge Labour with the equally ill-led and accursed Lib-Dums Losers Party.
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